the plot thickens...
in an effort to maintain good will on earth, i finally call back bachlorette who has called me yet again. on the trip she overheard me talking to my new best friend about how to get to her wedding. she has called to tell me she did not invite my new best friend to her wedding & in fact, her guy doesn't want her there. he gets "bad vibes" from her.
nice. this girl was invited to her bachelorette party but not the wedding. this girl also chipped in $115 for drinks sat night for the group. i think she should get her money back.
bachelorette then tells me she's going dress shopping this weekend, aludes to me coming along.
for why?
i'm so confused. whose opinion should i trust? i guess my own. talk about bad vibes, i'm getting bad vibes from this whole fricken' wedding-selection-rejection process.
i'm keeping my new best friend, thank you very much.
March 05, 2008
20-20 hindsight
this is when seeing single is a bitch.
i'm very shy & this is a cold & insular city. so to lose one's group of girlfriends & best friend in particular is shocking. in fact, i haven't been more shocked at something since i found out my dad wanted to divorce us. (not a freudian typo.)
when one doesn't have an SO, well, you have your friends & your g-friends & your family. losing any of these makes for a long, cold winter.
but then, what have i lost? seeing yesterday's events makes me wonder...
--------------
bachelorette: calls me to make sure i made it home ok on the bus, was i ok?
me: yes, i'm fine, thanks! no worries.
bachelorette: brings up my drunk friend topic.
me: i'm glad we were able to ditch my drunk friend without hurting his feelings. i've known him so long, i'd hate to make him feel bad.
bachelorette: well, i just don't care about people's feelings when they're not being nice.
(ohhhhhhhhhhh. yes. i see that now.)
--------------------
bachelorette: sends e-mail to thank everyone for coming out to party
me: writes back, thanks for getting us out to party for you. pix up soon!
me: puts up pix. is now done with the whole situation, thank you very much.
apparently my new best friend: writes thank you to me for putting up pix, thank you to mr. ny for showing us a good time.
bachelorette: writes to mr. ny telling him to come visit and we'll show him around.
(uhhhhhhhh, we? showing My boy around? i'm glad you appreciated the pix, btw, you're welcome.)
----------
bachelorette: calls me 3 times yesterday, never leaves message.
me: i don't pick up.
this is when seeing single is a bitch.
i'm very shy & this is a cold & insular city. so to lose one's group of girlfriends & best friend in particular is shocking. in fact, i haven't been more shocked at something since i found out my dad wanted to divorce us. (not a freudian typo.)
when one doesn't have an SO, well, you have your friends & your g-friends & your family. losing any of these makes for a long, cold winter.
but then, what have i lost? seeing yesterday's events makes me wonder...
--------------
bachelorette: calls me to make sure i made it home ok on the bus, was i ok?
me: yes, i'm fine, thanks! no worries.
bachelorette: brings up my drunk friend topic.
me: i'm glad we were able to ditch my drunk friend without hurting his feelings. i've known him so long, i'd hate to make him feel bad.
bachelorette: well, i just don't care about people's feelings when they're not being nice.
(ohhhhhhhhhhh. yes. i see that now.)
--------------------
bachelorette: sends e-mail to thank everyone for coming out to party
me: writes back, thanks for getting us out to party for you. pix up soon!
me: puts up pix. is now done with the whole situation, thank you very much.
apparently my new best friend: writes thank you to me for putting up pix, thank you to mr. ny for showing us a good time.
bachelorette: writes to mr. ny telling him to come visit and we'll show him around.
(uhhhhhhhh, we? showing My boy around? i'm glad you appreciated the pix, btw, you're welcome.)
----------
bachelorette: calls me 3 times yesterday, never leaves message.
me: i don't pick up.
