return of the bridezilla
well, my former friend, the bachelorette is now clearly classified as a bridezilla.
apparently she invited my friend to her wedding after all - the one she called me 3 times to tell me was not only not invited, but NOT WELCOME. my friend made plans to go (knowing i wasn't). and she finally tells me this. fortunately.
i ask her when she was invited. it was in the last few weeks.
finally i decide to tell her that the bridezilla doesn't want her there. i start with "i didn't want to tell you this but..." she says, why didn't you tell me before! fortunately, she hasn't booked plane tickets, only hotel.
now she understands why i was so angry at bridezilla. i think before she thought i was just making a big deal of things. now she also understands why bridezilla makes pseudo-plans to meet up with their sons, but always stops returning calls to finalize their meetings.
so now bridezilla calls HER and invites her to a girls night out. Her, not me. bridezilla called on my b-day a few weeks ago & wished me happy b-day, which was nice. so clearly we're still talking to each other. and i have never said one word about anything to do with her wedding, behavior, my disappointment, or anything. we've never discussed anything. but yet, she invites my friend instead.
so confused.
why was my friend going to her wedding without me? hmmm.
more important - why is she calling my friend now? making me look bad. clearly she thought i'd told her, and then she figured when she sent an invite, i'd look like a liar. but i didn't tell my friend anything. lol. :)
bizarre bridezilla. no doubt the story isn't over yet...
my friend is now trying to figure out how to let bridezilla know she KNOWS she wasn't wanted at the wedding. in a nice way. this should be fun.
May 23, 2008
May 21, 2008
chicken or egg?
squeaky & i had a visitor for the past couple days - my favorite cousin. we had many interesting discussions about men, both of us being single & roughly the same age. she referred me to this author/lecturer (alison armstrong) who LOVES men.
i really like the concept. i think i'm gonna try to absorb some of the attitudes. reminds me of a friend of mine, a smart, beautiful, chinese woman who wrote an essay so in praise of men that it made my cry.
i asked my cousin why she thought the antipathy toward men started. she thought it was the feminist movement....hmm. i wonder if that's it. or did it cause the feminist movement?
squeaky & i had a visitor for the past couple days - my favorite cousin. we had many interesting discussions about men, both of us being single & roughly the same age. she referred me to this author/lecturer (alison armstrong) who LOVES men.
i really like the concept. i think i'm gonna try to absorb some of the attitudes. reminds me of a friend of mine, a smart, beautiful, chinese woman who wrote an essay so in praise of men that it made my cry.
i asked my cousin why she thought the antipathy toward men started. she thought it was the feminist movement....hmm. i wonder if that's it. or did it cause the feminist movement?
May 17, 2008
boyz & cats II
a few cool things have happened lately. as i write my kitten is on my lap, snoring. if you haven't heard a kitten snore, it's the cutest thing ever. now - i'm not lonely anymore. he's affectionate, playful and learns quickly. we're working on the not biting thing right now.
jack is back. by back, i mean talking again. yes, my ex, if you call him that, that wouldn't talk to me b/c of jealous wife. she's gone, he's back. nice.
and, i don't know how to describe this last one, but it's pretty amazing to me. more on that in the next blog...
a few cool things have happened lately. as i write my kitten is on my lap, snoring. if you haven't heard a kitten snore, it's the cutest thing ever. now - i'm not lonely anymore. he's affectionate, playful and learns quickly. we're working on the not biting thing right now.
jack is back. by back, i mean talking again. yes, my ex, if you call him that, that wouldn't talk to me b/c of jealous wife. she's gone, he's back. nice.
and, i don't know how to describe this last one, but it's pretty amazing to me. more on that in the next blog...
May 14, 2008
why men like cats
several of my boyfriends have liked cats. they like their independence. lately i've been researching how to keep my kitty, squeaky, from clawing me. he is claws out all the time. here's what i came up with - that made me LMAO.
now i understand why men love cats. in the below repurposing, i took the liberty of replacing the word "cat" with "man."
see how much you identify with this!
--------------------
Dear Gwen,
My newly adopted 10 month old man bites me and won't let me pet him. When I try to show him affection, he just runs away. I feel disappointed because I wanted a snuggly man. When he first arrived, I think I might have scared him by accidentally grabbing at him a little too roughly. He likes to play and will always greet me when I come home. He will rub his face against mine for a moment, but if I try to prolong it or initiate contact, he lightly bites me or runs away. Could this be his nature or do you think I ruined our relationship from the start? Can you train a man to like being petted?
