practice makes theories

ladies, a question for you that i'm struggling with.

there are two versions of thought.

one is the "why men love bitches" version, tell the guy you don't want anything serious & he'll want it.

the second is the "getting to i do" version which is basically negotiate the commitment first, before sex.

i haven't found good luck with the second version. i've waited 3 months before sleeping with guys & done that whole speil & it seems to make little difference. sure, i may have a boyfriend for a few months, but ultimately the relationship takes its course anyway.

i haven't had particularly good luck with the first version either, finding it rather deceptive. sure, don't tell the guy you want a relationship necessarily, but why lie to him that you don't?

my best luck has been where i did whatever felt right at the time & just kept being friends with the guy & asking him out or responding to him asking me out as the occasion arose. kind of a back & forth that had less to do with negotiation or defining the relationship than just being in the same place at the same time & having fun with him.

as long as i kept showing up in his life & we kept having fun, things moved forward. when i started to try to negotiate or manipulate where they were going, things stopped.

so what about theory #3: take it as it comes, hold your own, and see where things go?

after all, guys that tell you they're not ready are ready for someone else. and guys that tell you they don't want to explain themselves while they are explaining themselves, are still - explaining themselves. so trying to get a verbal response that has any lasting power while the relationship isn't where you want it to be seems pointless.

i think i'll pick what's behind door #3 & see how that goes...