not meaning to be mean

oh the misunderstandings that arise between genders when men and women try to communicate. right now i am in the midst of three misunderstandings. one that will likely cost me ever meeting someone, another that is making "trouble" between me and a longtime friend, and the third, one that could have cost me a friendship, which seems to at the moment be back on track.

i don't tend to be the kindest person or one who beats around the bush trying to find the nicest way to talk to the bush. it's not something i ever heard my parents do nor that i know how instinctively. i tend to say exactly what i mean, which is sometimes just that (mean), because i don't know how to ask for what i need in a nice way.

anyhow, if one were to look at communication as a utilitarian feature, which it usually is, with the intent of delivering one piece of intended information to another person who can receive it with the same intent in which it was originally packaged, then i fall far short of success. which means i need to change how i communicate.

how does one negotiate change? or communicate intent?

there are three things good about my current troubles:

1) i am communicating much more to have gotten into this many problems.

2) those guys who know where my intent really lies will manage somehow to muddle through the communication part with me until we come to some understanding. the man who does that best will be the man i will marry. the one who hears my intent, regardless of my words, because sometimes it just doesn't come out right, no matter how hard i try. and the one who will respond back, sharing his intent, no matter how it all comes out. at least it is reciprocal.

3) all the guys who are my friends have forgiven me at one time or another for being a bitch, just as i have forgiven them for being jerks. what counts is are we actively changing for the better and treating each better every day?

i guess the key to success is to keep on trying...if you're both talking, at least you're still having the conversation...