WBTYM

that stands for wham-bam-thank-ya-maam.

it's what hit my friend relationship-wise. poor girl. i was envying her wondering how she could hook up & have a great guy, wow, why can't i do that. then it hit the fan. get this, she wouldn't move FAST enough. as in let him move in after 4 months. yeah, that's f'd up.

which reminded me why i don't do these blink-&-we're-in-a-relationship things. i prefer to stretch them out forever so that by the time we're somewhere near one, the person is so ingrained in my life they can't find the exit. call it lost-mosis.

seriously, my style works though. mr. big is sweet & respectful to me, something i struggled with with mr. ny who just got it all easy. of course, they're just like that anyway, discounting my point. but there is something about a guy working for ya that just makes him think you're super special. after all, he spent so much time & effort.

i believe in effort. now i'm working mr. ny to make up for the beginning part. just so he doesn't think i'm easy. lol. :) welcome to my world. what you earn is what you get, and that starts with trust.

it just takes so much effort to extract from the mire of failed relationship, that i probably put up too many barriers against getting into one. currently (and i am fully aware of this) i am thinking to self that if i get into a r-ship with someone else, what happens when i want to hook up with mr. big? yeah, it's commitmentphobic thoughts like those that keep me from grabbing the most available guy & nailing him to the floor. my floor. maybe i'm just not meant to be in a relationship. where are these guys that i'd LIKE to have nailed to my floor (figuratively speaking, for those environmentalists out there) for a long period of time? where are the men you really want to come home to?

sometimes, when i feel sad coming home to my cat (love you skertzo) i wonder if other people look forward to seeing their spouses. or is it - let me work late, i don't want to go home. or let me go home to watch tv and maybe avoid interaction. who knows. people don't talk about these things. the pressure to succeed is so high women fake it. even if they're not happy they'll pretend they are just to keep up the image. not that there's anything wrong with that. it's easier to present a united front to the world so it looks like everything is fine all the time than have everyone reading the daily news of your relationship.

ok, it's 12:15 and my bed doesn't know where i am. i must go report in. since i don't have a partner to come seek me out, i bought a curfew bed. kid you not. it uses heat-seeking sensors to find me & then drags me back to the bedroom so it doesn't have to sleep alone. of course, it works best if you have a twin. which i don't. because of course, i'm single & all.