March 02, 2008
bachlorettes, boyz & betrayal
i just returned from the oddest weekend ever.
bachelorette party in the city, for someone who i consider(ed) my best friend, but who is apparently leaving me off the bridesmaid list. in favor of girls who don't even show up to their own birthday parties when they know about them & try to scare boyz off that you are trying to pick up.
anyhow, clearly i missed the memo. which would have explained her distant behavior at the b-day party i helped her guy throw a couple days ago.
this is the same girl that two years ago cried and made a big scene with my new boyfriend because she was afraid she would lose my friendship. now the happier, more sexy & independent i feel, the less she wants to be around me. hmmm.
she's not wrong to not pick me, it's her wedding. if she doesn't want me around to show her up, why should i slink around in shame? nah, i'll hold my sexy head high. (might as well pick a reason that makes me feel better too, right?)
so now what? cross that wedding off my list? how does one get over that? yeah, you don't.
when i get married i will have no bridesmaids. i will just tell all my friends to wear the same color scheme & we'll all get in the picture together. i think bridesmaids is bullsh*t anyhow. but instead of fertilizing friends, the bridesmaid bullsh*t ruins them.
so on to the boyz.
i invited one boy on the trip, but he couldn't make it. boy #2 showed up drunk & we tactfully sent him on his way. the boy behind door three, a former co-worker, was hot and fun. and we got hot & had fun.
to cut to the end of this bizarre weekend, i found myself in front of the bus station & hopped on one. arrived home with no keys so i had to leave my car parked at the garage, & no badge for work, all stuff that was in my bag that i didn't care to retrieve from my "friends" after finding out how little i'm apparently liked.
my head is spinning.
i just returned from the oddest weekend ever.
bachelorette party in the city, for someone who i consider(ed) my best friend, but who is apparently leaving me off the bridesmaid list. in favor of girls who don't even show up to their own birthday parties when they know about them & try to scare boyz off that you are trying to pick up.
anyhow, clearly i missed the memo. which would have explained her distant behavior at the b-day party i helped her guy throw a couple days ago.
this is the same girl that two years ago cried and made a big scene with my new boyfriend because she was afraid she would lose my friendship. now the happier, more sexy & independent i feel, the less she wants to be around me. hmmm.
she's not wrong to not pick me, it's her wedding. if she doesn't want me around to show her up, why should i slink around in shame? nah, i'll hold my sexy head high. (might as well pick a reason that makes me feel better too, right?)
so now what? cross that wedding off my list? how does one get over that? yeah, you don't.
when i get married i will have no bridesmaids. i will just tell all my friends to wear the same color scheme & we'll all get in the picture together. i think bridesmaids is bullsh*t anyhow. but instead of fertilizing friends, the bridesmaid bullsh*t ruins them.
so on to the boyz.
i invited one boy on the trip, but he couldn't make it. boy #2 showed up drunk & we tactfully sent him on his way. the boy behind door three, a former co-worker, was hot and fun. and we got hot & had fun.
to cut to the end of this bizarre weekend, i found myself in front of the bus station & hopped on one. arrived home with no keys so i had to leave my car parked at the garage, & no badge for work, all stuff that was in my bag that i didn't care to retrieve from my "friends" after finding out how little i'm apparently liked.
my head is spinning.
February 29, 2008
ashamed to be a american female photographer
anne liebowitz asks the queen to remove her crown because it is "too dressy."
not only is the logic behind this remarkable, the lack of tact is equally appalling.
no wonder they hate foreigners.
i'm thinking of becoming a british male film eraser.
(that just sounds so dirty and risque, doesn't it! delish!)
anne liebowitz asks the queen to remove her crown because it is "too dressy."
not only is the logic behind this remarkable, the lack of tact is equally appalling.
no wonder they hate foreigners.
i'm thinking of becoming a british male film eraser.
(that just sounds so dirty and risque, doesn't it! delish!)
February 28, 2008
what is sexy?
this whole topic brings up the point of what is sexy, anyway?
everyone has their own definition.
for me, it involves attraction, some mystery & suspense, a great voice, an undetermined level of interest, offset by references to vague future plans. that is sexy to me.
that was my conversation with my ex last night, we'll call him mr. busy.
ayiyi, yes, he is sexy.
of course i just spent 6 months getting over his sexiness. clearly, i think he's sexy.
this whole topic brings up the point of what is sexy, anyway?
everyone has their own definition.
for me, it involves attraction, some mystery & suspense, a great voice, an undetermined level of interest, offset by references to vague future plans. that is sexy to me.
that was my conversation with my ex last night, we'll call him mr. busy.
ayiyi, yes, he is sexy.
of course i just spent 6 months getting over his sexiness. clearly, i think he's sexy.
