underneath it all...
it's hard to be pretty in new england. the seasons defy you. and the commute. in the winter the rain attacks your hair, that is if you're not already wearing a hat. so you can't have a do that a hat can't go over. you can't wear cotton if you're like me & temperature sensitive. then there's the leggings that have to go under your sexy jeans. and the endless pairs of kneehigh socks (black).
you have your commuting & non-commuting shoes. a whole drawerful at work that you change into, and then can't wear on weekends. you keep makeup at work so you don't sweat it all off - even in the winter - in your 15-minute walk to and from the train. up-hill both ways.
you have your dancing dilemmas. do you freeze getting to the dancefloor, and look sexy on it, or be warm getting there & strip down to nothing to dance?
then there's the suits. your pant legs have to be long enough to cover your heels, but not too long to drag on the ground when you run to catch the bus in your flats. and your flats have to fit into your handbag - which, by the way, do you want as a backpack or not?
the endless discussion of form vs. function.
as example, i've still yet to find another perfect pair of black shoes that i can wear all over town and during a work presentation as well.
dressing becomes an art form in the northeast. how do you do all of the above & still either look or feel sexy?
i've stopped caring to some extent. i used to always want to wear cute hats & have everything match & fix my hair just so so that when i walked down the street i felt cute.
not anymore. not having picked up any guys that way (though i did attract a car full of lesbians once) i now save my cute stuff for under there. or underwear.
today i'm wearing my winter uniform: 100% NOT cotton turtleneck with cordoroy pants (can't wear wool, b/c yucky snow lying around will ruin it) with some great high-top tennis shoes that i bought at walmart like 15 years ago (kid you not) for $15. they're like hiking boots. they're my 4th pair of snow shoes, in addition to my regular rain shoes, wellington boots & then big warm clumpers.
that's over top (not speaking of boots now) of my victoria's secret not-especially-sexy t-shirt bra & some black hot chilis that are indoor/outdoor appropriate.
but under all that...i have on...
...bright purple toenail polish that nearly glows in the dark...and some bright orange VS thong underwear with a big flower in the front.
oh, and they're cotton. but dammit, i'm sexy. :)
that's new england for ya. and for me!
just goes to show ya -- (which you haven't seen & won't) -- that you can't judge a girl by her cover!
January 28, 2008
January 27, 2008
in the trenches
so yes, my profile is still up. getting few e-mails lately. oh well. i'll just expire soon & keep dating all the exes that are popping up.
one guy was a bright one. on yahoo. he wrote to me several times, seemed anxious to connect. so on a whim i invited him to my friend's concert the next night. no response. three days later he writes, sorry i haven't been online. i write back, that's odd. yahoo shows that you were online in the last 24 hours. ha. i want another liar like a hole in my head.
i went away for the weekend & on another whim called a guy i've known for years but we had a falling out (b/c he was a workaholic & then when i got upset said some really mean things). so we reconnected over dinner & he now seems to want to reconnect even more. asking me if i could move there, am i seeing someone else, why did i call. i told him i had feelings for someone who wasn't available right now. i just can't trust a guy who says mean things like that though. we weren't even dating. can't even imagine what he'd say if we were married.
last night i met another old friend for dinner & he's coming to visit.
so life is interesting in my single land.
so yes, my profile is still up. getting few e-mails lately. oh well. i'll just expire soon & keep dating all the exes that are popping up.
one guy was a bright one. on yahoo. he wrote to me several times, seemed anxious to connect. so on a whim i invited him to my friend's concert the next night. no response. three days later he writes, sorry i haven't been online. i write back, that's odd. yahoo shows that you were online in the last 24 hours. ha. i want another liar like a hole in my head.
i went away for the weekend & on another whim called a guy i've known for years but we had a falling out (b/c he was a workaholic & then when i got upset said some really mean things). so we reconnected over dinner & he now seems to want to reconnect even more. asking me if i could move there, am i seeing someone else, why did i call. i told him i had feelings for someone who wasn't available right now. i just can't trust a guy who says mean things like that though. we weren't even dating. can't even imagine what he'd say if we were married.
