lonely in paradise

sometimes, in fact quite often, it's very lonely being single. you pretend to yourself that if you weren't single you wouldn't be lonely. which you then remember is a lot of b.s. because your mind then polls all your past relationships and flags those where you where indeed lonely, trying to convince you things are fine the way they are.

well, if it's fine the way it is, why do we human's have this lonely/relationship itch that we just have to scratch? apparently we're NOT supposed to feel alone. at least more than x% of the time, whatever value x has to each of us individually. as though there is this warning that goes off and says "Attention: You are feeling lonely. Please do something about it." much like the door lady in the car, though not with "The door is a jar? No kidding. Does Toyota know this?" pun to think to yourself.

independent people also tend to be more lonely i think because we tend to have a greater resistance to listening to our Attention warnings. Yesterday is a prime example.

where i work we have free passes to the acquarium, and yesterday our company went over at lunch. i was happy because i'd been wanting to go for a while, but not by myself. what happened? i ended up walking around by myself! i just didn't seem to fit in with any of the groups and i have a greater need to absorb information at my own pace than i do to stick with a group. so at one point i was wiping a tear from my eye and saying to myself, i waited all this time to see these things with people and here i am alone watching the penguins! so i promptly found a group to look at things with and stuck with them until i felt annoyed enough to go off on my own again.

finally i decided to end my predicament by hanging out with our cute resident bachelor who was also looking around alone. that turned out quite well. we watched myrtle the turtle together.

who, incidentally, also seems to live alone.