November 25, 2005

:)

i like somebody, and damn it feels good...

will keep you posted!

oh, he likes me too. did i mention that?

best part is, he's not an ex, and he's not an LMA (loser married a**hole!)

November 06, 2005

Loser

i went on another internet date the other night with "take me off the shelf" from yahoo personals. i don't usually bash people by name, but ladies, this boy is married. he's in the process of getting a divorce, so he says, but who can believe anything after one lie?

i actually liked the guy & it pretty much sucks. i thought maybe i'd just missed the part on his profile that says separated. guess not. there wasn't a part that said that. so pretty much he wasted my time.

advice to all: ask the obvious questions online. how would i have found out that TMOFS was married? except that i asked? were you married? UHHHH. are you married now? UHHH. hello. gees. f** loser.

luckily i finally got smart and this time we really met for coffee. at starbucks. so there was NO way it could transition into a meal.

my last dates were pretty wierd. there was "you have such beautiful skin" guy. no seriously. like 5 times. one of my friends at work said to me, ever heard of silence of the lambs? ha.

who before that? i don't remember. i'm sure i will. oh, yes, and recently i met up with my favorite ex-boyfriend again that i periodically love to hate. i've finally decided, yes, finally, that he is a) not interested, b) too busy or c) likes to drive me insane. since neither of the above options are good, i'll settle for d) buh-bye. which leaves me with several options, let's call them A, and B. two make several when you're single. ;)

A will potentially turn into something besides short conversations, and B could morph into something beyond making out every so often. of course their identity is strictly a secret, and B isn't supposed to exist, but sometimes life just IS that way.

if my infamous ex of the who? paragraph returns from his workaholism, he will make C. but until then, i'm just doing fun things like building my nest, with big-ticket item purchases of...silverware. specifically gorham tulip frosted. mmmmmmmm. goes good with my famous apple pie. speaking of which...this is apple season, where all good girl's attention turns from boys to apples. as it should be. until the snow falls & skiing takes over.

i just wonder, when i have kids (sometime in the next 2-3 years) what will i think of doing? no more apple pies, skiing, and dates. will it just be bottles? ugh. i hope i don't start writing about which brand of bottles is best. unless they're designer brand, intended to match my outfit. yeah, i really am not writing this...

July 28, 2005

can't "shout" it out

there are some relationships that just get so icky you can't wash the bad out of them. especially if one person wants to resolve & the other doesn't. you get so angry you can't be nice without being barby (not as in doll) even if you don't mean to. the relationship just gets so full of fear and anger and without ventilation it just becomes methane. then of course when it gets so combustable the person with the most fear shuts off the person with the most anger & it all goes up in smoke.

the sad thing is you can both really like each other but not get through. i just don't know what to do but walk away. which makes the fearful person even more fearful. but of course they project that back onto you.

so both of you are the bad guy, there is no good guy and you sure as hell can't fix it.

unresolvable relationships piss me off. i'm forever trying to fix them, but sometimes you have to just admit, the other person just doesn't want them fixed.

wish i knew why.
"he loves me..."

something there is about flowers that just sinks down into a woman's soul & makes her feel loved all over. exponential returns when they're from a guy.

some men get the results, even though they don't get the reason women love flowers.

i like those guys. especially cuz i love the flowers.

thanks, j.


July 15, 2005

sparkles

what is it about marriage that takes the sparkle right out of a girl's eye? that makes her tired and aged?

scares the hell out of me. i've seen it happen to so many of my friends. what i can't figure out, is it just the aging process? (i feel old and tired too, even though someone at work just told me she thought i was 10 yrs younger than my age). or is it the marriage process?

i don't want to lose my sparkle.
i just want to say, i [something] you

so there's this wierd thing about being single that you don't know quite where to put men in your life. i have a friend who turns all her guys who didn't turn out to be the one into friends. i guess i could do that. but i just kinda lose interest in communicating with them if i'm not interested in them. or if they're not interested in me. interest is a big aphrodisiac.

so back to these boys. i guess i could friend them. i might as well. but the interesting part is in the choice. if i were married, i wouldn't have this choice.

not that there's anything wrong with that.

