pre-dating
i'm LMAO. or a bit afraid...
check out google's new custom time...or alibi provider. straight from the spam-book (ah, this is how i get moldy spam blasts from the past). ideal for all crimes to be committed, honey no i wasn't with her & i didn't forget your birthday, in fact you read my e-mail about your gift! reminds me of selling indulgences in the dark ages.
New! Gmail Custom TimeTM
Ever wish you could go back in time and send that crucial email that could have changed everything -- if only it hadn't slipped your mind? Gmail can now help you with those missed deadlines, missed birthdays and missed opportunities.
Pre-date your messages
You tell us what time you would have wanted your email sent, and we'll take care of the rest. Need an email to arrive 6 hours ago? No problem.
Mark as read or unread
Take sending emails to the past one step further. We let you make emails look like they've been read all along.
Make them count
Use your custom time stamped messages wisely -- each Gmail user gets ten per year.
Worry less
Forget your finance reports. Forget your anniversary. We'll make it look like you remembered.
oowhoo. i can't wait to see what comes of this - a new favorite for ambulance chasers, divorce lawyers & he-saids-she-saids everywhere!
April 01, 2008
March 30, 2008
honey, i shrunk your opinion of me
two date diva, i'm listening to your music while i write. :)
so this great quality men have of wanting to please us also makes them not want to tell us anything we might not want to hear. so they just don't!
they also try to pass off decisions that we won't like to us, so we'll have to make them. (aka the i'll be a jerk so she'll break up with me action.)
trying to navigate this behavior is really tricky. sometimes you just don't know what's BS & what's just him being a guy. to compound it, smart & experienced guys are pros at this, & they also know how most women will react.
so, overall, it appears that coaxing bad news out of a guy - or getting him to make decisions that HE should make - is an art form. i just realized how hard this is, even though i've struggled with it for years. but...this week i found a formula that SEEMED to work, we'll see.
what you'll need: a conversation with him, ability to read between the lines, and a fix-o-meter, sold by successful dating experts everywhere
Step 1: ask what's going on. whatever it is will not be volunteered.
Step 2: let him know you like it that he is much better than other guys (who are BSers) because he is straightforward with you. this does three things - says you see BS & won't put up with it, shows you are discriminating & he has to meet your standards, and let's him know you think he's a great guy.
Step 3: watch him show off that quality you just pointed out. bite your tongue while he uses that great quality to vociferously defend his position. while he's talking, turn on your fix-o-meter, which will help you gauge his interest in fixing this. enter the level of defensiveness into your fix-o-meter. no explanation/no guilt = 0, lengthy explanation/high guilt = 10.
Step 4: see how much he wants to fix things by whether or not he plans to do something that you WILL like. enter this into the fix-o-meter too, under the heading of intent. no plans = 0, definite plans with a time period = 10.
Step 5: see if he DOES what he's planned. no action = 0, follow-through = 10.
when it's all said & done (with the two being clearly different!) look back at your fix-o-meter ratings to see what level of indicators you saw that actually got you to this point.
this will help you determine at which point straightforwardness intersects with BS for this particular guy...write that number down where you can look at it every day & see...
if you really want to deal with it. ;)
two date diva, i'm listening to your music while i write. :)
so this great quality men have of wanting to please us also makes them not want to tell us anything we might not want to hear. so they just don't!
they also try to pass off decisions that we won't like to us, so we'll have to make them. (aka the i'll be a jerk so she'll break up with me action.)
trying to navigate this behavior is really tricky. sometimes you just don't know what's BS & what's just him being a guy. to compound it, smart & experienced guys are pros at this, & they also know how most women will react.
so, overall, it appears that coaxing bad news out of a guy - or getting him to make decisions that HE should make - is an art form. i just realized how hard this is, even though i've struggled with it for years. but...this week i found a formula that SEEMED to work, we'll see.
what you'll need: a conversation with him, ability to read between the lines, and a fix-o-meter, sold by successful dating experts everywhere
Step 1: ask what's going on. whatever it is will not be volunteered.
Step 2: let him know you like it that he is much better than other guys (who are BSers) because he is straightforward with you. this does three things - says you see BS & won't put up with it, shows you are discriminating & he has to meet your standards, and let's him know you think he's a great guy.
Step 3: watch him show off that quality you just pointed out. bite your tongue while he uses that great quality to vociferously defend his position. while he's talking, turn on your fix-o-meter, which will help you gauge his interest in fixing this. enter the level of defensiveness into your fix-o-meter. no explanation/no guilt = 0, lengthy explanation/high guilt = 10.
