insecurity
i'm beginning to see a trend in interactions with a guy i'm seeing. i think he is very insecure. it's not something that i would have ever imagined b/c he seems very self-confident. but something in his demeanor leads me toward insecurity as an underlying cause.
insecurity in men is interesting. again, it's not a trait that you really think about with guys. it's more a girl thing. when it shows up in guys it's pretty hard to identify because they add this macho layer, like i don't care if you like me or not! whatever. good luck, see ya later.
and then when you read between the lines you notice that a lot of the behavior seems to be asking for confirmation. do you really like me? do you really want me?
it's hard to separate insecurity from lack of interest as well. in this case the only way to tell is the desire for ongoing interaction and communication even if it is not positively slanted.
what are you really saying when you keep telling someone goodbye? i want you to care about me more. i have done this myself. as i've said earlier in the blog, and have as one of my rules, if you're not interested you just withdraw. you don't stand out in the middle of the boxing ring & say hey i'm not gonna fight you anymore while you're jumping around with your dukes in the air. that is really an invitation to reengage.
it's fascinating that i used a boxing term for a relationship analogy, but in this case, that's what it feels like. we're on round 8 right now and it's a draw. for some reason one of us (generally me) keeps going back for more. but when i do my partner is still in the ring waiting for the game to recommence.
i don't know how it will turn out but i have learned that i wish i could be a bit more comforting and safe for men. i am not a safe place to go. i don't have that chip. it's on order right now.
one of the things men at the conference said they turn to women for is comfort, safetey, and someone to have their back. given that i'm using boxing analogies, i'm more interested in beating up a guy's front.
(hmmm. blogsploration is interesting. you never know what you'll spelunk up out of the depths of your head or heart...)
October 10, 2008
October 09, 2008
zip-it
i've decided to reinitiate my former mandate to not talk about my guys with other people. the recent talk with mr. ny is good incentive to do that.
the more you talk about your business, he said/i said, the more you turn everyone against whoever you are seeing - no matter how good they are overall. so then when you mention them again people's eyes glaze over & they're like haven't you left him YET?
(remember my raving about mr. big lately? well he's survived through his share of me complaining about him too. which just goes to show...what it does. that's what.)
my zip-it mandate is compounded by the fact that my boss - yes my boss at work - actually told me that when i come to him with a problem (and a potential solution) he now makes me wait a day to discuss it because by then i've already changed my mind. yes. my boss. ouch. this is of course what mr. ny has been talking about, and mr. busy too (formerly mr. possibility) when they say i change my mind all the time.
so you have mind-changing-me compounded by talking about it and generally, it creates a situation of TMI.
less is more when it comes to talking about my boyz. except for here. here i can talk away blah blah blah and you can read or not read. not my problem.
everyone has their weaknesses. i can either deal with them - or leave. if i choose to stay, i suppose i should just stop complaining. after all, i am seeking these guys out they are not chasing me.
i've stopped responding to guys who chase me. yes. i deleted mr. jack is back off facebook. mr. military keeps sending me facebook invitations & i'm ignoring them. i don't want these guys around b/c they are unreliable. and i've found a strong correlation between guys who pursue and unreliability.
what is that all about?
hmmmm.
the topic of another blog, that's what that is.
i've decided to reinitiate my former mandate to not talk about my guys with other people. the recent talk with mr. ny is good incentive to do that.
the more you talk about your business, he said/i said, the more you turn everyone against whoever you are seeing - no matter how good they are overall. so then when you mention them again people's eyes glaze over & they're like haven't you left him YET?
(remember my raving about mr. big lately? well he's survived through his share of me complaining about him too. which just goes to show...what it does. that's what.)
my zip-it mandate is compounded by the fact that my boss - yes my boss at work - actually told me that when i come to him with a problem (and a potential solution) he now makes me wait a day to discuss it because by then i've already changed my mind. yes. my boss. ouch. this is of course what mr. ny has been talking about, and mr. busy too (formerly mr. possibility) when they say i change my mind all the time.
so you have mind-changing-me compounded by talking about it and generally, it creates a situation of TMI.
less is more when it comes to talking about my boyz. except for here. here i can talk away blah blah blah and you can read or not read. not my problem.
everyone has their weaknesses. i can either deal with them - or leave. if i choose to stay, i suppose i should just stop complaining. after all, i am seeking these guys out they are not chasing me.