February 27, 2008
reconciliation
i've been trying for months to reconcile things with my last ex. both in my head & in reality.
a few days ago i finally left him a voicemail telling him exactly that - and tonite he called.
it's the oddest thing. sometimes it takes you just forever to figure out what your objective is or why you're doing something. but then if you can verbalize it, people (especially guys) know what to do with it.
how wierd. it's so much easier to just ask for things rather than to keep trying to get them without asking.
why have i wasted so many years beating around the bush with people when i could have just said what i wanted? ayiyi.
maybe because it's hard to be sexy and honest at the same time. but i guess sometimes the stars align...
i've been trying for months to reconcile things with my last ex. both in my head & in reality.
a few days ago i finally left him a voicemail telling him exactly that - and tonite he called.
it's the oddest thing. sometimes it takes you just forever to figure out what your objective is or why you're doing something. but then if you can verbalize it, people (especially guys) know what to do with it.
how wierd. it's so much easier to just ask for things rather than to keep trying to get them without asking.
why have i wasted so many years beating around the bush with people when i could have just said what i wanted? ayiyi.
maybe because it's hard to be sexy and honest at the same time. but i guess sometimes the stars align...
February 21, 2008
the song that never ends (or late to scotland, update 2)
update 2 : he wrote back (see end) next move? i'm thinking...
---------------
update 1: well, i found the perfect answer this morning! thanks for your comments. i sent the last text (found at the bottom) over to mr. b. this morning, coincidentally, just before reading your en pointe recriminations, which i loved. that's why they were lovely. ;)
mr b: you at the bar to hear the band tomorrow?
me: u have a girlfriend?
mr b: you have a boyfriend? [translation: just how many of us will be cheating?]
me: [smells rat] no. been cheated on. don't like.
mr b: ok, settle tight i have a plan. [translation: my girl is on to me...]
me: so you do have a girlfriend?
mr b: nope.
me: 2 quote kelly rippa this morning, "let's call a congressional hearing. you sir are a laar." [added: Update 1]
mr b: Haha don't lie but would like to buy you a drink. [added: Update 2]
update 2 : he wrote back (see end) next move? i'm thinking...
---------------
update 1: well, i found the perfect answer this morning! thanks for your comments. i sent the last text (found at the bottom) over to mr. b. this morning, coincidentally, just before reading your en pointe recriminations, which i loved. that's why they were lovely. ;)
mr b: you at the bar to hear the band tomorrow?
me: u have a girlfriend?
mr b: you have a boyfriend? [translation: just how many of us will be cheating?]
me: [smells rat] no. been cheated on. don't like.
mr b: ok, settle tight i have a plan. [translation: my girl is on to me...]
me: so you do have a girlfriend?
mr b: nope.
me: 2 quote kelly rippa this morning, "let's call a congressional hearing. you sir are a laar." [added: Update 1]
mr b: Haha don't lie but would like to buy you a drink. [added: Update 2]
when a book has no cover
i love you, my new readers. this is like a diary that talks back. mine never does. it just sits there, duhhhh. but it has a beautiful cover.
being online - no cover. so ya can't judge it. just the opposite - it judges you! luckily for me, ya'll have been kind to me in my extreme singleton condition.
ok, next episode of multi-tasking for this well-adjusted girl.
i just got a text from mr. blowoff from last weekend, asking me if i'm going to be at the same bar we were at last weekend to hear the band play. intriguing. i only recognize his number b/c i had to dial it a few times when sending that last text back.
did he not mean to blow me off, meaning instead, we'd use his condoms & save mine? which is in fact similar to what he said. however, given that he's not very bright, and doesn't remember that him having condoms at all = not getting any, well, maybe he just doesn't remember that.
what to do. i'm coughing in a not very sexy way, so maybe i should reschedule him.
or NOT...?
i could, in the interim be a wiseass & ask who is this? because of course, i deleted him from my phone in my rage.
or not.
i love you, my new readers. this is like a diary that talks back. mine never does. it just sits there, duhhhh. but it has a beautiful cover.
being online - no cover. so ya can't judge it. just the opposite - it judges you! luckily for me, ya'll have been kind to me in my extreme singleton condition.
ok, next episode of multi-tasking for this well-adjusted girl.
i just got a text from mr. blowoff from last weekend, asking me if i'm going to be at the same bar we were at last weekend to hear the band play. intriguing. i only recognize his number b/c i had to dial it a few times when sending that last text back.
did he not mean to blow me off, meaning instead, we'd use his condoms & save mine? which is in fact similar to what he said. however, given that he's not very bright, and doesn't remember that him having condoms at all = not getting any, well, maybe he just doesn't remember that.
what to do. i'm coughing in a not very sexy way, so maybe i should reschedule him.
or NOT...?
i could, in the interim be a wiseass & ask who is this? because of course, i deleted him from my phone in my rage.
or not.