last night i met another old friend for dinner & he's coming to visit.
so life is interesting in my single land.
women's plight
so i breezed past this old movie this morning, and heard only 2 sentences. there are 3 women sitting on a couch crying & a man talking to them.
he says, don't worry, everything will be ok.
one woman says into her handkerchief, sobbing, no it won't be ok. WE CAN'T GET MARRIED!
isn't that the plight of many american women? or else, the ones that others think we should have??!
sadly, women are perceived as nothing if they haven't chosen marriage. no matter if they've turned it down, unless a man bestows value upon them who are they?
so i breezed past this old movie this morning, and heard only 2 sentences. there are 3 women sitting on a couch crying & a man talking to them.
he says, don't worry, everything will be ok.
one woman says into her handkerchief, sobbing, no it won't be ok. WE CAN'T GET MARRIED!
isn't that the plight of many american women? or else, the ones that others think we should have??!
sadly, women are perceived as nothing if they haven't chosen marriage. no matter if they've turned it down, unless a man bestows value upon them who are they?
singletons unite!
this blog is in praise of the internet, blogging, and the online companionship some of us have found. i'm here drinking my coffee (alone) on a sunday morning (none of which i dislike!), & watching an old murder she wrote episode where the woman wonders how she'll make it alone if she leaves her husband but then finds a guy (the ex-thief character) who gives her hope and "opens up a whole new world" to her.
that's the world i live in. funny how women lose track of themselves. actually, sad. they (because i haven't done this) give up their earning potential to raise children and then are often left abandoned with a $20K earning potential to feed several kids. without kids, it is devestating enough.
i may be alone, but i'm not afraid for my future. no matter what happens, i can get a temp job quickly & hold it until i find a good-paying one. i could be crippled & still do that b/c of my chosen back-up profession.
anyhow, that aside, i next thought i wonder how twodatediva is doing this morning? so i quickly glanced at her blog (which i will comment on as the issue hits very close to home!) and then i thought, how cool is it that i can sit in my apt. drinking coffee & NOT feeling alone? b/c other singletons out there are sharing their angst at being along, their joy at their freedom and their comraderie in finding blogmates?
this blog is in praise of the internet, blogging, and the online companionship some of us have found. i'm here drinking my coffee (alone) on a sunday morning (none of which i dislike!), & watching an old murder she wrote episode where the woman wonders how she'll make it alone if she leaves her husband but then finds a guy (the ex-thief character) who gives her hope and "opens up a whole new world" to her.
that's the world i live in. funny how women lose track of themselves. actually, sad. they (because i haven't done this) give up their earning potential to raise children and then are often left abandoned with a $20K earning potential to feed several kids. without kids, it is devestating enough.
i may be alone, but i'm not afraid for my future. no matter what happens, i can get a temp job quickly & hold it until i find a good-paying one. i could be crippled & still do that b/c of my chosen back-up profession.
anyhow, that aside, i next thought i wonder how twodatediva is doing this morning? so i quickly glanced at her blog (which i will comment on as the issue hits very close to home!) and then i thought, how cool is it that i can sit in my apt. drinking coffee & NOT feeling alone? b/c other singletons out there are sharing their angst at being along, their joy at their freedom and their comraderie in finding blogmates?
January 22, 2008
baby's got back
i used this header before, but this one relates to exes coming back. i heard today from another one (the one that i referenced before that didn't return my calls). turns out he is married, is getting divorced. never knew that. but nice to hear from him again...
the other one from years ago (that didn't want to talk to me for a while also) is coming to visit.
a current friend?? is coming to visit too. not an ex.
and then there's the guy i really like. also an ex.
none of this means anything really. it's all a work in progress. until it's a done deal i'll just play the ex-field. obviously the new guys aren't working out so well.
then there's the two guys i liked last year that i deleted from my friends on myspace. one of them i invited back to be my friend. the other one, an ex, i'm not sure about but i'm trying to reconcile.
life is too short to alienate exes. you don't have to screw around with them again, but might as well add them to the roster. you never know when they'll come in handy. and manhandle you again. lol. or not. oh well. the thought cracked me up anyway...
the main point is, every ex added to my life a little something & that in itself is worthy paying tribute to.