i've stopped responding to guys who chase me. yes. i deleted mr. jack is back off facebook. mr. military keeps sending me facebook invitations & i'm ignoring them. i don't want these guys around b/c they are unreliable. and i've found a strong correlation between guys who pursue and unreliability.
what is that all about?
hmmmm.
the topic of another blog, that's what that is.
married because?
in a singleton's world there is generally a desire to get married - at least for most of us - but also to escape being married for the wrong reasons.
this morning i read on this online message board: "I am currently going through a divorce to a guy who I married to try and escape my feelings for another guy."
wow. now i've heard of this happening i guess. i mean one of my friends' wives married him although she was in love with another guy. but just to escape your feelings? that's a long hard road to hoe.
i guess that's why i go after the guys now that i have feelings for & see what's going on. nothing like a fantasy to ruin your life. i mean if mr. ny & i fight & now i know he's not right for me, i don't have to have wasted more time on it.
what if - you marry one guy to get over another - and then later date the guy you really like and find out you DON'T GET ALONG! what a waste. (this is what this online girl seems to be going through - all this pining for the guy for years and marrying someone else to escape the feelings - yes she says this twice, but does he even like me? that's some kinda ouch!)
not that i'm advocating affairs. that's just plain wrong. i mean just get over those feelings, get real. no one is easy to live with. imagine the guy at his worst. get to know his wife & hear her talk about his flaws. just get over the fantasy already.
shocking to know that people will ruin someone else's life over their own fantasies. i guess it happens in many ways though. you have a fantasy that life will be better without your partner so you leave them. then - it isn't! it's LIFE. and life sucks. so then you start fantasizing about wanting them back. and go after them again.
it's amazing really that we will uproot the reality of a good thing for the mirage of another.
i mean this morning i woke up thanking god that when i have a fight with the guys in my life - i wake up alone! i don't have to deal with them & their shit (cuz this time it sure wasn't mine) the next morning. that's one clear advantage to being single and i am so thankful for that.
i saw my mom lose 10 years off her face within the first few weeks after my dad left us. now that is some stress to leave behind.
yes, being single is great in many ways. there are many women out there who envy me and cool peeps like princessb who is happy with her ru and two date diva who can date smart & chuck the ones she doesn't want within two dates!
we singletons are the secret envy of the married. they just never want us to know that.
in a singleton's world there is generally a desire to get married - at least for most of us - but also to escape being married for the wrong reasons.
this morning i read on this online message board: "I am currently going through a divorce to a guy who I married to try and escape my feelings for another guy."
wow. now i've heard of this happening i guess. i mean one of my friends' wives married him although she was in love with another guy. but just to escape your feelings? that's a long hard road to hoe.
i guess that's why i go after the guys now that i have feelings for & see what's going on. nothing like a fantasy to ruin your life. i mean if mr. ny & i fight & now i know he's not right for me, i don't have to have wasted more time on it.
what if - you marry one guy to get over another - and then later date the guy you really like and find out you DON'T GET ALONG! what a waste. (this is what this online girl seems to be going through - all this pining for the guy for years and marrying someone else to escape the feelings - yes she says this twice, but does he even like me? that's some kinda ouch!)
not that i'm advocating affairs. that's just plain wrong. i mean just get over those feelings, get real. no one is easy to live with. imagine the guy at his worst. get to know his wife & hear her talk about his flaws. just get over the fantasy already.
shocking to know that people will ruin someone else's life over their own fantasies. i guess it happens in many ways though. you have a fantasy that life will be better without your partner so you leave them. then - it isn't! it's LIFE. and life sucks. so then you start fantasizing about wanting them back. and go after them again.
it's amazing really that we will uproot the reality of a good thing for the mirage of another.
i mean this morning i woke up thanking god that when i have a fight with the guys in my life - i wake up alone! i don't have to deal with them & their shit (cuz this time it sure wasn't mine) the next morning. that's one clear advantage to being single and i am so thankful for that.
i saw my mom lose 10 years off her face within the first few weeks after my dad left us. now that is some stress to leave behind.
yes, being single is great in many ways. there are many women out there who envy me and cool peeps like princessb who is happy with her ru and two date diva who can date smart & chuck the ones she doesn't want within two dates!
we singletons are the secret envy of the married. they just never want us to know that.
pissed
mr. ny made me cry last night. not in a good way. it was very painful what he said. not so much the words but their implication.
i had sent him a text asking him to come visit and he said he didn't feel the same b/c i doubted him. i said i should if you talk shit. you want to date a stupid girl, go ahead. that's not me.