February 20, 2008
half & half
how do you date a guy half way when he's super crazy about you & says you're the only one he's pursuing? and writing you 4x/day (because you're writing back).
i might be super crazy about him back, but i'm not super crazy in general, and tend (big surprise) to be distrustful of unsolicited vows of celibacy by men.
there has been no discussion about what i'm doing or will plan to do, but supposing mr. possibility or mr. florida both show up in march, as they have indicated intent, i will need to remain a 3-man girl. or a 3-ring circus.
this is the first time i've really resisted jumping in with both feet. which of course will make me all the more attractive to him. but like i said, the fall from the initial pedestal isn't smoother anywhichway you make it.
i'm also not inclined, though i'm tempted, to try to lower myself on that pedestal. part of me wants to just say, btw, before you plan on sleeping over, which he would like, do you care if i can sleep at night or not? or that i sleep with, say, ice packs sometimes? or that i get up in the morning and, get up, as opposed to sleeping all day long?
but hey, who reads warning labels? i sure as hell don't. at the most, i'll cut them off. but half the fun is realizing how a product doesn't work like you think it will (especially if it's made in China) so i guess, why would i be any different?
anyhow, these things (like my chronic pain problem) are things one just has to find out. but part of me would like to just shorten the pedestal height at the outset so i don't fall so hard.
no can do.
so i remain half & half. which, according to the book of james, means that i'm unstable in all my ways. (but that is a man divided, what about a woman? hmmm.)
how do you date a guy half way when he's super crazy about you & says you're the only one he's pursuing? and writing you 4x/day (because you're writing back).
i might be super crazy about him back, but i'm not super crazy in general, and tend (big surprise) to be distrustful of unsolicited vows of celibacy by men.
there has been no discussion about what i'm doing or will plan to do, but supposing mr. possibility or mr. florida both show up in march, as they have indicated intent, i will need to remain a 3-man girl. or a 3-ring circus.
this is the first time i've really resisted jumping in with both feet. which of course will make me all the more attractive to him. but like i said, the fall from the initial pedestal isn't smoother anywhichway you make it.
i'm also not inclined, though i'm tempted, to try to lower myself on that pedestal. part of me wants to just say, btw, before you plan on sleeping over, which he would like, do you care if i can sleep at night or not? or that i sleep with, say, ice packs sometimes? or that i get up in the morning and, get up, as opposed to sleeping all day long?
but hey, who reads warning labels? i sure as hell don't. at the most, i'll cut them off. but half the fun is realizing how a product doesn't work like you think it will (especially if it's made in China) so i guess, why would i be any different?
anyhow, these things (like my chronic pain problem) are things one just has to find out. but part of me would like to just shorten the pedestal height at the outset so i don't fall so hard.
no can do.
so i remain half & half. which, according to the book of james, means that i'm unstable in all my ways. (but that is a man divided, what about a woman? hmmm.)
February 19, 2008
indigestion
it's really hard to listen to your gut, as two-date diva suggested, when your gut thinks many men are indigestible. if "something doesn't feel quite right" but you have no rationale for it, specifically, what do you do?
what if your gut reaction is ... fear.
it's an interesting dilemma.
when you get to be my age & experience, you don't fall easily. in fact, you try not to fall at all, due to many broken hearts.
this makes the guy even more eager to fell you.
maybe i should just get fallen & then survey the damage now, rather than waiting a long time when it will hurt more.
i dunno, it's an odd dilemma any way around it. ugh. my tummy hurts.
it's really hard to listen to your gut, as two-date diva suggested, when your gut thinks many men are indigestible. if "something doesn't feel quite right" but you have no rationale for it, specifically, what do you do?
what if your gut reaction is ... fear.
it's an interesting dilemma.
when you get to be my age & experience, you don't fall easily. in fact, you try not to fall at all, due to many broken hearts.
this makes the guy even more eager to fell you.
maybe i should just get fallen & then survey the damage now, rather than waiting a long time when it will hurt more.
i dunno, it's an odd dilemma any way around it. ugh. my tummy hurts.