Step 4: see how much he wants to fix things by whether or not he plans to do something that you WILL like. enter this into the fix-o-meter too, under the heading of intent. no plans = 0, definite plans with a time period = 10.
Step 5: see if he DOES what he's planned. no action = 0, follow-through = 10.
when it's all said & done (with the two being clearly different!) look back at your fix-o-meter ratings to see what level of indicators you saw that actually got you to this point.
this will help you determine at which point straightforwardness intersects with BS for this particular guy...write that number down where you can look at it every day & see...
if you really want to deal with it. ;)
March 26, 2008
game playing
the other day i met up for lunch with a guy from the gym. we'd gone out once before for drinks (nicely, by chance the day after my last ex called it off). our conversation was stilted at the time, and more like 20 questions, but it was fun to chat with someone new.
so again, i said yes.
we met up at a local burrito place & got in line. i was curious to see how he would handle the whole thing.
i was in line in front of him & had ordered, and was paying for my burrito when he lamely said, oh, i was planning to get that. with no effort to do so. i said, oh that's ok...and he didn't object. or walk over to my register and pay. instead he went to the next open one and bought his food.
again in line he said the same thing, at least once more, maybe twice. i was annoyed b/c clearly, he wasn't following through. he mumbled something about being behind the game.
we had a nice lunch & were out of there within the hour.
i realized to myself why some men are single. when things need to be done, they just can't seem to get them done.
i was fine with paying for myself - or not. just no need to pretend like you were planning on paying when you couldn't even step up & do it.
compare to mr. ny.
he walks in to the bar when i met up with him again and he sat down next to me. i was in the middle of a martini. in 2 seconds flat he had got the bartender and said, what are you drinking? give her another one of those. 2 minutes later i had a second martini my jealous friends were sampling.
he's been in the game ever since, or two steps ahead of it.
ahhhhhhh. we like.
the other day i met up for lunch with a guy from the gym. we'd gone out once before for drinks (nicely, by chance the day after my last ex called it off). our conversation was stilted at the time, and more like 20 questions, but it was fun to chat with someone new.
so again, i said yes.
we met up at a local burrito place & got in line. i was curious to see how he would handle the whole thing.
i was in line in front of him & had ordered, and was paying for my burrito when he lamely said, oh, i was planning to get that. with no effort to do so. i said, oh that's ok...and he didn't object. or walk over to my register and pay. instead he went to the next open one and bought his food.
again in line he said the same thing, at least once more, maybe twice. i was annoyed b/c clearly, he wasn't following through. he mumbled something about being behind the game.
we had a nice lunch & were out of there within the hour.
i realized to myself why some men are single. when things need to be done, they just can't seem to get them done.
i was fine with paying for myself - or not. just no need to pretend like you were planning on paying when you couldn't even step up & do it.
compare to mr. ny.
he walks in to the bar when i met up with him again and he sat down next to me. i was in the middle of a martini. in 2 seconds flat he had got the bartender and said, what are you drinking? give her another one of those. 2 minutes later i had a second martini my jealous friends were sampling.
he's been in the game ever since, or two steps ahead of it.
ahhhhhhh. we like.
Happiness is....
Ok, i'm tagging myself it...from two date diva's and princessb's posts.
1. Snuggling in bed with a good book while it snows 13.5 inches outside and I have nowhere to go.
2. Snuggling in bed with a hot guy after [x-rated comments deleted by author]
3. Blasting my car radio like a ghetto girl :)
4. That euphoric feeling after I dance like a princess/slut with my sexy argentinian teacher at my tango class
5. The energy of anticipation before I travel
6. Stepping down from the stage after giving a kick-ass presentation or musical performance
7. Seeing my artwork on the wall. Anyone's wall
8. Listening to my guy talk & just enjoying the sound of his voice
9. Rereading my writing/blogging & just marveling at how sometimes the words come out just right. (I write for a living, so it's not ALL about this blog, though sometimes...it is!)
10. Starbucks, when you really want it
Ok, i'm tagging myself it...from two date diva's and princessb's posts.