he said well you have all your online guys. i said why does that bother you so much? they're not you. he texted back that it didn't bother him & for some reason that really hurt. of course it bothers him he keeps bringing it up. i immediately started crying - which he didn't know - and texted back that i can't believe he enjoyed hurting me.
he responded by saying i wanna see you. and then i am just pissed.
it's really messed up. the whole day you can't say you want to see me until you make me cry. then all of a sudden you do?
time to let this fish go bite someone else. i just can't believe i've kept going back for more. i haven't responded and i'll just let it go and put on some whole body armor.
mr. big got really pissed at me a few weeks ago. and we were together for hours. he only told me later. but the whole time he was totally sweet and kind to me, even when we were arguing. and afterward. the whole time. in spite of being angry. he still is. he just is a nice guy. not a pushover, but just a good guy.
mr. big is my new model for angry men. if you can't treat a women well ESPECIALLY when you're angry, what kind of man are you?
mr. ny made me cry last night. not in a good way. it was very painful what he said. not so much the words but their implication.
i had sent him a text asking him to come visit and he said he didn't feel the same b/c i doubted him. i said i should if you talk shit. you want to date a stupid girl, go ahead. that's not me.
he said well you have all your online guys. i said why does that bother you so much? they're not you. he texted back that it didn't bother him & for some reason that really hurt. of course it bothers him he keeps bringing it up. i immediately started crying - which he didn't know - and texted back that i can't believe he enjoyed hurting me.
he responded by saying i wanna see you. and then i am just pissed.
it's really messed up. the whole day you can't say you want to see me until you make me cry. then all of a sudden you do?
time to let this fish go bite someone else. i just can't believe i've kept going back for more. i haven't responded and i'll just let it go and put on some whole body armor.
mr. big got really pissed at me a few weeks ago. and we were together for hours. he only told me later. but the whole time he was totally sweet and kind to me, even when we were arguing. and afterward. the whole time. in spite of being angry. he still is. he just is a nice guy. not a pushover, but just a good guy.
mr. big is my new model for angry men. if you can't treat a women well ESPECIALLY when you're angry, what kind of man are you?
October 08, 2008
WTF?
in an unusually sweet style i put a short note out to mr. jack is back along the lines, of um, what happened [that you couldn't come an hour to see me after i come 3,000 miles to your fricken state]?
i'm awaiting a response i fear is either coming or isn't. supposedly we are supposed to think men have a reason for what they do, so i'm listening.
what i am most likely to hear is either nothing or yeah, sorry, you are just too hot to handle. i couldn't handle seeing you again after all these years, what would i have done? i have no burn insurance. yeah, something along that line would be right in line with what my ego needs now after being dissed.
regardless of what he says, he is not my friend. real friends don't diss you. over and over again. i'm contemplating deleting my new NMFs (not my friends) off of facebook but then ugh. that is so in your face. hee hee.
in an unusually sweet style i put a short note out to mr. jack is back along the lines, of um, what happened [that you couldn't come an hour to see me after i come 3,000 miles to your fricken state]?
i'm awaiting a response i fear is either coming or isn't. supposedly we are supposed to think men have a reason for what they do, so i'm listening.
what i am most likely to hear is either nothing or yeah, sorry, you are just too hot to handle. i couldn't handle seeing you again after all these years, what would i have done? i have no burn insurance. yeah, something along that line would be right in line with what my ego needs now after being dissed.
regardless of what he says, he is not my friend. real friends don't diss you. over and over again. i'm contemplating deleting my new NMFs (not my friends) off of facebook but then ugh. that is so in your face. hee hee.
WBTYM
that stands for wham-bam-thank-ya-maam.
it's what hit my friend relationship-wise. poor girl. i was envying her wondering how she could hook up & have a great guy, wow, why can't i do that. then it hit the fan. get this, she wouldn't move FAST enough. as in let him move in after 4 months. yeah, that's f'd up.
which reminded me why i don't do these blink-&-we're-in-a-relationship things. i prefer to stretch them out forever so that by the time we're somewhere near one, the person is so ingrained in my life they can't find the exit. call it lost-mosis.
seriously, my style works though. mr. big is sweet & respectful to me, something i struggled with with mr. ny who just got it all easy. of course, they're just like that anyway, discounting my point. but there is something about a guy working for ya that just makes him think you're super special. after all, he spent so much time & effort.
i believe in effort. now i'm working mr. ny to make up for the beginning part. just so he doesn't think i'm easy. lol. :) welcome to my world. what you earn is what you get, and that starts with trust.
