ta-da. mystery solved
my e-mail exchange with the jerk's friend:
Hi Jerk's Friend,
How are things?!
It sounded like Jerk and you were good friends. I met him in December & we dated for 2 months. He was calling every day & came to Boston to visit. Then we went to Florida Feb 14 weekend.
The night we got back was the last I heard from him. Is he ok? I can't get through to him even when I was out in his area last weekend. No response to anything.
Is this usual for him? Does he come back later & talk to girls again? I'm very confused...I would have at least liked to say goodbye.
Seeing-Single
Hi Single, so sorry to get your email. i wish i could defend the Jerk, but sadly, this is quite normal for him. he is 42...dated around a fair bit, yet never been even close to getting married. so, that by itself says something about his ability to commit. the closer he gets to someone the faster he seems to cut it off. my wife and ....i hope he does respond to you and you at least get a chance to talk. i will ask him if you would like. let me know. sorry again.
Not The Jerk
March 13, 2009
March 12, 2009
but he's so cute...
they say the biggest failing of taurus' is our inability to let go of beautiful people. it's true. i can't seem to fathom the idea that a cute guy has no relationship skills.
i mean he's so cute & accomplished. how can he be such a failure at getting along with people (romantically)? i think to myself.
well, that's my version of romance at least. sticking around.
his is apparently - getting action & running. his being, well, all the guys i date on&off right now.
what is it about my head that i can't get it thru my bull-ish brain that cute guys are just what they are?
wallpaper. adorning my life but providing no value whatsoever. unless proven otherwise...
they say the biggest failing of taurus' is our inability to let go of beautiful people. it's true. i can't seem to fathom the idea that a cute guy has no relationship skills.
i mean he's so cute & accomplished. how can he be such a failure at getting along with people (romantically)? i think to myself.
well, that's my version of romance at least. sticking around.
his is apparently - getting action & running. his being, well, all the guys i date on&off right now.
what is it about my head that i can't get it thru my bull-ish brain that cute guys are just what they are?
wallpaper. adorning my life but providing no value whatsoever. unless proven otherwise...
the happy wanderer
on my way to work this morning this guy on the street asked for a dollar to get something to eat. i declined as i didn't think i had one.
so i felt bad & decided to go back to offer him something.
i said, would you like me to buy you breakfast? & i pointed to Qdobas.
he looked away, & said, nah, i don't like that kind of food.
i started laughing & said, but of course.
on my way to work this morning this guy on the street asked for a dollar to get something to eat. i declined as i didn't think i had one.
so i felt bad & decided to go back to offer him something.
i said, would you like me to buy you breakfast? & i pointed to Qdobas.
he looked away, & said, nah, i don't like that kind of food.
i started laughing & said, but of course.
March 11, 2009
much ado about nothing
so the reason i'm so angry at the jerk is....
he left without saying goodbye. or at least, i think he did. which meant, he did NOTHING.
yes, i am angry at him for nothing. not for what he DID, but for what he DID NOT do.
this is an interesting exercise in ommission. and also, in my interpretation.
i think i'm right on with everything i imagined. but logically, i'm telling myself, i am all upset for what reason again?
just because he didn't do something for 3 weeks that he had been doing, i get all bent out of shape & fall apart.
my feelings aren't wrong. they are very justified. everyone i talk to thinks this is a very wierd situation. but just to spin the whole thing on its head & look at it logically -
i have made much ado about nothing.
pretty ironic really.
see how important nothing is?!
so the reason i'm so angry at the jerk is....
he left without saying goodbye. or at least, i think he did. which meant, he did NOTHING.
yes, i am angry at him for nothing. not for what he DID, but for what he DID NOT do.
this is an interesting exercise in ommission. and also, in my interpretation.
i think i'm right on with everything i imagined. but logically, i'm telling myself, i am all upset for what reason again?
just because he didn't do something for 3 weeks that he had been doing, i get all bent out of shape & fall apart.
my feelings aren't wrong. they are very justified. everyone i talk to thinks this is a very wierd situation. but just to spin the whole thing on its head & look at it logically -
i have made much ado about nothing.
pretty ironic really.
see how important nothing is?!
freak therapy
well i guess i should thank the jerk. since i have severe abandonment issues, his leaving me in such a stark manner sure helps me address those head on. i mean really. where else do you get such on-target therapy but from the source?!
it helps to realize he's just like my father, so why would i want that. i mean if a man has no heart, he has no heart & he's not gonna grow one over night. you can kick & scream all you want but a stone doesn't feel it.
fuck it, i do want him. i miss him like hell. he was a good friend, i thought, and i grew accustomed to his face. but then that doesn't really matter.
