happy travels
i'm out of state right now visiting family. traveling while single is pretty cool. i've done it for years & really find it fun in its own way. there's something very liberting about it. if you haven't done it before, it's a scary thing. but you get used to it & like all things, learn to really enjoy it.
airline travel alone can be quite relaxing (if you 1) have your boarding pass b4 you get to the airport and 2) check no bags). other than having to drag your luggage everywhere by yourself & not being able to leave it with someone while you run & do whatever, it's pretty cool to travel alone. i dig it! only caveat: must have someone on the other end to pick you up or meet you at some point...
plus while being single you get lots more attention from pilots & other various and sundry unshaven, sexy, travel-worn guys. not bad. ;)
December 31, 2003
December 25, 2003
merry christmas!
today i'm baking an apple pie for christmas. we're having a very non-traditional christmas dinner with everyone's favorite food that they wanted to make. my choices were gorgonzola spinach salad & apple pie. then we're having baked artichoke with garlic dip and garlic mashed potatoes (a la cheese cake factory style) and various and sundry other christmasy things.
i'll let you know how the pie turns out. if you're single, good-looking, smart, talented and sweet to me, you just might get lucky. and get some. pie, that is.
tomorrow i'll put up a picture of my christmas pie.
today i'm baking an apple pie for christmas. we're having a very non-traditional christmas dinner with everyone's favorite food that they wanted to make. my choices were gorgonzola spinach salad & apple pie. then we're having baked artichoke with garlic dip and garlic mashed potatoes (a la cheese cake factory style) and various and sundry other christmasy things.
i'll let you know how the pie turns out. if you're single, good-looking, smart, talented and sweet to me, you just might get lucky. and get some. pie, that is.
tomorrow i'll put up a picture of my christmas pie.
December 21, 2003
moving right along
there comes a point when you're my age (34) that you figure your life may not turn out the way you thought. (marraige, kids, house w/ picket fence). so you start working toward alternate plan b...which means all of the above in an order optional to your particular preferences. though it makes sense to get the car before the house, and the house before the kids, and marraige somewhere before the kids, we now have the option of bucking society's preferences and doing it all wrong.
i just might do that as i have stable job with probable actual "career" making reappearance after long hibernation during the economic downturn. this morning i found out that i can get prequalified for the amount of house i want ($ amount that is, not SQF being in boston!). might be a good thing to get all that in order & get self some equity before addressing the kids issue...
it's an odd thing to be contemplating buying a house by yourself. one tends to imagine it filled with loving family. but then there is the point where you want an investment and you are TIRED of strangers tramping over your head in a 3-story and banging things at 1:37 a.m. and then of course, you have to plant yourself in one of the most expensive cities in the US where home/condo ownership is NOT cheaper than renting but only about 5 times more expensive and there you are saying hmmm. yes, i too could pay $349K for a condo to have some little dog with pink toenails run around on the floor overhead...or...i could buy a house for the same amount and not have the little dog with pink toenails run around on the floor overhead. see, that's where the house makes sense, no matter who lives there. excepting the little dog with pink toenails.
there comes a point when you're my age (34) that you figure your life may not turn out the way you thought. (marraige, kids, house w/ picket fence). so you start working toward alternate plan b...which means all of the above in an order optional to your particular preferences. though it makes sense to get the car before the house, and the house before the kids, and marraige somewhere before the kids, we now have the option of bucking society's preferences and doing it all wrong.
i just might do that as i have stable job with probable actual "career" making reappearance after long hibernation during the economic downturn. this morning i found out that i can get prequalified for the amount of house i want ($ amount that is, not SQF being in boston!). might be a good thing to get all that in order & get self some equity before addressing the kids issue...
it's an odd thing to be contemplating buying a house by yourself. one tends to imagine it filled with loving family. but then there is the point where you want an investment and you are TIRED of strangers tramping over your head in a 3-story and banging things at 1:37 a.m. and then of course, you have to plant yourself in one of the most expensive cities in the US where home/condo ownership is NOT cheaper than renting but only about 5 times more expensive and there you are saying hmmm. yes, i too could pay $349K for a condo to have some little dog with pink toenails run around on the floor overhead...or...i could buy a house for the same amount and not have the little dog with pink toenails run around on the floor overhead. see, that's where the house makes sense, no matter who lives there. excepting the little dog with pink toenails.
December 16, 2003
won't you not be my friend
whoever thought that men and women can be platonic friends is wrong. women can perhaps. perhaps. men? no. men don't bother unless they want to sleep with you. though they may not do anything of the sort, if you're not good enough for that, you're not good enough to be a friend.
so that means all my guy friends who are straight...have to go. why? because when they get s.o.'s, i will be hated by them & they will be forbidden from associating from me anyhow. so. might as well admit it now & just walk away.
i used to be friends with quite a few guy friends, but for some reason or another, very few remain. and true to my theory, i tend to have/will/might date/d them.
i'm tired of being single. i'm tired of being hated by women. and i'm tired of being dissed by my former guy friends b/c they have no choice. time to date someone. that's my new years resolution!
whoever thought that men and women can be platonic friends is wrong. women can perhaps. perhaps. men? no. men don't bother unless they want to sleep with you. though they may not do anything of the sort, if you're not good enough for that, you're not good enough to be a friend.
so that means all my guy friends who are straight...have to go. why? because when they get s.o.'s, i will be hated by them & they will be forbidden from associating from me anyhow. so. might as well admit it now & just walk away.
i used to be friends with quite a few guy friends, but for some reason or another, very few remain. and true to my theory, i tend to have/will/might date/d them.
i'm tired of being single. i'm tired of being hated by women. and i'm tired of being dissed by my former guy friends b/c they have no choice. time to date someone. that's my new years resolution!
December 02, 2003
funnybone
a recent poll in cosmo shows that men think the #1 thing women really want is a sense of humor. i don't get that.
i like it when men are funny, but i don't require it. Sure a good laugh now and then is great, but you can find that a lot of places. Perhaps compatability is measured by laughter or something. I think laughter signifies a mental connection but it doesn't make me fall in love with anyone. It's not like I think, he's the funniest guy i ever met. damn, i want him.
oh well. i guess guys realize that when you are having fun with them you tend to smile and laugh over non-funny things -- simply because you're happy. i assume they mistake that for them being funny, being the wonderful performance-oriented creatures they are.
whatever the reason, laughing is good. but being funny in itself, not so hot. unless she already likes you, it's not like it will make a diff...
a recent poll in cosmo shows that men think the #1 thing women really want is a sense of humor. i don't get that.
i like it when men are funny, but i don't require it. Sure a good laugh now and then is great, but you can find that a lot of places. Perhaps compatability is measured by laughter or something. I think laughter signifies a mental connection but it doesn't make me fall in love with anyone. It's not like I think, he's the funniest guy i ever met. damn, i want him.
oh well. i guess guys realize that when you are having fun with them you tend to smile and laugh over non-funny things -- simply because you're happy. i assume they mistake that for them being funny, being the wonderful performance-oriented creatures they are.
whatever the reason, laughing is good. but being funny in itself, not so hot. unless she already likes you, it's not like it will make a diff...
November 26, 2003
one smart chick
i don't remember the name of the girl on average joe (cuz i'm a woman), but she's a bright one. she asks good questions and the answers are oh so revealing.
in the last episode she canned the suave but slimy south american because he dated druggies and waited for 6 hours to catch a cheater. good move. and the guy who was so insecure he needed her to bolster his ego. not a job a woman wants to have. (somewhere between insecure and being a jerk is the correct ratio, boys)
and she asked a bright question to the cute, curly haired underwear model. what kinda girls do you date? him: duhhhhhhhhhhh, i dunno, all kids. and what do you usually talk to them about: uhhhhh, nothing. i think she gave up after that, calling him "young". i would have used another term, but she was very gracious.
the wall street trader is a real winner. i hope she ends up with him. he's gonna work his butt off (literally) to cover his weaknesses, and that bodes well for taking care of her well. plus, he's brilliant. quick, articulate, funny, sweet. he's a real pick. rooting for him all the way, whatever his name is...
i don't remember the name of the girl on average joe (cuz i'm a woman), but she's a bright one. she asks good questions and the answers are oh so revealing.
in the last episode she canned the suave but slimy south american because he dated druggies and waited for 6 hours to catch a cheater. good move. and the guy who was so insecure he needed her to bolster his ego. not a job a woman wants to have. (somewhere between insecure and being a jerk is the correct ratio, boys)
and she asked a bright question to the cute, curly haired underwear model. what kinda girls do you date? him: duhhhhhhhhhhh, i dunno, all kids. and what do you usually talk to them about: uhhhhh, nothing. i think she gave up after that, calling him "young". i would have used another term, but she was very gracious.
the wall street trader is a real winner. i hope she ends up with him. he's gonna work his butt off (literally) to cover his weaknesses, and that bodes well for taking care of her well. plus, he's brilliant. quick, articulate, funny, sweet. he's a real pick. rooting for him all the way, whatever his name is...
schizophrenic
men continue to attract and perturb me.
but...i guess that's the nature of the game. a guy i'm seeing now is proving to be absolutely dependable and that's quite a turnon. sometimes boring is good.
and sometimes exotic is good. my attraction to foreign men never has quite gone away, though i no longer date them. their ability to say "my wish is your command" oh shit, that was a freudian slip. i meant to say "your wish is my command" as one cute armenian said to me. but literally, of course, he would mean the first over time. ha. anyway, foreign men can look you deep in the eye and say stupid things and it comes across just so rico suave. i really did not say this either. anyhow, my belabored point continuing, american men that want to be taken seriously can't say these things. it's like a snow man putting on suntan lotion. just doesn't work. looks stupid, sounds stupid, and you sure as hell know he's a player. whereas if they're adorable and accent-ed, somehow it all makes you melt into a puddle...
other men i see greatly perturb me. the factor being: with some pride they congratulate their s.o.'s on putting up with them. this i cannot figure out. if you think you're hard to live with, change. if you can't change your attitudes, at least try to modify your behavior.
one of my friends is a proud "reformed pig". that i like. know you were once a pig, but be one no longer. that's a nice mix.
meaning: be a pig to someone else and treat me like a princess. or else i may just act like one...
men continue to attract and perturb me.
but...i guess that's the nature of the game. a guy i'm seeing now is proving to be absolutely dependable and that's quite a turnon. sometimes boring is good.
and sometimes exotic is good. my attraction to foreign men never has quite gone away, though i no longer date them. their ability to say "my wish is your command" oh shit, that was a freudian slip. i meant to say "your wish is my command" as one cute armenian said to me. but literally, of course, he would mean the first over time. ha. anyway, foreign men can look you deep in the eye and say stupid things and it comes across just so rico suave. i really did not say this either. anyhow, my belabored point continuing, american men that want to be taken seriously can't say these things. it's like a snow man putting on suntan lotion. just doesn't work. looks stupid, sounds stupid, and you sure as hell know he's a player. whereas if they're adorable and accent-ed, somehow it all makes you melt into a puddle...
other men i see greatly perturb me. the factor being: with some pride they congratulate their s.o.'s on putting up with them. this i cannot figure out. if you think you're hard to live with, change. if you can't change your attitudes, at least try to modify your behavior.
one of my friends is a proud "reformed pig". that i like. know you were once a pig, but be one no longer. that's a nice mix.
meaning: be a pig to someone else and treat me like a princess. or else i may just act like one...
November 20, 2003
phase out
thank goodness i've gotten over my protracted phase of dating people just for the hell of it. now at least i'm dating people that have substance, are actually potential somethings, and who actually WORE the Original Seventies Styles before they became Retro.
whew. nice.
don't look now
if you watch the bachelor at all, you see a bunch of girls chasing this guy who is very ho hum about them. mr.-bob-someone-out-there-is-probably-better-than-you can't make up his mind. if you look at body language, he was WAY more into kellie joe than he was estelle. i think his family had a bit of say in that final decision because they sure didn't seem to like k.j. in any case, god forbid that i ever get like that.
if you aren't after me boy, i'm outta there. as one of my friends told me about an ex who chased him, "gees, if i'd wanted her, i'd have gone after her!"
nuf said.
thank goodness i've gotten over my protracted phase of dating people just for the hell of it. now at least i'm dating people that have substance, are actually potential somethings, and who actually WORE the Original Seventies Styles before they became Retro.
whew. nice.
don't look now
if you watch the bachelor at all, you see a bunch of girls chasing this guy who is very ho hum about them. mr.-bob-someone-out-there-is-probably-better-than-you can't make up his mind. if you look at body language, he was WAY more into kellie joe than he was estelle. i think his family had a bit of say in that final decision because they sure didn't seem to like k.j. in any case, god forbid that i ever get like that.
if you aren't after me boy, i'm outta there. as one of my friends told me about an ex who chased him, "gees, if i'd wanted her, i'd have gone after her!"
nuf said.
November 14, 2003
mesmerized
today when i was buying lunch at my fav mexican place, some young gorgeous thing looked deep into my eyes as i got up to the register. i could hardly concentrate on what i was ordering. as i knew i wasn't the cat's meow today, i figured it was his m.o. and tried hard to pretend i didn't notice that when he said "your change is 96 cents" i was all flustered. i couldn't even remember how much money i'd given him for about 30 seconds. i walked away to get jalapeno peppers, trying to protect myself from looking lovestruck.
made my day. i don't care what the hell he thought of me, or how many women he did that with, damn, he was fine.
odd how a look can give you bedhead. much like cologne, except cheaper.
today when i was buying lunch at my fav mexican place, some young gorgeous thing looked deep into my eyes as i got up to the register. i could hardly concentrate on what i was ordering. as i knew i wasn't the cat's meow today, i figured it was his m.o. and tried hard to pretend i didn't notice that when he said "your change is 96 cents" i was all flustered. i couldn't even remember how much money i'd given him for about 30 seconds. i walked away to get jalapeno peppers, trying to protect myself from looking lovestruck.
made my day. i don't care what the hell he thought of me, or how many women he did that with, damn, he was fine.
odd how a look can give you bedhead. much like cologne, except cheaper.
