LA-LA land

well, i'm out here in LA, came out with the guy i'm seeing. he's working in No-Cal mid-week, so i'm hanging with friends. right now i'm staying with a friend, former date. it's interesting.

you change.

years ago i thought this guy was just IT. as many girls do now. however, in comparison with the guy i'm dating now, well, let's just say i can't wait to see my guy this weekend.

my guy makes me feel great.

the analyzation of how someone makes you feel when you are around them is done way too little. you tend to get hung up in what lifestyle somebody has that you want, who you would or could be if you were with someone, or how great they are in bed. and forget - who am i when i'm there?

it is hard for me to maintain my sense of self. and when i am around someone with a strong one, i will aquiesce to theirs. and there i go. however, when i am with someone who encourages me to be ME, it is a whole. new. world.

with my guy, i am ME. i am not an extension of him. i do not exist merely to satellite around his world. and that feels great.

sometimes you wonder why you do or do not end up with people in life. though i used to think there was something i did that made things not happen, it seems to me know it is a combination of events that makes you hang with certain people and not others. i have learned to trust that combination.

and...in turn, it creates how i feel.

how i feel is very important. it is an indicator of how much my needs are getting met.

i've decided my needs are very important. so i am seeking people that meet them. aka my new guy.

yes. counting down the minutes until i see him again. or rather. until i feel like my best ME again...

most present and accounted for...

i have been rereading my blog history, in attempts to decide how much/if it should stay. i enjoy reading my writing! so i think some of it should stay.

for those one of you who have kept track of my life for a while, the good news is that the good guys i wrote about in the past are still in my life. yes, we worked out our issues & still hang out at least a couple times a month. the bad guys (disappearing doctor, mr. india) are gonzo. that is also a good thing. i found other from other peeps that they were bad to the bone. being either in the habit of disappearing or reportedly lying, theiving, SOBs. sounded a little harsh to me, but, it is what people say it is. the guy i called new guy, aka the sax player, is also awol. but that's ok. i can live with that.

so i have a well-rounded life now, what with the cool guys from the past, new guy, and losing the losers.

it's always good to lose the losers. that's why they're losers, right?

blogger-vation

wow there is this cool new "export blog" feature. voila! now i can figure out what/if/how i want to save/delete/start over my blog!

...it's raining men...

well, ok. it's raining anyway. and this blog is about men. i mean - me. but anyway.

i have been trying to figure out what to do with this blog. in the past i pdf'd a bunch of it. i went to do the same just now but doesn't seem to work well. hmmm. anyhow. the pdf program is at work so that would be a little awkward to get seen.

i thought about taking it down. i feel it has lived its usefulness. and i thought i was happily ensconsed in a relationship. finally.

until this week! this week, after 6 months of seeing my new guy, i am suddenly claustrophobic. yes. that's a surprise. right? yeah, right.

so i guess here i am back writing again as i struggle with my own r-ship angst.

not that we're IN one.

i set it up to be non-exclusive. which is all well and good. except that we went on a cruise together, and now are going away again for the 3rd time. and we see each other on weekends. and during the week. so it's some sort of something.

so maybe i will actually write in this blog more. i dunno. privacy being what it is, and all, i wasn't really excited about the idea of the whole world (of the 5 people that might care) learning all about my history. there's some pretty personal stuff on here. but then. i just read ben franklin's auto-biography. that's pretty personal too.

hmmmmm.

and. for those two readers i have, i thank you! i would like to think my experience might have some sort of echo in the hearts & minds of my readers. nobody has all the answers & sometimes just realizing you're not alone - which is a big need the WWW fulfills - makes online blogging worth it.

so in the meantime, the blog is in limbo. we will see what we will see...

it does come up first though, in google, when you google the title. so. heck. progress.

:)

it's raining progress.

long-time no write

well, i've been in absentia for a while.

things have been good. i decided not to jinx them.

however. hmmm. a girl sometimes needs a blog...

i started dating this new guy. still am. have a trip planned. and got in a major fight again tonite.

so already this is huge. first potential boyfriend since 2006?! but still. i am not committing. i am waiting to see what transpires...for good reason i guess.

like i said, i have week-long intl. trip planned. and we got in a fight tonite.

now i am thinking how nice it was to be alone. i mean, i fight with myself sometimes, but usually i win. and usually only my cat notices...

hmmm.

anyhow. i am back...for better or for worse.

uhoh. that sounds like marraige vows. hmmm. again. hmmmm.
i see that as revenge...