today's topic: men.

well, this will be a common topic so i'll call it man 1: let the games begin. ha. sounds like a crime.

so being single means that one must deal with men at some point or another. or at a lot of points. or so much so that one ends up looking pointyhaired like the little guy on that fantasy v game that my ex boyfriend used to play. but sometimes not having near as much fun as he did, while still having the same sort of life-threatening adventures.

so men are great. they're entertaining, cute as all get out (sometimes that's when they're the cutest, when they've gotten out), and full of surprises. mostly they like to be full of surprises.

i really love men a lot. contrary to anyone's opinion who has read my blog over the years. when i was little my diary was full of stuff about -- guys. it hasn't much changed. unless it's full of stuff about me -- thinking about guys.

there's always the point where you have to figure out in any relationship (assuming for the purposes of game playing a "relationship" starts the first time he looks back at you to check out your butt) who is actually doing what. and intending what to go where. it all gets very confusing. you want to say "here, let me straighten it out for you buddy. i'm interested in _________ (whatever it happens to be)". but then you remember how boring that is & you play games back. so there you both are playing games. and the problem is...you're not playing the same game he is. the first step in dealing with men is getting the same game going.

is he interested? is he interested in you? is he interested in you right now? is he interested in doing anything about that interested in you right now? and what about you? do you like him? do you like him the way he is? do you like him the way he is right now? and if you like him the way he is right now, will you like him the way he is in 5 minutes or 5 days or 5 weeks?

and you get to figure all this out while conducting a series of tests on each other from which you pretty much deduce the answers since neither of you are going to give away the whole store, even though you may throw over a bone or two.

then when you get this game going, the second step is to figure out the rules of this particular game with this particular guy. then the third step is real easy: deciding if you want to play or not. i'm not gonna go into these right now because i don't feel like it.

what about my friends in those relationships where they said there are no games? i don't believe them. everyone's got a game going on. everyone's hiding something. if you think this is bad, consider this...

i was told once by my very cute and womanizer cousin -- you never tell everything to a girl you're interested in. it gets boring. i didn't really believe him until i realized how bored i was with my boyfriend. cuz i knew everything. no surprises left.

if you don't believe me, just pick up the latest issue of cosmo and read up about the secrets men keep from their wives or whatever.

ok, so back to the point. man 1: men and game playing.

there is within our socialization a certain requirement to engage in socially appropriate behavior. a learned set of rules that one must comply with in order to be seen as acceptable. you trust people who follow these rules very well; you distrust ones who break them. for example, on a first date if a guy doesn't pay, he's a cheapskate no matter what the laws of equality say. if he doesn't open the door the first 10 times you go thru it, he's not a gentleman. and if he breaks both of these rules, plus he doesn't help you out with your chair, he asks you how many drinks you had when you've had one, and he doesn't have the b***s to save a chair for you before you arrived, he's a loser. even if he brings you roses. he's just a sweet loser. but he doesn't have a clue because he broke the rules.

so is rule following game playing? well, maybe. but it's a set of societal rules. you can break them only after you've followed them.

how does one decide which are acceptable games and which are bullshit? well, i guess it has to be a personal decision. you have to go with your gut.

[this is a very meandering blog. if you're getting bored about now i don't blame you but i also don't give a shit. you can always go read some other blog if you want or go find a few good men to play games with.]

so here's the big question. as your gut tends to be instinctual (if you're a woman) and your groin (if you're a man), assuming you're a woman reading this cuz a guy wouldn't have gotten this far ;) how do you follow it if it knows it just has to wade thru a bunch of bs games? does your gut consider societal rules games along the line of bs and how does it know the difference? what if your gut instinct is conditioned to think losers are ok? will it protect you at all?

and now finally getting to the point of this whole meandering: if you're a single woman trying to figure out if a guy is bs'ing you or not (and they all do at some point or another), how do you justify your decisions based on your gut reaction if you think your instincts are off?

i have no fricken idea. the only answer i can come up with is that ... you have to trust your friends. even if they all have differing opinions. you have to make good friends, train them to see you as you are, and then have them run the bs detector on the guy since yours is likely infected and unlikely to be accurate.