---------------------
so to respond to one comment by anon on one of my recent blogs... he said (of my required qualifications)...
"NICE - Usually this would be #1. But I think most people feel that everyone is nice on the inside, and that you just have to bring it out."
i'm very fascinated by this point of view. because as i see it, if people ARE nice, they will BE nice. i don't feel any obligation to bring out the good in anyone. if it doesn't find its own way out, who am i to go spelunking?
actually, i think we are all inherently selfish & evil in general & have to overcome that every day.
and then there is the theory that women make men into a**holes. so that's where the diving for nice is. me, there's a difference between nice & sexy. both are possible. you don't have to be an a**hole to be sexy.
oh well, viva la difference in opinion!
i used this header before, but this one relates to exes coming back. i heard today from another one (the one that i referenced before that didn't return my calls). turns out he is married, is getting divorced. never knew that. but nice to hear from him again...
the other one from years ago (that didn't want to talk to me for a while also) is coming to visit.
a current friend?? is coming to visit too. not an ex.
and then there's the guy i really like. also an ex.
none of this means anything really. it's all a work in progress. until it's a done deal i'll just play the ex-field. obviously the new guys aren't working out so well.
then there's the two guys i liked last year that i deleted from my friends on myspace. one of them i invited back to be my friend. the other one, an ex, i'm not sure about but i'm trying to reconcile.
life is too short to alienate exes. you don't have to screw around with them again, but might as well add them to the roster. you never know when they'll come in handy. and manhandle you again. lol. or not. oh well. the thought cracked me up anyway...
the main point is, every ex added to my life a little something & that in itself is worthy paying tribute to.
---------------------
so to respond to one comment by anon on one of my recent blogs... he said (of my required qualifications)...
"NICE - Usually this would be #1. But I think most people feel that everyone is nice on the inside, and that you just have to bring it out."
i'm very fascinated by this point of view. because as i see it, if people ARE nice, they will BE nice. i don't feel any obligation to bring out the good in anyone. if it doesn't find its own way out, who am i to go spelunking?
actually, i think we are all inherently selfish & evil in general & have to overcome that every day.
and then there is the theory that women make men into a**holes. so that's where the diving for nice is. me, there's a difference between nice & sexy. both are possible. you don't have to be an a**hole to be sexy.
oh well, viva la difference in opinion!
January 14, 2008
leaving loser-land
ok, well, my saturday night date is whack. first of all, i show up looking pretty good (if evidenced by the guys at the train station smiling at me & looking as they walked by) & his face shows no reaction.
ok, no worries.
second, we get into a heated discussion about a movie (bond movies actually) or something & he points at me, finger 5 inches from my face & says "you are a BABY!" and then he says "and YES, i'm pointing right at YOU!" i tell him right off, that is rude, to point at people like that. and that i'm really surprised he called me a baby, that is inappropriate.
later on i came back to it again & said, i can't believe you did that. nobody has ever done that to me before. no apologies forthcoming.
third, he mentions having strong feelings for a co-worker.
fourth, i get in this a.m. to an e-mail from him, 3 paragraphs (long ones) long telling me that i'm uptight, edgy, and that i never smiled. references the baby comment as a flirtatious comment referencing my innocence and youth. (at 38.) never references finger in my face.
i ponder, and write back that i had a great time (which i did), but he is entitled to his impressions of me. and regarding insulting me and telling me he has strong feelings for a co-worker, i will make no apologies for any negative reaction i might have had to these things.
fifth, i now know why he is single, never married at 48.
sixth, as two-date diva said, i thank god i'm not married to him. or anyone so crass & clueless.
sigh. he was good-looking & smart though.