it just takes so much effort to extract from the mire of failed relationship, that i probably put up too many barriers against getting into one. currently (and i am fully aware of this) i am thinking to self that if i get into a r-ship with someone else, what happens when i want to hook up with mr. big? yeah, it's commitmentphobic thoughts like those that keep me from grabbing the most available guy & nailing him to the floor. my floor. maybe i'm just not meant to be in a relationship. where are these guys that i'd LIKE to have nailed to my floor (figuratively speaking, for those environmentalists out there) for a long period of time? where are the men you really want to come home to?
sometimes, when i feel sad coming home to my cat (love you skertzo) i wonder if other people look forward to seeing their spouses. or is it - let me work late, i don't want to go home. or let me go home to watch tv and maybe avoid interaction. who knows. people don't talk about these things. the pressure to succeed is so high women fake it. even if they're not happy they'll pretend they are just to keep up the image. not that there's anything wrong with that. it's easier to present a united front to the world so it looks like everything is fine all the time than have everyone reading the daily news of your relationship.
ok, it's 12:15 and my bed doesn't know where i am. i must go report in. since i don't have a partner to come seek me out, i bought a curfew bed. kid you not. it uses heat-seeking sensors to find me & then drags me back to the bedroom so it doesn't have to sleep alone. of course, it works best if you have a twin. which i don't. because of course, i'm single & all.
that stands for wham-bam-thank-ya-maam.
it's what hit my friend relationship-wise. poor girl. i was envying her wondering how she could hook up & have a great guy, wow, why can't i do that. then it hit the fan. get this, she wouldn't move FAST enough. as in let him move in after 4 months. yeah, that's f'd up.
which reminded me why i don't do these blink-&-we're-in-a-relationship things. i prefer to stretch them out forever so that by the time we're somewhere near one, the person is so ingrained in my life they can't find the exit. call it lost-mosis.
seriously, my style works though. mr. big is sweet & respectful to me, something i struggled with with mr. ny who just got it all easy. of course, they're just like that anyway, discounting my point. but there is something about a guy working for ya that just makes him think you're super special. after all, he spent so much time & effort.
i believe in effort. now i'm working mr. ny to make up for the beginning part. just so he doesn't think i'm easy. lol. :) welcome to my world. what you earn is what you get, and that starts with trust.
it just takes so much effort to extract from the mire of failed relationship, that i probably put up too many barriers against getting into one. currently (and i am fully aware of this) i am thinking to self that if i get into a r-ship with someone else, what happens when i want to hook up with mr. big? yeah, it's commitmentphobic thoughts like those that keep me from grabbing the most available guy & nailing him to the floor. my floor. maybe i'm just not meant to be in a relationship. where are these guys that i'd LIKE to have nailed to my floor (figuratively speaking, for those environmentalists out there) for a long period of time? where are the men you really want to come home to?
sometimes, when i feel sad coming home to my cat (love you skertzo) i wonder if other people look forward to seeing their spouses. or is it - let me work late, i don't want to go home. or let me go home to watch tv and maybe avoid interaction. who knows. people don't talk about these things. the pressure to succeed is so high women fake it. even if they're not happy they'll pretend they are just to keep up the image. not that there's anything wrong with that. it's easier to present a united front to the world so it looks like everything is fine all the time than have everyone reading the daily news of your relationship.
ok, it's 12:15 and my bed doesn't know where i am. i must go report in. since i don't have a partner to come seek me out, i bought a curfew bed. kid you not. it uses heat-seeking sensors to find me & then drags me back to the bedroom so it doesn't have to sleep alone. of course, it works best if you have a twin. which i don't. because of course, i'm single & all.
October 07, 2008
i see guilty people
well, i have lost readers since i started writing about everything. or maybe it's b/c i went on vacation. or lost my bitter attitude & terse writing style. who knows.
i just reached the exhaustion state today where i can't think anymore. so i'm taking the rest of the day for r&r at my desk. it's like the take-out version of r&r that you can enjoy anywhere. i can answer client requests but i really cannot wrap my mind around tough concepts right now. so i'm blogging.
today i bought self my first black leather coat/jacket. yes, the first. i've never bought one before. this one is long, to about mid-thigh & buttons up. fitted around the waist. sleeves are long enough. room to move shoulders. might just have to take picture of monumental event.
