today's post: what women want
LYN'S LIST OF WHAT WOMEN WANT
1. we want you to want us
2. we want to know that you want us!
3. we want you to master application of #1&2 above. trust us, there's other guys always doing it really, really well.
4. we want you to listen
5. we want you to talk
6. we want you to understand & empathize
7. if you can't do #6, we want you to at least do #4.
8. we want you to go out with your friends.
9. we want one of your t-shirts to sleep in with your cologne sprayed all over it
10. we want you to notice anything we do different -- hair, makeup, lipstick, clothes. just look at us often. you'll notice.
11. we want you to be able to fix things. be an expert in something. home repairs, computers, cars, us. just pick one.
12. we want to be proud of you. we want to show you off to other women and brag about you.
13. we want you to be great in that one thing that we love in bed.
14. we want you to be a heap-big success. no matter what you do. as long as your happy & do it well.
15. we want you to hide it when you look at other women.
16. we want to know what your favorite meal is and how to fix it.
17. we want you to hug us when we're angry at you.
18. we want you to tell us when something we do annoys you so we can stop doing it.
19. sometimes we just want to rip all your clothes off and see what happens next.
20. we want to know we got you, but all those other girls want you too.
August 29, 2003
today's post: not counting chickens
when women are dating new guys it's hard not to let our friends count our chickens before they hatch. while our girlfriends are busy seeing if his last name sounds good on us, we're busy trying to keep some perspective.
and it's not too hard to protect ourselves. it's harder to remain open-minded sometimes. guys, when you read that during a date the girl is thinking "i hope he's not a jerk like all the others" while you're thinking "i just hope i have fun", it's so true. we girls look at every new guy we date as guilty until proven innocent. sorry, but that's the way it is.
sometimes we forget our initial mantra & then we just get in trouble because let's face it -- you're not always nice to us. you are testing us too sometimes to see how much b.s. we'll take. and that really sucks.
oh well, here's to eggs, and looking forward to omelettes if you turn out to be a jerk after all.
when women are dating new guys it's hard not to let our friends count our chickens before they hatch. while our girlfriends are busy seeing if his last name sounds good on us, we're busy trying to keep some perspective.
and it's not too hard to protect ourselves. it's harder to remain open-minded sometimes. guys, when you read that during a date the girl is thinking "i hope he's not a jerk like all the others" while you're thinking "i just hope i have fun", it's so true. we girls look at every new guy we date as guilty until proven innocent. sorry, but that's the way it is.
sometimes we forget our initial mantra & then we just get in trouble because let's face it -- you're not always nice to us. you are testing us too sometimes to see how much b.s. we'll take. and that really sucks.
oh well, here's to eggs, and looking forward to omelettes if you turn out to be a jerk after all.
August 26, 2003
today's other post: ugh
when you're single, your girlfriends are really important. because you don't have a s.o. (no b. at the end. or wait, is there?) to talk to about all the annoying big and little things in your life, you really rely on your girlfriends to take up the slack.
so it totally sucks when they become the topics of your bitch and moan conversations that they are supposed to be HEARING, not starring in.
it's just wrong when your friend? gets really angry at you for some little thing you are perceived to have done or not done, yells at you in public when you ask why she is angry at you, during the apology conversation -- in which she started out apologizing -- then blames you for everything from not doing exactly what she wanted in the first place, to using the wrong words to say no, to "making" her yell by asking her what was wrong at the wrong time. then trying to make you look bad later by twisting the story when other people ask what happened.
you could almost chalk the whole experience up to a "bad day" -- until it becomes like a drunk energizer bunny.
this kind of thing absolutely unexplainable thing makes any trouble with men look really really simple. thank god i date men. i've always wondered how lesbians got along at all -- let alone with pms.
now maybe i know.
when you're single, your girlfriends are really important. because you don't have a s.o. (no b. at the end. or wait, is there?) to talk to about all the annoying big and little things in your life, you really rely on your girlfriends to take up the slack.
