evasiveness

well, my online dating success continues to be an elusive goal. probably because i've just begun it again, duh. there are a few guys that have written to me that sound nice & sweet. (except for the stalker middle-eastern guy who wrote me 3 times without response so i had to block him. what is it with me & middle eastern stalker men?) so perhaps i'll meet up with a few good men. but it's annoying. guys think they're so wonderful they don't have to post a picture. but they write these enticing e-mails that you think, hmmm. maybe he's something to look at. and then...(to be continued when i see the pictures ;)

in the meantime, and pretty much all the time, there's something nice and comforting about exes. especially ones that you haven't seen in a long time & you both have morphed into these oh-so-awesome versions of your former selves. i'm quite enjoying being both "gorgeous" and "good-lookin" in one day as expressed by two different guys with impeccable taste, of course. ;) you gotta admit that knowing someone for 10 years, even if you haven't lived in the same place, is cool. especially in this day and age of mobile-this and e-that.

my condo/house search continues with some more open-houses on sunday. i'm gonna get myself a buyers' broker in hopes that having one of them plus a lawyer will protect me from all kinds of ills that could befall me in my new adventure. i'm dreaming of my kitten pooping all over the floor, no wait. i'm dreaming of my kitten lazing in the sunny window of my new place, after i've cleaned up all the poop, licking her paws (she is, that is). and my favorite music is playing (let's make it the moldeau by smetana), i'm drinking hot coffee (ghiradelli's chocolate coffee) and writing an e-mail to my friend p. about how fun it is to be poor with no furniture, but damn, how nice it is to have my own place. then because i won't be able to afford to travel anymore, i'll put posters up of all the places i think i'd want to go but haven't cared enuf in the past to get there. nah, screw that. i'll travel & just not have a fridge...

on the line again

after i keep seeing my friends hook up with people online, and happily so (and by hook up i mean get permanently attached), i've decided to venture online again for what the 7th time. this time i'm using creative lines that go something like "looking for a kind man who doesn't prefer a bitch." i kid you not. you know that bitches get the nice boys. perhaps it's the psychological dominatrix thing. i don't feel like being a bitch unless i need to. it's a waste of energy. (who needs to create all those problems just FTHOI?) i'm also stating exactly what i'm looking for. educated, cultured, smart, accomplished. we'll see who steps up to bat...

so far i'm having no better success than b4. there are these charming guys who think they can write to me & i don't need to know what they look like in return. aka the missing bandits. when i ask my guy friend why guys do this he sagely replies "cuz they don't want their girlfriends to see them." nice. then there are the divorced ones with kids that i have to think twice about. i'm not sure i'm that much of a saint. and the other ones who pretend they're my age but clearly look 50. and still the other "height-weight proportionate" (read "i'm completely satisfied with my non-gymness") guys who haven't read the part where i said i look young for my age and looking for someone who takes good care of themselves (as in "i like younger men"). oh well, i suppose it's all a crap shoot from their point of view. and believe me, from the looks of things, from mine also. ;)

in other news...i got preapproved for my mortgage from one lender & am now lender shopping. without the house. that's good. no stress. i can take my time. besides, who wants to triple their monthly expenses without a warm body beside them to make up for it? well, time for a doggy! but ugh, not on the bed.

"i'm a big girl now"

i've decided to buy something. or to get ready to buy when i feel like it. how nice that i live in one of the top two most expensive housing markets!!

so i'm working my way through the financing maze, getting smarter every day. as scary as it is, it's kinda cool to be a big girl & do it all myself.

yup, one house coming right up! and yes, i'll take the snow-covered roof on it, as right now (in march) that's the weather special for the day.

moments like these

this week rocked. not only did my youth orchestra perform a flawless and electric rendition of my violin teacher/conductor/mentor's oratorio in carnegie hall, i got to see some of my friends again that i haven't seen for years -- like 10!

when i went backstage after the concert (which i didn't perform in due to my damn neck being in rehab) i was grabbed & hugged & kissed by friends & exES alike. mmmmm. afterwards a bunch of us went out all night.

ya know, there's some sort of bond there with people that you've traveled with. especially to cool places like petra, the pyramids, the great wall of china, and the kremlin.

sweet dreams

last night i dreamed that this baby eagle fell from the sky. it landed in our living room & i ran to get my camera & get a picture of it. when i focused in on it, it looked like a kitten! i got a few pictures of it and then all these kids came into the room. when they left, i couldn't find my camera. (later i decided i wanted to search all of their belongings because i was sure one of them had taken it, but of course their escorts declined.)


anyhow, the eagle grew up suddenly and turned into this gorgeous guy! he was tall, thin, with dark hair & a great body. and he really liked me. he put his arm around me & was talking to me. then he started making out with me & i had to stop him b/c of course he was trying to go too far too fast.


i told him my camera had been stolen by the kids, but we never did recover it.


in another sequence i was going to visit another guy in the dream. in this occasion, i broke into the guy's house to see him, unaware that there were sleeping dogs in front of the door inside. it was dark so i couldn't see them. when i realized they were there, i tried to leave quietly. he heard that i was there and came out with me & we went to the car. suddenly i heard a lion's roar, and realized that the old man the boy lived with had unleashed his pet lion in the yard. i ran for the car door & he unlocked it just in time for me to get in and escape the lion. the old man came and sat in front with the boy, while i sat in the back seat. i don't know why the old man was there or who invited him. i sure didn't! or why he sat in the front seat. the bastard.