1. Snuggling in bed with a good book while it snows 13.5 inches outside and I have nowhere to go.
2. Snuggling in bed with a hot guy after [x-rated comments deleted by author]
3. Blasting my car radio like a ghetto girl :)
4. That euphoric feeling after I dance like a princess/slut with my sexy argentinian teacher at my tango class
5. The energy of anticipation before I travel
6. Stepping down from the stage after giving a kick-ass presentation or musical performance
7. Seeing my artwork on the wall. Anyone's wall
8. Listening to my guy talk & just enjoying the sound of his voice
9. Rereading my writing/blogging & just marveling at how sometimes the words come out just right. (I write for a living, so it's not ALL about this blog, though sometimes...it is!)
10. Starbucks, when you really want it
March 24, 2008
life stages
there's the prom
then the college dates
the weddings
and the babies
then the divorces
then...the illness.
2 people, very close to me - literally - have been diagnosed with cancer in the last week. my housemate and the guy that sits in the cube next to mine...
i don't know what to say.
to them either.
:(
there's the prom
then the college dates
the weddings
and the babies
then the divorces
then...the illness.
2 people, very close to me - literally - have been diagnosed with cancer in the last week. my housemate and the guy that sits in the cube next to mine...
i don't know what to say.
to them either.
:(
March 22, 2008
in praise of brevity
my new scanty nightgown (pictured in past blog) is just heavenly. now when it makes it through the laundromat super-duper-dryer it may be half the size, but then when i start my new brazilian-bikini-lifesyle (as opposed to diet) i might be too....
speaking of brevity.
mr. ny and i are right in synch. that is to say, we are both succinct.
no long epitaphs. just calling me "sexy" speaks volumes. no need for more. how do you spell relief.
5 or 10-word sentences comprise whole e-mails and while some would chafe at the brevity, i am reveling in the fact that a man can actually do what he says he's going to do. (maybe in fact, because it's so little.)
in person whole concepts are discussed somewhat obliquely but with precision of speech. blink twice & the topic is over. really, once you know the answers, what more is there to say? after you find out, it's time for action.
and, to my surprise, with mr. ny i have yet to discover incidence of overpromising or underperforming. or use of poor judgement in either. this is not only rare, but suitably appreciated due to the my recent innundation of words that meant so little.
i am a woman of few words, maybe because i write all day long at work. in real life, make your point or get lost.
i guess i like quickie conversations. in and out.
and it's done.
my new scanty nightgown (pictured in past blog) is just heavenly. now when it makes it through the laundromat super-duper-dryer it may be half the size, but then when i start my new brazilian-bikini-lifesyle (as opposed to diet) i might be too....
speaking of brevity.
mr. ny and i are right in synch. that is to say, we are both succinct.
no long epitaphs. just calling me "sexy" speaks volumes. no need for more. how do you spell relief.
5 or 10-word sentences comprise whole e-mails and while some would chafe at the brevity, i am reveling in the fact that a man can actually do what he says he's going to do. (maybe in fact, because it's so little.)
in person whole concepts are discussed somewhat obliquely but with precision of speech. blink twice & the topic is over. really, once you know the answers, what more is there to say? after you find out, it's time for action.
and, to my surprise, with mr. ny i have yet to discover incidence of overpromising or underperforming. or use of poor judgement in either. this is not only rare, but suitably appreciated due to the my recent innundation of words that meant so little.
i am a woman of few words, maybe because i write all day long at work. in real life, make your point or get lost.
i guess i like quickie conversations. in and out.
and it's done.
March 20, 2008
the more things change, the more life gets better
well, i feel very successful.
2 of my exes - mr. busy & mr. possibility - are now returning my calls immediately, i mean calling back just b/c they saw i called. before they know what i want to say.
this is quite unusual, and means i've again earned their respect & ... anticipation! these two guys are the ones that i fell apart over, & they truly saw me at my weakest & relationship-worst. but, time heals all wounds & so does a new behavior pattern.
very happy.
i'm trying to make them both feel successful all the time. since they're very high achievers, i'm working on everything being great, you are the best baby. i'm also doing this with mr. ny. who was actually quite interactive yesterday, so maybe he actually was busy. maybe.
i haven't been good at making guys feel successful in the past. this is a recipe for disaster for most men, and definitely for very driven guys. since those seem to be my favorite kind, i guess i should be quite pleased that i'm finally able to change my behavior so it is now ... enticing.
my next goal is to keep up mystery. being a taurus i give that up way too soon. & since driven guys also like a challenge, i need to make a special effort to put that into the mix. sigh. that is SO hard for me. but since i like mystery so much in them, i guess, why not do it myself? i like mystery so much that i deliberately don't ask questions - because i like not knowing the answers. (that is, the ones other than, are you married?)
countdown to tomorrow, when i see mr. ny. i am crossing fingers that in the light of day, he loses all attraction & i say to self, self, he would make a great friend.
ha. wish me luck. ;)
----------------------
on the note of change, what have you ladies noticed that you have been able to change about how you relate to guys - & how is it working??
well, i feel very successful.