November 09, 2003
single's weekend in
last night played scrabble with my late grandmother's game. i was given it after her funeral when i remembered aloud the fun we had making up words. it was nice to have the game we used to play when i was little. the wooden pieces are now polished with time, dog-bitten on some corners, and watermarked. i love it. also was fun to win both games, with words like foxy on a triple word score, vacated, feudal, plains, and other such scrabble funsters. think my highest score was 45 for one play.
am reading fun stuff like steinbeck's tortilla flat (just bought cannery row), william bradford's diary, william martin's backbay (just finished cape cod), arthur hailey's overload (loved hotel), crichton's timeline, grisham's king of torts, and clancy's executive orders. not all at once. but that's my new list. got a few new others as well for fun, but am working on finishing all works by steinbeck, crichton, clancy, martin, et. al.
then of course i'm meditating upon myself, my dates, where i'm going in life, and what i will be like when i get there. am taking advice of friends who tell me i don't know what i want, and figuring out what that might be. all in all, a very thinky time, full of good coffee and good thoughts.
there's nothing like a good cup of coffee on a sunny morning in a bay window with great music playing, a new book, and the radiator hissing. the only better thing would be a fireplace on a rainy night with a cat, a cup of hot chocolate, a big pillow, and another good book. of course you add a warm body to both of these scenarios and it all gets better. but you have to make sure you get along with them first...i'm working on the warm body part. all good things come in time. ;)
even another superbowl win by the pats...
last night played scrabble with my late grandmother's game. i was given it after her funeral when i remembered aloud the fun we had making up words. it was nice to have the game we used to play when i was little. the wooden pieces are now polished with time, dog-bitten on some corners, and watermarked. i love it. also was fun to win both games, with words like foxy on a triple word score, vacated, feudal, plains, and other such scrabble funsters. think my highest score was 45 for one play.
am reading fun stuff like steinbeck's tortilla flat (just bought cannery row), william bradford's diary, william martin's backbay (just finished cape cod), arthur hailey's overload (loved hotel), crichton's timeline, grisham's king of torts, and clancy's executive orders. not all at once. but that's my new list. got a few new others as well for fun, but am working on finishing all works by steinbeck, crichton, clancy, martin, et. al.
then of course i'm meditating upon myself, my dates, where i'm going in life, and what i will be like when i get there. am taking advice of friends who tell me i don't know what i want, and figuring out what that might be. all in all, a very thinky time, full of good coffee and good thoughts.
there's nothing like a good cup of coffee on a sunny morning in a bay window with great music playing, a new book, and the radiator hissing. the only better thing would be a fireplace on a rainy night with a cat, a cup of hot chocolate, a big pillow, and another good book. of course you add a warm body to both of these scenarios and it all gets better. but you have to make sure you get along with them first...i'm working on the warm body part. all good things come in time. ;)
even another superbowl win by the pats...
November 02, 2003
tradition
this morning i did a wash & enjoyed the beautiful outdoors. it really is gorgeous outside, warm, sunny & with beautiful fall leaves. i also enjoyed having all the washers and dryers work & generally the sound of the machines humming. washing is a very happy-sounding event. very cozy.
anyhow. single people have our traditions too. and sometimes they are quite cozy. doing a wash on sunday morning when the laundromat is still empty, watching the people go by on the street on the way to brunch, playing in the little park while the clothes wash (which includes riding on the springy-snail), saying hey to the laundromat people. it's all kinda cool when you've been doing it for a while. and you are a local. and it's a tradition. it all works.
this morning i did a wash & enjoyed the beautiful outdoors. it really is gorgeous outside, warm, sunny & with beautiful fall leaves. i also enjoyed having all the washers and dryers work & generally the sound of the machines humming. washing is a very happy-sounding event. very cozy.
anyhow. single people have our traditions too. and sometimes they are quite cozy. doing a wash on sunday morning when the laundromat is still empty, watching the people go by on the street on the way to brunch, playing in the little park while the clothes wash (which includes riding on the springy-snail), saying hey to the laundromat people. it's all kinda cool when you've been doing it for a while. and you are a local. and it's a tradition. it all works.
October 30, 2003
i'll be comin' down the mountain...
whoohoo. i'm going skiing with my ski buds again for the 3rd year in a row. how cool is that. :) looks like will be 4 of us singletons and one set of smug marrieds. my newly married friend asked if i had any s.o.'s to bring along and gee i felt like a winner. when that happens--i have an s.o.--i'll put out an APB & no one will miss the news in a 10-friend radius.
seems like there is something to this blowing off guys bit...
i just got a call yesterday from my best friend in elementary school who located my 7th-grade crush, tim, who i blew off for noble reasons like bell-choir, choir, orchestra, string group, Mugar's orchestra, private lessons, practicing, and generally being too busy to date him. then i've regretted it ever since. he is now happily married with two boys, a captain in El Dorado fire dept. in CA, and probably off fighting the fires there. i was looking for him this morning on the news, just in case he showed up looking sexy and haggard.
and i'll be...here he is. don't even recognize him with the mustache...haven't seen a picture of him in 25 years.
well, timothy noel cordero, this bud's for you.
whoohoo. i'm going skiing with my ski buds again for the 3rd year in a row. how cool is that. :) looks like will be 4 of us singletons and one set of smug marrieds. my newly married friend asked if i had any s.o.'s to bring along and gee i felt like a winner. when that happens--i have an s.o.--i'll put out an APB & no one will miss the news in a 10-friend radius.
seems like there is something to this blowing off guys bit...
i just got a call yesterday from my best friend in elementary school who located my 7th-grade crush, tim, who i blew off for noble reasons like bell-choir, choir, orchestra, string group, Mugar's orchestra, private lessons, practicing, and generally being too busy to date him. then i've regretted it ever since. he is now happily married with two boys, a captain in El Dorado fire dept. in CA, and probably off fighting the fires there. i was looking for him this morning on the news, just in case he showed up looking sexy and haggard.
and i'll be...here he is. don't even recognize him with the mustache...haven't seen a picture of him in 25 years.
well, timothy noel cordero, this bud's for you.
October 29, 2003
gender rolls
sometimes i think it must suck to be a man. this morning on the train i wanted a seat that another guy wanted. i wasn't sure but i thought so. i asked him if he was going to sit there and he said no. so i sat down. he immediately looked for another seat and sat down. i knew he'd grudgingly given up that seat for me.
it must suck to be a guy and know that every time you take a seat away from a woman you're a jerk. likewise, i felt like a jerk this morning for taking a seat he clearly wanted. but that's the way it is: that's the roles we play.
and they start young. did i mention that a few weeks ago a 7-year old boy gave up his seat for me. and you know what? i sat down and said thank you, very pleased, and slid into my new seat as easily as i slid into my role of preferred seating...
sometimes i think it must suck to be a man. this morning on the train i wanted a seat that another guy wanted. i wasn't sure but i thought so. i asked him if he was going to sit there and he said no. so i sat down. he immediately looked for another seat and sat down. i knew he'd grudgingly given up that seat for me.
it must suck to be a guy and know that every time you take a seat away from a woman you're a jerk. likewise, i felt like a jerk this morning for taking a seat he clearly wanted. but that's the way it is: that's the roles we play.
and they start young. did i mention that a few weeks ago a 7-year old boy gave up his seat for me. and you know what? i sat down and said thank you, very pleased, and slid into my new seat as easily as i slid into my role of preferred seating...
October 23, 2003
ya can't get blood out of a stone
i think my current frustration in my dating life is my continued dating of guys who don't know what they want. i'm going on enough dates to make anyone happy, but as usual, the people that like me, i don't like, and the people i like don't know what they want.
there's only so long that you can date people before you figure out if it's them or you that's the problem. one of my very smart and very intuitive exes who knows me well told me recently there's nothing wrong with me that isn't wrong with anyone else (well, not in those words, but you get the point). meaning: it's them.
now that i see they're not settling down with anyone else other than me either, i'm more inclined to think he's right. anyhow, one always likes people that tell you you're normal. so i like that kind of thinking.
so now that i know it's not me: my next move is clear. stop dating these people!
and then...how do i know that they belong to the secret club called: I Really Don't Want To Date Anyone, I'm Just Messing Around
i think my current frustration in my dating life is my continued dating of guys who don't know what they want. i'm going on enough dates to make anyone happy, but as usual, the people that like me, i don't like, and the people i like don't know what they want.
there's only so long that you can date people before you figure out if it's them or you that's the problem. one of my very smart and very intuitive exes who knows me well told me recently there's nothing wrong with me that isn't wrong with anyone else (well, not in those words, but you get the point). meaning: it's them.
now that i see they're not settling down with anyone else other than me either, i'm more inclined to think he's right. anyhow, one always likes people that tell you you're normal. so i like that kind of thinking.
so now that i know it's not me: my next move is clear. stop dating these people!
and then...how do i know that they belong to the secret club called: I Really Don't Want To Date Anyone, I'm Just Messing Around
October 22, 2003
whistlin' dixie
yesterday i walked out into the hallway & this guy was coming out of the bathroom. whistling. and as i walked by, in the middle of his tune he did the oh-so-familiar wheee---wheeeoooooooo. i was smiling to myself but i didn't want to encourage such improper behavior, so i didn't turn around. when he noticed i didn't do anything, he then began to try with limited success to incorporate that phrase into his already lame concerto, turning his tune into a Theme and Variations on a Sexy Whistle.
yesterday i walked out into the hallway & this guy was coming out of the bathroom. whistling. and as i walked by, in the middle of his tune he did the oh-so-familiar wheee---wheeeoooooooo. i was smiling to myself but i didn't want to encourage such improper behavior, so i didn't turn around. when he noticed i didn't do anything, he then began to try with limited success to incorporate that phrase into his already lame concerto, turning his tune into a Theme and Variations on a Sexy Whistle.
October 21, 2003
swf seeing gswmwlrgjank (good-looking single white male with labrador retriever, good job and no kids)
so today i want to draft a letter to one of my cosmo bachelors. this will be very hard as lots of women will write to them. so i want my letter to stand out, yet be appealing in a cute but intelligent way. here goes.
"hi. i think you're very cute."
duh. ya think.
"Hello _____, I am a SWF living in Boston who likes the Red Sox"
no. can't do that. he'll feel sorry for me.
"Hello _____, I live in Boston, land of baked beans."
hell no! air freshener please.
"Hi ____, I saw your picture in Cosmo."
...which is why this e-mail was set up.
this is harder than it looks!
"Hi ______, I've been reading Cosmo for 10 years..."
...and i'm as old as your mother and i have no life.
"Hi ______, my name is ______."
name doesn't matter. only my picture matters.
"Hi _____, I've attached my picture for my review. Check it out and see if you're interested in talking to me. If you are, please read on..."
...my salary requirements are.
HOW IN GOD's GREEN EARTH DO GUYS WRITE TO GIRLS? Damn, this is hard. thank goodness i'm a woman.
i'll have to think about this some more. what good text goes with my face?
ahh!!
"Hi ________, I'm a _______ (description goes here) who loves nature, traveling, any sport that involves water, and ______ (music). The reason I wrote to you is because I liked your frog-catching. My favorite memories of growing up were exploring all the fields and streams with my black pony and white dog, hatching caterpillars into monarchs, building treehouses, and finding garter snakes. Now I live in the city and wear garter hose. No I'm kidding. But someday soon I plan to a place in the country again where I can swim in the pond and squish my toes in the mud every day."
...now let's settle down and have some kids in that place in the country. works for me. ;)
so today i want to draft a letter to one of my cosmo bachelors. this will be very hard as lots of women will write to them. so i want my letter to stand out, yet be appealing in a cute but intelligent way. here goes.
"hi. i think you're very cute."
duh. ya think.
"Hello _____, I am a SWF living in Boston who likes the Red Sox"
no. can't do that. he'll feel sorry for me.
"Hello _____, I live in Boston, land of baked beans."
hell no! air freshener please.
"Hi ____, I saw your picture in Cosmo."
...which is why this e-mail was set up.
this is harder than it looks!
"Hi ______, I've been reading Cosmo for 10 years..."
...and i'm as old as your mother and i have no life.
"Hi ______, my name is ______."
name doesn't matter. only my picture matters.
"Hi _____, I've attached my picture for my review. Check it out and see if you're interested in talking to me. If you are, please read on..."
...my salary requirements are.
HOW IN GOD's GREEN EARTH DO GUYS WRITE TO GIRLS? Damn, this is hard. thank goodness i'm a woman.
i'll have to think about this some more. what good text goes with my face?
ahh!!
"Hi ________, I'm a _______ (description goes here) who loves nature, traveling, any sport that involves water, and ______ (music). The reason I wrote to you is because I liked your frog-catching. My favorite memories of growing up were exploring all the fields and streams with my black pony and white dog, hatching caterpillars into monarchs, building treehouses, and finding garter snakes. Now I live in the city and wear garter hose. No I'm kidding. But someday soon I plan to a place in the country again where I can swim in the pond and squish my toes in the mud every day."
...now let's settle down and have some kids in that place in the country. works for me. ;)
here i don't come to save the day
a brave prince from down under has arrived as i'd dreamed and hoped. while i've been pouting in my little imaginary castle, dreaming of handsome good-looking warriors who'd spirit me away and save me from the evil one-eyed-one-legged-one-armed-one-headed dragon, he has fought off scores of imaginary dragons, plunged into the abyss of the unknown, braved the firewalls and...sent me an e-mail!