-----------------
so i've refined my list. the reason i'm still single is because i haven't found someone single, smart, sexy & NICE yet.
(revise. actually i have, he's just not ready to get married yet...)
anyhow, i digress amazing how hard that combination is to find!
i have no pithy, witty comments today. feel punched in stomach, still reeling from the wierdness of it all.
thank goodness i'm seeing single!
ok, well, my saturday night date is whack. first of all, i show up looking pretty good (if evidenced by the guys at the train station smiling at me & looking as they walked by) & his face shows no reaction.
ok, no worries.
second, we get into a heated discussion about a movie (bond movies actually) or something & he points at me, finger 5 inches from my face & says "you are a BABY!" and then he says "and YES, i'm pointing right at YOU!" i tell him right off, that is rude, to point at people like that. and that i'm really surprised he called me a baby, that is inappropriate.
later on i came back to it again & said, i can't believe you did that. nobody has ever done that to me before. no apologies forthcoming.
third, he mentions having strong feelings for a co-worker.
fourth, i get in this a.m. to an e-mail from him, 3 paragraphs (long ones) long telling me that i'm uptight, edgy, and that i never smiled. references the baby comment as a flirtatious comment referencing my innocence and youth. (at 38.) never references finger in my face.
i ponder, and write back that i had a great time (which i did), but he is entitled to his impressions of me. and regarding insulting me and telling me he has strong feelings for a co-worker, i will make no apologies for any negative reaction i might have had to these things.
fifth, i now know why he is single, never married at 48.
sixth, as two-date diva said, i thank god i'm not married to him. or anyone so crass & clueless.
sigh. he was good-looking & smart though.
-----------------
so i've refined my list. the reason i'm still single is because i haven't found someone single, smart, sexy & NICE yet.
(revise. actually i have, he's just not ready to get married yet...)
anyhow, i digress amazing how hard that combination is to find!
i have no pithy, witty comments today. feel punched in stomach, still reeling from the wierdness of it all.
thank goodness i'm seeing single!
January 11, 2008
Making the cut
So the engineer that wrote to me on Yahoo! (not my sat night date) is out. He didn't call Wednesday night like he said, and he's out on the first strike.
He was saying wierd things anyway. Putting words in my mouth that I (or women) hate men, joking around about having a wife when I asked him, really focused on the fact that I looked in shape in my picture. Seemed very picky.
Dropped his ex b/c he found her making dinner plans with her ex. Dinner plans. Wow, I didn't know that was cheating. I debated whether or not I should tell him I'm still friends with my exes. And sadly, for him, they come first. Because some of them have become lifelong friends.
Ok, well, glad he took himself out of the running.
Onward & upward.
So the engineer that wrote to me on Yahoo! (not my sat night date) is out. He didn't call Wednesday night like he said, and he's out on the first strike.
He was saying wierd things anyway. Putting words in my mouth that I (or women) hate men, joking around about having a wife when I asked him, really focused on the fact that I looked in shape in my picture. Seemed very picky.
Dropped his ex b/c he found her making dinner plans with her ex. Dinner plans. Wow, I didn't know that was cheating. I debated whether or not I should tell him I'm still friends with my exes. And sadly, for him, they come first. Because some of them have become lifelong friends.
Ok, well, glad he took himself out of the running.
Onward & upward.
poor boy
the rules suck. you know what they suck.
last night my saturday night date called me. he was like, uh, should we be going out saturday night? i told my friend i was going out with you on saturday & he said "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?"
i said, oh, yes, because we weren't engaged? actually, i told MY friends how refreshing it was to have a saturday night date without it meaning you have to be engaged first. i told him how annoying it was to date a guy for months & not get a sat night date. you wonder when you're going to make the cut & who else has got the "prime" spot.
then he said he felt dumb for calling me. & i was like, nah, my other guy friends are confused about the rules too.
ladies, and gentlemen, the rules should be about getting people together, not driving them apart. it seems now that all the rules do is drive people apart.
