i did let it go...

thanks to c for the comment. oddly enough about an hour before i read c's comments, i had just e-mailed mr. big that i couldn't and shouldn't put up with being ignored. that i was super upset about it & that sorry, i had tried. but there was no solution for us getting along.

this makes it all feel better somehow, to know it's not me that's the problem. yeah, i might have issues from my past, but nothing that makes it ok to not treat me well. i mean who comes over & sleeps with you & then ignores all attempts you make to communicate with them in the days afterward? but then - doesn't want to leave, just wants to be in your life somehow, to what - do that all over again?

man, that's just messed up.

yes, i will find someone who fills the emotional void for me. i mean not in me, only i can do that. but for me.

i kept thinking if i'm around him i'll have access to that emotional warmth that he has. & then it was like getting thrown out of a jacuzzi into the middle of the arctic. still in my sexy bikini.

yeah. no.

i will be upset for a while still but at least i presented how i felt calmly and conclusively. sorry buddy, fresh out of solutions since you're such an a*hole.

but sigh, one that i like.