[dramatic pause for effect]
but, alas! i am still here in my castle. something must be wrong with my fantasy. i'll have to check & see where it broke...
a brave prince from down under has arrived as i'd dreamed and hoped. while i've been pouting in my little imaginary castle, dreaming of handsome good-looking warriors who'd spirit me away and save me from the evil one-eyed-one-legged-one-armed-one-headed dragon, he has fought off scores of imaginary dragons, plunged into the abyss of the unknown, braved the firewalls and...sent me an e-mail!
[dramatic pause for effect]
but, alas! i am still here in my castle. something must be wrong with my fantasy. i'll have to check & see where it broke...
October 16, 2003
i'll take a whole ba(t)ch of those right over there...
one of the best things about being single is that...
i can write to any of the bachelors featured in this month's cosmo! and being the smartish sort of good-looking blond i am, i have a decent chance of them writing me back.
hmmm. who will i write to? how about mr. west virginia, mr. alabama, mr. wisconsin, mr. arkansas. that'll do for starters.
damn, sometimes life is sweet.
now, what do i say to them...?
one of the best things about being single is that...
i can write to any of the bachelors featured in this month's cosmo! and being the smartish sort of good-looking blond i am, i have a decent chance of them writing me back.
hmmm. who will i write to? how about mr. west virginia, mr. alabama, mr. wisconsin, mr. arkansas. that'll do for starters.
damn, sometimes life is sweet.
now, what do i say to them...?
October 15, 2003
ignorance is bliss
so i'm a bright one. i make this site about being single and then can't write about my dates because of course, they either know i keep a website or they can find out by looking up my name online.
that said, who really cares about the actual dates i'm having anyhow? isn't the whole point to portray how it IS to be single (and unfortunately, only when i feel like writing, not when i feel good and happy and not-like-writing)?
anyhow, happily, dating is a part of life, but not the whole.
...life is bigger, bigger than you, and you are not me...
so i'm a bright one. i make this site about being single and then can't write about my dates because of course, they either know i keep a website or they can find out by looking up my name online.
that said, who really cares about the actual dates i'm having anyhow? isn't the whole point to portray how it IS to be single (and unfortunately, only when i feel like writing, not when i feel good and happy and not-like-writing)?
anyhow, happily, dating is a part of life, but not the whole.
...life is bigger, bigger than you, and you are not me...
October 11, 2003
lonely in paradise
sometimes, in fact quite often, it's very lonely being single. you pretend to yourself that if you weren't single you wouldn't be lonely. which you then remember is a lot of b.s. because your mind then polls all your past relationships and flags those where you where indeed lonely, trying to convince you things are fine the way they are.
well, if it's fine the way it is, why do we human's have this lonely/relationship itch that we just have to scratch? apparently we're NOT supposed to feel alone. at least more than x% of the time, whatever value x has to each of us individually. as though there is this warning that goes off and says "Attention: You are feeling lonely. Please do something about it." much like the door lady in the car, though not with "The door is a jar? No kidding. Does Toyota know this?" pun to think to yourself.
independent people also tend to be more lonely i think because we tend to have a greater resistance to listening to our Attention warnings. Yesterday is a prime example.
where i work we have free passes to the acquarium, and yesterday our company went over at lunch. i was happy because i'd been wanting to go for a while, but not by myself. what happened? i ended up walking around by myself! i just didn't seem to fit in with any of the groups and i have a greater need to absorb information at my own pace than i do to stick with a group. so at one point i was wiping a tear from my eye and saying to myself, i waited all this time to see these things with people and here i am alone watching the penguins! so i promptly found a group to look at things with and stuck with them until i felt annoyed enough to go off on my own again.
finally i decided to end my predicament by hanging out with our cute resident bachelor who was also looking around alone. that turned out quite well. we watched myrtle the turtle together.
who, incidentally, also seems to live alone.
sometimes, in fact quite often, it's very lonely being single. you pretend to yourself that if you weren't single you wouldn't be lonely. which you then remember is a lot of b.s. because your mind then polls all your past relationships and flags those where you where indeed lonely, trying to convince you things are fine the way they are.
well, if it's fine the way it is, why do we human's have this lonely/relationship itch that we just have to scratch? apparently we're NOT supposed to feel alone. at least more than x% of the time, whatever value x has to each of us individually. as though there is this warning that goes off and says "Attention: You are feeling lonely. Please do something about it." much like the door lady in the car, though not with "The door is a jar? No kidding. Does Toyota know this?" pun to think to yourself.
independent people also tend to be more lonely i think because we tend to have a greater resistance to listening to our Attention warnings. Yesterday is a prime example.
where i work we have free passes to the acquarium, and yesterday our company went over at lunch. i was happy because i'd been wanting to go for a while, but not by myself. what happened? i ended up walking around by myself! i just didn't seem to fit in with any of the groups and i have a greater need to absorb information at my own pace than i do to stick with a group. so at one point i was wiping a tear from my eye and saying to myself, i waited all this time to see these things with people and here i am alone watching the penguins! so i promptly found a group to look at things with and stuck with them until i felt annoyed enough to go off on my own again.
finally i decided to end my predicament by hanging out with our cute resident bachelor who was also looking around alone. that turned out quite well. we watched myrtle the turtle together.
who, incidentally, also seems to live alone.
October 10, 2003
today's post: sexy
there are times when you want to smack guys on the street for acting like construction workers. and i don't mean in a kissy-kissy way. then there are other times when you do mean in a kissy-kissy way...(if you don't believe this is true, check out the latest issue of cosmo or glamour or something like that where a mother pushing a stroller misses the whistles that used to annoy her so much).
this morning i wore my new hot (i.e. low cut, tight, flare, pinstripe) jeans to work as i was coordinator for lee denim day at my office. and damn, i looked good. but the metro guy at the t-stop really made me feel it. when i walked by he said, damn, great pants. i said "THANK you! :)" he said "they're really sexy." i said TY at least 2 more times. cuz ya know what? he was right, damn it! and good for him for telling things like they are. i felt great all day.
now, for those of you moralistic women who aren't reading this but would yell at me for encouraging such behavior, let me just point out for the record: he was only stating the obvious. ;) and he didn't use the word sexy until he heard i liked the first part. in any case, this is a moment when it's great to be single. i ain't got no man to worry about me taking that compliment for all it's worth. sweet.
now, for those women i was also talking about, if he'd said that on a day when i DIDN'T have great pants on, then he should be smacked for sure.
boys, there is a diff. and we know it. when we look hot & you tell us, that's cool. when we don't & you tell us, you sound like the idiot in the north end the other saturday night who said "you look really pretty. can i have a dollar?" ain't none of that gonna get a lady anything but pissed off.
there are times when you want to smack guys on the street for acting like construction workers. and i don't mean in a kissy-kissy way. then there are other times when you do mean in a kissy-kissy way...(if you don't believe this is true, check out the latest issue of cosmo or glamour or something like that where a mother pushing a stroller misses the whistles that used to annoy her so much).
this morning i wore my new hot (i.e. low cut, tight, flare, pinstripe) jeans to work as i was coordinator for lee denim day at my office. and damn, i looked good. but the metro guy at the t-stop really made me feel it. when i walked by he said, damn, great pants. i said "THANK you! :)" he said "they're really sexy." i said TY at least 2 more times. cuz ya know what? he was right, damn it! and good for him for telling things like they are. i felt great all day.
now, for those of you moralistic women who aren't reading this but would yell at me for encouraging such behavior, let me just point out for the record: he was only stating the obvious. ;) and he didn't use the word sexy until he heard i liked the first part. in any case, this is a moment when it's great to be single. i ain't got no man to worry about me taking that compliment for all it's worth. sweet.
now, for those women i was also talking about, if he'd said that on a day when i DIDN'T have great pants on, then he should be smacked for sure.
boys, there is a diff. and we know it. when we look hot & you tell us, that's cool. when we don't & you tell us, you sound like the idiot in the north end the other saturday night who said "you look really pretty. can i have a dollar?" ain't none of that gonna get a lady anything but pissed off.
October 05, 2003
today's post: why can't a woman be more like a man?
so i'm reading this book today. and it is telling us women how to get along with men. which, that fact in itself, i won't comment on. but the book goes into really basic things. i mean embarrassingly basic things that women either a) don't know or b) don't do. such as be yourself. don't give up your life for a man when he comes along (because when he goes along, then where will you be? oh, and when he's there, where will you be when he's out with his boys?) and basically telling us not to be gumbies.
wow, i mean where did that come from. how have we been socialized that we have to be told these things? it's really sad. is the patriarchal society that devastating to women that we need training in caring for ourselves first? apparently so.
or is it just our human nature, given that we can have children, to naturally put others first? i've said before that if men had kids, when they were so focused on one thing at a time, they'd lose their kids down the drain. anyhow, whatever it is, for some reason we have to take "be yourself, keep yourself" classes.
what amazes me is that men apparently are socialized to be encouraged to be and keep themselves, while women are socialized to cater to men's desire to do this. ok, what exactly is the problem here? did we grow up seeing our mothers drag themselves out of bed every morning before dad to make breakfast so he'd have a warm one in his tummy? or maybe it was for us. and dad got some too incidentally. whatever it was, who REALLY likes to clank pots and pans around early in the morning before you have even 1 eye open all the way?
so here i am with a masters' degree, trying to figure out how to stay the naturally independent person i am when a man comes along. and i'm getting such mixed messages from society. in my smart little books, i read to be myself. then in the hip and latest in women's magazines, i read how to be the best _____ for him. and stay that say. what good training is that for a committed relationship? how are you supposed to keep up the excitement in a relationship and the challenge that supposedly men want (and i like too) while you're busy being a rug?
i'm so confused.
so i'm reading this book today. and it is telling us women how to get along with men. which, that fact in itself, i won't comment on. but the book goes into really basic things. i mean embarrassingly basic things that women either a) don't know or b) don't do. such as be yourself. don't give up your life for a man when he comes along (because when he goes along, then where will you be? oh, and when he's there, where will you be when he's out with his boys?) and basically telling us not to be gumbies.
wow, i mean where did that come from. how have we been socialized that we have to be told these things? it's really sad. is the patriarchal society that devastating to women that we need training in caring for ourselves first? apparently so.
or is it just our human nature, given that we can have children, to naturally put others first? i've said before that if men had kids, when they were so focused on one thing at a time, they'd lose their kids down the drain. anyhow, whatever it is, for some reason we have to take "be yourself, keep yourself" classes.
what amazes me is that men apparently are socialized to be encouraged to be and keep themselves, while women are socialized to cater to men's desire to do this. ok, what exactly is the problem here? did we grow up seeing our mothers drag themselves out of bed every morning before dad to make breakfast so he'd have a warm one in his tummy? or maybe it was for us. and dad got some too incidentally. whatever it was, who REALLY likes to clank pots and pans around early in the morning before you have even 1 eye open all the way?
so here i am with a masters' degree, trying to figure out how to stay the naturally independent person i am when a man comes along. and i'm getting such mixed messages from society. in my smart little books, i read to be myself. then in the hip and latest in women's magazines, i read how to be the best _____ for him. and stay that say. what good training is that for a committed relationship? how are you supposed to keep up the excitement in a relationship and the challenge that supposedly men want (and i like too) while you're busy being a rug?
i'm so confused.
October 04, 2003
today's post: redesign
so how do you like the new site? a friend made my logo & i've linked up to a few other sites who also share my singleness.
i've also signed up with yahoo! personals affiliate site since i've done all my online dating thru them for the past year or so. (when i am on live on the site, i am of course, known as seeingsingle...)
so how do you like the new site? a friend made my logo & i've linked up to a few other sites who also share my singleness.
i've also signed up with yahoo! personals affiliate site since i've done all my online dating thru them for the past year or so. (when i am on live on the site, i am of course, known as seeingsingle...)
October 03, 2003
today's third post: blue
bloggie, i'm tired of going places by myself and bopping around the city at night alone to meet friends. am pouting. will just stay home. v. depressing. now have excuse to eat whatever i want (coming right up), buy clothes (ooops i already did that), and generally be a hermitess (beginning now).
will invoke my right to use my favorite fairytale: where the hero comes and finds me IN my castle instead of me having to go out on my own all the time to meet HIM. my fantasy will last for a full 24 minutes before i acknowledge what bs it is, but by then i will be eating some warm and cozy something and have my toes wiggling in my sheets watching my favorite tv show and reading all about something i find intensely interesting and when my fantasy has expired i won't even notice.
bloggie, i'm tired of going places by myself and bopping around the city at night alone to meet friends. am pouting. will just stay home. v. depressing. now have excuse to eat whatever i want (coming right up), buy clothes (ooops i already did that), and generally be a hermitess (beginning now).
will invoke my right to use my favorite fairytale: where the hero comes and finds me IN my castle instead of me having to go out on my own all the time to meet HIM. my fantasy will last for a full 24 minutes before i acknowledge what bs it is, but by then i will be eating some warm and cozy something and have my toes wiggling in my sheets watching my favorite tv show and reading all about something i find intensely interesting and when my fantasy has expired i won't even notice.
today's other post: throw me a funnybone
funny is as funny gets.
i love guys with a good sense of humor. i have a friend (who is hilarious) who says that if you can make a woman laugh it's easier to get her into bed. boys, he's right. not, of course, that i've said, you're so funny, let's go make out. but in my head, you scored big, boy, if you can make me laugh. and not just politely either. and now that we're talking score, your sense of humor can be used to offset some other annoyances that we may encounter in your character. oh dear. this sounds like i'm keeping score. i'm not really, it's just well, that i rate humor very highly.
and it's not like we girls say, he's really funny (meaning he's ugly). it's not the equivalent of the "nice personality" for a girl. it's much much cooler. i mean we women aren't as turned on by how great your body is like you are about ours -- even though we might love how you look -- but a good laugh? can't beat that, sorry, even with all your gorgeous muscles. unless of course those great pecs are being used to be a hero and save us from harm. that still makes our hearts a little happier but we're not going to throw ourselves in front of a car just so you can save us. just make us laugh, it will have the same effect and be a bit easier on your back as well...
p.s. besides it's free! how can you pass that up.
funny is as funny gets.
i love guys with a good sense of humor. i have a friend (who is hilarious) who says that if you can make a woman laugh it's easier to get her into bed. boys, he's right. not, of course, that i've said, you're so funny, let's go make out. but in my head, you scored big, boy, if you can make me laugh. and not just politely either. and now that we're talking score, your sense of humor can be used to offset some other annoyances that we may encounter in your character. oh dear. this sounds like i'm keeping score. i'm not really, it's just well, that i rate humor very highly.
and it's not like we girls say, he's really funny (meaning he's ugly). it's not the equivalent of the "nice personality" for a girl. it's much much cooler. i mean we women aren't as turned on by how great your body is like you are about ours -- even though we might love how you look -- but a good laugh? can't beat that, sorry, even with all your gorgeous muscles. unless of course those great pecs are being used to be a hero and save us from harm. that still makes our hearts a little happier but we're not going to throw ourselves in front of a car just so you can save us. just make us laugh, it will have the same effect and be a bit easier on your back as well...
p.s. besides it's free! how can you pass that up.
