trippin'

well, i'm back from my vacation, this being the ex-boyfriend tour. i visited 2 of them & texted a third (my most recent ex) to wish HBday. a fourth refused to return my call (i'll just wait a few years until he's broken up with this girl who forbade him from talking to me), and a fifth sent me sexy messages on my space.

life is strange. there is a time for wanting to marry someone one, and a time to refrain from it. with one boyfriend there was a time, but it is gone. i feel sad. i urged him to move on.

with the other, the reverse. i feel it is time (well, maybe in a couple years). so i pointed that possibility out. in a text message, lol. wow, i cover a lot of ground in text messages.

my boyfriends all know this.

i then texted recent ex & offered to take him out to dinner. very big of me considering i rarely forgive liars. (but then i seemingly have lied about NOT being friends with my exes, ooops.) he begged a rain check. i said fine. like it will ever rain. wait, i didn't say that. then. just now.

so that was my trip. ah. good to be home.

time to write to yahoo personals guy who has been waiting for me to return.

wait, it is raining. men. hallelujah.

tag, i'm it

Here's the rules...

1. Link to your tagger (Two Date Diva) and post these rules on your blog.
2. Share 5 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 5 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

I don't have 5 friends :( to share them with but I'll play.

----------------------------

1. Five facts:

a. I hated to brush my teeth until I bought an electric toothbrush. But I still brush my teeth with my eyes closed.
b. I just started drinking beer during the World Series. Yes, THIS year!
c. I made out with a guy backstage at Carnegie Hall. In a little window that opens onto the stage...
d. I'm a real blonde.
e. I've been to 24% of the countries in the world.

i'm lovin' it

i have been honored to be selected by two-date diva to try out engagement chicken. apparently, it makes a guy think wifely thoughts.

my thoughts are these.

i'm rushing out to buy stock in purdue. and i don't mean chicken stock. apparently purdue has struck a deal with de beers diamonds. the firm will receive 5% kickback from the diamond king due to their heavy influence toward diamond sales.

here's my meal plan.

first, i will light a single lavendar candle. or is it vanilla? just to be safe, i'll light both. then i will spritz myself with pheremones in strategic places (similar to the placement of the lemon on the chicken). then i will prepare some shrimp as a whore-duerve, or however you spell that. cinnamon rolls and pumpkin pie will be prebaked but post-warmed for best results. just in case he misses the pumpkin concept, i'll put a big one on the table too.

the wedding march will be softly playing in the background, and the table-cloth will be a paisley pattern of marraige license applications.

so the guy doesn't notice all this, a football game (not the patriots. i need him to be engaged. ooops, freudian slip) will be playing on the far wall.

then i will serve the engagement chicken, bowing slightly to my future master, while my right boob shows slightly through my unbuttoned blouse. this is further to distract the guy from the fact that i've never cooked a chicken in my life. therefore, the chicken is actually frozen & spraypainted golden brown.

my hope is that either he will watch the football game or grab my boobs & we'll forget all about the food. after all, being so anesthetized by the aromatic & seductive fragrances which are guaranteed to stimulate his lustier side, he should have no need to eat to get turned on.

if my guy doesn't propose after this delightful meal, i will call up my ex, and even though he's a defense lawyer, i'll have him sue purdue, which is in fact behind the whole engagement chicken concept.

i do think that someone should be held liable for the failure of this lovely meal to produce desired results.

what about bob

ok, so this nice looking 44-yo guy wrote to me, we'll call him bob. i've written back. he's an electrical engineer & seems NORMAL.

i just spent a weekend skiing. mmmmmm. found out i'm a closet ski racer. i'm now coming out of the closet & shocking everyone on the hill. they didn't think i was a ski racer when they looked at me for .0005 seconds, but i really am. they figured that out if the .0005 seconds was a view of my back. or they had no view at all but the sky...

a ski weekend as a single fast skiier is interesting. i had one v. attached nice girl (to a hot, nice HELPFUL guy i must say) ask me "are you going out by yourself?" yes, maam, i am. to get first run. because if no one else wants to, i will. that's what you do when you're single. you do.

