my wedding vows

yes, i've written them early. just now in fact. so that when the time comes i'll have one less thing to do...

Groom, do you take Bride to be your wedded wife, to live together in marriage so long as you both live near where you work?

Do you promise to do what she wants so she feels like you love her, comfort her when the Patriots or RedSox are not playing, honor her mother and her nasty cat, and keep her happy while getting richer (not poorer), in your sickness and her health. And forsaking all others that she knows about, keep up the appearance of being faithful only to her...

So long as you both shall happily live, or for the next 7 years, whichever comes first?

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Bride, do you take Groom to be your wedded husband, to live together in marriage so long as you both live near where YOU work?

Do you promise to love him when he is being loving to you, comfort him when his sports teams lose, honor the in-laws and his big smelly dog, and keep him satisfied in bed whether he does the same for you or not, in better or in worse economic crises, even though you might be richer with alimony than poorer being married, in your sickness and his health. And forsaking most others, be faithful only to him as far as everyone knows...

So long as you both shall happily live, or for the next 7 years, whichever comes first?