today's post: why can't a woman be more like a man?

so i'm reading this book today. and it is telling us women how to get along with men. which, that fact in itself, i won't comment on. but the book goes into really basic things. i mean embarrassingly basic things that women either a) don't know or b) don't do. such as be yourself. don't give up your life for a man when he comes along (because when he goes along, then where will you be? oh, and when he's there, where will you be when he's out with his boys?) and basically telling us not to be gumbies.

wow, i mean where did that come from. how have we been socialized that we have to be told these things? it's really sad. is the patriarchal society that devastating to women that we need training in caring for ourselves first? apparently so.

or is it just our human nature, given that we can have children, to naturally put others first? i've said before that if men had kids, when they were so focused on one thing at a time, they'd lose their kids down the drain. anyhow, whatever it is, for some reason we have to take "be yourself, keep yourself" classes.

what amazes me is that men apparently are socialized to be encouraged to be and keep themselves, while women are socialized to cater to men's desire to do this. ok, what exactly is the problem here? did we grow up seeing our mothers drag themselves out of bed every morning before dad to make breakfast so he'd have a warm one in his tummy? or maybe it was for us. and dad got some too incidentally. whatever it was, who REALLY likes to clank pots and pans around early in the morning before you have even 1 eye open all the way?

so here i am with a masters' degree, trying to figure out how to stay the naturally independent person i am when a man comes along. and i'm getting such mixed messages from society. in my smart little books, i read to be myself. then in the hip and latest in women's magazines, i read how to be the best _____ for him. and stay that say. what good training is that for a committed relationship? how are you supposed to keep up the excitement in a relationship and the challenge that supposedly men want (and i like too) while you're busy being a rug?

i'm so confused.