very excited...
about seeing mr. possibility & mr. jack is back again. probably neither is. but anyway...
just got back from the gym in my pre-trip low-energy work-avoidance vacation-preparation day. i did get some things done today, mainly read the news about our company being sold. fact or fiction?
snore.
accompanied by stomach immediately tightening.
what do you do.
thank goodness i have a backup career, no mortgage or kids & i own my car...
September 24, 2008
success
in constrast to my dating life, i'm doing really well professionally. and in just about every other area, lol.
anyhow, reportedly, the conference went really well & folks raved about the interactivity of the conference chairing. i can't really take credit for that but that doesn't matter. i benefitted & gave credit where credit is due. i tend to be shy but professional up front. so i did well. i just don't get folks rolling on the floor.
so exhausted today i can hardly see straight. guess that's a good thing. dropped kitten off last night & packed. today am back at work trying to stay awake & get things done even though - here i am writing a bit.
am still for some reason trying to resolve things with people that don't seem to want them resolved. somewhere in me is this mediator/resolver gene that will not die. die die! it won't.
oh well, they said blessed are the peacemakers. i'm not sure i am one as i seem to get into a fair share of trouble. but at least i do try to alleviate it if i can. ;)
well, happy day everyone. i really hope this conference i am attending in LA will give me a new look at things. something i'm doing must be attracting all these types of guys into my life. i just need new types of relationships. guess it's time to start - with me.
in constrast to my dating life, i'm doing really well professionally. and in just about every other area, lol.
anyhow, reportedly, the conference went really well & folks raved about the interactivity of the conference chairing. i can't really take credit for that but that doesn't matter. i benefitted & gave credit where credit is due. i tend to be shy but professional up front. so i did well. i just don't get folks rolling on the floor.
so exhausted today i can hardly see straight. guess that's a good thing. dropped kitten off last night & packed. today am back at work trying to stay awake & get things done even though - here i am writing a bit.
am still for some reason trying to resolve things with people that don't seem to want them resolved. somewhere in me is this mediator/resolver gene that will not die. die die! it won't.
oh well, they said blessed are the peacemakers. i'm not sure i am one as i seem to get into a fair share of trouble. but at least i do try to alleviate it if i can. ;)
well, happy day everyone. i really hope this conference i am attending in LA will give me a new look at things. something i'm doing must be attracting all these types of guys into my life. i just need new types of relationships. guess it's time to start - with me.
September 23, 2008
movin' on.
i've told my friend that wants to come visit that now is not a good time. sorry, stressed & tired. i am. i haven't seen him in years & after a couple bad experiences with house guests - no more.
i told my friend that wanted me to stay over when i hadn't seen him for a long time - i already had a place to stay.
the others i will just give time as princessb suggested. but i'm also going to change the nature of my interactions with them. they are no longer flirty friends. well, except for a couple. mr. possibility (aka of who i AM staying with tomorrow night when i go on vaca) and mr. big. the rest i need to move on from in terms of expecting or hoping anything romantic. none of these 7 guys have shown the ability to have a long-term relationship or the interest in having one with me. and some of them i've known since i was very young.
i'm tired of the games. no more pretend.
so this is my back-up resolution. if i manage to let at least 4 of the 7 them go, that will be a good start....
i've told my friend that wants to come visit that now is not a good time. sorry, stressed & tired. i am. i haven't seen him in years & after a couple bad experiences with house guests - no more.
i told my friend that wanted me to stay over when i hadn't seen him for a long time - i already had a place to stay.
the others i will just give time as princessb suggested. but i'm also going to change the nature of my interactions with them. they are no longer flirty friends. well, except for a couple. mr. possibility (aka of who i AM staying with tomorrow night when i go on vaca) and mr. big. the rest i need to move on from in terms of expecting or hoping anything romantic. none of these 7 guys have shown the ability to have a long-term relationship or the interest in having one with me. and some of them i've known since i was very young.
i'm tired of the games. no more pretend.
so this is my back-up resolution. if i manage to let at least 4 of the 7 them go, that will be a good start....
seven
there are 7 guys in my life that i need to let go. they are the ones that are unreliable, show up to flirt, etc. etc.
i might get the number down to a five but i'm just gonna go MIA i think on most of them.
i'm getting v. bitter because of their antics which have - no follow-thru & none ever intended.
too much hassle...
there are 7 guys in my life that i need to let go. they are the ones that are unreliable, show up to flirt, etc. etc.
i might get the number down to a five but i'm just gonna go MIA i think on most of them.
i'm getting v. bitter because of their antics which have - no follow-thru & none ever intended.
too much hassle...
observations
it's probably pretty telling about me & my relationships that i've noticed this.
but.
it seems that when someone tells you i never want to talk to you again, they DON'T mean it.
what it means is they are too emotional about the situation to interact anymore. but they really care deeply. otherwise - they'd just go away & you'd hear nothing.
kind of the apathy is the opposite of hate thing. don't care - really gone.
i just kind of ignore these statements now. i mean i consider if i want to go away or not, but if someone says this to me more than once & then sticks around for more conversation, i figure it's just insecurity.
i've said this to a guy once. i mean one guy a few times. i'm going to be staying at his place tomorrow night. lol.
two guys have said this to me. one is asking me for a date when he can come visit. the other one - is in the midst of his angst over me. he thinks he really means it. he might. i dunno. we'll see.