so it totally sucks when they become the topics of your bitch and moan conversations that they are supposed to be HEARING, not starring in.
it's just wrong when your friend? gets really angry at you for some little thing you are perceived to have done or not done, yells at you in public when you ask why she is angry at you, during the apology conversation -- in which she started out apologizing -- then blames you for everything from not doing exactly what she wanted in the first place, to using the wrong words to say no, to "making" her yell by asking her what was wrong at the wrong time. then trying to make you look bad later by twisting the story when other people ask what happened.
you could almost chalk the whole experience up to a "bad day" -- until it becomes like a drunk energizer bunny.
this kind of thing absolutely unexplainable thing makes any trouble with men look really really simple. thank god i date men. i've always wondered how lesbians got along at all -- let alone with pms.
now maybe i know.
August 25, 2003
today's post: it's all in a name
if you never want to get a date again, enter your name into the form at this website -- Kabalarian Philosophy -- and tell all your dates how wonderful you sounded. by the way, i am definitely a josephine, not a lynette. ;)
this is great. now i have yet another method to categorize my dates. not the right sign? oops, we're not compatible. the right sign? ooops, you don't sound so good in kabalarian lingo.
right. works for me!
if you never want to get a date again, enter your name into the form at this website -- Kabalarian Philosophy -- and tell all your dates how wonderful you sounded. by the way, i am definitely a josephine, not a lynette. ;)
this is great. now i have yet another method to categorize my dates. not the right sign? oops, we're not compatible. the right sign? ooops, you don't sound so good in kabalarian lingo.
right. works for me!
August 24, 2003
today's post:
help wanted:
smart, blond, swf with perfect driving record and with love of LA freeways seeks cute, dependable swm driver with love of boston freeways. driver must be able to pick the lane least taken on a consistent basis while not killing off passengers. swf willing to rub shoulders, feed driver (with fresh home-baked bread mmmmm), pick music, control air conditioner, talk on cell phone, operate windows, read maps, stop and ask for directions, pay for tolls, and buy coffee for said driver.
;) hee hee.
help wanted:
smart, blond, swf with perfect driving record and with love of LA freeways seeks cute, dependable swm driver with love of boston freeways. driver must be able to pick the lane least taken on a consistent basis while not killing off passengers. swf willing to rub shoulders, feed driver (with fresh home-baked bread mmmmm), pick music, control air conditioner, talk on cell phone, operate windows, read maps, stop and ask for directions, pay for tolls, and buy coffee for said driver.
;) hee hee.
August 21, 2003
today's post: get married already
the world discriminates against unmarried women. no really. it does.
men love to flirt with them in the real world but in business they will deny them promotions, packages, jobs and other benefits just based on their marital status. (i have a friend in dallas with this problem.)
women love to hate them because their men love to flirt with them. then they like to look down on them because they think we haven't been "chosen" yet. and they like to flaunt their men like new clothes. all forgetting we might have "not chosen" to be with people we didn't think would make us happy over the long haul. (i could have gotten married at least once already, perhaps moreif i'd wanted to. but clearly -- i didn't.)
so clearly, everyone dislikes single women. it's a pretty strong message: get married already. for those of us who have passed it up so far, sometimes life pretty much sucks. there's this undercurrent sucking you in and lashing out at you. very hard to avoid and harder to ignore.
maybe i should become a single man instead...
the world discriminates against unmarried women. no really. it does.
men love to flirt with them in the real world but in business they will deny them promotions, packages, jobs and other benefits just based on their marital status. (i have a friend in dallas with this problem.)
women love to hate them because their men love to flirt with them. then they like to look down on them because they think we haven't been "chosen" yet. and they like to flaunt their men like new clothes. all forgetting we might have "not chosen" to be with people we didn't think would make us happy over the long haul. (i could have gotten married at least once already, perhaps moreif i'd wanted to. but clearly -- i didn't.)
so clearly, everyone dislikes single women. it's a pretty strong message: get married already. for those of us who have passed it up so far, sometimes life pretty much sucks. there's this undercurrent sucking you in and lashing out at you. very hard to avoid and harder to ignore.
maybe i should become a single man instead...