September 27, 2003
today's topic: people
permit me to make fun of online dating again. so there's this guy who sends me what's called an icebreaker on yahoo. what it really means is i'm too cheap to sign up to write to you (so don't expect i'll pay for a date) but i can send you this lame-ass message with options of pickup lines that are so bad you'd tell all your friends about them next monday morning at work.
anyhow, so this guy's header is: "real man desperately seeking real woman". and it shows a nice picture of him in a car, with a scared, pissed-off look on his face, looking like he's just been told he will now be a crash-test dummy. so let's just see what this is all about.
the real man part -- what would you be otherwise? a fake man? a wuss? a wimp? bi? or an invisible man?
the desperately part -- what part of the word desperate do you think is attractive when it comes to dating?
the real woman part -- are you looking for size 10x? (for you mainiacs, that means shade in the summa, and warmth in the winta) or definitely not a transgender woman? what makes a woman real? and why would you need to state a "real" woman as opposed to what? a blow-up doll?
and these people wonder why online dating doesn't work for them. seriously, i should offer my advice services for a fee because i've been told numerous times i appear normal and that seems pretty rare. oh well. no wait, why would i improve the competition? i much prefer to laugh at them.
ok. so on to another topic. beauty and aging.
you only have to look at my mom to know that you can age with dignity and beauty and vitality. i saw another woman that proves that last night. i was walking down state street on the way back from pilates (and ooh, la la, did i ever feel good!) and this distinguished woman with perfectly coifed red hair stepped out of a taxi and waited for her man to pay the bill (smart woman ;). she's dressed in a long blue dress, that modestly splits up the front, and is wearing a beautiful pin. every beautiful red hair is in place and swept up in a sort of chignon perhaps, and her makeup is impeccable. i decide i have to tell her something. so i stop and walk back to her and tell her...you look LOVELY! i don't know where you're going, but i wish i were going there! to my happiness, she looked very pleased (i wasn't sure if she was going to be a british snob) and said oh, thank you very much.
i just know i made her night.
you see, i love telling other women when they look good. for one thing, that really counts. men seem to think i look good in the middle of doing my laundry--which is no doubt true. however, women know when you really look good and you don't forget compliments from other women. especially if they're strangers, and also beautiful, like myself. ok, ok. i am getting a little vain here, but this song IS about me, damn it. ;)
so i now find myself wondering, like princess di, will i be able to age with beauty and grace and find myself full of more character and class every year? somehow i think so. it seems to be working so far...and just look at the good genes i came from! yes, chances are...
permit me to make fun of online dating again. so there's this guy who sends me what's called an icebreaker on yahoo. what it really means is i'm too cheap to sign up to write to you (so don't expect i'll pay for a date) but i can send you this lame-ass message with options of pickup lines that are so bad you'd tell all your friends about them next monday morning at work.
anyhow, so this guy's header is: "real man desperately seeking real woman". and it shows a nice picture of him in a car, with a scared, pissed-off look on his face, looking like he's just been told he will now be a crash-test dummy. so let's just see what this is all about.
the real man part -- what would you be otherwise? a fake man? a wuss? a wimp? bi? or an invisible man?
the desperately part -- what part of the word desperate do you think is attractive when it comes to dating?
the real woman part -- are you looking for size 10x? (for you mainiacs, that means shade in the summa, and warmth in the winta) or definitely not a transgender woman? what makes a woman real? and why would you need to state a "real" woman as opposed to what? a blow-up doll?
and these people wonder why online dating doesn't work for them. seriously, i should offer my advice services for a fee because i've been told numerous times i appear normal and that seems pretty rare. oh well. no wait, why would i improve the competition? i much prefer to laugh at them.
ok. so on to another topic. beauty and aging.
you only have to look at my mom to know that you can age with dignity and beauty and vitality. i saw another woman that proves that last night. i was walking down state street on the way back from pilates (and ooh, la la, did i ever feel good!) and this distinguished woman with perfectly coifed red hair stepped out of a taxi and waited for her man to pay the bill (smart woman ;). she's dressed in a long blue dress, that modestly splits up the front, and is wearing a beautiful pin. every beautiful red hair is in place and swept up in a sort of chignon perhaps, and her makeup is impeccable. i decide i have to tell her something. so i stop and walk back to her and tell her...you look LOVELY! i don't know where you're going, but i wish i were going there! to my happiness, she looked very pleased (i wasn't sure if she was going to be a british snob) and said oh, thank you very much.
i just know i made her night.
you see, i love telling other women when they look good. for one thing, that really counts. men seem to think i look good in the middle of doing my laundry--which is no doubt true. however, women know when you really look good and you don't forget compliments from other women. especially if they're strangers, and also beautiful, like myself. ok, ok. i am getting a little vain here, but this song IS about me, damn it. ;)
so i now find myself wondering, like princess di, will i be able to age with beauty and grace and find myself full of more character and class every year? somehow i think so. it seems to be working so far...and just look at the good genes i came from! yes, chances are...
September 25, 2003
today's other topic: single by choice -- and proud of it
it is usually against society's norms and married women's wishes that women like me remain single. i've said this before. but in reading about some, uh, dating topics, i ran across the following statement:
(from this book on amazon site, titled younger men, older women...) "Increasing numbers of women are choosing to live their lives as single women."
my first thought? thank goodness i have been able to do that without wrecking someone else's life in the process...just think, women are leaving married life (what i suppose is supposed to be Nirvana) to join my singlehood (apparently the real Nirvana?).
hmmm. i have considered before that i was perhaps the envy of other people who would like to be single like me. now, i know it's true.
sad it doesn't feel as good as it sounds...
oh oh oh. here's another statement, which can be exactly the reason i tend to find younger men appealing. when they have their shirts on and i'm not distracted by the awesome way they look. from the same book on amazon:
"Today more and more women find the men of their generation stuck in an outdated patriarchal mode and the men of the next generation more eager for gender equality." ah yes, this is it.
i think younger than my age, they are younger than my age. like attracts like. well, especially when i also LOOK younger than my age. ;)
it is usually against society's norms and married women's wishes that women like me remain single. i've said this before. but in reading about some, uh, dating topics, i ran across the following statement:
(from this book on amazon site, titled younger men, older women...) "Increasing numbers of women are choosing to live their lives as single women."
my first thought? thank goodness i have been able to do that without wrecking someone else's life in the process...just think, women are leaving married life (what i suppose is supposed to be Nirvana) to join my singlehood (apparently the real Nirvana?).
hmmm. i have considered before that i was perhaps the envy of other people who would like to be single like me. now, i know it's true.
sad it doesn't feel as good as it sounds...
oh oh oh. here's another statement, which can be exactly the reason i tend to find younger men appealing. when they have their shirts on and i'm not distracted by the awesome way they look. from the same book on amazon:
"Today more and more women find the men of their generation stuck in an outdated patriarchal mode and the men of the next generation more eager for gender equality." ah yes, this is it.
i think younger than my age, they are younger than my age. like attracts like. well, especially when i also LOOK younger than my age. ;)
today's topic: details
so one of my friends told me he wants more details about my dating life. hmmm. details. as in when, where, how was it?
let me see what i can come up with that is within the bounds of decency. well, that would be just about everything i do! yes, just about. it's that other part that is the most fun.
ok. what should i talk about in a rather general but detailed way. what is it like to be 34 and date guys between the ages of 21 & 38? very very interesting. oh yes, but he was looking for details.
well, hard bodies are great. so much fun to look at. and poke, and punch, and pinch. like l's muscles. yes, it's you i'm talking about. but then you don't (usually) benefit from all the years of experience and other women that can perfect an older guy. so there are tradeoffs. but either age is fun for me. for long-term what would i pick? of course, a combination of the two. in my dreams...
more details later...have to do some more market research first. kidding. i have plenty of existing material to work off of, but then some of it, or all of it, is rather personal & not for general public consumption.
although, i will say, some guys tend to be very romantic and fun and unpredictable. and that, no matter what age they are, is just too good to be true.
ah, i did think of more. so. here's the problem: at my age and being single, as in not married, so probably nearly 10 more years than some of my counterparts, i of course have met more guys and been in more relationships. that presents some interesting challenges because i have now very definite ideas of what i think is a good physical relationship and what is not. and how to actually communicate that without hurting a guy's fragile ego is definitely somewhat like walking on eggshells. which again, does lend some benefits to being with younger guys. well, there are lots of benefits for that. except of course...the desire to actually take the relationship somewhere. so you have to like living in a cul-de-sac i guess if you're an older woman dating a younger guy...
so one of my friends told me he wants more details about my dating life. hmmm. details. as in when, where, how was it?
let me see what i can come up with that is within the bounds of decency. well, that would be just about everything i do! yes, just about. it's that other part that is the most fun.
ok. what should i talk about in a rather general but detailed way. what is it like to be 34 and date guys between the ages of 21 & 38? very very interesting. oh yes, but he was looking for details.
well, hard bodies are great. so much fun to look at. and poke, and punch, and pinch. like l's muscles. yes, it's you i'm talking about. but then you don't (usually) benefit from all the years of experience and other women that can perfect an older guy. so there are tradeoffs. but either age is fun for me. for long-term what would i pick? of course, a combination of the two. in my dreams...
more details later...have to do some more market research first. kidding. i have plenty of existing material to work off of, but then some of it, or all of it, is rather personal & not for general public consumption.
although, i will say, some guys tend to be very romantic and fun and unpredictable. and that, no matter what age they are, is just too good to be true.
ah, i did think of more. so. here's the problem: at my age and being single, as in not married, so probably nearly 10 more years than some of my counterparts, i of course have met more guys and been in more relationships. that presents some interesting challenges because i have now very definite ideas of what i think is a good physical relationship and what is not. and how to actually communicate that without hurting a guy's fragile ego is definitely somewhat like walking on eggshells. which again, does lend some benefits to being with younger guys. well, there are lots of benefits for that. except of course...the desire to actually take the relationship somewhere. so you have to like living in a cul-de-sac i guess if you're an older woman dating a younger guy...
September 23, 2003
so i walk into dunkin donuts this morning to get a tea and as i walk in there's this guy standing over to the left talking. and he says, so all in need is for a blond to walk up to me and say, will you marry me?
so...of course...i walked up to him and said will you marry me?
they're still laughing over there. so is he.
so...of course...i walked up to him and said will you marry me?
they're still laughing over there. so is he.
today's topic: mainelining it
sometimes, as i've said before, the stars align and magic happens. for some reason, that was this weekend. as short and wierd as the whole thing was, it was really magical for me. i am such a lucky person to have such great friends.
so i've decided to look for lakefront property in NH or ME. i'm content with renting in boston for now & might decide to buy land instead of overpriced pieces of wood in the city...
sometimes, as i've said before, the stars align and magic happens. for some reason, that was this weekend. as short and wierd as the whole thing was, it was really magical for me. i am such a lucky person to have such great friends.
so i've decided to look for lakefront property in NH or ME. i'm content with renting in boston for now & might decide to buy land instead of overpriced pieces of wood in the city...