felt guilty that i can just slap down the $$ for mom's b-day gift & leather coat for self in one day. but then i'm trying to remind myself - i don't have kids. i have to spend my $ for something. this is what i chose the business world for. so i could do this without feeling guilt. and here it is anyway. hello guilt, i see you. yeah, i'm waving at myself. oh well. i'm not catholic so i won't die from guilt.
so the second of the 4 peeps that i wanted to meet up with this weekend contacted me. actually, i've spoken to three of them since. they are still around. they are still my friends. the whole point is - people eventually come around if they like you. they just can't help themselves! :) [beams proudly] i've stopped trying to plan things though. peeps in new england just don't show up. i planned a trip to martha's vineyard one weekend & 20 people wanted to go. day of, only 1 was left besides me. so we didn't go.
the thought of being single for the rest of my life & being sad b/c i'm alone is just so hard to handle. i remain somewhat flippant about it but it terrifies me. the only thing i can do is try to be a good friend to people & hope it all comes back in the end. if not, at least i was a good friend.
no guilt there.
well, i have lost readers since i started writing about everything. or maybe it's b/c i went on vacation. or lost my bitter attitude & terse writing style. who knows.
i just reached the exhaustion state today where i can't think anymore. so i'm taking the rest of the day for r&r at my desk. it's like the take-out version of r&r that you can enjoy anywhere. i can answer client requests but i really cannot wrap my mind around tough concepts right now. so i'm blogging.
today i bought self my first black leather coat/jacket. yes, the first. i've never bought one before. this one is long, to about mid-thigh & buttons up. fitted around the waist. sleeves are long enough. room to move shoulders. might just have to take picture of monumental event.
felt guilty that i can just slap down the $$ for mom's b-day gift & leather coat for self in one day. but then i'm trying to remind myself - i don't have kids. i have to spend my $ for something. this is what i chose the business world for. so i could do this without feeling guilt. and here it is anyway. hello guilt, i see you. yeah, i'm waving at myself. oh well. i'm not catholic so i won't die from guilt.
so the second of the 4 peeps that i wanted to meet up with this weekend contacted me. actually, i've spoken to three of them since. they are still around. they are still my friends. the whole point is - people eventually come around if they like you. they just can't help themselves! :) [beams proudly] i've stopped trying to plan things though. peeps in new england just don't show up. i planned a trip to martha's vineyard one weekend & 20 people wanted to go. day of, only 1 was left besides me. so we didn't go.
the thought of being single for the rest of my life & being sad b/c i'm alone is just so hard to handle. i remain somewhat flippant about it but it terrifies me. the only thing i can do is try to be a good friend to people & hope it all comes back in the end. if not, at least i was a good friend.
no guilt there.
why men cheat
check this out.
http://www.oprah.com/slideshow/relationships/couples/20080827_tows_cheating/2
what's interesting about this is not that men suck.
it is - that we have raised a generation of unappreciative women...
this is exactly the reason we heard from a guy on the panel of men at the understanding men conference. somehow we just can't seem to appreciate men. in this generation we've been raised to be the man, what do we need them for?
that's exactly what i'm trying to figure out. but where i've gotten so far is that - i can do most things for myself that i need to do. but men make me happy in a way that i can't do for myself. that in itself is enough reason to appreciate them.
last night & today i reached out to my current guys & just sent them some love. i really haven't done this before. i don't really care what happens. i just wanted them to know i think they are cool. & why.
just call it appreciation!
check this out.
http://www.oprah.com/slideshow/relationships/couples/20080827_tows_cheating/2
what's interesting about this is not that men suck.
it is - that we have raised a generation of unappreciative women...
this is exactly the reason we heard from a guy on the panel of men at the understanding men conference. somehow we just can't seem to appreciate men. in this generation we've been raised to be the man, what do we need them for?
that's exactly what i'm trying to figure out. but where i've gotten so far is that - i can do most things for myself that i need to do. but men make me happy in a way that i can't do for myself. that in itself is enough reason to appreciate them.
last night & today i reached out to my current guys & just sent them some love. i really haven't done this before. i don't really care what happens. i just wanted them to know i think they are cool. & why.
just call it appreciation!
