and around we go

so of course i've decided to keep my cap in my life.

so he just wants to be fwb, oh well. i was better off dating other people anyway & keeping him as a backup.

there is something about him that just is adventurous. i don't know, i like. i don't ever know what's going to happen with him & it's really cool. & i'm ok with that.

he said he still wants to be friends. i was like, but only if you care about me. i mean, dude. and still, i will get upset if you don't call sometimes. how will you handle that.

he's so worried about how will i handle being friends. how will he handle being the type of friend that i want? that was my question back...

i'm still hearing from mr. 5-years ago. little flirtation here & there. mom is in town so not really seeing anyone. but hmmm. i just don't get that sense of adventure though with him.

i dunno. not so sure i can give that up. the jerk really was interesting to interact with all the time, you never knew what would happen next. obviously. lol. so maybe let's dial it down a bit from running off without warning, so my cap is that. on the other end is mr. 5-years ago. predictable in some ways.

i'm afraid of that. or afraid of getting bored with it. do i even want to date one guy? i'm thinking...

the conference this weekend was fantastic. it really put in my head a vision of what kind of loving relationship is possible. i mean people had stories of them being sick & guys helping them. i don't get sick. guys help me with my computer. no save the world thing. but hmmm. i'm missing out on a lot, so it sounds.

although, women do tend to tell the best & leave the worst out. except for me. i do it the other way around.

for example, i will tell you how upset my cap makes me when he just wants to be friends blah blah blah. but do i tell you how i yell at him out of the blue & this really upsets him? yup. that's a big problem with me & guys.

so my new goal is not to get really upset around them. it really turns them off. or i mean, not get really upset AT them.

ok, we'll see how well i do...