the d word

i don't even know where to start. the drama.

well, i guess the most relevant thing is that mr. ny moved here & then immediately started dating a girl from NY who is moving here soon. so he is out of the picture. i find this out after more than a month of him not meeting up with me. clearly he wants to keep me around in case she doesn't work out. this should be interesting.

i really don't know what i think about him anymore. my friends tell me he is toxic & all i do is complain about him, but he has filled a spot in my life & i really liked him. when he is nice. surprisingly, i cried for a while when he told me this. i guess i liked him more than i thought.

that's the biggest new thing in terms of guys that shook my world.

in other news, my aunt had a surgery & 2 strokes & then died, my mom had surgery, i went to las vegas with a treacherous co-worker who made mega-fights between me & mr. la, my long-time lawyer friend. we have got that straightened out but only after much emotional expense.

i'm so emotionally exhausted i really can't even recount it. but that is what's going on. when i have more energy to analyze things more, i will be back.

of course in a reactionary move i asked mr. (gee i forget what i call these guys) busy what was wrong with me that guys didn't want to date me, only screw around. he wisely didn't respond to any of those questions. & i said i probably shouldn't see him again either so i didn't lose him too, then i changed my mind. we'll see if he ever responds again, lol. he wisely just disappears when i turn too radical, which means there is never any drama with him.

oh, and the former co-worker who showed up to apologize then abruptly told me he was done with me??? and then changed his mind saying he didn't mean it. a couple kisses later he really didn't mean it, but i couldn't let it go so i backtracked it to friends letting him know that was an ass thing to say & i couldn't ignore it.

why i even try to be friends with these guys i don't know. what is there in me that can't let go?

my new resolution is to stop contacting them all & see who comes back.

right. i will try that now. good luck me...