September 18, 2003
today's post: gender gaps
there's something i don't understand. it's a known fact that men and women are different, but as it relates to certain things, why is this ok? for example...
when men are under stress they tend to contract and focus. i understand this. it's great. it allows you to block out everything but your objective and get it done efficiently.
when women are under stress they tend to expand and get distracted. i too understand this. it allows you to get lots of things done at once, something women are known to be very good at.
so why then, are women expected to do more than men when it comes to the family, housekeeping and things like that? because they can? a women gets stressed & she starts doing it all. no matter what it does to her, she'll get it done. a man will say screw it, i'm just getting this one thing done, let the rest go. what happens when there are kids involved? the woman expands her attention to take care of the kids. does a man shut them out?
in my experience this is totally the way it is. and i think it is very selfish. personally i think it is very selfish of men to shut out people and obligations because they happen to be under stress. let a woman try it for a day and the same man screams bloody murder.
what am i not getting about this picture? am i extremely biased, uneducated, just had a bad experience, think all men are like this when they're not? or am i right and the inequity of jobs-performed-while-under-stress is a fact of life?
there must be a man somewhere who is able to do everything at once. or else...there must be a women somewhere who can say screw it, i'm under stress, let everything and everyone else go to hell. i'm just gonna focus on THIS and get it done.
i don't know what reality is. but that's my perception anyway...and in marketing guess what? perception IS reality.
and...this must be the reason women have the kids.
there's something i don't understand. it's a known fact that men and women are different, but as it relates to certain things, why is this ok? for example...
when men are under stress they tend to contract and focus. i understand this. it's great. it allows you to block out everything but your objective and get it done efficiently.
when women are under stress they tend to expand and get distracted. i too understand this. it allows you to get lots of things done at once, something women are known to be very good at.
so why then, are women expected to do more than men when it comes to the family, housekeeping and things like that? because they can? a women gets stressed & she starts doing it all. no matter what it does to her, she'll get it done. a man will say screw it, i'm just getting this one thing done, let the rest go. what happens when there are kids involved? the woman expands her attention to take care of the kids. does a man shut them out?
in my experience this is totally the way it is. and i think it is very selfish. personally i think it is very selfish of men to shut out people and obligations because they happen to be under stress. let a woman try it for a day and the same man screams bloody murder.
what am i not getting about this picture? am i extremely biased, uneducated, just had a bad experience, think all men are like this when they're not? or am i right and the inequity of jobs-performed-while-under-stress is a fact of life?
there must be a man somewhere who is able to do everything at once. or else...there must be a women somewhere who can say screw it, i'm under stress, let everything and everyone else go to hell. i'm just gonna focus on THIS and get it done.
i don't know what reality is. but that's my perception anyway...and in marketing guess what? perception IS reality.
and...this must be the reason women have the kids.
September 16, 2003
today's post: as if.
so forgive me if i make fun of some random guy online who is a brief example of many others I've seen. here again are some don'ts...
from the dating website...
"I'm a one-woman guy" -- RIIIIght. That's assumed and if you have to say so...you aren't. (Much like the "trust me" line.)
"...that keeps nothing hidden" -- BORing. Some things we don't want to know.
"I am proud" -- Now why would you say this? Pride comes before a fall according to Solomon, and isn't a quality to be proud of.
"I am single by choice" -- Hmmm. As opposed to what, coercion?
I'm better at family gatherings etc. than clubs because "I don't think I get as much out of it as I put into it." -- Which would be what exactly? And you are what, keeping score?
"Have elegant hand writing" -- Are you a real man? I mean if you have a job as a caligrapher fine, but everyone types now days. Is this a selling point?
Wants someone that "makes love with passion, always as if it were the first time" -- Ok, really now. How long have you dated someone at a stretch anyhow?
And yes, he's "wicked smart" -- This means he comes from Maine or is a member of the Wicked Good band.
Well, I don't mean to be really mean, which I probably am, but anyhow, I'm starting to wonder...is this guy really single by choice? Hmmm. What do you think.
so forgive me if i make fun of some random guy online who is a brief example of many others I've seen. here again are some don'ts...
from the dating website...
"I'm a one-woman guy" -- RIIIIght. That's assumed and if you have to say so...you aren't. (Much like the "trust me" line.)
"...that keeps nothing hidden" -- BORing. Some things we don't want to know.
"I am proud" -- Now why would you say this? Pride comes before a fall according to Solomon, and isn't a quality to be proud of.
"I am single by choice" -- Hmmm. As opposed to what, coercion?
I'm better at family gatherings etc. than clubs because "I don't think I get as much out of it as I put into it." -- Which would be what exactly? And you are what, keeping score?
"Have elegant hand writing" -- Are you a real man? I mean if you have a job as a caligrapher fine, but everyone types now days. Is this a selling point?
Wants someone that "makes love with passion, always as if it were the first time" -- Ok, really now. How long have you dated someone at a stretch anyhow?
And yes, he's "wicked smart" -- This means he comes from Maine or is a member of the Wicked Good band.
Well, I don't mean to be really mean, which I probably am, but anyhow, I'm starting to wonder...is this guy really single by choice? Hmmm. What do you think.
September 11, 2003
today's topic: what were you thinking.
first date don'ts.
DON'T take your date to a fancy restaurant and then split every dish with her. dude, what were you thinking. pick a cheap place and let her have her OWN food. you can't split meals until she suggests it. no matter how nice she is, she is only being nice. it's not about the food, it's not about the money, it's about your lack of class & generosity. you'll never live this one down.
DON'T talk about your ex-girlfriend. and if you have to mention her, SHE HAS NO NAME.
dude, take a dating class. something. learn how to treat a woman. ayiyi.
first date don'ts.
DON'T take your date to a fancy restaurant and then split every dish with her. dude, what were you thinking. pick a cheap place and let her have her OWN food. you can't split meals until she suggests it. no matter how nice she is, she is only being nice. it's not about the food, it's not about the money, it's about your lack of class & generosity. you'll never live this one down.
DON'T talk about your ex-girlfriend. and if you have to mention her, SHE HAS NO NAME.
dude, take a dating class. something. learn how to treat a woman. ayiyi.
September 07, 2003
today's topic: the boss
this has nothing to do with dating. but what the hell, it's my blog.
we can hear the springsteen concert at fenway from my house. wow, can you believe it. we also found the best acoustical place to listen to the concerts. i'm not telling where it is so you don't show up with your dogs and blankets and chairs and fried chicken and beer. :) and ruin it for me.
nice end to a hot day in the sun (photos to follow).
and, oh wait, there's a skunk to top things off. nice sights, nice sounds, nice smells.
gotta love boston.
this has nothing to do with dating. but what the hell, it's my blog.
we can hear the springsteen concert at fenway from my house. wow, can you believe it. we also found the best acoustical place to listen to the concerts. i'm not telling where it is so you don't show up with your dogs and blankets and chairs and fried chicken and beer. :) and ruin it for me.
nice end to a hot day in the sun (photos to follow).
and, oh wait, there's a skunk to top things off. nice sights, nice sounds, nice smells.
gotta love boston.
September 05, 2003
September 01, 2003
today's post: meeting a woman's needs
i think this is a hard topic for men. it's also hard for women. first, women have to admit to themselves that they have the right to have their needs met. [this may takes years and years to happen, or it may never happen. guys if she thinks she deserves to have her needs met, you've met an enlightened woman who's evolved past the 1950s. be proud of your brand new model!] then women need to figure out what these needs are. then, we need to educate men about what they are in a way that's not going to drive the man away.
most men (as i understand it) don't like to be educated. they think they should know what a woman needs and be able to provide it without being told. what they forget is that every woman is different. and it's not about them being inadequate, it's about them accomodating what this particular woman actually needs to be happy.
i used to have a boyfriend that loved to detail my car. that was nice. it was an old car and sure loved the attention. the problem was, i wanted that attention. and i wanted that time. he would tell me "i love you. i just detailed your car for you." (well, not in those exact words, but that was the intent.) i would say, "that's nice. i love you too. i want you to hug me though and tell me you love me. that's what i need. i don't need you to detail my car, though you can do that too if you want." did he walk right over and give me that hug i had just asked for? no. he didn't get it. i think that's one reason why i didn't marry him. i cleary said giving me a hug is more important than detailing my car. i need the attention more than i need my car cleaned. but he didn't listen. if he didn't listen about that, what other things would he ignore?
telling a guy what you need is very very difficult. it's incredibly difficult to figure it out yourself. because it's a deceiving process. you may think you need him to not go out with his friends and stay home with you -- when really it's not about his friends at all, it's about you not getting enough attention at other times. so you have to figure out what you really want.
once you have figured it out, you have to get up the guts to express it. things that are really important to you are the hardest to express, even to yourself. let alone someone else who may call you nuts, say "this is not what i bargained for" or reject you outright. it's much easier to maintain the status quo and continue to ignore your needs than to risk the exposure of trying to have them met. but if you're going to have a relationship without resentment, you have to do so. after all, he'll have no idea why you are so resentful, he won't have had a chance to fix anything because he didn't know what was wrong, and your relationship will bust apart at the seams. it may anyway if he doesn't want to meet your newly expressed needs. he may say "gee, ya got along ok for the past x years like this, why do you have to go and change things now? i don't want to change. i'm outta here..."
anyhow, supposing you try anyhow, you have to try to tell him without making him feel inadequate. since probably he feels this way anyway when it comes to your needs, this is a hard one. you have to make the point that "it's not that you're not doing anything to meet my needs. i know you are trying. (assuming you do know!) but here's how to make your life easier...instead of wasting lots of energy in doing xyz that i don't care about, can you shift your attention to abc. that is what i need more."
i consider any guy i'm involved with who modifies his behavior according to my request to be someone who is interested in meeting my needs. as long as he does what i ask him in response to my own needs, i assume there is still hope for some kind of relationship. even if i ask him to back off for a while, and he does that because i want it, i take that as "he likes me, he's trying." as long as there is change there is hope.
it's when there's no more change and no accomodation that i throw the baby out with the bathwater, the conditioner, the shampoo, all the towels and the kitchen sink...
i think this is a hard topic for men. it's also hard for women. first, women have to admit to themselves that they have the right to have their needs met. [this may takes years and years to happen, or it may never happen. guys if she thinks she deserves to have her needs met, you've met an enlightened woman who's evolved past the 1950s. be proud of your brand new model!] then women need to figure out what these needs are. then, we need to educate men about what they are in a way that's not going to drive the man away.
most men (as i understand it) don't like to be educated. they think they should know what a woman needs and be able to provide it without being told. what they forget is that every woman is different. and it's not about them being inadequate, it's about them accomodating what this particular woman actually needs to be happy.
i used to have a boyfriend that loved to detail my car. that was nice. it was an old car and sure loved the attention. the problem was, i wanted that attention. and i wanted that time. he would tell me "i love you. i just detailed your car for you." (well, not in those exact words, but that was the intent.) i would say, "that's nice. i love you too. i want you to hug me though and tell me you love me. that's what i need. i don't need you to detail my car, though you can do that too if you want." did he walk right over and give me that hug i had just asked for? no. he didn't get it. i think that's one reason why i didn't marry him. i cleary said giving me a hug is more important than detailing my car. i need the attention more than i need my car cleaned. but he didn't listen. if he didn't listen about that, what other things would he ignore?
telling a guy what you need is very very difficult. it's incredibly difficult to figure it out yourself. because it's a deceiving process. you may think you need him to not go out with his friends and stay home with you -- when really it's not about his friends at all, it's about you not getting enough attention at other times. so you have to figure out what you really want.
once you have figured it out, you have to get up the guts to express it. things that are really important to you are the hardest to express, even to yourself. let alone someone else who may call you nuts, say "this is not what i bargained for" or reject you outright. it's much easier to maintain the status quo and continue to ignore your needs than to risk the exposure of trying to have them met. but if you're going to have a relationship without resentment, you have to do so. after all, he'll have no idea why you are so resentful, he won't have had a chance to fix anything because he didn't know what was wrong, and your relationship will bust apart at the seams. it may anyway if he doesn't want to meet your newly expressed needs. he may say "gee, ya got along ok for the past x years like this, why do you have to go and change things now? i don't want to change. i'm outta here..."
anyhow, supposing you try anyhow, you have to try to tell him without making him feel inadequate. since probably he feels this way anyway when it comes to your needs, this is a hard one. you have to make the point that "it's not that you're not doing anything to meet my needs. i know you are trying. (assuming you do know!) but here's how to make your life easier...instead of wasting lots of energy in doing xyz that i don't care about, can you shift your attention to abc. that is what i need more."
i consider any guy i'm involved with who modifies his behavior according to my request to be someone who is interested in meeting my needs. as long as he does what i ask him in response to my own needs, i assume there is still hope for some kind of relationship. even if i ask him to back off for a while, and he does that because i want it, i take that as "he likes me, he's trying." as long as there is change there is hope.
it's when there's no more change and no accomodation that i throw the baby out with the bathwater, the conditioner, the shampoo, all the towels and the kitchen sink...
August 29, 2003
today's post: what women want
LYN'S LIST OF WHAT WOMEN WANT
1. we want you to want us
2. we want to know that you want us!
3. we want you to master application of #1&2 above. trust us, there's other guys always doing it really, really well.
4. we want you to listen
5. we want you to talk
6. we want you to understand & empathize
7. if you can't do #6, we want you to at least do #4.
8. we want you to go out with your friends.
9. we want one of your t-shirts to sleep in with your cologne sprayed all over it
10. we want you to notice anything we do different -- hair, makeup, lipstick, clothes. just look at us often. you'll notice.
11. we want you to be able to fix things. be an expert in something. home repairs, computers, cars, us. just pick one.
12. we want to be proud of you. we want to show you off to other women and brag about you.
13. we want you to be great in that one thing that we love in bed.
14. we want you to be a heap-big success. no matter what you do. as long as your happy & do it well.
15. we want you to hide it when you look at other women.
16. we want to know what your favorite meal is and how to fix it.
17. we want you to hug us when we're angry at you.
18. we want you to tell us when something we do annoys you so we can stop doing it.
19. sometimes we just want to rip all your clothes off and see what happens next.
20. we want to know we got you, but all those other girls want you too.
LYN'S LIST OF WHAT WOMEN WANT
1. we want you to want us
2. we want to know that you want us!
3. we want you to master application of #1&2 above. trust us, there's other guys always doing it really, really well.
4. we want you to listen
5. we want you to talk
6. we want you to understand & empathize
7. if you can't do #6, we want you to at least do #4.
8. we want you to go out with your friends.
