ya can't get blood out of a stone

i think my current frustration in my dating life is my continued dating of guys who don't know what they want. i'm going on enough dates to make anyone happy, but as usual, the people that like me, i don't like, and the people i like don't know what they want.

there's only so long that you can date people before you figure out if it's them or you that's the problem. one of my very smart and very intuitive exes who knows me well told me recently there's nothing wrong with me that isn't wrong with anyone else (well, not in those words, but you get the point). meaning: it's them.

now that i see they're not settling down with anyone else other than me either, i'm more inclined to think he's right. anyhow, one always likes people that tell you you're normal. so i like that kind of thinking.

so now that i know it's not me: my next move is clear. stop dating these people!

and then...how do i know that they belong to the secret club called: I Really Don't Want To Date Anyone, I'm Just Messing Around

whistlin' dixie

yesterday i walked out into the hallway & this guy was coming out of the bathroom. whistling. and as i walked by, in the middle of his tune he did the oh-so-familiar wheee---wheeeoooooooo. i was smiling to myself but i didn't want to encourage such improper behavior, so i didn't turn around. when he noticed i didn't do anything, he then began to try with limited success to incorporate that phrase into his already lame concerto, turning his tune into a Theme and Variations on a Sexy Whistle.

swf seeing gswmwlrgjank (good-looking single white male with labrador retriever, good job and no kids)

so today i want to draft a letter to one of my cosmo bachelors. this will be very hard as lots of women will write to them. so i want my letter to stand out, yet be appealing in a cute but intelligent way. here goes.

"hi. i think you're very cute."

duh. ya think.

"Hello _____, I am a SWF living in Boston who likes the Red Sox"

no. can't do that. he'll feel sorry for me.

"Hello _____, I live in Boston, land of baked beans."

hell no! air freshener please.

"Hi ____, I saw your picture in Cosmo."

...which is why this e-mail was set up.

this is harder than it looks!

"Hi ______, I've been reading Cosmo for 10 years..."

...and i'm as old as your mother and i have no life.

"Hi ______, my name is ______."

name doesn't matter. only my picture matters.


"Hi _____, I've attached my picture for my review. Check it out and see if you're interested in talking to me. If you are, please read on..."

...my salary requirements are.

HOW IN GOD's GREEN EARTH DO GUYS WRITE TO GIRLS? Damn, this is hard. thank goodness i'm a woman.

i'll have to think about this some more. what good text goes with my face?

ahh!!

"Hi ________, I'm a _______ (description goes here) who loves nature, traveling, any sport that involves water, and ______ (music). The reason I wrote to you is because I liked your frog-catching. My favorite memories of growing up were exploring all the fields and streams with my black pony and white dog, hatching caterpillars into monarchs, building treehouses, and finding garter snakes. Now I live in the city and wear garter hose. No I'm kidding. But someday soon I plan to a place in the country again where I can swim in the pond and squish my toes in the mud every day."

...now let's settle down and have some kids in that place in the country. works for me. ;)

here i don't come to save the day

a brave prince from down under has arrived as i'd dreamed and hoped. while i've been pouting in my little imaginary castle, dreaming of handsome good-looking warriors who'd spirit me away and save me from the evil one-eyed-one-legged-one-armed-one-headed dragon, he has fought off scores of imaginary dragons, plunged into the abyss of the unknown, braved the firewalls and...sent me an e-mail!

[dramatic pause for effect]

but, alas! i am still here in my castle. something must be wrong with my fantasy. i'll have to check & see where it broke...