how do they do it?

those people in relationships? how do they get in them?!

i'm at that uncomfortable not-sure-what-we're-doing-but-i'm-acting-like-it's-going-somewhere phase. with mr. india, who is going to counsel a friend today whose parents want him to break off his engagement.

exactly the reason i'm hesitant to date mr. india in the first place. but then this is after...i'm already addicted.

urgh.

since i can't talk myself into dating him, logically, i'm trying to talk myself out of it instead.

but then he just shows up sweet & nice & i lose it.

fortunately all the guys in the past have been good training for this & i am actually able to maintain my self-confidence. or working on it.

but it's tough. self-confidence in uncertainty is most important - and most difficult.

gobble gobble

i'm feeling gobble gobble-y. happy t-day everyone!

just got the shopping done and didn't have to wait in line at the store for more than 2 minutes. wow. great staffing.

so update on events.

i don't remember where i left off anymore!

sax boy is still in my life. he's turned into a fill-in guy, which is just great. you can read between the lines on that | | lol. and a great friend who gives me advice on other guys. who can ask for more from a friend. a full-service package, lol.

romantically, i met this Iraqi guy that i really liked online (28) and we dated for a bit. i had to shift it to friends however, due to a number of things that i won't elaborate on. he doesn't like that idea. but he just texted happy t-day. and asked me who i'm spending the day with. i haven't answered yet...

...because...

i'm spending it with the guy i met the night that mr. iraqi wouldn't go out. yes, he wouldn't go out on halloween so i went out dressed as a black widow and picked up some prey. or rather he picked me up. he's indian and i don't even know how old. i'm afraid to ask. he looks like, early 20s. oh well.

so i'm treading air because i know since he's from a wealthy family, the oldest son, super smart, and younger that there is no chance of anything. however. i really like. really.

and he texted me every day when i was on vacation in hawaii...unlike mr. iraqi who said he missed me but said hello only once or twice.

so mr. smartguy which is what i'm gonna call the latest guy is very interactive. did i mention smart. cute. and some other things which again, i won't elaborate on, but which this time are very good. lol.

dear diary i'm nervous. spending t-day with anyone is an interesting event. i just met this guy. i've seen him how many times, 3? 2? and so we'll see how things go with him, his sister & her boyfriend.

i've said directly that i can't imagine that he'd want a long-term anything with me considering everything (have you ever seen an indian guy with a white woman? i haven't.) but i am still really enjoying him and miss his company when i don't hear from him. and he seems to handle me well. which is half of the battle, lol. i'm not that easy to get along with.

however, i'm finding that when the guy treats me well, i'm remarkably good-natured. it's when i feel i'm mistreated that i get grouchy and the fights start. like when mr. iraqi kicked me out of his bed. and told me i couldn't spend the night. no drama there. i just said sweetly, well, THIS hasn't happened before. and thought to myself, and it won't AGAIN...

yeah. that was the last time i went over there. we're just friends now, thank you very much.

oh well. i am so not sure what's going on with this. but it seems as fast as i tell my friends i met someone, it's over. this probably will be too. and not just for his reasons, whatever they might be.

i just went through the whole agonizing decision not to have kids so even the thought of that fills me with dread. a guy would have to talk super hard to convince me now to think about kids. odd how things change.

well, dear diary, i'll be back. i can't even say anymore i hope this guy lasts, because no one does. but i'll tell you a little secret: he is nice, and smart, and cute, and good in bed.

so there, i'm at last finding the things i want. all in a cute little unavailable package.

i will say though that he tells me i get him to talk about himself like nobody else has. he's said that a couple times. so i guess i'm doing something right. so at least i suppose when we walk away (which in my case tends to be within 6 weeks) we will still respect each other & have given each other something.

me, i hope i get many happy hours in bed.

not sleeping.

:)

the. light. dawneth.