i finally found a guy at the end of the second day who snowboarded my speed. sadly he's engaged, but he wouldn't have dated me anyway. i've never seen guys who ski well date girls that do. there's something about great skiiers or snowboarders that makes them want to choose either beginners or non-skiiers. which actually works out great for me, because i can ski with them. which is fun until their SO finds out and demands that they not ski with me anymore. which has happened. nice. so if you can't ski, you can still bitch, i guess.

this weekend i tried to avoid the couples. and the single guys that just weren't helpful. now this really grates on my nerves. guys who aren't helpful. more on that later.

in fact, more on everything later.

i'm going to love my mickie d's right now.

bitchy sidewalks

i dread dating again. i have this thing that i have, which gives me a lot of chronic pain & inability to sleep well. especially with other people around. guys are all interested in dating me until they run up against this.

with my CEXB (cheater ex-b) he knew about it. he hated seeing me with ice-packs on. huh. he's becoming a nurse now. lol. poor patients. "dammit, you're not hurting, he'll tell them, just get up & go home. what's the matter with you." this said while he's pinching the nurse's assistant's butt.

then with my LEXB (liar ex-b) i didn't tell him about it. but then i couldn't sleep in late cuz i had to get up cuz i was uncomfortable & he bitched about that too.

i don't know what to do about this. neither strategy was particularly successful.

so i'm doing nothing. it's really draining to be with someone who is chronically feeling bad. even if they don't say anything, you can see it on their face. one of my GEXBs (good ex-bs) put up with it ok b/c he loved me. but clearly these guys aren't really capable of love. v. selfish.

sigh. it's hard to be me.

this is a sucky holidays so far. cold weather. alone. & i'm walking down the street & this christmas song is playing, something about the sounds of the city. city sidewalks. & my next thought was, yeah, the sounds of everyone getting shot.

what is this world coming too. then i compared my depressing thoughts to the excitement i used to have at christmas as a child. uhoh, i'm turning into my grandparents. or my mother. she didn't walk barefoot home in the snow, but she used to walk 5 miles one way to school. and back. and walk barefoot in the cow-pies. well, that was her choice really. she liked squishing her toes in them. cuz it was warm & gooey.

at 20 degrees i'm not sure i would mind either.

cave woman

ok, i caved.

i put back up a profile on a dating site. ooops. it was my altar ego that made me do it. (altar, get it?

do you get it now?

do you get it now?

)

we'll see what happens. or who happens.

the question with online dating is always, do you see what the dinosaur drags back, or go out & club the guy over the head yourself? or lay around half naked & hope he doesn't mistake you for dino-bait as he's running by on his way to the kill.

i am prehistoric in my attitudes & opinions. blame it on the rules. i'm trying to switch over more to the mama gena point of view, but i'm not sure she was invented yet in my she-cave-woman days.

blahgathon

hope you enjoyed today's edition. i'm seeing single. and i approved these messages.

dear go jump in a lake

i really hate the DH phrase on message boards. every time i read that phrase i want to throw up. blech. as if married ladies that sound like they're talking in the 1950s don't rub their status in our singleton faces enough.

in fact, usually the DH phrase is followed by his not-so-dear actions.

so what is ours? DB? for dear boyfriend? i think i'll start a new online trend.

DB = dear boyfriend
DR = dear readers
EXB = dear ex-boyfriend

women of america, it's time to rise up and claim singleton status as a recognized class in the world.

micro-minis & micro-trends

my friend just showed me her microtrends book. i'm gonna get it. two predominant facts in just the first section:

1) single women are single b/c there's fewer men - and most of them are gay.

