...& candlestick maker...

ok, i didn't go on vacation with him. i went with a lawyer & a chef. 2 fun. crazy guys.

the chef likes me. super sweet guy. he's the one who told me exactly what the jerk is thinking (how much he's gonna miss me - but not until later), what he wants (to be abused) & what will happen (he'll find a girl that looks just like me & finish our r-ship business with HER).

and i realized why i like jerks.

super sweet is super until - you just want space. what is it about that?

we were out dancing at this club & i enjoyed dancing with him until - i wanted to dance with some other guys. & then i was like hmmm. he kept holding onto me & wouldn't let go.

this is what i have been doing to the jerk. i mean if you don't leave people can't miss you.

on the other hand, missing me isn't the goal. me just getting him out of my system is. which is why it's MY goal not his that matters. i don't need him to regret or miss me. i'll never know it if he does. me, on the other hand, i matter.

it's not about the treatment sometimes, it's about the space. and jerks give you space. space to breathe & room to grow. away from them.

there's this fine fine line between the two. but there is one. it's why guys that i'm not into like me. if i'm not all over them, they enjoy the challenge.

i'm no different.

if i wanted him back, i would have tried to strategize. i don't. i just want him out of my system. so i'm purging him.

i'm not sure really how to get a cool guy that doesn't bore me. i thought i had one in the jerk. but he wasn't cool. what is it about nice & boring?

intellectually stimulating. there are so few guys that mentally turn me on. it's annoying. to have one have slipped thru my fingers sucks.

why can't i have intelligence, looks, the right amount of space, great s*x & moderate levels of jerkness, but only when i want them?

where is this composite guy that fits?

bother. i wish he'd show up. i'm bored now. i need a new guy to play with.