doc is in the house...

ok, well, he will be. :) he's planning a visit, just confirming dates.

v. excited.

anonymous wrote a comment a few days ago about being friends. sure. i'll try. but this is like asking a starving person to sit down at a banquet & not eat.

but i can dream about it, if i can't do it all right...

the show goes on...

my doc is still around. that's his new online name.

he's been calling & texting & is super affectionate & interested in me. it looks like he just might be a keeper.

i'm currently planning a trip to LA to see mr. busy & will see if my doc wants me to take extra days to see him, or what his schedule is like. he already said he will fly me out, but if i'm already there might make sense to just go over there.

mr. NY is going to come visit also when he gets back in the country, so that should be cool.

my doc is clearly first choice but given that i've known him only a week, mr. NY a couple years, and mr. busy like 15 years, i will keep them around. at least until i have something going on with my doc. given that he's in CA, it would be a few months before either of us is even living in the same place - even if we tried - and i just don't trust guys enough to try to have an exclusive relationship long-distance.

but it's nice to have options. and right now my doc is clearly making me happy.

i like.

i met a real guy who treats me like a lady...

applause for anonymous's comments to the "is it me" post. apparently it's not.

these guys do exist, it's not a myth. i just met one this weekend!

in an odd twist of fate, i heard this guy sing in church. long story short, next thing he's singing with our choir, going out with us saturday night, rescuing us sunday from the ER-incident, at our party, taking me to the airport - and wants to fly me out to go skiing with him at mammoth.

he's an adorable - read killer smile, deep voice, kind, sweet, laid-back but not a pushover - doctor who has, gasp, weekends off. he finds me - shockingly - fascinating, and generally thinks i'm awesome.

which he said when he hugged me goodbye at the airport.

now of course, the skeptical me is trying to yell, but i'm trying to silence that side for a change.

as anonymous said, he's not flirting. he's treating me like a lady - as evidenced that he didn't even try to make out with me - and, he, did i say, finds me fascinating, already?

wow. i'm in - awe. as evidenced by the fact that i am clearly stuttering in my writing.

more to come along this theme. i hope! really i do.

aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhrrrrrrrrrgggggggggggggg

this is me screaming.

i am SO frustrated with men.

like another hot friend of mine pointed out - it doesn't matter if you're hot anymore. men just want 10 of you.

what is the answer? i'm stuck in a timewarp.

between feminism (which didn't work) and f*ckism (which also didn't work).

where are we now?

i have no fricken clue. but i'll let you know when i figure it out.

update to "games people play"

oh, to continue my former train...mr. russia informed me that both of his comments were true. he was in town generally & he was going back & forth between towns.

nice to know.

he expressed no interest in seeing me which was duh, the whole point of telling him i'm coming to town. but then, that's how he is.

so i have more respect now that he told the truth but still think his intent was to appear noncommittal to my visit.

which he completely succeeded on.

is it me?

i just don't get guys nowdays.

they flit, flirt, they flee.

or is it me?

then you're supposed to be all understanding and supportive of men.

of what?

of mirages?

they're not really there. who is really there? they just pretend. you're their fun for the moment, then they move on.

along this line i deleted mr. russia's phone number from my phone. on the same day he just got voted one of his city's most eligible bachelors in their city magazine.

oh well, he really won't have time now.

i also told him off, in a nice way, that our communication styles were different. i just didn't like to be disappeared on. and he likes to come and go, that's the way he is. nothing wrong with that, i just don't like it. i've known how he is, i mean i've known him since he was 12. another friend of mine also commented on the same thing, so it's not me.

anyhow, so i'm going to go away. i'm sure i won't hear from him again. and i guess i shouldn't care. he's a good friend - in that he's an old friend. but not a hang-around-with-friend. i just have to accept that.

i have a happy life with guys who actually DO respond to me & want to see me. like mr. ny who is keeping in touch cross-continent. what do i need guys for that don't even respond when i say i'm coming back to town?