2) as a result single women are dating younger men - some up to 10 years younger. & men are liken' this trend!

i can tell ya, i sure do. in fact, i started this trend! like 10 years ago. so there we have it.

i'm a microtrend starter.

that & my bi-sexual exes...

ok, there are no micro-minis in this blog. that's the short of it.

happy daze

my marathon blogging continues...

ok, so i was reading two-date diva's post on being single & going to holiday parties. to continue the thought that i started in my comments...

something to remember.

once the wedding's over, you're stuck with the guy.

if he makes your life better than when you were single, that's Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

if not...do i need to end this thought?

it's better to be single than miserably attached. (that word was "better", not "easier".) don't let your married miserable girlfriends who are in denial, otherwise known as MGWAIDs, tell you otherwise. as they pat you on the head & tell you, don't worry, you'll get married someday, look right in their face and think--don't say it--right, happy like you are. (this actually happened to me. minus the patting my head & the comments back to her).

then walk away knowing the wedding's over & you're still happy.

because it was someone else's.

mums the word

i tear up every time i hear the word mother.

yeah, that's about it on that.

boo who who

soo the real reason i'm thinking of going online again is b/c i miss my recent liar ex. i'm waking up crying about him. i'm walking down the street thinking of smart retorts when he returns & wants to talk. in my dreams. ha. i'm wondering why i ever dated him. and i'm missing him like hell.

mostly i'm wondering who he was. you know, once you lie, everything you say is fair game. things like "i really really like you" that were once uttered become suspect. things like "you look beautiful" fortunately stand the test of time. i have matured THAT much.

realize that if you lie in your relationships, people will never be able to believe a word you say. so they will pick and choose what to believe. (what choice do they have?) it's a slippery slope of trust erosion.

i suggest you don't do it.

on the other hand, i lied to one of my friends a couple years ago to spare his feelings. i feel bad & want to tell him. i didn't want to tell him that the other players in my string quartet didn't want to play with him, so i sicked us all out of the performance. shame on me. slapping my hand as we speak.

lkesjkl;SSklj;SSjlk;SEfjkl';lkj

there, serves you right.

oh, wait it was my mouth that lied. we'll deal with that later. right now it's eating and one does have priorities.

reminds me of what jesus said, it's not what goes into your mouth that defiles you. it's what comes out of it.

that's what lying does. defiles you. and your relationships.

that's why you don't.

well, except, like to save people. like during the holocaust. i would lie then. like yeah i would. or now. or anytime.

so some lies are good.

maybe that's why the 10 commandments doesn't say don't lie. it says don't tell lies about your neighbor.

i'm so confused.

oh well. at least i'm not lying to myself. or am i. yes, i am. you have to lie to yourself when you know someone else is lying to you and you accept it.

blah. so far i have no moral grounds to judge anyone on lying. somewhat again like the old testament, if you have a log stuck in your eye, don't judge the splinter in someone else's.

hmmm. my ex with a splinter in his eye. wait, is that breaking the don't wish evil on your enemies morality code?

damn, morality is sure confusing.

good. now i'm successfully distracted from crying about my ex. unfortunately, i now can't blame him for his behavior, mine not being that different. but it would be much easier if i could. at least i had good intentions though.

which is exactly what he would say about why he lied to me.

sigh.

why oh why do guys do it this way?

so i'm contemplating online dating again. so i page through a few guys. i know it is a hopeless venture, as soon as i turned 38 i stopped showing up in guys' searches. i know that's the reason i got less responses, since i look hot still. oh well.

so i see this guy. he's very good looking & i click on his profile. in addition to his friends at the sports game, hot convertible, there is a pic of him with a stunning blonde, perhaps a movie star or playboy model.

now, why do guys do that exactly?

here's what i see from that:

1) this is the kind of girl i date. if you don't look like her on your worst day, don't bother.

2) i'm still dating her. i will keep dating her. partly because she's actually my wife.

3) she's a real-life doll. ooops, i mean a sex doll. i keep her just in case you don't work. or even if you do. we can have a threesome.

4) she's my sister. right. and i'm a nun.

5) i'm so desperate, i have to show you that i can actually get women. in real life they won't come near me.

if i do get a personal ad again, i'm contemplating putting a disclaimer at the bottom.

"don't call me if you are already in a relationship or with someone who thinks you are. i will ask you. if you lie, i will hire a private investigator to tell your SO. that will be fun for us. not so much for you."

well, it looks like i won't be doing online dating again after all. i don't seem to have such a positive attitude toward it.

ya think?

seeing-self

k, this is a self-revelation post.

1. seeing single sucks.

that about covers it. don't let this blog convince you otherwise.

you know what it sucks, too. well, that's on a good day. ;) or night...

so that means it doesn't necessarily suck in a bad way, at least all the time. ok, am i convincing you otherwise? ooops. dicks have a way of doing that.