9. we want one of your t-shirts to sleep in with your cologne sprayed all over it
10. we want you to notice anything we do different -- hair, makeup, lipstick, clothes. just look at us often. you'll notice.
11. we want you to be able to fix things. be an expert in something. home repairs, computers, cars, us. just pick one.
12. we want to be proud of you. we want to show you off to other women and brag about you.
13. we want you to be great in that one thing that we love in bed.
14. we want you to be a heap-big success. no matter what you do. as long as your happy & do it well.
15. we want you to hide it when you look at other women.
16. we want to know what your favorite meal is and how to fix it.
17. we want you to hug us when we're angry at you.
18. we want you to tell us when something we do annoys you so we can stop doing it.
19. sometimes we just want to rip all your clothes off and see what happens next.
20. we want to know we got you, but all those other girls want you too.
today's post: not counting chickens
when women are dating new guys it's hard not to let our friends count our chickens before they hatch. while our girlfriends are busy seeing if his last name sounds good on us, we're busy trying to keep some perspective.
and it's not too hard to protect ourselves. it's harder to remain open-minded sometimes. guys, when you read that during a date the girl is thinking "i hope he's not a jerk like all the others" while you're thinking "i just hope i have fun", it's so true. we girls look at every new guy we date as guilty until proven innocent. sorry, but that's the way it is.
sometimes we forget our initial mantra & then we just get in trouble because let's face it -- you're not always nice to us. you are testing us too sometimes to see how much b.s. we'll take. and that really sucks.
oh well, here's to eggs, and looking forward to omelettes if you turn out to be a jerk after all.
when women are dating new guys it's hard not to let our friends count our chickens before they hatch. while our girlfriends are busy seeing if his last name sounds good on us, we're busy trying to keep some perspective.
and it's not too hard to protect ourselves. it's harder to remain open-minded sometimes. guys, when you read that during a date the girl is thinking "i hope he's not a jerk like all the others" while you're thinking "i just hope i have fun", it's so true. we girls look at every new guy we date as guilty until proven innocent. sorry, but that's the way it is.
sometimes we forget our initial mantra & then we just get in trouble because let's face it -- you're not always nice to us. you are testing us too sometimes to see how much b.s. we'll take. and that really sucks.
oh well, here's to eggs, and looking forward to omelettes if you turn out to be a jerk after all.
August 26, 2003
today's other post: ugh
when you're single, your girlfriends are really important. because you don't have a s.o. (no b. at the end. or wait, is there?) to talk to about all the annoying big and little things in your life, you really rely on your girlfriends to take up the slack.
so it totally sucks when they become the topics of your bitch and moan conversations that they are supposed to be HEARING, not starring in.
it's just wrong when your friend? gets really angry at you for some little thing you are perceived to have done or not done, yells at you in public when you ask why she is angry at you, during the apology conversation -- in which she started out apologizing -- then blames you for everything from not doing exactly what she wanted in the first place, to using the wrong words to say no, to "making" her yell by asking her what was wrong at the wrong time. then trying to make you look bad later by twisting the story when other people ask what happened.
you could almost chalk the whole experience up to a "bad day" -- until it becomes like a drunk energizer bunny.
this kind of thing absolutely unexplainable thing makes any trouble with men look really really simple. thank god i date men. i've always wondered how lesbians got along at all -- let alone with pms.
now maybe i know.
when you're single, your girlfriends are really important. because you don't have a s.o. (no b. at the end. or wait, is there?) to talk to about all the annoying big and little things in your life, you really rely on your girlfriends to take up the slack.
so it totally sucks when they become the topics of your bitch and moan conversations that they are supposed to be HEARING, not starring in.
it's just wrong when your friend? gets really angry at you for some little thing you are perceived to have done or not done, yells at you in public when you ask why she is angry at you, during the apology conversation -- in which she started out apologizing -- then blames you for everything from not doing exactly what she wanted in the first place, to using the wrong words to say no, to "making" her yell by asking her what was wrong at the wrong time. then trying to make you look bad later by twisting the story when other people ask what happened.
you could almost chalk the whole experience up to a "bad day" -- until it becomes like a drunk energizer bunny.
this kind of thing absolutely unexplainable thing makes any trouble with men look really really simple. thank god i date men. i've always wondered how lesbians got along at all -- let alone with pms.
now maybe i know.
August 25, 2003
today's post: it's all in a name
if you never want to get a date again, enter your name into the form at this website -- Kabalarian Philosophy -- and tell all your dates how wonderful you sounded. by the way, i am definitely a josephine, not a lynette. ;)
this is great. now i have yet another method to categorize my dates. not the right sign? oops, we're not compatible. the right sign? ooops, you don't sound so good in kabalarian lingo.
right. works for me!
if you never want to get a date again, enter your name into the form at this website -- Kabalarian Philosophy -- and tell all your dates how wonderful you sounded. by the way, i am definitely a josephine, not a lynette. ;)
this is great. now i have yet another method to categorize my dates. not the right sign? oops, we're not compatible. the right sign? ooops, you don't sound so good in kabalarian lingo.
right. works for me!
August 24, 2003
today's post:
help wanted:
smart, blond, swf with perfect driving record and with love of LA freeways seeks cute, dependable swm driver with love of boston freeways. driver must be able to pick the lane least taken on a consistent basis while not killing off passengers. swf willing to rub shoulders, feed driver (with fresh home-baked bread mmmmm), pick music, control air conditioner, talk on cell phone, operate windows, read maps, stop and ask for directions, pay for tolls, and buy coffee for said driver.
;) hee hee.
help wanted:
smart, blond, swf with perfect driving record and with love of LA freeways seeks cute, dependable swm driver with love of boston freeways. driver must be able to pick the lane least taken on a consistent basis while not killing off passengers. swf willing to rub shoulders, feed driver (with fresh home-baked bread mmmmm), pick music, control air conditioner, talk on cell phone, operate windows, read maps, stop and ask for directions, pay for tolls, and buy coffee for said driver.
;) hee hee.
August 21, 2003
today's post: get married already
the world discriminates against unmarried women. no really. it does.
men love to flirt with them in the real world but in business they will deny them promotions, packages, jobs and other benefits just based on their marital status. (i have a friend in dallas with this problem.)
women love to hate them because their men love to flirt with them. then they like to look down on them because they think we haven't been "chosen" yet. and they like to flaunt their men like new clothes. all forgetting we might have "not chosen" to be with people we didn't think would make us happy over the long haul. (i could have gotten married at least once already, perhaps moreif i'd wanted to. but clearly -- i didn't.)
so clearly, everyone dislikes single women. it's a pretty strong message: get married already. for those of us who have passed it up so far, sometimes life pretty much sucks. there's this undercurrent sucking you in and lashing out at you. very hard to avoid and harder to ignore.
maybe i should become a single man instead...
the world discriminates against unmarried women. no really. it does.
men love to flirt with them in the real world but in business they will deny them promotions, packages, jobs and other benefits just based on their marital status. (i have a friend in dallas with this problem.)
women love to hate them because their men love to flirt with them. then they like to look down on them because they think we haven't been "chosen" yet. and they like to flaunt their men like new clothes. all forgetting we might have "not chosen" to be with people we didn't think would make us happy over the long haul. (i could have gotten married at least once already, perhaps moreif i'd wanted to. but clearly -- i didn't.)
so clearly, everyone dislikes single women. it's a pretty strong message: get married already. for those of us who have passed it up so far, sometimes life pretty much sucks. there's this undercurrent sucking you in and lashing out at you. very hard to avoid and harder to ignore.
maybe i should become a single man instead...
August 14, 2003
today's post: exes
no matter how much you try to get along with people, there are those people you just can't get along with. exes definitely fall into this category. somehow, if you interact, once you start hurting each other or getting hurt, it just doesn't seem to stop. no matter how hard you try. which is no doubt why you're exes in the first place.
i guess sometimes one just has to throw in the towel and crawl under a rock. or one could take the towel with them under the rock to wipe off the sweat. but sometimes you just have to say: i give up.
you hurt me once. you keep doing it. i hurt you back. let's stop.
but then you look at them & they look at you & you both say to yourselves, damn, you're so hot. and somewhere the towel and the rock have to keep each other company without you...
no matter how much you try to get along with people, there are those people you just can't get along with. exes definitely fall into this category. somehow, if you interact, once you start hurting each other or getting hurt, it just doesn't seem to stop. no matter how hard you try. which is no doubt why you're exes in the first place.
i guess sometimes one just has to throw in the towel and crawl under a rock. or one could take the towel with them under the rock to wipe off the sweat. but sometimes you just have to say: i give up.
you hurt me once. you keep doing it. i hurt you back. let's stop.
but then you look at them & they look at you & you both say to yourselves, damn, you're so hot. and somewhere the towel and the rock have to keep each other company without you...
August 04, 2003
today's post: nothing
short of dating yourself, the only better thing is to have a great date with another person. and oddly enough, while i always have something to write about my bad dates, i have nothing to say about the really good ones. (that's why this, what i'm saying right now, is appropriately titled "nothing")
now why is that? well, perhaps because being happy is just so much less interesting to read and write about than being annoyed. i can't come up with pithy one-liners, be punchy or sarcastic, or state random but commonly-held assumptions and tout them as fact.
then there's the possibility of jinxing good things by talking about them, similar to my familiar jinx of my relationships by framing pictures of us. (wanna kill your relationship fast? put a little piece of wood around a photo of you, or one of you and him. and bingo, the jealous relationship gods will decree that the TIME has come.)
there's also the sort of internal awe that one experiences when there is a lack of conflict and abundance of common interests. it's sort of a hmmm, what is this thing called compatibility?
darned if i know. better that i don't. i'd likely wreck it.
short of dating yourself, the only better thing is to have a great date with another person. and oddly enough, while i always have something to write about my bad dates, i have nothing to say about the really good ones. (that's why this, what i'm saying right now, is appropriately titled "nothing")
now why is that? well, perhaps because being happy is just so much less interesting to read and write about than being annoyed. i can't come up with pithy one-liners, be punchy or sarcastic, or state random but commonly-held assumptions and tout them as fact.
then there's the possibility of jinxing good things by talking about them, similar to my familiar jinx of my relationships by framing pictures of us. (wanna kill your relationship fast? put a little piece of wood around a photo of you, or one of you and him. and bingo, the jealous relationship gods will decree that the TIME has come.)
there's also the sort of internal awe that one experiences when there is a lack of conflict and abundance of common interests. it's sort of a hmmm, what is this thing called compatibility?
darned if i know. better that i don't. i'd likely wreck it.
July 30, 2003
today's post: me, myself and i on a date
there are lots of things you can do alone when you're single. right. yes you know this. but did you know one of the funnest is to take yourself out for a date? i call it supplementary dating. sounds like a diet pill. but it's more fun. and less dangerous. usually. unless you're wacky like me. (last year when i took myself out for a movie, i once tried to pick up a date at the theatre. ha. that was a trip. he was nice though...said he was meeting someone afterward but i could sit there if i wanted to. nah. my seat was way better. but it was fun. i walked away saying to self, girl, you rock. you got no fear ;)
so today i was less adventurous but had way more fun. i...took myself out to see the exhibit in the state house titled "where in the world is boston from?"
you know when you've been wanting to do something like for AEONS of time? i've been wanting to see this exhibit for like over a year now. so i got up off my cute little ass & JUST DID IT.
it was great. you wouldn't believe. there's a big wow about doing something you've been wanting to do. i walked into the exhibit and i kid you not, took a deep breath and smiled and was just like CHECK, i'm here! (the last CHECK off my list was STOMP last weekend. that was about a 6 year wait time. yeah, sometimes my friends just don't like the things I like!!)
there are some really cool things about dating yourself! you're never late for your dates, you always wear the right thing, you don't answer the cell phone in the middle of a conversation with yourself, you don't have to worry who is going to pick up the check, and you don't have to ever compromise on anything! i rock! yes, i do.
and by the way, the exhibit was really good too...
there are lots of things you can do alone when you're single. right. yes you know this. but did you know one of the funnest is to take yourself out for a date? i call it supplementary dating. sounds like a diet pill. but it's more fun. and less dangerous. usually. unless you're wacky like me. (last year when i took myself out for a movie, i once tried to pick up a date at the theatre. ha. that was a trip. he was nice though...said he was meeting someone afterward but i could sit there if i wanted to. nah. my seat was way better. but it was fun. i walked away saying to self, girl, you rock. you got no fear ;)
so today i was less adventurous but had way more fun. i...took myself out to see the exhibit in the state house titled "where in the world is boston from?"
you know when you've been wanting to do something like for AEONS of time? i've been wanting to see this exhibit for like over a year now. so i got up off my cute little ass & JUST DID IT.
it was great. you wouldn't believe. there's a big wow about doing something you've been wanting to do. i walked into the exhibit and i kid you not, took a deep breath and smiled and was just like CHECK, i'm here! (the last CHECK off my list was STOMP last weekend. that was about a 6 year wait time. yeah, sometimes my friends just don't like the things I like!!)
there are some really cool things about dating yourself! you're never late for your dates, you always wear the right thing, you don't answer the cell phone in the middle of a conversation with yourself, you don't have to worry who is going to pick up the check, and you don't have to ever compromise on anything! i rock! yes, i do.
and by the way, the exhibit was really good too...