2 of my exes - mr. busy & mr. possibility - are now returning my calls immediately, i mean calling back just b/c they saw i called. before they know what i want to say.
this is quite unusual, and means i've again earned their respect & ... anticipation! these two guys are the ones that i fell apart over, & they truly saw me at my weakest & relationship-worst. but, time heals all wounds & so does a new behavior pattern.
very happy.
i'm trying to make them both feel successful all the time. since they're very high achievers, i'm working on everything being great, you are the best baby. i'm also doing this with mr. ny. who was actually quite interactive yesterday, so maybe he actually was busy. maybe.
i haven't been good at making guys feel successful in the past. this is a recipe for disaster for most men, and definitely for very driven guys. since those seem to be my favorite kind, i guess i should be quite pleased that i'm finally able to change my behavior so it is now ... enticing.
my next goal is to keep up mystery. being a taurus i give that up way too soon. & since driven guys also like a challenge, i need to make a special effort to put that into the mix. sigh. that is SO hard for me. but since i like mystery so much in them, i guess, why not do it myself? i like mystery so much that i deliberately don't ask questions - because i like not knowing the answers. (that is, the ones other than, are you married?)
countdown to tomorrow, when i see mr. ny. i am crossing fingers that in the light of day, he loses all attraction & i say to self, self, he would make a great friend.
ha. wish me luck. ;)
----------------------
on the note of change, what have you ladies noticed that you have been able to change about how you relate to guys - & how is it working??
March 16, 2008
sexy in my own skin
every time i watch meg ryan movies i want to be her. in fact, i once went shopping for a loung-wear makeover so i could look & feel as relaxed & sexy as she looked.
problem is, new england weather is damn cold, you wake up sweating in the middle of the night if you use a down comforter so cotton is ugh, and...the dryers shrink all my clothes.
with that trio of problems, i relegated to karen neuberger nightgowns. not sexy
so, in case you have the above dilemma - check out some cool designers like skanty. :) (shown at right)
or p.j. salvage (shown at left).
if you're in the market, check out this site (but not the prices on it).
k, sexy sleepwear coming right up.
oh, and, i just bought a brazilian (salinas) bikini this year too. it's gonna be a hell of a sexy summer for me! :)
every time i watch meg ryan movies i want to be her. in fact, i once went shopping for a loung-wear makeover so i could look & feel as relaxed & sexy as she looked.
problem is, new england weather is damn cold, you wake up sweating in the middle of the night if you use a down comforter so cotton is ugh, and...the dryers shrink all my clothes.
with that trio of problems, i relegated to karen neuberger nightgowns. not sexy
so, in case you have the above dilemma - check out some cool designers like skanty. :) (shown at right)
or p.j. salvage (shown at left).
if you're in the market, check out this site (but not the prices on it).
k, sexy sleepwear coming right up.
oh, and, i just bought a brazilian (salinas) bikini this year too. it's gonna be a hell of a sexy summer for me! :)
March 14, 2008
TMI
today on the train a woman was carrying a backpack that proudly displayed her birth control of choice in white stitching: ortho tricyclen lo.
i don't even know what to say about that.
ok, yes, i do.
i think i should ask plan b for a special advertising backpack.
that would get more guys than hers, because clearly - i'm insured!
today on the train a woman was carrying a backpack that proudly displayed her birth control of choice in white stitching: ortho tricyclen lo.
i don't even know what to say about that.
ok, yes, i do.
i think i should ask plan b for a special advertising backpack.
that would get more guys than hers, because clearly - i'm insured!