real men don't eat (my) quiche

i just baked the best quiche that ever was made. mmmmm. you have NO idea how good it was. it possibly, possibly rivals my 3rd apple pie.

i'm going to make someone very very happy someday. me. i love my baking. and dammit, so does everyone else that eats it.

you'd never guess...i'm talented in the kitchen as well. who would thunk it.

cheap date

so usually i don't write about my dates because, well, i have my reasons. but this one is too funny.

i meet this guy that i met online for a drink. and right off he loses points, big ones, for not opening the door for me on the way into the restaurant. and it was a big door. with a BIG-ass handle. which i opened myself. and then, there was another one. which he didn't wake up and open either.

so. nice. here we are with me opening my own doors. this bodes well.

then we're sitting there talking. and right off he asks me what i think of bush. apparently this guy hasn't heard of the national-politics-and-religion ban on first dates. so we talk about bush. and the economy. and the war. and our professions. (we'd already covered religion by accident, as happens with me when someone wants to know why i've moved so much. ) and so i'm waiting for him to talk about his kids. and waiting. and waiting. so i keep saying, so tell me more about you. meaning, duh, your KIDS. what does he say after we've exhausted, travel, religion, politics, diet, et. al? "about me. let's see. what books have i read lately?" dude, what do i give a shit about that? i don't even discuss this with my friends! who the hell cares.

anyhow, no real brownie points off for bad conversation, just that dude, i'm not an intellectual. go have your thinky conversations with a non-date. you're here to IMPRESS me, remember, not to boggle my mind.

so conversation aside, here is the funny part.

mr. i-don't-do-doors goes to pay for the meal. and he of course has to elicit thanks from me for the $60 drinks for which HE wanted to order two appetizers for, which he does by saying, well, i'll take care of this [nah, ya think?], cuz i guess it's my job. what do you have to say to that? so i say thank you, subtracting more browning points as i do. now this guy is ending up like in the la-la-land of date scoring. however, no problem. i can say thank you. i was planning on it anyhow. just not him thinking this is his job. after all, he suggested the date.

and since he is paying in cash, (hello, CASH?) he adds a few dollars for tip and then decides he doesn't have enough dollar bills for the tip. and sitting right there with two twenties in his other hand which he clearly doesn't want to break, he asks me if i have $1.

do i have $1.

so i graciously open my purse and think (i actually did) to myself, well, this is the last date for you buddy boy.

did i tell him that? no. like the guy who says he's going to call, i said sure, i'd go out with him again. as if.

that is the story of my "$1 date". and i'm still laughing. but not going out with him again.

so here's the point of the whole thing: the thing about dating rules is this: how well you conform to the societal rules measures 1) your intelligence level that you know them, 2) your respect for women, 3) your respect for that woman in particular, and 4) your acceptance of the fact that yes, you believe women deserve extra special care because they are women. if you don't want to follow the rules? you're a rebel & therefore untrustworthy. sucks, but that's the wayitiz.

intruder

this morning i woke up from a dream...

i was in a dark house with some guy i knew well who was worried about people outside with guns. i was laying on the couch, and he said to cover up with a blanket so i did. i still looked anyhow, and suddenly there were people all over inside the house with guns. one of them came up to me and pointed the gun at my head while i was laying there. i woke up wondering if he was going to pull the trigger and what it would feel like.

surprisingly, i wasn't that scared. my heart wasn't beating fast & i wasn't shocked about the dream.

it's just odd. what does it mean? and why wasn't i more worried???

brady bunch

i saw my boy brady yesterday at the pats parade! :) sweet. what is there more to say about that. he's the man.

cooking for sport

i do not consider myself A Cook. however, i am becoming a cook. for fun. not for necessity. i tend to be a moderate feminist who believes that men are capable of opening cans and using forks to feed themselves, and should they wish more edible vituals, may also prepare them, and that only children need to be fed until they can feed themselves, in which case they may learn to help prepare food so they will know how to take care of themselves when they grow up.

i do cook for men however when i really like them, as a favor. because i like doing something nice that i know they like. i also prefer to keep it that way and tend to like guys who also cook so that i don't feel he's gonna die if I don't feed him! ;)

it is only lately that i have started cooking as an art form, similar to musical talents which are heard, and photography which is seen. food can be an art form that is smelled and eaten. so therefore, i have started cooking.

as you saw, my first foray was my christmas pie which turned out excellently. i am now on my 3rd successful attempt to make apple pie, this time from scratch (i.e. including the crust.) i will include a picture again if it turns out looking nice. you can believe, it will turn out tasting nice, as i am a good cook, inspite of myself.

and...boyfriend bware...i believe the best match for a cook for a sport is a dishwasher for sport. for much like a racecar driver, i don't believe that i should both drive AND be changing the tires at the same time. don't you agree???

it's getting [c]old

today is the coldest day in boston in 50 years. makes me want to move to a warmer place. where i can afford to buy a house by myself. and actually be in a town where men believe in dating. and i have a place to park my car. and i own a dog again who can run around without a leash for a while. and not have to live in my house with me, but has a little back yard just for him to bark at.