Lonely Lynne
Dear Lynne,
I doubt that you ruined the relationship from the start since your man is happy to see you when you come home. He is telling you that he likes you when he rubs his face against yours. By running away, he is also telling you that he likes his space and doesn't want to be forced into being cuddly. On the other hand, maybe he is running away in an attempt to get you to play and chase him. He is still a very young man with lots of energy.
Some men simply do not like being petted or touched; others can be taught to accept and even enjoy handling. If his ways can be changed, here's a plan that has worked with most of my men/owner clients with similar problems.
1. Completely ignore your man. Pretend he is invisible. Take care of his physical needs (food, water, litter box, etc) but do not talk to him, play with him or even look at him. When he greets you when you come home - ignore him - just walk by as if he wasn't there.
After anywhere from 2 days to 2 weeks of this, he should be craving your attention and affection. He should be following you around, pestering and begging you for attention. Withhold your attention until he is craving it.
2. Begin to give him extremely small doses of affection. When he sits on your lap, stroke him 2 or 3 times, then get up and walk away. Gradually increase the amount of affection you give him, but always end the session with him wanting more. If you give him more than he needs or wants, then he will end the cuddle session on his terms (running away or biting to make you stop petting him). If you always leave him wanting more, then he will value it and look forward to it more.
several of my boyfriends have liked cats. they like their independence. lately i've been researching how to keep my kitty, squeaky, from clawing me. he is claws out all the time. here's what i came up with - that made me LMAO.
now i understand why men love cats. in the below repurposing, i took the liberty of replacing the word "cat" with "man."
see how much you identify with this!
--------------------
Dear Gwen,
My newly adopted 10 month old man bites me and won't let me pet him. When I try to show him affection, he just runs away. I feel disappointed because I wanted a snuggly man. When he first arrived, I think I might have scared him by accidentally grabbing at him a little too roughly. He likes to play and will always greet me when I come home. He will rub his face against mine for a moment, but if I try to prolong it or initiate contact, he lightly bites me or runs away. Could this be his nature or do you think I ruined our relationship from the start? Can you train a man to like being petted?
Lonely Lynne
Dear Lynne,
I doubt that you ruined the relationship from the start since your man is happy to see you when you come home. He is telling you that he likes you when he rubs his face against yours. By running away, he is also telling you that he likes his space and doesn't want to be forced into being cuddly. On the other hand, maybe he is running away in an attempt to get you to play and chase him. He is still a very young man with lots of energy.
Some men simply do not like being petted or touched; others can be taught to accept and even enjoy handling. If his ways can be changed, here's a plan that has worked with most of my men/owner clients with similar problems.
1. Completely ignore your man. Pretend he is invisible. Take care of his physical needs (food, water, litter box, etc) but do not talk to him, play with him or even look at him. When he greets you when you come home - ignore him - just walk by as if he wasn't there.
After anywhere from 2 days to 2 weeks of this, he should be craving your attention and affection. He should be following you around, pestering and begging you for attention. Withhold your attention until he is craving it.
2. Begin to give him extremely small doses of affection. When he sits on your lap, stroke him 2 or 3 times, then get up and walk away. Gradually increase the amount of affection you give him, but always end the session with him wanting more. If you give him more than he needs or wants, then he will end the cuddle session on his terms (running away or biting to make you stop petting him). If you always leave him wanting more, then he will value it and look forward to it more.
May 13, 2008
mom is coming to town
i've been following two-date diva's travels with her enlightened mom. mine is coming to town too, in june! gotta love when mom visits. she'll spiff up my new place, hug my kitten (she is very excited), and bash all the boys i've complained about. :) unfortunately, i'm now friends with them - or more - and so have to now undig them out of the dog house.
i've been following two-date diva's travels with her enlightened mom. mine is coming to town too, in june! gotta love when mom visits. she'll spiff up my new place, hug my kitten (she is very excited), and bash all the boys i've complained about. :) unfortunately, i'm now friends with them - or more - and so have to now undig them out of the dog house.
May 12, 2008
May 08, 2008
choices that we make
all the choices that i made over the years are catching up with me. i just turned 39 with no kids & no boyfriend. or rather, no guy that i want to have kids with, though more than one would probably have a kid with me. i have money to be a single mom, but little incentive to do so on my own.
what's annoying me most is losing the lack of choice in the matter. not the fact that i don't have kids now. i was never particularly excited about having kids. it was just an assumption i made. but i have never made decisions based on my desire for kids.
it's interesting that my ex boyfriend, who left me b/c i was upfront about having kids sooner rather than later, is now engaged to a woman my age. in a classic case of turn about is fair play, i have heard through the grapevine that they are having the kids discussion. so he's back in the hotseat again. i wonder if he'll bail on her too? for her sake, i hope not. but since i think she doesn't deserve him, i'm not sure how bad i'm hoping not.