March 12, 2008
hot date
tonite i am on a hot date with my roomba. i bought it on sale at woot.com for something like $129.95 and for the first time i am letting it out alone in my room. i can imagine it's making snide comments about my level of housekeeping as it bumps into things & eats up dust bunnies. i'm turning a deaf ear because in the form of domestic help, it is my only vice.
and something like a child, it seems to need constant monitoring or it gets into trouble. if it doesn't get hung up on a piece of carpet it can't climb over, it eats things it shouldn't. when i went in the other room, it ate a kleenex, didn't like it, and then spit it all over the carpet. so i had to clean up after it with the real vaccuum cleaner. i will say its happy little song when it is all proud of itself & done cleaning is rather cute though...
anyhow, i hate to vaccuum, prefering instead to blog about random things like boyz and why i don't have one. well, one that i want, anyway.
last night i had dinner with a girlfriend & we talked about sex. this is about the only time i have ever done this (so far) and i planned a part b. something about knowing you're not the only one to feel the way you do that makes you feel much better.
apparently i am more european than american. which would probably account for the high number of foreign men i have dated. including mr. new york. my girlfriend said that american men are boring, there are no rough edges, and she sure has a point. they're also squeamish when it comes to sex & so particular & porn-addicted it's, well, what it is. i guess boring.
my intent with mr. new york, should anything further transpire (which he seems to be looking forward to) is to pretend that nothing has happened between us, and attempt to get to know him as a guy. one step forward, now it's time for two steps back. this not only protects me, but let's me see all the annoying things about him that counterbalance the sexy things, so i can keep life in its true perspective.
because let's face it, getting along is about who wakes who up in the middle of the night (mr. ny doesn't snore, nice.), who plays the TV too loud, and who doesn't really care about anything that you like. not that the third really matches the first, but if your life is made up of being cultured and thinking all day long, as mine is, it's far better to find a guy who things being cultured and smart is really sexy. otherwise, duh, either you will be bored, or he will.
i've also determined to acknowledge exactly what is happening at the time & not have my head in the clouds. forget how i feel when i am looking forward to seeing him, do i like him when i see him? like two date diva said, it's not the relationship of me to my feelings, it's to HIM. or a guy, whoever he may be.
new beginnings. sigh. we all want them. i highly doubt there will be any further than a beginning with mr. ny, due to factors that i have mentioned before, but since i seem to be infatuated, might as well start practicing up for the dance. never know when somebody else will ask me to dance & then i can use all my moves on him instead...
here's to change.
(and, that's not a political statement...!)
tonite i am on a hot date with my roomba. i bought it on sale at woot.com for something like $129.95 and for the first time i am letting it out alone in my room. i can imagine it's making snide comments about my level of housekeeping as it bumps into things & eats up dust bunnies. i'm turning a deaf ear because in the form of domestic help, it is my only vice.
and something like a child, it seems to need constant monitoring or it gets into trouble. if it doesn't get hung up on a piece of carpet it can't climb over, it eats things it shouldn't. when i went in the other room, it ate a kleenex, didn't like it, and then spit it all over the carpet. so i had to clean up after it with the real vaccuum cleaner. i will say its happy little song when it is all proud of itself & done cleaning is rather cute though...
anyhow, i hate to vaccuum, prefering instead to blog about random things like boyz and why i don't have one. well, one that i want, anyway.
last night i had dinner with a girlfriend & we talked about sex. this is about the only time i have ever done this (so far) and i planned a part b. something about knowing you're not the only one to feel the way you do that makes you feel much better.
apparently i am more european than american. which would probably account for the high number of foreign men i have dated. including mr. new york. my girlfriend said that american men are boring, there are no rough edges, and she sure has a point. they're also squeamish when it comes to sex & so particular & porn-addicted it's, well, what it is. i guess boring.
my intent with mr. new york, should anything further transpire (which he seems to be looking forward to) is to pretend that nothing has happened between us, and attempt to get to know him as a guy. one step forward, now it's time for two steps back. this not only protects me, but let's me see all the annoying things about him that counterbalance the sexy things, so i can keep life in its true perspective.
because let's face it, getting along is about who wakes who up in the middle of the night (mr. ny doesn't snore, nice.), who plays the TV too loud, and who doesn't really care about anything that you like. not that the third really matches the first, but if your life is made up of being cultured and thinking all day long, as mine is, it's far better to find a guy who things being cultured and smart is really sexy. otherwise, duh, either you will be bored, or he will.
i've also determined to acknowledge exactly what is happening at the time & not have my head in the clouds. forget how i feel when i am looking forward to seeing him, do i like him when i see him? like two date diva said, it's not the relationship of me to my feelings, it's to HIM. or a guy, whoever he may be.
new beginnings. sigh. we all want them. i highly doubt there will be any further than a beginning with mr. ny, due to factors that i have mentioned before, but since i seem to be infatuated, might as well start practicing up for the dance. never know when somebody else will ask me to dance & then i can use all my moves on him instead...
here's to change.
(and, that's not a political statement...!)