[cue bright sunrise]

so i JUST realized the reason i'm single is....

relationships make me feel trapped.

yup.

so guys that aren't available or don't want a r-ship are perfect for me.

voila.

no entrapment.

just me workin' my hot little a** through the laser beams of love...trying not to get burnt.

but never. tied. down.

step away from the boy...#400

isn't this about the 400th time i've done this?

this time it's sax boy, who i'm crazy crushed on. but he's crazy & won't see me. too hard to explain. so i've said i'm done communicating online. if you want to SEE ME call. other wise i'm done.

i loved having a buddy to chat with every day but can't keep that up for too long if you actually LIKE the guy. so time to move on & see if he comes back.

if he doesn't, he wasn't mine anyway...

i have this tendency to prefer guys that don't like me. i need to fix that.

while i ignore guys that do. like mr. separated, who i'm going away with this weekend to VT. yawn.

see?

and yet i want to go away with mr. sax, (aka new guy from before) who is certified C.R.A.Z.Y. but i love. i just can't tell if he's a diamond in the rough, or just rough. i'm guessing just rough.

but. oh well. time will tell.

if he L.O.V.E.S. me back.

hmmm

well, i have had a lot going on lately. i mean a lot of guys. i started meeting up with ones on POF and then closed my account. some nice guys, but i'm tired already of hooking up.

the combination of sexy & smart & nice is just so hard to find. it seems most women i know settle for smart & nice. some of them them have affairs. i dunno, i never though it prudent to settle. i knew years ago that if i married a successful workaholic guy i'd have an affair. and if i married a guy that wasn't smart enough i'd want someone else.

i'm reminded lately of when i was 6 and went around telling everyone i had 6 boyfriends. in my head i did too. i even remember some of their names. one was 11 and we went around holding hands. it dawned on me that my preference for being single and playing the field probably started about then...

i'm still back and forthing with mr. sax player, i don't remember what i called him before. he's bitter and hurt and likeable and commitmentphobic, preferring to find everything wrong with me than to date me. oh well.

today i finally said i wanted to move on and not be friends since i liked him. he is resisting that too, doesn't want to be "banned" from seeing me. well, how about seeing me then? duh.

all a negotiation process with some people. so many objections to overcome. yawn.

oh well. off to a client meeting...i mean dinner & drinks, yea.

:)

exercisin - or see rule #28 to the right

a lot has happened lately. in an odd twist, i couldn't handle the kissing style of new guy II, the really sweet friend-of-a-friend that i had by accident ended up dating from POF.com. i decided to keep dating mr. divorcee (the guy i meet at the meetup group a couple weeks ago) as when i called to break it off i ended up still liking him so much and his little marketing campaign for himself that i decided to keep seeing him. and i hooked up again with mr. acquarius, the guy that i called new guy a few weeks back.

life is odd in my single land. just when i think i know what's up - it's not.

in cat land, my little rabies-quarantinee attacked me the other day and bit me up, nothing to do with rabies i don't think, but his general little demon streak. then a few nights later i actually got into a swatting fight with him after he bit me and i bopped him back. then the next morning he is sweet as pie laying on my chest purring. wtf is wrong with this little kitten.

i'm at my sister's right now in her new condo just lovin' it. on vaca for the long weekend seein' who is to be seen (mostly her) and helping her unpack as she just moved in last week.

so the theme of this blog is exercisin. ok. so back to the future. in the future of me, i need to be as distant as mr. acquarius is with me. it's a great exercise. and one i need to take on as an exercise. i get very clingy when i date and it sucks. for everyone.

the other night before i met up with mr. acquarius i had an interesting evening. we had just finished an alumni reunion for current and past employees of my little company. i was out with a co-worker/friend for yet another drink, and when we were at the bar the bartender, my friend's friend, was talking about how clingy women annoy him. (that's me.) i was like hmm. this is what it does to guys. hmmmm.

anyhow, in my drunkin but happy state, i try to continue the convo i'd had with mr. ny the night before about meeting up. aka overnight. no response. (turns out he feel asleep early!) anyhow, i get annoyed and think. hmmm. i've been having all these sexy e-mail convos with mr. acquarius. wonder what he's up to? so i root around for his # which of course, i've deleted in my angered state over the past few weeks. finally i check my personal cell and voila. what? a text from him 3 hours prior, wanting to meet up! i'm like uh, i just got your text! come over. he's like, uh, i'm at home now (45 min away). i'm like anndddd?

so he came over. and we had the best night ever.

funny how not dating anymore and lots of sexy talk can do that to ya.

so of course i'm online thinking how i can fix this little annoying clingy part of me, and reading on the dxpnet boards about acquarius. and i decide that the clingy side of me has just got to go. these news guys i'm dating want to keep seeing me b/c - newsflash - i don't really care about them.

and just like the bartender said the other night (in a conversation HE started, not me) if you want a guy to be crazy for you, just treat him like all the guys you don't really like.

so. i'm exercisin. results to come...

new guy II et. al.

