what is this anyway?

i'm feeling something odd. fear of a guy being smarter than me. it is so wierd.

i don't usually date guys that i either respect or admire completely. it seems on some fundamental level they're missing either one of those things. i have yet to find out my doc's weaknesses, which will probably be very obvious when they do appear, but until that time i'm just a little in awe of the things he talks & thinks about.

and it's scary.

like the topic of respect. we were talking about respect and he was saying we have a healthy level of respect between us. and i was like, um, we need to talk more about that. that's not a concept i'm familiar with.

so when i brought it up again, so now we could talk about it, he was like, ok, what do you want to talk about? and i said, um, again, this is not a concept that i'm familiar with, so how about YOU talk? so he monologued for a few minutes on the topic of respect & his opinion of it. and i listened & walked around the issue & generally went hmmm.

a very big hmmm.

those of you that have come from families with little respect, you will understand my not understanding this concept.

and after the conversation i found myself wondering if he is arrogant or if i am just so unsure about dating a guy that is stronger and more powerful than i. being a very strong woman, this almost never occurs. so i don't know what to make of being the weaker or more protected gender, shall we say, in a r-ship.

i will have to think on this more. many things to think about now...