2. i've wished i were a guy nearly my whole life. i think guys have more fun. i think women have much sexier bodies & i wish i could have sex with them AND be straight. since i can't, i'll choose straight. thank you very much.

there, i've come out of the closet.

i'll take a single, straight-up, with a twisted dick.

i'll take some bs, straight up

i can't stand brad the ex-bachelor. first of all, i think he's gay. not that there's anything wrong with that. IF IT WASN'T A DATING SHOW.

second, he's an a*hole. all the times he said oh, you're perfect for me. gets out of the pool & says, i just feel like she's a friend. "& i have to say goodbye now." boots her off the show.

how many exes does he remind me of.

i had a boyfriend once that told me if a guy was talking about all the action he was getting, he wasn't getting ANY. he said it's the quiet guys you gotta watch out for, they're the ones getting all the chicks.

same in dating. it's the BSers that are the nasty ones. i love you baby baby baby baby blah blah blah my guilt is killing me cuz i'm cheating on you so here are some flowers/jewelry/chocolates.

it's the quiet ones that love you.

now, if you could just get them to SAY it...ok, i admit it, that's what flowers are for.

or are they for guilt?

i'm so confused.

dating suits me to a T

it's so funny that i get closer to guys on the train than on some of my dates. today i happened to sit next to this cute guy & was like hmmm, nice legs. long. great jeans. muscles. & how nice they feel all jammed up against mine. cute face too.

i went on a date once where the guy & i were practically sitting on top of each other on the train. then we got to the restaurant & sat down to wait & he was like 5 inches away. he happened to brush up against me & said excuse me. i was like, huh?

great singles think alike

[this blog is in response to Two Date Diva's commentary on "Sometimes, I Really Do Miss Having a Man in the House."]

so i was walking around town at lunch thinking, hmmm. it's really nice to have a man around but then, i've gotten by fine without one. i've bought a car, rented an apartment, saved for retirement, moved across country several times, traveled to more than 50 countries, been travel guide & translater in the outer mongolia of russia, driven in LA, driven in Boston for that matter, been hired & fired...all without a man to call My Own.

then i read Two Date Diva's blog just now & she said it so well. it's much easier to buy a car than kill a spider. dammit. though of course, some of those salesman just are so creepy crawly that you'd wonder what the difference is...

groucha marx

you know what quote i'm referring to.

"I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member".

apparently that's me & marriage. i'm just not cut out for it. i love men, i adore them, but it's not you, it's me, baby.

i've always known i am different. i just don't subscribe to the everywoman dream. sure, i get sad thinking i won't have it, but i just dunno.

it's gonna take a pretty remarkable guy to nail me down. especially since i don't pick carpenters. ;) meaning, guys that are interesting in nailing...well, except for the moment...

not only the lonely

[let me just start this post by giving a shout-out to my new blogger friend, two date diva, whose adventures i intend to follow with the greatest of interest. check out her blog, link to the right. of your screen. yes, there, under the picture.]

message boards are great for newly broken up folks. if you're used to that daily e-mail from your guy, you can now have some stranger yell at you on a routine basis. helps to balance things out, just in case you start feeling low. tips the scales toward lower, which is very helpful because then...you just see-saw back higher when some other stranger yells at the bitchy stranger for you. he just got your back.

wow. you have friends.

[in a small or not so small aside, this is a very interesting topic. the environment of message boards. there are some resident bitches who like to hang there and sting everyone. i think they're all scorpios. then they end their statements by saying "i didn't mean to be mean but..." didja now? thanks for pointing out that word mean, like twice, just in case we ran out of kleenex & didn't notice that's why we were crying there BITCH.

similar to what's his face, the alleged cop killer that was interviewed on the today show today. did you notice how he managed to throw the words in "i did it?" in the phrase, "according to the media..."? if that wasn't interesting enough, he actually LAUGHED when he was asking his wife to come back. why? in the words of my favorite murder mystery writers, "because he knows she is already dead!" hello.]

in light of that [meaning the message board in case you got lost], i'll post a new message board friend's response to my mad hattress post.