so here i am, crying in the dressing room of some store during lunch break, frustrated at my choices.
ah the wisdom in aging. maybe really all it is - is recognition of where you screwed up, or didn't, and why you made your choices. or the acceptance of them. i am unable to do either right now. therefore feeling very unwise. but definitely aged.
all the choices that i made over the years are catching up with me. i just turned 39 with no kids & no boyfriend. or rather, no guy that i want to have kids with, though more than one would probably have a kid with me. i have money to be a single mom, but little incentive to do so on my own.
what's annoying me most is losing the lack of choice in the matter. not the fact that i don't have kids now. i was never particularly excited about having kids. it was just an assumption i made. but i have never made decisions based on my desire for kids.
it's interesting that my ex boyfriend, who left me b/c i was upfront about having kids sooner rather than later, is now engaged to a woman my age. in a classic case of turn about is fair play, i have heard through the grapevine that they are having the kids discussion. so he's back in the hotseat again. i wonder if he'll bail on her too? for her sake, i hope not. but since i think she doesn't deserve him, i'm not sure how bad i'm hoping not.
so here i am, crying in the dressing room of some store during lunch break, frustrated at my choices.
ah the wisdom in aging. maybe really all it is - is recognition of where you screwed up, or didn't, and why you made your choices. or the acceptance of them. i am unable to do either right now. therefore feeling very unwise. but definitely aged.
April 30, 2008
rite of passage
being a single woman, it's difficult to feel you can compete sometimes in the ladies' world of measurement. you know, how many kids do you have (0), what about your house (?), what kind of pets do you have (0), what is your guy up to (?), who did you have over this weekend (0), where did you & your guy go recently (?), aren't you crazy tired from it all (?).
finally i scored on the hospitality/entertainer scale, with my first ever dinner party for 10 ladies. housewarming/birthday thing. 3 ladies present were master entertainers & they raved.
smashing success. food, ambience, company. people didn't want to leave...
this is huge for someone who is actually afraid to cook. yes, it's true.
i stayed home, i cooked, i conquered.
score one for me. rather, score 10 for me for who i had over this weekend.
whee, i am ON the scale at last.
being a single woman, it's difficult to feel you can compete sometimes in the ladies' world of measurement. you know, how many kids do you have (0), what about your house (?), what kind of pets do you have (0), what is your guy up to (?), who did you have over this weekend (0), where did you & your guy go recently (?), aren't you crazy tired from it all (?).
finally i scored on the hospitality/entertainer scale, with my first ever dinner party for 10 ladies. housewarming/birthday thing. 3 ladies present were master entertainers & they raved.
smashing success. food, ambience, company. people didn't want to leave...
this is huge for someone who is actually afraid to cook. yes, it's true.
i stayed home, i cooked, i conquered.
score one for me. rather, score 10 for me for who i had over this weekend.
whee, i am ON the scale at last.
April 29, 2008
solved mystery
so the mystery is solved...christian carter is david deangelo.
but of course this is all about how women can change for the guy. since it's written by a dating guru - for guys. ;)
http://www.networksolutions.com/whois/results.jsp?domain=catchhimandkeephim.com
so the mystery is solved...christian carter is david deangelo.
but of course this is all about how women can change for the guy. since it's written by a dating guru - for guys. ;)
http://www.networksolutions.com/whois/results.jsp?domain=catchhimandkeephim.com
April 28, 2008
turnabout is fair play
i've kept in touch with mr. busy off & on over the past few months & apparently he feels it's time to meet up. we're going to do a mutual b-day dinner when he returns to town.
i've found past exes tremendously helpful in getting over recent ones. since i seem to have to have my attention on at least one guy at a time (or else i get unreasonably bitter, somewhat like a guy without sex i suppose) i have found this strategy very useful. it's another reason to keep exes around as friends.
besides, i like these men. and they like to be useful and helpful. i can't let them down, it's better for their ego if i assign them something useful to do. doesn't matter if they don't know what it is they're doing exactly...
i've kept in touch with mr. busy off & on over the past few months & apparently he feels it's time to meet up. we're going to do a mutual b-day dinner when he returns to town.
i've found past exes tremendously helpful in getting over recent ones. since i seem to have to have my attention on at least one guy at a time (or else i get unreasonably bitter, somewhat like a guy without sex i suppose) i have found this strategy very useful. it's another reason to keep exes around as friends.
besides, i like these men. and they like to be useful and helpful. i can't let them down, it's better for their ego if i assign them something useful to do. doesn't matter if they don't know what it is they're doing exactly...