August 14, 2003
today's post: exes
no matter how much you try to get along with people, there are those people you just can't get along with. exes definitely fall into this category. somehow, if you interact, once you start hurting each other or getting hurt, it just doesn't seem to stop. no matter how hard you try. which is no doubt why you're exes in the first place.
i guess sometimes one just has to throw in the towel and crawl under a rock. or one could take the towel with them under the rock to wipe off the sweat. but sometimes you just have to say: i give up.
you hurt me once. you keep doing it. i hurt you back. let's stop.
but then you look at them & they look at you & you both say to yourselves, damn, you're so hot. and somewhere the towel and the rock have to keep each other company without you...
no matter how much you try to get along with people, there are those people you just can't get along with. exes definitely fall into this category. somehow, if you interact, once you start hurting each other or getting hurt, it just doesn't seem to stop. no matter how hard you try. which is no doubt why you're exes in the first place.
i guess sometimes one just has to throw in the towel and crawl under a rock. or one could take the towel with them under the rock to wipe off the sweat. but sometimes you just have to say: i give up.
you hurt me once. you keep doing it. i hurt you back. let's stop.
but then you look at them & they look at you & you both say to yourselves, damn, you're so hot. and somewhere the towel and the rock have to keep each other company without you...
August 04, 2003
today's post: nothing
short of dating yourself, the only better thing is to have a great date with another person. and oddly enough, while i always have something to write about my bad dates, i have nothing to say about the really good ones. (that's why this, what i'm saying right now, is appropriately titled "nothing")
now why is that? well, perhaps because being happy is just so much less interesting to read and write about than being annoyed. i can't come up with pithy one-liners, be punchy or sarcastic, or state random but commonly-held assumptions and tout them as fact.
then there's the possibility of jinxing good things by talking about them, similar to my familiar jinx of my relationships by framing pictures of us. (wanna kill your relationship fast? put a little piece of wood around a photo of you, or one of you and him. and bingo, the jealous relationship gods will decree that the TIME has come.)
there's also the sort of internal awe that one experiences when there is a lack of conflict and abundance of common interests. it's sort of a hmmm, what is this thing called compatibility?
darned if i know. better that i don't. i'd likely wreck it.
short of dating yourself, the only better thing is to have a great date with another person. and oddly enough, while i always have something to write about my bad dates, i have nothing to say about the really good ones. (that's why this, what i'm saying right now, is appropriately titled "nothing")
now why is that? well, perhaps because being happy is just so much less interesting to read and write about than being annoyed. i can't come up with pithy one-liners, be punchy or sarcastic, or state random but commonly-held assumptions and tout them as fact.
then there's the possibility of jinxing good things by talking about them, similar to my familiar jinx of my relationships by framing pictures of us. (wanna kill your relationship fast? put a little piece of wood around a photo of you, or one of you and him. and bingo, the jealous relationship gods will decree that the TIME has come.)
there's also the sort of internal awe that one experiences when there is a lack of conflict and abundance of common interests. it's sort of a hmmm, what is this thing called compatibility?
darned if i know. better that i don't. i'd likely wreck it.
July 30, 2003
today's post: me, myself and i on a date
there are lots of things you can do alone when you're single. right. yes you know this. but did you know one of the funnest is to take yourself out for a date? i call it supplementary dating. sounds like a diet pill. but it's more fun. and less dangerous. usually. unless you're wacky like me. (last year when i took myself out for a movie, i once tried to pick up a date at the theatre. ha. that was a trip. he was nice though...said he was meeting someone afterward but i could sit there if i wanted to. nah. my seat was way better. but it was fun. i walked away saying to self, girl, you rock. you got no fear ;)
so today i was less adventurous but had way more fun. i...took myself out to see the exhibit in the state house titled "where in the world is boston from?"
you know when you've been wanting to do something like for AEONS of time? i've been wanting to see this exhibit for like over a year now. so i got up off my cute little ass & JUST DID IT.