"Speaking of hats!!

You went on to say "but i will say, for any girl who wants to catch a guy's attention - baseball caps do it. i can't count the # of guys tonite that looked at me twice & then up & down" There is an article titled "8 Suprising Turn-ons for Men" number 3 is Baseall Caps. It says you are strong,sporty,comfortable kicking back. It also goes to say it can get you into conversations about your favorite team..."

thanks dude!

to update. today i'm wearing a black newsboy hat, crocheted. you'd a thunk i turned into a model. if baseball caps rate #3, this rates #4. i coulda grabbed about 5 guys & kissed them right on the street just on the way to get lunch, & they woulda loved it. (for a couple so would i!)

go hats. this winter, i AM the mad hattress! boys of boston, be afraid. be very afraid.

king of sexyback mountain

so it's been a few months since my break-up & i'm finally getting back to normal again. other than a few sad feelings here & there, i think i've left my ex in the dust to pine about me & miss me when he least expects it. or not. whatever. who cares.

it really takes a lot of work to get back to the who cares spot. it's like the pinnacle of a mountain ruled only by me, where i emerge victorious & sexyback, after much hard-earned climbing. talk about blood, sweat & tears. i earned the king of the mountain spot, every time, dammit.

but, as fate would have it, men are men. and as soon as i get there, lonely and strong, some other sexy adventurer wants to come along & knock me off my pinnacle. and into his arms. or bed. (and as you know, after cold, lonely, mountain wandering, frigid temperatures from other women, & the gale wind at the top, beds are a very friendly place to be.) besides, it's lonely at the top. don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

this scenario has happened more times than i can count. the break-up, the long-hard road up sexyback mountain, planting my flag with great ceremony (usually a small, onion pizza & a large martini). & then being swept off the mountain nearly against my will into yet another relationship, which somehow seems more promising than the last one i just ran kicking and screaming from.

& then reality hits, & the "nooks & crannies" of relationship mountaineering starts all over again.

anyway, back to the point. it's invariable that when you're hot & single & waving this "i don't give a f* about you" flag, all kinds of hot kings of the mountains appear to rule YOUR mountain.

ok. i give in. bring 'em on. my flag is being printed as we speak...

the mad hattress

well, i took myself out dancing 2nite with a friend. i really wasn't prepared to dance, we actually went out to see american gangster (did YOU think he was really going to shoot that guy?). then we were like hmmm. drinks. then all of a surprise, they were dancing at the vault. which is so wierd. it's like this business lunch place.

so of course, i'm wearing my new red sox world series baseball cap, too-big jeans, american eagle shirt & gray zip-up sweatshirt. and gray tennis shoes. but still, i manage to attract cute guy who talks to me randomly a couple times. & then me & my g-friend went over & started dancing. it was pretty fun actually, for kind of an upscale, young, snobby crowd.

my guy of course ended up dancing with a lot of people, but liked this superpretty girl that looked like a skinnier version of me with brown hair. and well, dressed to dance. she was kissing him a bit & whatnot.

made me sad & miss my liar ex. (have to distinguish between him & the cheater.) he liked to dance & we had fun with that.

before we went dancing, i bought a funky new fashion hat which is vaguely warm. but a modified poorboy type that looks pretty sexy. i guess i'm just doing this new image thing which apparently involves wearing three hats in one night. 2nite i started out wearing the baseball cap, put a warm one in for the walk home from the train & then bought the gray plaid thing that looks sexy.

i can't say i've ever worn 3 hats in one night before.

but i will say, for any girl who wants to catch a guy's attention - baseball caps do it. i can't count the # of guys tonite that looked at me twice & then up & down.

in fact, it was my hat that got the cute guy in the bar talking to me. he asked me what was up & i actually started talking about the celtics.

