February 08, 2009

the little things

you forget, after being single so long, that some things might be landmines & need to be changed. little things like the wallpaper on your phone, pictures of uh, people & stuff like that. the things that are related to people that really aren't in your life or at least in any serious way, but sure look that way to someone who doesn't know any better.

my exercise 2nite i guess is to clean up my cell phone. i'm not someone who wants to have a code on my phone (though i know guys who do) or have it turned to silent all the time. in fact, those things scream "there are things about me you don't want to know." my doc & i had a conversation last night about transparency & even though we haven't had a state-of-the-relationship conversation, safe is better than endless discussion over nothing.

he has been transparent with me & i find it harder. but i will do it. because it's important to him. i don't think i have anything to hide, but sometimes just the fact that you're not out there with stuff makes it look like it.

it's going to be interesting try to transparentalize my life. i'm not really gonna jump up & do it all at once, but in the interest of fair play (& dealing with someone who is actually brilliant at deduction of the slightest nuance) it just makes sense.

so here i go to find my phone...
trippin'

i think i mentioned this b4, but planning a trip with a preparer & a procrastinator is an interesting exercise. it requires some skill & lots of patience. on both sides.

since i've traveled so much i have pretty definite ideas about how to figure things out & what i want, especially when it comes to my flight & sleeping plans. however, that doesn't sit so well with a red-blooded male who wants to have the solutions. my solution is to provide options & ideas & let him make the final decision. at least about stuff that is negotiable. even that is hard though. ideas are not particularly feminine, feelings are. so trying to talk ideas with a guy who wants to plan is a sensitive issue.

i've been out of r-ships for so long that these things haven't come up. i mean the most discussion i've had is around why a guy is NOT showing up, not around HOW to make that happen. it's a great problem to have. just one that super-independent-me is a little uncertain of.

the good thing is i am learning some communications skills that let me address exactly what i want to say when it needs to be said, & my doc is all about that too. so there is immediate discussion around sensitive situations. that's way cool. i mean really super awesome. none of this resentment building up over anything, just say hey, & you fix it right there.

i'm pretty happy with how things are going. my emotional needs are being met for the first time in, years?, how many exactly? so that makes me very satisfied. yes. this is good.

i don't know how else to say it but - i think this guy is great. now it's up to me to help him keep feeling that way...