i see guilty people

well, i have lost readers since i started writing about everything. or maybe it's b/c i went on vacation. or lost my bitter attitude & terse writing style. who knows.

i just reached the exhaustion state today where i can't think anymore. so i'm taking the rest of the day for r&r at my desk. it's like the take-out version of r&r that you can enjoy anywhere. i can answer client requests but i really cannot wrap my mind around tough concepts right now. so i'm blogging.

today i bought self my first black leather coat/jacket. yes, the first. i've never bought one before. this one is long, to about mid-thigh & buttons up. fitted around the waist. sleeves are long enough. room to move shoulders. might just have to take picture of monumental event.

felt guilty that i can just slap down the $$ for mom's b-day gift & leather coat for self in one day. but then i'm trying to remind myself - i don't have kids. i have to spend my $ for something. this is what i chose the business world for. so i could do this without feeling guilt. and here it is anyway. hello guilt, i see you. yeah, i'm waving at myself. oh well. i'm not catholic so i won't die from guilt.

so the second of the 4 peeps that i wanted to meet up with this weekend contacted me. actually, i've spoken to three of them since. they are still around. they are still my friends. the whole point is - people eventually come around if they like you. they just can't help themselves! :) [beams proudly] i've stopped trying to plan things though. peeps in new england just don't show up. i planned a trip to martha's vineyard one weekend & 20 people wanted to go. day of, only 1 was left besides me. so we didn't go.

the thought of being single for the rest of my life & being sad b/c i'm alone is just so hard to handle. i remain somewhat flippant about it but it terrifies me. the only thing i can do is try to be a good friend to people & hope it all comes back in the end. if not, at least i was a good friend.

no guilt there.