(ROFL)

who woulda thunk it.

go sox. really.

a guinness virgin abroad

well, when i was watching the world series down the street (YEA RED SOX!) at the new rehabbed local bar, i decided to become a guinness girl. it was either that or stella (i told myself), & i picked guinness. it sounds kinda powerful & smart.

so tonite i run over to the package store to pick up a 6-pack & my standard bacardi backup, & then i get an onion pizza. sit down & watch my fav sitcom & i'm like hmmm. something's in this bottle.

so first i think it's ice. then it doesn't melt. then i think well, maybe it's a finger. you know, like it got caught off, stuck & froze there. kinda like the wendy's fiasco. then i wonder if it's just a fluke. like a part of bottle drifted off & went & hid there during processing. but since my beer still tastes ok (not like on draft, but not terrible), i keep drinking. waste not want not.

so i get about done with my guinness & turn the bottle upside down. this little thing looks kinda like a contraceptive or a little boy's body part. i'm thinking, well, either i won a prize (i actually looked at the bottle & no, there wasn't any where's waldo on the outside) or this is supposed to be here.

i of course can't call my friends & let on that i'm crazy for not knowing what this little thingymabob is, so i go online.

turns out i am the proud possessor of a rocket widget. the latest in beer foaming technology.

of course i can't take my widget out to play, because it's stuck in the bottle. which is a little dissappointing because i'd like a new toy that looks like a little boy toy rocket. i'm a little frustrated actually. i have a widget to play with and no way of getting it out of the bottle.

thanks guinness. it was a great beer but what about my widget? when does it come out to play?

liar liar, oh my pants are on fire!

ian coburn, in his awesome book, god is a woman, talks about how women lie to themselves.

damn, do we ever.

i'm on these message boards & some chick worries about her boyfriend cheating overseas. she says to him, are you cheating or something to that effect. his response is unintelligible and it makes no sense. he of course, never says no. in fact, here's his exact response:

"you're not going to cheat on me, so why would I? how come I'm going to cheat and you're absolutely not. Ever?"

read carefully here, he basically admits he's cheating. in case you missed it, he actually says "i'm going to cheat." instead of trusting her gut, she asks all the girls on the board, should she be worried? they rally around her telling her, no, don't worry about it. she says ok, we're gonna be together forever so i need to trust him.

does she stop worrying? no. she lies to herself not only about his possible cheating, but now about the fact that she should care. now we have two lies, supported by all her online friends.

i draft a response saying, yehuh, you should care. what kinda lameass response did he just give you? then i delete it. why? she can't handle the truth.

i did it. i saw other girls do it. we all lie to ourselves to stay with cheaters. we even lie to them. "yes, mr. possible cheater, my boyfriend, my love, i believe you when you said you never lied to me."

(just for the record, am i being bitter and saying all men cheat? NO! in case you missed the topic of this post, rewind to the beginning and start over...)

i dunno why we lie, but we do. why? the alternative is being alone. or that's what we tell ourselves. (yet another lie we tell ourselves, that makes 3, since another guy hotter than the one before always comes along 6.5 months after losing the loser...)

right about now i'll say chalk one up for being alone for the next 5 months until hotter guy shows up.

this bud's for me.

cheatin': ID'd 'em

ok, if you got that header, you're a pro.

so i'm getting better at IDing cheaters. this guy owns this store i went in, hit on me hard. i was like, damn, ok. what was that. came over to my dance class.

then started saying "come over to the store..." "call me" "blah blah blah".

i was like hmmm. lemme see now. he's not callin' me, asking for my phone number, taking me out for dinner, why would that be?

i axed his ass. [dusts off hands] [spits disgustedly]

how much is that divorce in the window?

someone said this on a message board...


:I'm starting to see A LOT of my friends go through divorced right now and they confide to me that they never should have gotten married in the first place, or their partner told them that they always had doubts about getting married to them:

here was my reply:

this statement you made is amazing. i find it so interesting, sociologically speaking, that we're all dying to get into legal agreements (marriage) that have a 50% chance of failing. speaking as someone who has retirement savings to lose (these aren't covered under pre-nups), and who is counting on that as security to protect from a guy leaving me alone with kids (like my dad left my mom), i wonder why i feel like i'm a failure not to be married.
society makes us feel that we are. yet i've turned down an offer, that is still outstanding probably, with an ex. it's not about being married, it's about sharing your life with the right person. if either party has sincere doubts, a 50% failure rate is too costly to consider. we'd never accept that in a business deal, but we do it every day for our hearts, hormones, or fears. whatever the reason is...