when i decided mr. cuba was over i didn't bother responding to him either. (well, this was AFTER i told him we wouldn't be dating, goodbye, about 3 times. just for the record. i don't hit & run...) anyhow, i just let him wear himself out with trying. then a few months later when i forgot how annoying he was, i tried again. only to find myself equally annoyed.
oh well. hopefully at least i annoyed the jerk. the best you can hope for when a man has no heart is to annoy his head.
tonite i guess i realized it's over. i can kick & scream all i want, he's not coming back. that's actually the reason i'm doing it. he told me as much, when he said of all his girls, "what was her name again?" mr. chef actually thought the jerk liked me because he told me so much about himself. i mean he told me all this stuff.
it hurt like hell tonite. just pain in my chest. i miss him so much. it wasn't even aching it was damn hurting. this guy really f*d me up in the head. i had no idea he got in so deep until here i am crying. again.
but never never asking for him to come back. hell. i may be pissed but i will never ask for what i really don't want.
it's hard to let go. i am so fricken hurting. i hate loving people so much & getting attached. they run off la la la & here i am with my daddy issues, don't leave me.
f*in fathers. f*in men.
no honor. in any of them.
well i guess i should thank the jerk. since i have severe abandonment issues, his leaving me in such a stark manner sure helps me address those head on. i mean really. where else do you get such on-target therapy but from the source?!
it helps to realize he's just like my father, so why would i want that. i mean if a man has no heart, he has no heart & he's not gonna grow one over night. you can kick & scream all you want but a stone doesn't feel it.
fuck it, i do want him. i miss him like hell. he was a good friend, i thought, and i grew accustomed to his face. but then that doesn't really matter.
when i decided mr. cuba was over i didn't bother responding to him either. (well, this was AFTER i told him we wouldn't be dating, goodbye, about 3 times. just for the record. i don't hit & run...) anyhow, i just let him wear himself out with trying. then a few months later when i forgot how annoying he was, i tried again. only to find myself equally annoyed.
oh well. hopefully at least i annoyed the jerk. the best you can hope for when a man has no heart is to annoy his head.
tonite i guess i realized it's over. i can kick & scream all i want, he's not coming back. that's actually the reason i'm doing it. he told me as much, when he said of all his girls, "what was her name again?" mr. chef actually thought the jerk liked me because he told me so much about himself. i mean he told me all this stuff.
it hurt like hell tonite. just pain in my chest. i miss him so much. it wasn't even aching it was damn hurting. this guy really f*d me up in the head. i had no idea he got in so deep until here i am crying. again.
but never never asking for him to come back. hell. i may be pissed but i will never ask for what i really don't want.
it's hard to let go. i am so fricken hurting. i hate loving people so much & getting attached. they run off la la la & here i am with my daddy issues, don't leave me.
f*in fathers. f*in men.
no honor. in any of them.
...& candlestick maker...
ok, i didn't go on vacation with him. i went with a lawyer & a chef. 2 fun. crazy guys.
the chef likes me. super sweet guy. he's the one who told me exactly what the jerk is thinking (how much he's gonna miss me - but not until later), what he wants (to be abused) & what will happen (he'll find a girl that looks just like me & finish our r-ship business with HER).
and i realized why i like jerks.
super sweet is super until - you just want space. what is it about that?
we were out dancing at this club & i enjoyed dancing with him until - i wanted to dance with some other guys. & then i was like hmmm. he kept holding onto me & wouldn't let go.
this is what i have been doing to the jerk. i mean if you don't leave people can't miss you.
on the other hand, missing me isn't the goal. me just getting him out of my system is. which is why it's MY goal not his that matters. i don't need him to regret or miss me. i'll never know it if he does. me, on the other hand, i matter.
it's not about the treatment sometimes, it's about the space. and jerks give you space. space to breathe & room to grow. away from them.
there's this fine fine line between the two. but there is one. it's why guys that i'm not into like me. if i'm not all over them, they enjoy the challenge.
i'm no different.
if i wanted him back, i would have tried to strategize. i don't. i just want him out of my system. so i'm purging him.
i'm not sure really how to get a cool guy that doesn't bore me. i thought i had one in the jerk. but he wasn't cool. what is it about nice & boring?
intellectually stimulating. there are so few guys that mentally turn me on. it's annoying. to have one have slipped thru my fingers sucks.
why can't i have intelligence, looks, the right amount of space, great s*x & moderate levels of jerkness, but only when i want them?
where is this composite guy that fits?
bother. i wish he'd show up. i'm bored now. i need a new guy to play with.
