boo who who

soo the real reason i'm thinking of going online again is b/c i miss my recent liar ex. i'm waking up crying about him. i'm walking down the street thinking of smart retorts when he returns & wants to talk. in my dreams. ha. i'm wondering why i ever dated him. and i'm missing him like hell.

mostly i'm wondering who he was. you know, once you lie, everything you say is fair game. things like "i really really like you" that were once uttered become suspect. things like "you look beautiful" fortunately stand the test of time. i have matured THAT much.

realize that if you lie in your relationships, people will never be able to believe a word you say. so they will pick and choose what to believe. (what choice do they have?) it's a slippery slope of trust erosion.

i suggest you don't do it.

on the other hand, i lied to one of my friends a couple years ago to spare his feelings. i feel bad & want to tell him. i didn't want to tell him that the other players in my string quartet didn't want to play with him, so i sicked us all out of the performance. shame on me. slapping my hand as we speak.

lkesjkl;SSklj;SSjlk;SEfjkl';lkj

there, serves you right.

oh, wait it was my mouth that lied. we'll deal with that later. right now it's eating and one does have priorities.

reminds me of what jesus said, it's not what goes into your mouth that defiles you. it's what comes out of it.

that's what lying does. defiles you. and your relationships.

that's why you don't.

well, except, like to save people. like during the holocaust. i would lie then. like yeah i would. or now. or anytime.

so some lies are good.

maybe that's why the 10 commandments doesn't say don't lie. it says don't tell lies about your neighbor.

i'm so confused.

oh well. at least i'm not lying to myself. or am i. yes, i am. you have to lie to yourself when you know someone else is lying to you and you accept it.

blah. so far i have no moral grounds to judge anyone on lying. somewhat again like the old testament, if you have a log stuck in your eye, don't judge the splinter in someone else's.

hmmm. my ex with a splinter in his eye. wait, is that breaking the don't wish evil on your enemies morality code?

damn, morality is sure confusing.

good. now i'm successfully distracted from crying about my ex. unfortunately, i now can't blame him for his behavior, mine not being that different. but it would be much easier if i could. at least i had good intentions though.

which is exactly what he would say about why he lied to me.

sigh.