f* the saturday night date rule. i wanted to text him back & tell him, hey, there are still 60 minutes in an hour on saturday night like every other night...and there are MORE saturdays in the future. so if you have a bad date, SO WHAT.
bush will still be president when you wake up. (UGH) (says this undecided independent voter...)
the rules suck. you know what they suck.
last night my saturday night date called me. he was like, uh, should we be going out saturday night? i told my friend i was going out with you on saturday & he said "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?"
i said, oh, yes, because we weren't engaged? actually, i told MY friends how refreshing it was to have a saturday night date without it meaning you have to be engaged first. i told him how annoying it was to date a guy for months & not get a sat night date. you wonder when you're going to make the cut & who else has got the "prime" spot.
then he said he felt dumb for calling me. & i was like, nah, my other guy friends are confused about the rules too.
ladies, and gentlemen, the rules should be about getting people together, not driving them apart. it seems now that all the rules do is drive people apart.
f* the saturday night date rule. i wanted to text him back & tell him, hey, there are still 60 minutes in an hour on saturday night like every other night...and there are MORE saturdays in the future. so if you have a bad date, SO WHAT.
bush will still be president when you wake up. (UGH) (says this undecided independent voter...)
January 10, 2008
blah
i feel very blah today. you know, one of those days where you feel it doesn't really matter if you live or die, no one will notice.
one of those life is futile days.
then i was standing by the elevator thinking, well, i guess it would matter if i HURT someone's feelings, so i guess i can try not to be a negative influence i guess. to look at things perversely...
i'm wondering too if i should attempt to get back with my workaholic ex. have i really changed? can i really be ok with him working so much?
i almost drunk-texted him last night & then didn't. my text ran along these lines: i don't want to get married for the status of it (which was his take on it, before i clarified that he was the one i wanted to marry, not just anyone), i want to get married so i can love someone & not have to stop. (thank goodness for delete buttons.)
but is that enough? is loving someone who is not around much sufficient for me? perhaps it is, since i grew up that way anyway, with an absent father. and now have been single for years. perhaps it would just be the addition of a secure, stable person that i love in my life, in fact that would be enough. even if the reality weren't all there. at least i love the guy more than anyone else. and have done so for years.
you always have to make choices. what is mine?
i feel very blah today. you know, one of those days where you feel it doesn't really matter if you live or die, no one will notice.
one of those life is futile days.
then i was standing by the elevator thinking, well, i guess it would matter if i HURT someone's feelings, so i guess i can try not to be a negative influence i guess. to look at things perversely...
i'm wondering too if i should attempt to get back with my workaholic ex. have i really changed? can i really be ok with him working so much?
i almost drunk-texted him last night & then didn't. my text ran along these lines: i don't want to get married for the status of it (which was his take on it, before i clarified that he was the one i wanted to marry, not just anyone), i want to get married so i can love someone & not have to stop. (thank goodness for delete buttons.)
but is that enough? is loving someone who is not around much sufficient for me? perhaps it is, since i grew up that way anyway, with an absent father. and now have been single for years. perhaps it would just be the addition of a secure, stable person that i love in my life, in fact that would be enough. even if the reality weren't all there. at least i love the guy more than anyone else. and have done so for years.
you always have to make choices. what is mine?
January 09, 2008
baby's got back!
back i am! :) in many ways. my cheater ex was good for that...being a personal trainer & all.
so i have a date saturday night with a guy from yahoo personals. a good 9 years older, but surprisingly, seems quite young! he actually asked for drinks on a sat p.m. for the first date. go figure. finally some guy doesn't think if you go out sat night you're engaged!
will recount details...check back!
back i am! :) in many ways. my cheater ex was good for that...being a personal trainer & all.
so i have a date saturday night with a guy from yahoo personals. a good 9 years older, but surprisingly, seems quite young! he actually asked for drinks on a sat p.m. for the first date. go figure. finally some guy doesn't think if you go out sat night you're engaged!
will recount details...check back!