May 18, 2005

he said, she said

it's amazing what conflicting advice is out there for singles. everyone really, but singles especially. especially women. getting real says "walk across the room & tell him you're really into him." mama gena says "shake that booty, grab that ass & make it yours." the rules say "don't look at him or smile at him. if he likes you, he'll go through hell or high water to get your attention." what's a girl to do? especially if she DOESN'T see any guys she likes across the room?
.com

i prob won't be renewing seeingsingle.com. so you can also find this post at its blogspot location, which is i think something like http://seeingsingle2.blogspot.com.

April 28, 2005

boston dreamin' on a rainy day

so last night i had this dream about this guy i have (mostly had, thank goodness) a crush on at work. (i've been ignoring him lately, mostly b/c i am over it, but he doesn't particularly like that. so he's been trying to get my attention. of course.)

in my dream he's all upset that his g/f left him, but of course less upset (it's my dream, hey) than he is happy he can now be with me. cheers. so in the soap opera style (again, it's my dream, no matter how corny) he finds solace in my arms. and falls asleep. (bit of reality crept in there)

funny part is not the dream but that i see him this a.m. & he comes to talk to me & is like 10 inches away & it's all i can do not to tell him, gee i dreamed about you last night. that would just lead to no good. especially in front of all the other guys.

hee hee. life is funny.

April 25, 2005

i just called to say i'm sorry

the AWOL and paper boys were busy apologizing to us (respectively) yesterday.

what to do now?

as doc love points out, her interest level falls through the floor when boyz behave badly.

will wait and see if the spirit moves to be forgiving. at least. interest will revive later, if ever. we'll see.

April 24, 2005

boyz gone AWOL

well, i went out with a couple of my friends last night. we were supposed to be picked up by some guys who had a limo. already a sketchy proposition i thought (not being that enthralled by limos) we found it even wierder when the guys showed up, came up one by one and introduced themselves, and then went away again. apparently to meet up with some coworkers in the back of the place while we finished our dinner. next thing we know, poof, they were gone, and the guy who arranged the whole thing was bemoaning the fact he was stuck in the car with 8 guys! needless to say we had some general questions at that point about his preferences!

while of course they were schmucks, i guess the whole thing begs one to question the wisdom of thinking you would pair up 3 couples successfully and have everyone be happy. the oldest of the group, i was assuming i'd get stuck with the guy with no hair, (not that there's anything wrong with that) and my other friend was afraid of getting stuck with the shortest guy (not that there's anything wrong with that either). it seems they were thinking the same thing about us. so while it was odd that they left, it would have been odder still i thought if the whole thing had worked out. especially given that we didn't (or i didn't) know these guys at all and while i was concerned about getting in a limo with 3 guys i didn't know, 8 was absolutely not going to happen.

i think i'm getting too old for this stuff.

so i've been seeing this guy i met dancing at the big easy. i think he thinks i'm too hard. i declined his sweet offer to go up to his place after coming back from another club we went to a few weeks later. then i joked with him about why he wanted to make me dinner at his place when we could go out near my place. anyhow, i guess he's already tired of the work i require him to do to accommodate what i want, b/c this saturday night he decided he wanted to do "paperwork" instead of seeing me. at all. anywhere. after he'd already asked me out. (in his defense there is more to the story, but still, as per my new motto, no excuses, he's now over.)

when i hear the word paperwork...(i think Nightmare in NY on New Years. which it actually wasn't, the event was awesome. it was the bizarre behavior of the guy afterwards that turned out to be that. another long story which i didn't tell you yet. anyhow, he too said he had to do paperwork. on new years eve.)

so anyhow, when i hear the word paperwork, i think toilet paper. as in, he would prefer to stay home and j.o. than to hang out with me.