October 06, 2008
the age of loneliness
i think we're just at that point. we're so insulated in our worlds and separated from the people in them that we all are seeking some sort of connection.
and while technology fosters that, it can also excerbate it. strange.
i've learned lately that in order to feel connected with my boyz, i can text them innocuous things & they respond. i feel connected, we don't have drama (cuz i'm not creating a real reason to interact like i used to) & everyone feels loved.
problem is - it doesn't replace face to face. although it feels like. so we short ourselves the face time for technology & there we are. somehow lonelier than before.
i don't know if i believe this. i mean, i can't even spell lonely and all its aliterations. or that word either. but it's a theory.
however it happens though, it is. so i've learned to live with it. i have start my own "open flirt" text messages with my favorite guys. something they can respond to that is cute & sexy & that gives me something to look forward to with response.
their responses are interesting. one of my boyz (mr. ny, yes, i still want him around) responds right away. in fact, he sometimes calls in return. mr. big takes a day or a few & but generally comes through with a one-upper. as in a face-to-face invitation. nice. i guess this is my '00 way of asking guys out. well, that & going online.
i made a new profile online. this time i blocked everyone and his brother. mostly the brothers. the married hook-up brothers. maybe i will actually meet a date that is - shock & awe - not married.
this is a very random bacardi & mango freeze inspired post. but hey. it is one!
back to the sox...more to come on love & such. cuz that's what i do.
i think we're just at that point. we're so insulated in our worlds and separated from the people in them that we all are seeking some sort of connection.
and while technology fosters that, it can also excerbate it. strange.
i've learned lately that in order to feel connected with my boyz, i can text them innocuous things & they respond. i feel connected, we don't have drama (cuz i'm not creating a real reason to interact like i used to) & everyone feels loved.
problem is - it doesn't replace face to face. although it feels like. so we short ourselves the face time for technology & there we are. somehow lonelier than before.
i don't know if i believe this. i mean, i can't even spell lonely and all its aliterations. or that word either. but it's a theory.
however it happens though, it is. so i've learned to live with it. i have start my own "open flirt" text messages with my favorite guys. something they can respond to that is cute & sexy & that gives me something to look forward to with response.
their responses are interesting. one of my boyz (mr. ny, yes, i still want him around) responds right away. in fact, he sometimes calls in return. mr. big takes a day or a few & but generally comes through with a one-upper. as in a face-to-face invitation. nice. i guess this is my '00 way of asking guys out. well, that & going online.
i made a new profile online. this time i blocked everyone and his brother. mostly the brothers. the married hook-up brothers. maybe i will actually meet a date that is - shock & awe - not married.
this is a very random bacardi & mango freeze inspired post. but hey. it is one!
back to the sox...more to come on love & such. cuz that's what i do.
where i sleep part 1
there's this guy on kiss 108 calling in wondering if it's wrong to like sleeping on the couch - to have his own bed.
the announcer says - because you sleep better somewhere else doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your marraige.
i'll write part b on this later - but princessb - to your comments - it's a good discussion!
there's this guy on kiss 108 calling in wondering if it's wrong to like sleeping on the couch - to have his own bed.
the announcer says - because you sleep better somewhere else doesn't mean there's anything wrong with your marraige.
i'll write part b on this later - but princessb - to your comments - it's a good discussion!
can't help who ya love
i just really like mr. big. i can't even explain it. the same as the last time i dated him. being with him just fills this part of me that i don't know about, and can't identify. but after being with him, i feel whole.
i don't mean this in a cliche way. something about him fills this emotional need that i have & i really feel warm & fuzzy all over after being with him.
last night he asked me over to watch the game. that's all we did & i had a blast. right until i had to get home to sleep & realized i didn't have AM 680 at my house! so i scrambled around & found it online & heard the last of it while i was running my bathwater, mmmmm. nothing like a good baseball game in the bathtub with your rubber duckies. lol.
and yes, i have rubber duckies. i found them at the dollar store. they're made in china so they don't float right. their little beaks are heavier than the rest of their body so they fall forward. i wonder if american rubber duckies do this?
the last little yellow duckie i had was a soap duckie. he finally bit the water a couple months ago so i invested in a little family of rubber duckies.
ok, i digress. mr. big.
it's so strange that now that we're not dating, he's asking me to do all the things i wanted to do when we were. meet some of his friends. just hang.
i dunno, i suppose it means nothing, since he said not to get attached. but i so like him.
since i'm not supposed to get attached, i signed up again with a new profile for online dating. my first interactions prove to be funny. i'll share in another blog...
i also want to respond to princess b's comments about relationships. i'll get to that shortly. i guess i should really work now. if i don't, my company might go under, lol. or get bought out. or cut into pieces like wachovia.
or not. laughing, i mean.
i just really like mr. big. i can't even explain it. the same as the last time i dated him. being with him just fills this part of me that i don't know about, and can't identify. but after being with him, i feel whole.