July 28, 2003
today's topic: feet
so let's talk about guys feet. guys have great feet. i guess. some women like to look at their feet. you know why. i don't. i don't really care. feet are feet. do they work? great. can you walk? good. can you carry me? ah, even better.
so why oh why to men like to do this...
see pretty girl. like girl. try to impress girl. spend lots of money on girl. put best foot forward. pull out ak47. shoot self in foot.
boys boys. do you never learn. the idea on the first 2 or 3 dates is to impress the girl, to get her if you can, then decide if you want her. (yeah, we know that's how it works.) but what's wrong with you that you have to lose her to your own stupidity?
oh well, thinks she, thank god he shot himself in the foot now instead of pulling off the i'm-the-greatest-guy-since-hercules stunt -- i can move on to bigger and better things. at least bigger...
yes, it's a good thing you're an idiot now rather than later. but we'll never get why you waste all the time, money and effort doing it. we'd never do that. we'd rather hit the sale rack instead. speaking of which, i'm on my way over there now.
so let's talk about guys feet. guys have great feet. i guess. some women like to look at their feet. you know why. i don't. i don't really care. feet are feet. do they work? great. can you walk? good. can you carry me? ah, even better.
so why oh why to men like to do this...
see pretty girl. like girl. try to impress girl. spend lots of money on girl. put best foot forward. pull out ak47. shoot self in foot.
boys boys. do you never learn. the idea on the first 2 or 3 dates is to impress the girl, to get her if you can, then decide if you want her. (yeah, we know that's how it works.) but what's wrong with you that you have to lose her to your own stupidity?
oh well, thinks she, thank god he shot himself in the foot now instead of pulling off the i'm-the-greatest-guy-since-hercules stunt -- i can move on to bigger and better things. at least bigger...
yes, it's a good thing you're an idiot now rather than later. but we'll never get why you waste all the time, money and effort doing it. we'd never do that. we'd rather hit the sale rack instead. speaking of which, i'm on my way over there now.
July 26, 2003
today's topic: the second best thing about being single.
well, there are lots of cool things about being single. outside of being able to be totally independent if you want, being able to date different people is definitely right up there with awesome.
it's really cool to be able to get close to and interact with different people. to try them on for size & think, how would they fit? to have a sat. night date to look forward to. especially if it's an activity you've been meaning to do for 6 years & have never done! (STOMP!)
dating is like a steady diet of icecream. it's a very rich life. of course...which also gets tiring, but every lifestyle does. at least mine gets tiring with a different view. often very good looking views! ;)
well, there are lots of cool things about being single. outside of being able to be totally independent if you want, being able to date different people is definitely right up there with awesome.
it's really cool to be able to get close to and interact with different people. to try them on for size & think, how would they fit? to have a sat. night date to look forward to. especially if it's an activity you've been meaning to do for 6 years & have never done! (STOMP!)
dating is like a steady diet of icecream. it's a very rich life. of course...which also gets tiring, but every lifestyle does. at least mine gets tiring with a different view. often very good looking views! ;)
July 25, 2003
tonite's topic: the best thing about being single
wow, sometimes it just rocks to be single, have no kids & no particular responsibilities. the best part about being single is being able to do whatever the hell you want. and not ask anyone's permission or tell them.
today i meandered on my way home from the gym. i wandered thru the tourists at faniuel hall, listened to some great music by a cute guy & his dad, talked to the neighbors on the way home, watched the boys play baseball with mini-bats & generally had a wonderful lazy time.
i thought to self: self, this is really beautiful.
love it.
wow, sometimes it just rocks to be single, have no kids & no particular responsibilities. the best part about being single is being able to do whatever the hell you want. and not ask anyone's permission or tell them.
today i meandered on my way home from the gym. i wandered thru the tourists at faniuel hall, listened to some great music by a cute guy & his dad, talked to the neighbors on the way home, watched the boys play baseball with mini-bats & generally had a wonderful lazy time.
i thought to self: self, this is really beautiful.
love it.
today's topic: spontaneous combustion: the death of a date.
i don't really have too much to say about this topic, but what i have to say is very emphatic.
there's nothing that makes a girl feel less wanted than spontaneous dates. notice i ended dates with an s, because sometimes spontaneity is a blast. when you know the person well, it's lots of fun. until then or as an exclusive method of dating: it's an insult.
my advice? if you can't even commit to a date with a us, don't waste our time. you know what else we think you won't be able to commit to: ANYTHING.
to those of you who have learned from your mistakes (such as my wednesday date) and actually want to start planning ahead, cool. i won't hold my breath, but it's definitely a start -- i now feel halfway important. you can finish up the other half on the date. if you do show up. ;)
i don't really have too much to say about this topic, but what i have to say is very emphatic.
there's nothing that makes a girl feel less wanted than spontaneous dates. notice i ended dates with an s, because sometimes spontaneity is a blast. when you know the person well, it's lots of fun. until then or as an exclusive method of dating: it's an insult.
my advice? if you can't even commit to a date with a us, don't waste our time. you know what else we think you won't be able to commit to: ANYTHING.
to those of you who have learned from your mistakes (such as my wednesday date) and actually want to start planning ahead, cool. i won't hold my breath, but it's definitely a start -- i now feel halfway important. you can finish up the other half on the date. if you do show up. ;)
July 21, 2003
July 20, 2003
today's topic: men of action.
gotta love a guy with a plan. the only better thing than a guy with a plan is a guy who knows how to pull it off. do ya know what ya want? do ya know how to get it? great. we're impressed.
there's nothing more frustrating than someone who's not sure what he wants. there's nothing worse than playing the daisies game. especially if you count badly like i do and start on the wrong phrase for the number of petals you have.
the reason is.....we're not sure what we want either. but we're supposed to be unsure. we're supposed to see what YOU do & then decide what we think about it.
so boys, get your thing goin on & even if you change your mind later, at least we got a chance to see what's up. at least you made a move. even if you didn't pass go and collect $200, at least you aren't stuck in free parking the whole game.
gotta love a guy with a plan. the only better thing than a guy with a plan is a guy who knows how to pull it off. do ya know what ya want? do ya know how to get it? great. we're impressed.
there's nothing more frustrating than someone who's not sure what he wants. there's nothing worse than playing the daisies game. especially if you count badly like i do and start on the wrong phrase for the number of petals you have.
the reason is.....we're not sure what we want either. but we're supposed to be unsure. we're supposed to see what YOU do & then decide what we think about it.
so boys, get your thing goin on & even if you change your mind later, at least we got a chance to see what's up. at least you made a move. even if you didn't pass go and collect $200, at least you aren't stuck in free parking the whole game.
July 19, 2003
i'm gonna change today's topic. today's topic is: making a woman feel special.
there are tons of books littering shelves around the country that talk about how to make a man feel special. likewise some of the best-selling items (right up there after the half-naked woman on the front) of magazines are articles about making your man feel like a million dollars.
where are all the articles about how to make a woman feel special? (not to mention how to please a woman in bed, but that's another topic.) why is this? do men care? or...do they think they already know?
i can tell you right now, most single men don't know. no clue. those that do of course have a larger potential for being creepy crawly slime. meaning using it to manipulate women. so coming across a single man who really is a good man and can still make a woman feel special is a rare and fun occurrance.
why women continue to date men who don't make them feel special is something i'm just beginning to ponder. i think we're used to the idea that men just don't have a clue about some things. but does that make it any better? not a good excuse. do men date women who aren't good in bed? hhmmm, i would say not. so why do we date men who don't know how to make us feel special? dunno.
it really sucks to have to choose between a decent guy who is honest but has no clue and a slick guy who makes you feel great about yourself. feeling sexy, beautiful and wanted after going out with a guy is just too good to pass up. the problem is as most of us single women know, it's rarely followed up the real thing.
in any case, perhaps the answer lies in trying to show the guy your dating what makes YOU feel special. since no one publishes a manual and making a woman feel great probably involves as many different factors as there are women, here are my favorite things my dates have done to make me feel like i'm special over the years. some of them over the last few days & weeks. in no particular order.
1. making me feel wanted
2. being startlingly honest yet charming at the same time
3. not making me guess about how he feels about me
4. knowing how to sidestep money discussions on a first date: i.e. paying for the bill by magic at dinner so i never even see it
5. keeping his word...and letting me know up front when he can't keep his word
6. not giving me dumb compliments (like "you're really beautiful") until i know he means it
7. ordering white wine for us when he likes red
8. adopting my favorite restaurants as his own
9. not fighting back when i get mad
10. buying me roses
11. saying he was wrong. saying he's sorry even if he's not wrong
12. choosing me over his mother
these are a few basics without being too specific but i suppose the common theme in them is forethought, respect, and accomodation to my preferences. all techniques used to get a girl, but not so often used to keep her...but that's yet another topic.
there are tons of books littering shelves around the country that talk about how to make a man feel special. likewise some of the best-selling items (right up there after the half-naked woman on the front) of magazines are articles about making your man feel like a million dollars.
where are all the articles about how to make a woman feel special? (not to mention how to please a woman in bed, but that's another topic.) why is this? do men care? or...do they think they already know?
i can tell you right now, most single men don't know. no clue. those that do of course have a larger potential for being creepy crawly slime. meaning using it to manipulate women. so coming across a single man who really is a good man and can still make a woman feel special is a rare and fun occurrance.
why women continue to date men who don't make them feel special is something i'm just beginning to ponder. i think we're used to the idea that men just don't have a clue about some things. but does that make it any better? not a good excuse. do men date women who aren't good in bed? hhmmm, i would say not. so why do we date men who don't know how to make us feel special? dunno.
it really sucks to have to choose between a decent guy who is honest but has no clue and a slick guy who makes you feel great about yourself. feeling sexy, beautiful and wanted after going out with a guy is just too good to pass up. the problem is as most of us single women know, it's rarely followed up the real thing.
in any case, perhaps the answer lies in trying to show the guy your dating what makes YOU feel special. since no one publishes a manual and making a woman feel great probably involves as many different factors as there are women, here are my favorite things my dates have done to make me feel like i'm special over the years. some of them over the last few days & weeks. in no particular order.
1. making me feel wanted
2. being startlingly honest yet charming at the same time
3. not making me guess about how he feels about me
4. knowing how to sidestep money discussions on a first date: i.e. paying for the bill by magic at dinner so i never even see it
5. keeping his word...and letting me know up front when he can't keep his word
6. not giving me dumb compliments (like "you're really beautiful") until i know he means it
7. ordering white wine for us when he likes red
8. adopting my favorite restaurants as his own
9. not fighting back when i get mad
10. buying me roses
11. saying he was wrong. saying he's sorry even if he's not wrong
12. choosing me over his mother
these are a few basics without being too specific but i suppose the common theme in them is forethought, respect, and accomodation to my preferences. all techniques used to get a girl, but not so often used to keep her...but that's yet another topic.
July 18, 2003
today's topic: me!
so i bought a new url. seeingsingle.com. since it's already the name of my website & blog, i figured it fit. and no one had bought it yet. idiots. so here i am proud owner of a brand spankin' new url. hmmm. spankin'. hmmm.
anyhow, my friend suggested i make a portal site for singles. v. interesting. a good rainy day project with little returns but the entertainment value for me. but whatever. isn't that what it's all about when you're single? you got no kids so you have time and money to spend on junk.
so today it's all about me. me. me. after all, i am from the me generation. i'm not a boomer & i'm not a gen-x, so i'm a me. me me me me me. i'm also apparently still hungerover from last night.
so how does it feel to be me & single. wierd. very wierd. my view on the world is probably typical of other singles who watch their friends get married, have kids and divorce before we're ever married. then we're dating divorced people who were with one person all the time we were running around dating people.
so exes. so let me just rant for a minute about exes. who says it's ok to go on and on about your ex if your divorced but taboo to discuss your exes if you weren't? have you ever read those dating advisors who say don't talk about your exes on a date? well, shouldn't that apply to married people too? i don't really know actually, should it? i mean you have some sort of interest in this contractual agreement that was broken & what are chances of it happening to you also & what they've learned from it, but somehow it's just not very cool to talk about your single exes back. if he says my ex this, why can't i say my ex that? (is this because i'd have to say my ex four times removed or my ex that was really good at _______?) anyhow, for some reason i think miss manners would tell me not to. well, screw miss manners. i'm tired of twisting my stories around so that my exes become my friends. divorced people don't have to do that. they can just let their exes be their exes. no, i don't like the fact that my ex is not discussable, while dp's are. i don't like it at all.
the only way it's good is that...the one who does less talking learns more. so ok, ok, bring on the ex talk. and you can just WONDER about mine and hope to god you are half as good as they were. ;)
so i bought a new url. seeingsingle.com. since it's already the name of my website & blog, i figured it fit. and no one had bought it yet. idiots. so here i am proud owner of a brand spankin' new url. hmmm. spankin'. hmmm.
anyhow, my friend suggested i make a portal site for singles. v. interesting. a good rainy day project with little returns but the entertainment value for me. but whatever. isn't that what it's all about when you're single? you got no kids so you have time and money to spend on junk.
so today it's all about me. me. me. after all, i am from the me generation. i'm not a boomer & i'm not a gen-x, so i'm a me. me me me me me. i'm also apparently still hungerover from last night.
so how does it feel to be me & single. wierd. very wierd. my view on the world is probably typical of other singles who watch their friends get married, have kids and divorce before we're ever married. then we're dating divorced people who were with one person all the time we were running around dating people.
so exes. so let me just rant for a minute about exes. who says it's ok to go on and on about your ex if your divorced but taboo to discuss your exes if you weren't? have you ever read those dating advisors who say don't talk about your exes on a date? well, shouldn't that apply to married people too? i don't really know actually, should it? i mean you have some sort of interest in this contractual agreement that was broken & what are chances of it happening to you also & what they've learned from it, but somehow it's just not very cool to talk about your single exes back. if he says my ex this, why can't i say my ex that? (is this because i'd have to say my ex four times removed or my ex that was really good at _______?) anyhow, for some reason i think miss manners would tell me not to. well, screw miss manners. i'm tired of twisting my stories around so that my exes become my friends. divorced people don't have to do that. they can just let their exes be their exes. no, i don't like the fact that my ex is not discussable, while dp's are. i don't like it at all.