ok, i didn't go on vacation with him. i went with a lawyer & a chef. 2 fun. crazy guys.
the chef likes me. super sweet guy. he's the one who told me exactly what the jerk is thinking (how much he's gonna miss me - but not until later), what he wants (to be abused) & what will happen (he'll find a girl that looks just like me & finish our r-ship business with HER).
and i realized why i like jerks.
super sweet is super until - you just want space. what is it about that?
we were out dancing at this club & i enjoyed dancing with him until - i wanted to dance with some other guys. & then i was like hmmm. he kept holding onto me & wouldn't let go.
this is what i have been doing to the jerk. i mean if you don't leave people can't miss you.
on the other hand, missing me isn't the goal. me just getting him out of my system is. which is why it's MY goal not his that matters. i don't need him to regret or miss me. i'll never know it if he does. me, on the other hand, i matter.
it's not about the treatment sometimes, it's about the space. and jerks give you space. space to breathe & room to grow. away from them.
there's this fine fine line between the two. but there is one. it's why guys that i'm not into like me. if i'm not all over them, they enjoy the challenge.
i'm no different.
if i wanted him back, i would have tried to strategize. i don't. i just want him out of my system. so i'm purging him.
i'm not sure really how to get a cool guy that doesn't bore me. i thought i had one in the jerk. but he wasn't cool. what is it about nice & boring?
intellectually stimulating. there are so few guys that mentally turn me on. it's annoying. to have one have slipped thru my fingers sucks.
why can't i have intelligence, looks, the right amount of space, great s*x & moderate levels of jerkness, but only when i want them?
where is this composite guy that fits?
bother. i wish he'd show up. i'm bored now. i need a new guy to play with.
annoyance
i continue to text the jerk. not because it's cool, just because i feel like it. i expect he might have blocked me.
but in the offchance he hasn't (he enjoying the ego boost from it), i'm being the only one in his life that's telling him dude, fix your sh*t.
there is always a need in life for people to tell us that. mr. lawyer, one of the guys that i just went on vaca with (and what a vaca it was, omg) used to tell me the most important things about myself that in needed to fix. and he was right. and i started trying to fix them.
so i am providing the same service for the jerk. this "fix-it" text sponsored by seeing-single.
whether or not i ever know this, i know it now: i will be the one that he let get away. & someday he will be sorry about this. even if i never know it. why? i am quality.
i am a quality girl.
now he doesn't like that, he likes being abused. so i started doing some of that too, just so he would feel at home. but in general, i only do that when you have stepped on my toes. so i yell back.
i wonder who i'll be dating next. i'm kinda looking forward to it. the good thing is, I will be different. that's the only way you change the type of people you date. you change YOURSELF first & then your r-ships are different.
hmmm. who will he be?
i continue to text the jerk. not because it's cool, just because i feel like it. i expect he might have blocked me.
but in the offchance he hasn't (he enjoying the ego boost from it), i'm being the only one in his life that's telling him dude, fix your sh*t.
there is always a need in life for people to tell us that. mr. lawyer, one of the guys that i just went on vaca with (and what a vaca it was, omg) used to tell me the most important things about myself that in needed to fix. and he was right. and i started trying to fix them.
so i am providing the same service for the jerk. this "fix-it" text sponsored by seeing-single.
whether or not i ever know this, i know it now: i will be the one that he let get away. & someday he will be sorry about this. even if i never know it. why? i am quality.
i am a quality girl.
now he doesn't like that, he likes being abused. so i started doing some of that too, just so he would feel at home. but in general, i only do that when you have stepped on my toes. so i yell back.
i wonder who i'll be dating next. i'm kinda looking forward to it. the good thing is, I will be different. that's the only way you change the type of people you date. you change YOURSELF first & then your r-ships are different.
hmmm. who will he be?
March 10, 2009
turnabout is unfair play
so of course the jerk refused to see me when i was out in LA. numerous texts went unanswered. so i decided since he's gone & i don't want him back, i will just do whatever i feel like doing.
so i'm just doing whatever i feel like. at the moment it is disappearing. after 3 weeks of texting & trying to make contact, i gave him through the time i was there & i'm done.
fair, unfair, bah humbug.
now all that matters is - play.
so of course the jerk refused to see me when i was out in LA. numerous texts went unanswered. so i decided since he's gone & i don't want him back, i will just do whatever i feel like doing.
so i'm just doing whatever i feel like. at the moment it is disappearing. after 3 weeks of texting & trying to make contact, i gave him through the time i was there & i'm done.
fair, unfair, bah humbug.
now all that matters is - play.