i'm thanking my lucky stars that new guy I (aka the first) didn't want to date anymore. i went out with another guy last night, another online date, and it was just so fun. we'll call him mr. puerto rico.

he NEVER mentioned another girl once.

ok, so then he was sweet, talkative, liked people & we just hung out. and cried over the redsox. lol.

that was the perfect end to a stressful week. work is just insane with so much drama going on that i don't even know which end is up. but i am keeping on doing my work and my subject line is doing just great. my clients are happy and we are working on developing new business, and my product area is getting more robust all the time.

kitten is enjoying being indoors to a large extent. i manage to keep him busy eating, playing & being scratched as much as possible. he's just the funniest little thing. he recognizes me walking up the street to the house, even in the dark, and yowls blood murder. then when i get in the door, he runs off in less than 3 minutes to do something Very Important That My Arrival Distracted Him From and i don't see him again.

finally, weekend plans. yea. today i'm off to see a friend that is moving out of state, who will be my 5th facebook reunion. of people i haven't seen for 10 years or more. then maybe meet up with the girls at the pool. tomorrow i have another date with a new guy i meet at the meet up group last week. we'll meet at the meetup again & then branch off if we feel like it.

this no-baby thing is just so freeing. now i can date and sing la la la like babe (at the start of jingle bells) and not worry about nailing a guy to the wall. yea.

oh what a relief it is to finally (seem to) escape the biological clock.

that's the topic, my dear watson

yes, i obsess about men. everyone who knows me knows this.

however, this is also an on-topic blog.

so anytime you want to read about something else, feel free.

click here to leave. lol.

it's a big. wide. world out there.

in my head, not so much. been around the world (48 countries) and ayiyi...

there's no place like home.

ixnay on the ores-hay

ok, just between you and me, it is perfectly justified to ask a guy not to call women whores all the time right?

yeah. i thought so. since i hadn't encountered it particularly before, and i seem to have dated, ahem, a bit over the past few years, i do have some experience in this area. (says the analyst.)

and if you don't want to go down on a guy the first time you hook up, even though he goes down on you, that is also perfectly ok, right? because you are the woman? aka, not whore, who can have some standards and some class and some rules, and the guy should think this is cool right?

not use them as reasons he doesn't want to date you anymore?

yes. i also thought so. maybe i should view new guy (aka last man) in a not so hot light. like a jerk.

or maybe a real jerk.

new people

well of course i never stop meeting new people. even though i think i will.

today the leader of the meetup group that i hadn't seen for a while (not mr. meetup, that's another guy) texted me and i ended up meeting him and another girl (she's super cool) for walking around, drinks, etc. we ended up at the meetup to see 500 days of summer tonite, way cool. highly suggest it.

i have a date lined up for next week with a super cute capricorn (yes, we love/hate caps) from POF, and then i met a cool guy at the meetup who works for the FDIC. yes, we also love smart boys. earlier on today i talked with two other guys from POF, one of whom i'd chatted online with a bit before. so i could also meet them, but think, uh, not sure. maybe just two new guys at once is ok as opposed to 4.

so i have two new dates.

this week i decided i won't be having kids, momentous decision. i actually marked the time & date also. for the record.

so there goes the baby angst and the pressure on Must Find A Man. now i can just relax & enjoy my rebound guys from new guy. or last man. i don't think i want to give him a name actually, i'll just make every guy i see New Guy and confuse the hell out of all of us. because as you know, it's me. no guy ever gets old. they're new, and then they're gone.

someday. someday when i'm 80 i'll be dating a guy who isn't new. that will be just b/c he is old.

lest you think i am all obsessed about men all the time, which i am, i'm actually going out to meet PEOPLE. not new guys. but there are usually no people but guys that want to meet me. because of my health i flake often & those that know me know this, and probably that's why they don't ask me out. so my phone doesn't ring all weekend, and i have no family here and i cry because i'm so lonely and then i well, you know.

so i guess meeting guys is the new thing. except for the meetup group which is cool. i will just hang with strangers in between my friends' husbands and boyfriends being out of town, which is the only time they call.

yes, it's hard to be single at 40.

agree with thine adversary quickly, while thou art in the way with him

excellent dating advice, this. it's actually a key premise of Tigress Luv's stuff on liftedhearts.net.

haven't seen it exactly reverse any relationships, but the odd thing about the guys i date, is they keep coming back. new guy won't. in fact, he is not that anymore. i should call him last man i guess.

but nothing like telling a guy he was right to chuff him up. doesn't hurt to end on a little praise...