i've learned to let people go if they want to go. usually that stops them. what they really want i think is, no don't go. i don't offer that hold & grab service. it's not on my menu anymore. i'll be like, i hate to lose ya, but bye. and then i'll continue to interact as if we are still friends. i say, i hate to lose my friends over a fight.
it's worthy noting why i try to keep friends that i fight with. not sure that i will. sometimes it's hard to tell if someone's presence in my life is actually worth that. but considering how few people i let in - and my rather stingent screening process - i like to keep friends around. even if we have a tiff.
i make sure i stand up for myself & say what needs to be said. & then let the chips fall where they may.
is that wierd? hmmm. maybe i should have more disposable friends...
it's probably pretty telling about me & my relationships that i've noticed this.
but.
it seems that when someone tells you i never want to talk to you again, they DON'T mean it.
what it means is they are too emotional about the situation to interact anymore. but they really care deeply. otherwise - they'd just go away & you'd hear nothing.
kind of the apathy is the opposite of hate thing. don't care - really gone.
i just kind of ignore these statements now. i mean i consider if i want to go away or not, but if someone says this to me more than once & then sticks around for more conversation, i figure it's just insecurity.
i've said this to a guy once. i mean one guy a few times. i'm going to be staying at his place tomorrow night. lol.
two guys have said this to me. one is asking me for a date when he can come visit. the other one - is in the midst of his angst over me. he thinks he really means it. he might. i dunno. we'll see.
i've learned to let people go if they want to go. usually that stops them. what they really want i think is, no don't go. i don't offer that hold & grab service. it's not on my menu anymore. i'll be like, i hate to lose ya, but bye. and then i'll continue to interact as if we are still friends. i say, i hate to lose my friends over a fight.
it's worthy noting why i try to keep friends that i fight with. not sure that i will. sometimes it's hard to tell if someone's presence in my life is actually worth that. but considering how few people i let in - and my rather stingent screening process - i like to keep friends around. even if we have a tiff.
i make sure i stand up for myself & say what needs to be said. & then let the chips fall where they may.
is that wierd? hmmm. maybe i should have more disposable friends...
September 21, 2008
resolved
i have GOT to stop liking guys that don't like me back. enough.
and i have GOT to stop playing with guys that are unreliable.
problem is, some of these guys are my friends who still flirt with me & promise things like "i'll come to visit soon!" or "i'll call you when i get to town." and then they don't.
the only thing stopping me from accomplishing #2 is that - some of these friends go WAYYY back. like to elementary school. what do you do? diss them? maybe so.
and for #1, i am a sucker for a pretty face. and that really sucks. give me a good-looking guy & i have a really tough time equating that with character flaws. or just guys that don't want attachment.
i guess i'm entering the hiatus from guys phase. my health is more important right now and my sanity and what i've been doing lately is just not good for either. but i've chosen these guys over being alone.
i guess it's time to be alone. seems i don't know how to be any other way.
i have GOT to stop liking guys that don't like me back. enough.
and i have GOT to stop playing with guys that are unreliable.
problem is, some of these guys are my friends who still flirt with me & promise things like "i'll come to visit soon!" or "i'll call you when i get to town." and then they don't.
the only thing stopping me from accomplishing #2 is that - some of these friends go WAYYY back. like to elementary school. what do you do? diss them? maybe so.
and for #1, i am a sucker for a pretty face. and that really sucks. give me a good-looking guy & i have a really tough time equating that with character flaws. or just guys that don't want attachment.
i guess i'm entering the hiatus from guys phase. my health is more important right now and my sanity and what i've been doing lately is just not good for either. but i've chosen these guys over being alone.
i guess it's time to be alone. seems i don't know how to be any other way.
here's what i blog about when it's not about boyz
well i just finished getting ready for the client dinner tonite & the conference today & tomorrow. it's my first conference that i'm chairing - actually co-chairing now - and am nervous. not so much even for who will be there but for measuring up to my own impossible-to-meet standards.
i have always been a perfectionist which leads to excellence in performance, but really takes it out of me. i mean crazy stage fright. a few years ago i finally heard about beta blockers, which i wish i'd known about when i was a teenager. i might have kept performing violin concertos instead of stopping from the high level of angst i always felt. BBs are wonderful and effective. they don't mess with your head, but they control the anxiety.
my way of managing anxiety is to prepare for stuff in advance. therefore by 10:45 on sunday i'm all ready for tonite & tomorrow. now i can return to my regularly scheduled programming.
ah the relief.
well i just finished getting ready for the client dinner tonite & the conference today & tomorrow. it's my first conference that i'm chairing - actually co-chairing now - and am nervous. not so much even for who will be there but for measuring up to my own impossible-to-meet standards.
i have always been a perfectionist which leads to excellence in performance, but really takes it out of me. i mean crazy stage fright. a few years ago i finally heard about beta blockers, which i wish i'd known about when i was a teenager. i might have kept performing violin concertos instead of stopping from the high level of angst i always felt. BBs are wonderful and effective. they don't mess with your head, but they control the anxiety.
my way of managing anxiety is to prepare for stuff in advance. therefore by 10:45 on sunday i'm all ready for tonite & tomorrow. now i can return to my regularly scheduled programming.
ah the relief.