as you can see, i'm pretty miffed with this guy and think i'll leave him alone with his paper and whatever he wants to do with it. in any case, he's already told me that he doesn't want to get serious as he's moving in a year or so (one of the reasons i've declined to get involved).

since i'm tired of all of the above, i text messaged another ex and said come c me. a real rules don't. awaiting his response.

which brings me to another point i've been meaning to write about. i'm learning the meaning of people choosing each other. i grew up with the experience of one person always being more interested than the other. namely the guys i dated were more interested in me than i was in them, because i was busy being more interested in someone else i wasn't dating. so the concept of being interested in someone and having it be reciprocal, is quite fascinating. especially if both parties have plenty of people to date, plenty of reasons to do it, and still, they find you the best.

though the sucky part is that saving the best for last sure wastes a hell of a lot of time...something i haven't got.

March 05, 2005

sometimes people surprise you. in both good and bad ways. you can find you've built relationships that survive the test of time no matter what happens. and then you find ones that melt away the first time the sun hits them.

life is a continual study of the human nature. those who evolve, those who deterioriate, those who remain stagnant in their behavior and in their souls.

i think it's because of this study that i keep up this blog. it's not just an exercise in me finding "the one". it's an exercise in studying what happens along the journey.

January 15, 2005

a few good men...

...have shown up in the last few days. I mean sweet guys who do nice things because it's the "right thing to do." Guys who call when they say they will, call out of the blue, seem to have no (obvious) agenda and are generally just nice guys.

This is a whole new concept for me. Growing up with a jerk of a dad, I tend to allow that. But I'm finding that when you set limits on behaviour for the guys who are around you, the jerks just kind of de-self-select themselves & go do something else with their jerkiness.

I'm hoping this is actually a fact, not just a coincidence. But it's so much easier to be sweet and kind to guys who are the same. I wonder now whyI was always yelling at guys. I thought it was just cuz I was a bitch. Maybe they just deserved it.

I'll let you know how my new lifestyle works out. So far, over the period of this week, it's making me very happy.

And when you can put "men" and "me" and "happy" together in one sentence (which I didn't, but hypothetically), it is quite a surprising concept -- and i believe could turn out to be quite rewarding.

maybe all the good men aren't married. maybe.

January 12, 2005

he stabbed me with a pencil...

i'm having nightmares. literally. where i'm with all these cute, young guys and they're torturing me. literally. one of them threw a pencil at me really hard and it went 1/2 inch into my arm. another guy did something mean but i thought he must not have meant it. he acted like he wanted to kiss me and i was like, ok, what the hell. so i kiss him. and he puts something in my mouth. no idea what, but i walked around spitting out stuff for the next forever-when. it was nasty. then i was swimming trying to get away from them & one of them tried to drown me. all in all, not good.

i'm gonna end up 50 and single. i just don't know what there is about me that attracts all these jerks. but every man i've been involved with either bores me or hurts me and god knows why. i'm sure i'm not perfect, but i don't deserve these guy's crappy treatment.

another thing i've learned recently too is that apparently guys don't think i'm interested in them. i had 3 of them tell me that at separate times in the last 2 weeks. i gotta admit i'm not salivating over them (because they don't even live in town & prospects of me moving are slim) & they're not that energizing. but i did want to keep talking.

i'm really f'd up. something's gotta be wrong with me, i just don't know what it is. every guy out there can't be a loser so how come all the guys who like me end up treating me like shit?

i don't know what to do. i guess i'll just have to stop dating period. and buy this URL for the next 25 years. cuz i suppose i'll need it the way i'm going.

oh. one good thing did happen...the guy i have a crush on sat down next to me at a meeting the other day. no particular importance to that, it just was nice.

(who incidentally will probably show up eventually like he never mowed me down. watch...)

p.s. ok, so i'm exaggerating here just a bit. i have a good guy friend who's proving remarkably witty, supportive and reliable lately. so i guess ALL guys don't suck. just the ones who do.