insecurity

i'm beginning to see a trend in interactions with a guy i'm seeing. i think he is very insecure. it's not something that i would have ever imagined b/c he seems very self-confident. but something in his demeanor leads me toward insecurity as an underlying cause.

insecurity in men is interesting. again, it's not a trait that you really think about with guys. it's more a girl thing. when it shows up in guys it's pretty hard to identify because they add this macho layer, like i don't care if you like me or not! whatever. good luck, see ya later.

and then when you read between the lines you notice that a lot of the behavior seems to be asking for confirmation. do you really like me? do you really want me?

it's hard to separate insecurity from lack of interest as well. in this case the only way to tell is the desire for ongoing interaction and communication even if it is not positively slanted.

what are you really saying when you keep telling someone goodbye? i want you to care about me more. i have done this myself. as i've said earlier in the blog, and have as one of my rules, if you're not interested you just withdraw. you don't stand out in the middle of the boxing ring & say hey i'm not gonna fight you anymore while you're jumping around with your dukes in the air. that is really an invitation to reengage.

it's fascinating that i used a boxing term for a relationship analogy, but in this case, that's what it feels like. we're on round 8 right now and it's a draw. for some reason one of us (generally me) keeps going back for more. but when i do my partner is still in the ring waiting for the game to recommence.

i don't know how it will turn out but i have learned that i wish i could be a bit more comforting and safe for men. i am not a safe place to go. i don't have that chip. it's on order right now.

one of the things men at the conference said they turn to women for is comfort, safetey, and someone to have their back. given that i'm using boxing analogies, i'm more interested in beating up a guy's front.

(hmmm. blogsploration is interesting. you never know what you'll spelunk up out of the depths of your head or heart...)