observations

it's probably pretty telling about me & my relationships that i've noticed this.

but.

it seems that when someone tells you i never want to talk to you again, they DON'T mean it.

what it means is they are too emotional about the situation to interact anymore. but they really care deeply. otherwise - they'd just go away & you'd hear nothing.

kind of the apathy is the opposite of hate thing. don't care - really gone.

i just kind of ignore these statements now. i mean i consider if i want to go away or not, but if someone says this to me more than once & then sticks around for more conversation, i figure it's just insecurity.

i've said this to a guy once. i mean one guy a few times. i'm going to be staying at his place tomorrow night. lol.

two guys have said this to me. one is asking me for a date when he can come visit. the other one - is in the midst of his angst over me. he thinks he really means it. he might. i dunno. we'll see.

i've learned to let people go if they want to go. usually that stops them. what they really want i think is, no don't go. i don't offer that hold & grab service. it's not on my menu anymore. i'll be like, i hate to lose ya, but bye. and then i'll continue to interact as if we are still friends. i say, i hate to lose my friends over a fight.

it's worthy noting why i try to keep friends that i fight with. not sure that i will. sometimes it's hard to tell if someone's presence in my life is actually worth that. but considering how few people i let in - and my rather stingent screening process - i like to keep friends around. even if we have a tiff.

i make sure i stand up for myself & say what needs to be said. & then let the chips fall where they may.

is that wierd? hmmm. maybe i should have more disposable friends...