bah humbug.

mwahahahaha

Love questions every guys asks himself

games people play

so my current crush - the mr. russia (not the guy from 7th grade) - is d*ing me around.

i decide to go back to his town to visit. not for him, my sister is there, duh. although it would be nice to see him. this evidenced by fact that i buy ticket before telling him. e-mail him in a group with others saying i'll be back in town, hope to see you guys.

one friend responds, he doesn't.

so a few days later i text, will you be around next weekend? he replies, yeah, i'll be around, why? (clearly he either can't read or is trying to figure out what i want.) i say, just seeing who can come out to play. then he says awww, actually i'll be in some other town most of the time.

jerk.

this morning i write back asking if he does this to his guy friends - ignores that their coming to town, says he's available, then says he's not. like if he doesn't want to meet up fine. but enough of the games already.

ayiyi. do i have to treat these guys like they're children? yes, apparently so. because clearly, they are.

seems all the guys in my life these are boyz to men but they haven't gotten there yet. will i ever see the day?

gees. annoying.

looks like we may be going another 6 years before meeting up. or forever if he can't show some r-e-s-p-e-c-t.

more crushes

have you ever had a crush on someone since childhood? wondered what would have happened "if"? and then - told them about it years later?

well, i did and i have.

i had a crush on this guy since 7th grade. he asked me to go out with him. i didn't like him then. and then as soon as i said no - i went crazy crushed on him. which lasted for what, until now?

i finally caught up with him on facebook. he's married now & has a few pre-teenage kids. lovely wife. firefighter in CA. and i told him about my crush.

he was sweet but unresponsive to the crush idea, which was actually better to me. since in the light of day crushes tend to wilt. it seems like it's fantasy that drives them, not reality.

so now all of a sudden - i'm free! it's like this angst "i should have gone out with t in 7th grade, my life would have been so different" is all over!

he's a real person. we're grown up. he's not the little cute boy anymore. and we are adults who went on with our lives.

ah, what a relief it is!

reliability

i sent this e-mail to 6 of my guy friends. with, so far, stellar responses. they very liked. now we'll see if they very act...

Morning!

This is a message I am sending to my single guy friends, so please
don't feel singled out. ;) You are actually being singled in.

I'd like 2009 to be Seeing-Single's Year of Friends & Happiness. And your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to be part of that! In fact I love it if you were.

So I'm asking all my friends to give me a special gift for Christmas of – themselves. And along with that, the ability that I can count 100% on their words & actions aligning.

Seeing-Single's Year of Friends & Happiness will be so much better with your sponsorship. In fact, you are critical to it! So I hope that you will decide to participate in your own little (or big) way, making sure that whenever you tell me you want to show up in my life, you show up! In fact, if you want to show up without telling me, well, that would make me happy too (assuming I am available to see you, lol.) These things would make me super happy. Did I say that already?

Anyhow, here's to 2009…a toast to you being my friend.

crushed

in an odd turn of events, i am completely crushed on this kid who told me that his dream - at 12 - was to have me have a crush on him.

he's not a kid anymore, he's taller than me & infinitely more successful on the violin, now a 3-rd chair for a major symphony. tall, fun, cute, kissable. just super cool.

and i made his dream come true.

how funny is that.

so now about me. how do i find this guy in real life? i mean, someone else? he just broke up with his girlfriend who is 5 years younger than me because she was older than him & he wasn't ready to settle down. so it's not like he's an option. but i want somebody like him.

warm, friendly, cute, successful, sweet, fun, attractive, great personality, well-traveled, should i go on? i mean, i can't even imagine how hard it was for this girl to be broken up with. ouch.

oh well, i'll get over it in a few days. i don't know what to do though about the fact that this is the type of guy i want? he told me himself to give guys like him a chance, that i need to raise my standards. yeah. sure. happy to.

where are they?