it was great. you wouldn't believe. there's a big wow about doing something you've been wanting to do. i walked into the exhibit and i kid you not, took a deep breath and smiled and was just like CHECK, i'm here! (the last CHECK off my list was STOMP last weekend. that was about a 6 year wait time. yeah, sometimes my friends just don't like the things I like!!)
there are some really cool things about dating yourself! you're never late for your dates, you always wear the right thing, you don't answer the cell phone in the middle of a conversation with yourself, you don't have to worry who is going to pick up the check, and you don't have to ever compromise on anything! i rock! yes, i do.
and by the way, the exhibit was really good too...
there are lots of things you can do alone when you're single. right. yes you know this. but did you know one of the funnest is to take yourself out for a date? i call it supplementary dating. sounds like a diet pill. but it's more fun. and less dangerous. usually. unless you're wacky like me. (last year when i took myself out for a movie, i once tried to pick up a date at the theatre. ha. that was a trip. he was nice though...said he was meeting someone afterward but i could sit there if i wanted to. nah. my seat was way better. but it was fun. i walked away saying to self, girl, you rock. you got no fear ;)
so today i was less adventurous but had way more fun. i...took myself out to see the exhibit in the state house titled "where in the world is boston from?"
you know when you've been wanting to do something like for AEONS of time? i've been wanting to see this exhibit for like over a year now. so i got up off my cute little ass & JUST DID IT.
it was great. you wouldn't believe. there's a big wow about doing something you've been wanting to do. i walked into the exhibit and i kid you not, took a deep breath and smiled and was just like CHECK, i'm here! (the last CHECK off my list was STOMP last weekend. that was about a 6 year wait time. yeah, sometimes my friends just don't like the things I like!!)
there are some really cool things about dating yourself! you're never late for your dates, you always wear the right thing, you don't answer the cell phone in the middle of a conversation with yourself, you don't have to worry who is going to pick up the check, and you don't have to ever compromise on anything! i rock! yes, i do.
and by the way, the exhibit was really good too...
July 28, 2003
today's topic: feet
so let's talk about guys feet. guys have great feet. i guess. some women like to look at their feet. you know why. i don't. i don't really care. feet are feet. do they work? great. can you walk? good. can you carry me? ah, even better.
so why oh why to men like to do this...
see pretty girl. like girl. try to impress girl. spend lots of money on girl. put best foot forward. pull out ak47. shoot self in foot.
boys boys. do you never learn. the idea on the first 2 or 3 dates is to impress the girl, to get her if you can, then decide if you want her. (yeah, we know that's how it works.) but what's wrong with you that you have to lose her to your own stupidity?
oh well, thinks she, thank god he shot himself in the foot now instead of pulling off the i'm-the-greatest-guy-since-hercules stunt -- i can move on to bigger and better things. at least bigger...
yes, it's a good thing you're an idiot now rather than later. but we'll never get why you waste all the time, money and effort doing it. we'd never do that. we'd rather hit the sale rack instead. speaking of which, i'm on my way over there now.
so let's talk about guys feet. guys have great feet. i guess. some women like to look at their feet. you know why. i don't. i don't really care. feet are feet. do they work? great. can you walk? good. can you carry me? ah, even better.
so why oh why to men like to do this...
see pretty girl. like girl. try to impress girl. spend lots of money on girl. put best foot forward. pull out ak47. shoot self in foot.
boys boys. do you never learn. the idea on the first 2 or 3 dates is to impress the girl, to get her if you can, then decide if you want her. (yeah, we know that's how it works.) but what's wrong with you that you have to lose her to your own stupidity?
oh well, thinks she, thank god he shot himself in the foot now instead of pulling off the i'm-the-greatest-guy-since-hercules stunt -- i can move on to bigger and better things. at least bigger...
yes, it's a good thing you're an idiot now rather than later. but we'll never get why you waste all the time, money and effort doing it. we'd never do that. we'd rather hit the sale rack instead. speaking of which, i'm on my way over there now.