not letting go

as princessB said, there is letting go & holding on. so for some reason i'm missing all the people i just let go, so of course i'm checking in on them again. but it's interesting because i'm seeing new guy sometimes, he was here last night for a while. so in a sense, they're helping me keep perspective on him - aka not diving in like before.

i'm not actually so sure about him anyway, but he is compatible on so many levels & is just super sweet. he's actually winning me over even though i've never dated his type before. for one thing, he never says any "rs" as i was teasing him about last night.

last night we actually had our first serious conversation, which went rather well. it started with me mildly objecting to him repeatedly talking about his ex-wife. then we talked through the whole thing a bit in a very rational way. i was impressed with us.

it's raining cats & dogs today, so kitten is sitting at the top of his kitty tree, observing all the cats falling outside that are NOT him. very good investment. yea. one happy cat.

it's not over until...

well i decided to hook up with mr. NY again. he's single again & i'm still that way so WTH.

seeing new guy tonite. not so sure about things but we'll see. (something happened with him that was wierd, but i won't go into it...) i just don't want to give up something & i'll have to with any guy. urrgh.

plus when i see mr. NY again i think gee, why do i need to change anything?

i swear when we get together it's like a fricken movie. yeah, for sure. and i feel so young & sexy.

but that's not all there is to life. problem is, i want that badly. that young sexy feeling. apparently i want it more than other things, so i give them up to keep that around. i'm not so sure i like that choice...

in other news, client meeting today that i'm suiting up for. oddly enough, work is very fulfilling. i do want more though. i mean gee, really. i wish (for the millionth time) i were a guy. then i COULD have work & kids cuz i'd have a built-in babysitter.

dammit. why did god make me a woman? i'm so pissed at that right now. ok, him.

he's not doing very well by me lately. what is up with that? i just think i got shortchanged by god when i was supposed to get favored cuz my dad is a preacher.

not.