the only way it's good is that...the one who does less talking learns more. so ok, ok, bring on the ex talk. and you can just WONDER about mine and hope to god you are half as good as they were. ;)
July 16, 2003
today's topic: men.
well, this will be a common topic so i'll call it man 1: let the games begin. ha. sounds like a crime.
so being single means that one must deal with men at some point or another. or at a lot of points. or so much so that one ends up looking pointyhaired like the little guy on that fantasy v game that my ex boyfriend used to play. but sometimes not having near as much fun as he did, while still having the same sort of life-threatening adventures.
so men are great. they're entertaining, cute as all get out (sometimes that's when they're the cutest, when they've gotten out), and full of surprises. mostly they like to be full of surprises.
i really love men a lot. contrary to anyone's opinion who has read my blog over the years. when i was little my diary was full of stuff about -- guys. it hasn't much changed. unless it's full of stuff about me -- thinking about guys.
there's always the point where you have to figure out in any relationship (assuming for the purposes of game playing a "relationship" starts the first time he looks back at you to check out your butt) who is actually doing what. and intending what to go where. it all gets very confusing. you want to say "here, let me straighten it out for you buddy. i'm interested in _________ (whatever it happens to be)". but then you remember how boring that is & you play games back. so there you both are playing games. and the problem is...you're not playing the same game he is. the first step in dealing with men is getting the same game going.
is he interested? is he interested in you? is he interested in you right now? is he interested in doing anything about that interested in you right now? and what about you? do you like him? do you like him the way he is? do you like him the way he is right now? and if you like him the way he is right now, will you like him the way he is in 5 minutes or 5 days or 5 weeks?
and you get to figure all this out while conducting a series of tests on each other from which you pretty much deduce the answers since neither of you are going to give away the whole store, even though you may throw over a bone or two.
then when you get this game going, the second step is to figure out the rules of this particular game with this particular guy. then the third step is real easy: deciding if you want to play or not. i'm not gonna go into these right now because i don't feel like it.
what about my friends in those relationships where they said there are no games? i don't believe them. everyone's got a game going on. everyone's hiding something. if you think this is bad, consider this...
i was told once by my very cute and womanizer cousin -- you never tell everything to a girl you're interested in. it gets boring. i didn't really believe him until i realized how bored i was with my boyfriend. cuz i knew everything. no surprises left.
if you don't believe me, just pick up the latest issue of cosmo and read up about the secrets men keep from their wives or whatever.
ok, so back to the point. man 1: men and game playing.
there is within our socialization a certain requirement to engage in socially appropriate behavior. a learned set of rules that one must comply with in order to be seen as acceptable. you trust people who follow these rules very well; you distrust ones who break them. for example, on a first date if a guy doesn't pay, he's a cheapskate no matter what the laws of equality say. if he doesn't open the door the first 10 times you go thru it, he's not a gentleman. and if he breaks both of these rules, plus he doesn't help you out with your chair, he asks you how many drinks you had when you've had one, and he doesn't have the b***s to save a chair for you before you arrived, he's a loser. even if he brings you roses. he's just a sweet loser. but he doesn't have a clue because he broke the rules.
so is rule following game playing? well, maybe. but it's a set of societal rules. you can break them only after you've followed them.
how does one decide which are acceptable games and which are bullshit? well, i guess it has to be a personal decision. you have to go with your gut.
[this is a very meandering blog. if you're getting bored about now i don't blame you but i also don't give a shit. you can always go read some other blog if you want or go find a few good men to play games with.]
so here's the big question. as your gut tends to be instinctual (if you're a woman) and your groin (if you're a man), assuming you're a woman reading this cuz a guy wouldn't have gotten this far ;) how do you follow it if it knows it just has to wade thru a bunch of bs games? does your gut consider societal rules games along the line of bs and how does it know the difference? what if your gut instinct is conditioned to think losers are ok? will it protect you at all?
and now finally getting to the point of this whole meandering: if you're a single woman trying to figure out if a guy is bs'ing you or not (and they all do at some point or another), how do you justify your decisions based on your gut reaction if you think your instincts are off?
i have no fricken idea. the only answer i can come up with is that ... you have to trust your friends. even if they all have differing opinions. you have to make good friends, train them to see you as you are, and then have them run the bs detector on the guy since yours is likely infected and unlikely to be accurate.
well, this will be a common topic so i'll call it man 1: let the games begin. ha. sounds like a crime.
so being single means that one must deal with men at some point or another. or at a lot of points. or so much so that one ends up looking pointyhaired like the little guy on that fantasy v game that my ex boyfriend used to play. but sometimes not having near as much fun as he did, while still having the same sort of life-threatening adventures.
so men are great. they're entertaining, cute as all get out (sometimes that's when they're the cutest, when they've gotten out), and full of surprises. mostly they like to be full of surprises.
i really love men a lot. contrary to anyone's opinion who has read my blog over the years. when i was little my diary was full of stuff about -- guys. it hasn't much changed. unless it's full of stuff about me -- thinking about guys.
there's always the point where you have to figure out in any relationship (assuming for the purposes of game playing a "relationship" starts the first time he looks back at you to check out your butt) who is actually doing what. and intending what to go where. it all gets very confusing. you want to say "here, let me straighten it out for you buddy. i'm interested in _________ (whatever it happens to be)". but then you remember how boring that is & you play games back. so there you both are playing games. and the problem is...you're not playing the same game he is. the first step in dealing with men is getting the same game going.
is he interested? is he interested in you? is he interested in you right now? is he interested in doing anything about that interested in you right now? and what about you? do you like him? do you like him the way he is? do you like him the way he is right now? and if you like him the way he is right now, will you like him the way he is in 5 minutes or 5 days or 5 weeks?
and you get to figure all this out while conducting a series of tests on each other from which you pretty much deduce the answers since neither of you are going to give away the whole store, even though you may throw over a bone or two.
then when you get this game going, the second step is to figure out the rules of this particular game with this particular guy. then the third step is real easy: deciding if you want to play or not. i'm not gonna go into these right now because i don't feel like it.
what about my friends in those relationships where they said there are no games? i don't believe them. everyone's got a game going on. everyone's hiding something. if you think this is bad, consider this...
i was told once by my very cute and womanizer cousin -- you never tell everything to a girl you're interested in. it gets boring. i didn't really believe him until i realized how bored i was with my boyfriend. cuz i knew everything. no surprises left.
if you don't believe me, just pick up the latest issue of cosmo and read up about the secrets men keep from their wives or whatever.
ok, so back to the point. man 1: men and game playing.
there is within our socialization a certain requirement to engage in socially appropriate behavior. a learned set of rules that one must comply with in order to be seen as acceptable. you trust people who follow these rules very well; you distrust ones who break them. for example, on a first date if a guy doesn't pay, he's a cheapskate no matter what the laws of equality say. if he doesn't open the door the first 10 times you go thru it, he's not a gentleman. and if he breaks both of these rules, plus he doesn't help you out with your chair, he asks you how many drinks you had when you've had one, and he doesn't have the b***s to save a chair for you before you arrived, he's a loser. even if he brings you roses. he's just a sweet loser. but he doesn't have a clue because he broke the rules.
so is rule following game playing? well, maybe. but it's a set of societal rules. you can break them only after you've followed them.
how does one decide which are acceptable games and which are bullshit? well, i guess it has to be a personal decision. you have to go with your gut.
[this is a very meandering blog. if you're getting bored about now i don't blame you but i also don't give a shit. you can always go read some other blog if you want or go find a few good men to play games with.]
so here's the big question. as your gut tends to be instinctual (if you're a woman) and your groin (if you're a man), assuming you're a woman reading this cuz a guy wouldn't have gotten this far ;) how do you follow it if it knows it just has to wade thru a bunch of bs games? does your gut consider societal rules games along the line of bs and how does it know the difference? what if your gut instinct is conditioned to think losers are ok? will it protect you at all?
and now finally getting to the point of this whole meandering: if you're a single woman trying to figure out if a guy is bs'ing you or not (and they all do at some point or another), how do you justify your decisions based on your gut reaction if you think your instincts are off?
i have no fricken idea. the only answer i can come up with is that ... you have to trust your friends. even if they all have differing opinions. you have to make good friends, train them to see you as you are, and then have them run the bs detector on the guy since yours is likely infected and unlikely to be accurate.
July 15, 2003
so ok. here it is folks. or folk, as you are reading this on your own i assume & not with the aid of other peeps.
seeing single implies that this blog is about being single. duh. smart ain't i. so it will be about being single. as at the moment i have things to say about the subject! (don't i always)
there comes the fine line between writing realism and having ones exes or dates read it. a problem all blogs encounter. however, i will try to approach that line carefully, balanced on one leg, and just barely touch the line with a toe without falling over it. you've seen how that's done. it's probably called toeing the line or something obvious like that. (but that implies one actually touches the line.) anyhow, i will try to cover the topic without either exposing myself to current dates or curious exes. yet make some sort of sense, and make this somewhat meaningful to other singles who have such full lives they'll never read it. ha ha.
so the topic of the day: scornful marrieds who cover their jealousy of us singletons by pretending WE are stupid, negligent and otherwise incapable because we have turned down offers for marraiges that they themselves have swamped themselves in, whether happily or unhappily
you've seen those people. they pat you on the head (sometimes literally) and say "you aren't married yet?" trying not to make the YET in capital letters. but they can't help themselves. and you want to smack them for their idiocy yet you can't because of the baby on their arm.
more later...
later...
so where was i. scornful marrieds.
well, let's see. statistically, if 1/2 of people are about to divorce, then which 1/2 do i think are patting me on the head? the envying 1/2 or the happy 1/2? seems to me if you're happy you don't need to gloat about it. skinny people don't usually gloat about not being fat. they just are happy being skinny. you don't really think about overweight people, not to gloat or anything. it just isn't an issue. i'm skinny, i worked hard to get here, i look good damn it.
the only time i need to gloat about being skinny is when i FEEL fat. then i have to compare myself because i ALREADY feel bad.
am i everyone? no. but using my bad analogy, someone who is happy where they are is happy & doesn't really need to make themselves better than someone else to feel good. that's a form of insecurity which is what -- NOT being happy.
so. scornful marrieds. you don't think that i realize you were a bitch in college? and why would you change now? and how does your husband like you that way? or you live a life of denial so even if you weren't happy being married, you could never admit it to yourself.
ugh. no bitterness here. no. just being pissed off at people who think being married is ALL THAT. i'm sure it is to some people, but what are chances head-patters are in the good 50%?! not likely.
seeing single implies that this blog is about being single. duh. smart ain't i. so it will be about being single. as at the moment i have things to say about the subject! (don't i always)
there comes the fine line between writing realism and having ones exes or dates read it. a problem all blogs encounter. however, i will try to approach that line carefully, balanced on one leg, and just barely touch the line with a toe without falling over it. you've seen how that's done. it's probably called toeing the line or something obvious like that. (but that implies one actually touches the line.) anyhow, i will try to cover the topic without either exposing myself to current dates or curious exes. yet make some sort of sense, and make this somewhat meaningful to other singles who have such full lives they'll never read it. ha ha.
so the topic of the day: scornful marrieds who cover their jealousy of us singletons by pretending WE are stupid, negligent and otherwise incapable because we have turned down offers for marraiges that they themselves have swamped themselves in, whether happily or unhappily
you've seen those people. they pat you on the head (sometimes literally) and say "you aren't married yet?" trying not to make the YET in capital letters. but they can't help themselves. and you want to smack them for their idiocy yet you can't because of the baby on their arm.
more later...
later...
so where was i. scornful marrieds.
well, let's see. statistically, if 1/2 of people are about to divorce, then which 1/2 do i think are patting me on the head? the envying 1/2 or the happy 1/2? seems to me if you're happy you don't need to gloat about it. skinny people don't usually gloat about not being fat. they just are happy being skinny. you don't really think about overweight people, not to gloat or anything. it just isn't an issue. i'm skinny, i worked hard to get here, i look good damn it.
the only time i need to gloat about being skinny is when i FEEL fat. then i have to compare myself because i ALREADY feel bad.
am i everyone? no. but using my bad analogy, someone who is happy where they are is happy & doesn't really need to make themselves better than someone else to feel good. that's a form of insecurity which is what -- NOT being happy.
so. scornful marrieds. you don't think that i realize you were a bitch in college? and why would you change now? and how does your husband like you that way? or you live a life of denial so even if you weren't happy being married, you could never admit it to yourself.
ugh. no bitterness here. no. just being pissed off at people who think being married is ALL THAT. i'm sure it is to some people, but what are chances head-patters are in the good 50%?! not likely.
July 14, 2003
hmmm. hello.
well, now that the blogmonster hath been silenced, he is silenced. and i can think of nothing to write! no one had wierdness on the way to work today, i didn't trip over my shoelaces, and i got the discount at CVS even without having my little swipe card. all in all, a good day but full of nothing interesting.
but then see, if i delete this blog and abandon it as unworthy of notice, i will again be harrassed, nay crushed by the blogmonster who demands to be heard.
so, monster, this is to you...
.........................................
a lot of nothing in your memory.
well, now that the blogmonster hath been silenced, he is silenced. and i can think of nothing to write! no one had wierdness on the way to work today, i didn't trip over my shoelaces, and i got the discount at CVS even without having my little swipe card. all in all, a good day but full of nothing interesting.
but then see, if i delete this blog and abandon it as unworthy of notice, i will again be harrassed, nay crushed by the blogmonster who demands to be heard.
so, monster, this is to you...
.........................................
a lot of nothing in your memory.