----------

so don't consider me anti-marriage from this post, let's just call it anti-divorce...

when curiosity doesn't kill the cat

something there is that loves a mystery. and not only during halloween, but whenever the lights go out...

the trick in any relationship is to keep your cat curious. kill him with curiosity if you can. create a chase that he can't resist, through dark alleys and around creepy corners. entice him to plot & plan, smacking his lips with the imagined taste of you, so that like my last boyfriend the night i finally kissed him, said - "i've been wanting to do that for a long time."

the problem with cats is that if they don't get killed by their curiosity at night, they lose interest in the bright light of day. corners are no longer creepy and things don't go bump in the dark any more. that's the point at which a smart girl has to create some illusive mystery to compensate.

and herein the problem lies. while i am smart, i tire of being illusive even more quickly than my cat, leaving him ramming his nose into my little a** when i stop running. this doesn't create a particularly pleasant experience for either of us, as he imagined that i was a toy he could chase forever down the dark allies of his imagination. or get killed in the process, immortalizing him forever as a romeo killed in the pursuit of love. nor am i particularly fond of exchanging these sexy dark allies for the bright expose of any relationship that makes it into the light of day.

to add insult to injury, i tend to be particularly successful at running from cats i'm not interested in, while rolling over and playing dead to those i find attractive. while in the world of dogs this might work, it does not generally work with cats.

so i ponder my quandary from atop the window-sill, in the sun (which is perhaps my problem right there, desiring to learn the mysteries of creepy night crawls). and instead of coming to some impressive conclusion, that would impress any feline, or female for that matter, i again fall asleep with my tail curled round my head.

which just goes to show you why i'm single...i like lying around in the sun.

cheapsdate



so here's some thing my next boyfriend will NOT do



- pay for dinners with Entertainment coupons

- smile sexily at some other gorgeous girl right after we get out of bed for the first time

- or ever

- lie about anything to anyone anywhere anytime for any reason

- have sex with anyone else anywhere anytime for any reason

- call all his friends "they"

- get jealous of my career success

"i don't"

i don't think i'm cut out to be married. i'm just not good at telling guys what to do nicely & that's what being married is all about.

before you laugh, notice: i'm right.

that's not the only reason, it's just one of them.

which leads me to the point - maybe i should just give up. how odd that in dating, you get what you want when you give up...

ok, here's to giving up. i'll let you know how it goes...

singlehood: the land of the free & the home of the brave

well, i'm back to being single again for about 1 month. (not counting the time since the july post - you see how long this trip to single-hood took! i got a little lost along the way. need a GPS next time...) anyhow, good for me. got a little of my mojo back, thanks to 3 ex-boyfriends-cum-friends that conveniently show up between break-ups. (if they don't happen to show up on their own, i help them out a little bit.)

i should call them my break-up squad. yes, they're my BUS boys. :) gotta love good exes, like bad pennies, you don't want to pick them up again but they're useful in a pinch.

i've broken up so many times you'd think i'd written the book on it. this time it was particularly hard though - and actually took me a few months to pull off. that little "fling" i thought i'd have just morphed into Break-up III & i have the scars to prove it.

since the breakup 2 guys have invited me to hawaii, another to new york & the third is saying he loves me. the other night i made out with another hot guy & had 2 more lined up.

and as you know - it's the big fish that got away that captures your imagination. the ex factor. or ex facto. or EXF. you know, we should have an EXF channel. (maybe we do.)

ok, well, i'm rambling. truly Break-up III has left me with PSTD. i'll get over it soon. let's see, will it be in NY or Hawaii??? hmmm...

bringing sexy back

well, i'm back. new & different but still the same.

i still suck at relationships!

which doesn't mean i don't have them. it means that i'm either rushing to get into them or rushing to get out!

right now i just did both & the poor guy is probably still fixing his wind-swept hair!

trying to do some deep breathing b/c i'm trying new tactic of, if he's not interested, leave graciously. & let him come & get me.

so i'm back from dating exclusively, which didn't work well, to seeing other guys as well. which i'm doing.

time to bring sexy back...