he stabbed me with a pencil...

i'm having nightmares. literally. where i'm with all these cute, young guys and they're torturing me. literally. one of them threw a pencil at me really hard and it went 1/2 inch into my arm. another guy did something mean but i thought he must not have meant it. he acted like he wanted to kiss me and i was like, ok, what the hell. so i kiss him. and he puts something in my mouth. no idea what, but i walked around spitting out stuff for the next forever-when. it was nasty. then i was swimming trying to get away from them & one of them tried to drown me. all in all, not good.

i'm gonna end up 50 and single. i just don't know what there is about me that attracts all these jerks. but every man i've been involved with either bores me or hurts me and god knows why. i'm sure i'm not perfect, but i don't deserve these guy's crappy treatment.

another thing i've learned recently too is that apparently guys don't think i'm interested in them. i had 3 of them tell me that at separate times in the last 2 weeks. i gotta admit i'm not salivating over them (because they don't even live in town & prospects of me moving are slim) & they're not that energizing. but i did want to keep talking.

i'm really f'd up. something's gotta be wrong with me, i just don't know what it is. every guy out there can't be a loser so how come all the guys who like me end up treating me like shit?

i don't know what to do. i guess i'll just have to stop dating period. and buy this URL for the next 25 years. cuz i suppose i'll need it the way i'm going.

oh. one good thing did happen...the guy i have a crush on sat down next to me at a meeting the other day. no particular importance to that, it just was nice.

(who incidentally will probably show up eventually like he never mowed me down. watch...)

p.s. ok, so i'm exaggerating here just a bit. i have a good guy friend who's proving remarkably witty, supportive and reliable lately. so i guess ALL guys don't suck. just the ones who do.