i don't mean this in a cliche way. something about him fills this emotional need that i have & i really feel warm & fuzzy all over after being with him.
last night he asked me over to watch the game. that's all we did & i had a blast. right until i had to get home to sleep & realized i didn't have AM 680 at my house! so i scrambled around & found it online & heard the last of it while i was running my bathwater, mmmmm. nothing like a good baseball game in the bathtub with your rubber duckies. lol.
and yes, i have rubber duckies. i found them at the dollar store. they're made in china so they don't float right. their little beaks are heavier than the rest of their body so they fall forward. i wonder if american rubber duckies do this?
the last little yellow duckie i had was a soap duckie. he finally bit the water a couple months ago so i invested in a little family of rubber duckies.
ok, i digress. mr. big.
it's so strange that now that we're not dating, he's asking me to do all the things i wanted to do when we were. meet some of his friends. just hang.
i dunno, i suppose it means nothing, since he said not to get attached. but i so like him.
since i'm not supposed to get attached, i signed up again with a new profile for online dating. my first interactions prove to be funny. i'll share in another blog...
i also want to respond to princess b's comments about relationships. i'll get to that shortly. i guess i should really work now. if i don't, my company might go under, lol. or get bought out. or cut into pieces like wachovia.
or not. laughing, i mean.
October 05, 2008
financial astuity
yeah, astuity. did you like that? something about being astute. or wise. my own invention i suppose.
couple things for you happy readers.
1) always make sure your credit card has auto rental insurance so if you decline it (like i did) and hit a poor dalmation that runs out into the freeway after a ball (like i did) and it dents your car (like it did) (he ran off, btw :) then you don't have to call your insurance. i called my insurance to find my deductible & kinda by accident ended up filing a claim with them which i didn't really want. then i realized that i might have rental insurance on my mastercard and voila, i did. so i then filed a claim with them. we'll see what happens...
2) if you miss your credit card payments you can call & generally they'll credit the late fee or at least a portion of it. amex credits all of it when it happens to me (rarely). my fidelity mastercard that pops $$ over into my IRA (yea!) gave me a full credit the first time (this is $40! yikes) and this time gave me a 1/2 credit. plus they gave me back my finance charges, about $20. it's really expensive to miss a payment. i asked & found out that you can get a form to have auto payment of the total on the due date, so i've got that in the works. no more checking my online account balance in panic, did i pay that yet?
so far my credit cards serve me! i pay the balance every month. just got $300 worth of gift cards to LNT & crate&barrel from amex. and i get about $300/year into my IRA with my fido card. i pay no fees, get mostly credited for my mistakes & lately get auto insurance coverage. plus i have great credit, which should help my home purchase someday. (thank goodness that was in, well, not stocks.)
3) i use an online bank account (firstib.com) that i've had for nearly 10 years. they are super. also it serves me. no fees. they pay $6 of ATM withdrawal each month. and a little interest. i also use ING orange for my savings, no fees, good interest.
hey, just call me the financial wizard. instead of my financial providers making money off my fees, i make $ off of them. i may not be that rich, but i know how to get a good deal! :)
now let's hope i can keep all the savings, given this current market...
yeah, astuity. did you like that? something about being astute. or wise. my own invention i suppose.
couple things for you happy readers.
1) always make sure your credit card has auto rental insurance so if you decline it (like i did) and hit a poor dalmation that runs out into the freeway after a ball (like i did) and it dents your car (like it did) (he ran off, btw :) then you don't have to call your insurance. i called my insurance to find my deductible & kinda by accident ended up filing a claim with them which i didn't really want. then i realized that i might have rental insurance on my mastercard and voila, i did. so i then filed a claim with them. we'll see what happens...
2) if you miss your credit card payments you can call & generally they'll credit the late fee or at least a portion of it. amex credits all of it when it happens to me (rarely). my fidelity mastercard that pops $$ over into my IRA (yea!) gave me a full credit the first time (this is $40! yikes) and this time gave me a 1/2 credit. plus they gave me back my finance charges, about $20. it's really expensive to miss a payment. i asked & found out that you can get a form to have auto payment of the total on the due date, so i've got that in the works. no more checking my online account balance in panic, did i pay that yet?
so far my credit cards serve me! i pay the balance every month. just got $300 worth of gift cards to LNT & crate&barrel from amex. and i get about $300/year into my IRA with my fido card. i pay no fees, get mostly credited for my mistakes & lately get auto insurance coverage. plus i have great credit, which should help my home purchase someday. (thank goodness that was in, well, not stocks.)
