i am the dancing queen

today is my first dance performance ever! five of us are doing a hiphop song by her name is nicole choreographed by my hiphop/aerobics teacher. we've got little uniforms (cut-off white ts, black pants, black shoes, black hats, hoop ear rings) & are going to straighten our hair & have funky makeup. we're gonna dim the lights to just the spotlights & it's gonna be an awesome show.

all 4.5 minutes of it! :)

i think mr. big is coming. if not to the show, hopefully to the afterparty. but i have some friends coming too.

how fun. we're all excited here for our hiphop showcase tonite. i'll let you know how it goes...

iTalk

i am very shy. people don't realize this but i am. this leads me to be reticent to talk about myself and prefer other people - specifically guys - to lead the conversation. this can be a problem. if they don't know me, how can they fall in like with me?

in the book making sense of men, alison armstrong talks about how women need to talk about what they are passionate about in order to inspire men to get involved with them & their lives. this clearly is one area where i fall short. until last night, i didn't particularly believe this part either.

i mean talking about myself seems so self-centered!

so last night i'm out with mr. big for the second time. you may remember him as the love-lust of my life last year. the angst i went through with the breakup. him agreeing to be exclusive with me. me changing my mind because he just wasn't into it. him then deciding we didn't have enough in common to be exclusive when i decided i wanted that after all. back & forth, back & forth. me sobbing my eyes out. me writing crazy e-mails.

oh the horror.

so now i'm normalized. better than that, i'm a new sexy me. equipped with some new information, just enough to be dangerous, mwahahaha.

so last night. we're eating. and i'm madly scrambling for topics. he's not a big talker. he's a "hanger-outer." which is very relaxing. but not very connecting. i'm interviewing him.

so how's the family? fine.
how's your hunt for new apartment? fine.
how's this? fine.
how's that? fine.

i'm like uhoh, this will be the last of this.

so finally, in my casting about searching for topics, i start to talk about how dance has changed my life & how much it means to me. what fun i'm having. how hard it is. how i kinda suck but am having fun anyway.

he is riveted. looking me straight in the eye. responding. connected.

all of a sudden, we have a conversation.

wow.

and the conversation flowed easily for the rest of the night.

and that was the beginning of a new connection for us. we ended the night with him hugging me (first) & saying he'd come see me dance next week.

it's true. i can't explain why, but men respond and love it when we are passionate about something. it's not selfish, it is giving to them.

i don't know what.

maybe - energy????