3) i use an online bank account (firstib.com) that i've had for nearly 10 years. they are super. also it serves me. no fees. they pay $6 of ATM withdrawal each month. and a little interest. i also use ING orange for my savings, no fees, good interest.
hey, just call me the financial wizard. instead of my financial providers making money off my fees, i make $ off of them. i may not be that rich, but i know how to get a good deal! :)
now let's hope i can keep all the savings, given this current market...
financial crisis
well, my investments are down 7%. i'd say they've held up relatively well in spite of the crisis, so i have no particular complaints.
my job, that is another concern. my company is being sold. though fortunately i have achieved some seniority and notoriety there (in a good way i hope, lol) by being somewhat of a PR person for the firm so hopefully i'll be ok. as long as the company doesn't move out of town. however, if it does, i'd probably have more friends, there is always a bright side. :)
it's sad there are people that work outside the financial industry like to cry conspiracy & gloom & doom. me, i just wait to see what happens. i mean who wants to crow about all the jobs being lost? not me for sure! i don't particularly want to think about or discuss the current situation (as you can see from its absence in my blog) because it hits a little too close to home. it's like talking about problems in your family, you just eh, don't.
where i notice it is in my investments & not really until lately. i must be well diversified i guess. that is a good thing.
so maybe now is a good time to buy...i really should check out my 401k today. maybe i should make hay before the sun shines, lol.
well, my investments are down 7%. i'd say they've held up relatively well in spite of the crisis, so i have no particular complaints.
my job, that is another concern. my company is being sold. though fortunately i have achieved some seniority and notoriety there (in a good way i hope, lol) by being somewhat of a PR person for the firm so hopefully i'll be ok. as long as the company doesn't move out of town. however, if it does, i'd probably have more friends, there is always a bright side. :)
it's sad there are people that work outside the financial industry like to cry conspiracy & gloom & doom. me, i just wait to see what happens. i mean who wants to crow about all the jobs being lost? not me for sure! i don't particularly want to think about or discuss the current situation (as you can see from its absence in my blog) because it hits a little too close to home. it's like talking about problems in your family, you just eh, don't.
where i notice it is in my investments & not really until lately. i must be well diversified i guess. that is a good thing.
so maybe now is a good time to buy...i really should check out my 401k today. maybe i should make hay before the sun shines, lol.
t-day
yesterday i booked my ticket to my sister's place for t-day. i love going there. it is so relaxing, like i have a home away from home. it was a bit challenging to book a ticket b/c the prices jumped way up for the regular-timed flights. but i made it with only $50 over regular price by flying there in the early morning & back in the middle of the day on monday.
oddly enough, she told me she has arrived at some of the same conclusions about her interactions with men & herself, so i am sharing with her the material from the understandmen conferences that i have been going to. interesting that we arrive at the same place at the same time...the next conference i'm signed up for is men & sex & i can't wait to go to that one. will be in march.
i was sad b/c i asked 4 friends if they were busy or wanted to meet up this weekend & none of them could. :( oh well, i'm sick anyway. i'm trying to figure out from my recent introspection at the last conference what i need to do different about making friends. like perhaps makes ones that actually want to meet up? it seems i'll have to date online again b/c in this town folks don't share their friends. v. unusual to have them say, yeah, we're doing this, come along, like they do in other towns. wierdest thing i've ever seen.
yesterday i booked my ticket to my sister's place for t-day. i love going there. it is so relaxing, like i have a home away from home. it was a bit challenging to book a ticket b/c the prices jumped way up for the regular-timed flights. but i made it with only $50 over regular price by flying there in the early morning & back in the middle of the day on monday.
oddly enough, she told me she has arrived at some of the same conclusions about her interactions with men & herself, so i am sharing with her the material from the understandmen conferences that i have been going to. interesting that we arrive at the same place at the same time...the next conference i'm signed up for is men & sex & i can't wait to go to that one. will be in march.
i was sad b/c i asked 4 friends if they were busy or wanted to meet up this weekend & none of them could. :( oh well, i'm sick anyway. i'm trying to figure out from my recent introspection at the last conference what i need to do different about making friends. like perhaps makes ones that actually want to meet up? it seems i'll have to date online again b/c in this town folks don't share their friends. v. unusual to have them say, yeah, we're doing this, come along, like they do in other towns. wierdest thing i've ever seen.