i'll take a whole ba(t)ch of those right over there...
one of the best things about being single is that...
i can write to any of the bachelors featured in this month's cosmo! and being the smartish sort of good-looking blond i am, i have a decent chance of them writing me back.
hmmm. who will i write to? how about mr. west virginia, mr. alabama, mr. wisconsin, mr. arkansas. that'll do for starters.
damn, sometimes life is sweet.
now, what do i say to them...?
October 16, 2003
October 15, 2003
ignorance is bliss
so i'm a bright one. i make this site about being single and then can't write about my dates because of course, they either know i keep a website or they can find out by looking up my name online.
that said, who really cares about the actual dates i'm having anyhow? isn't the whole point to portray how it IS to be single (and unfortunately, only when i feel like writing, not when i feel good and happy and not-like-writing)?
anyhow, happily, dating is a part of life, but not the whole.
...life is bigger, bigger than you, and you are not me...
so i'm a bright one. i make this site about being single and then can't write about my dates because of course, they either know i keep a website or they can find out by looking up my name online.
that said, who really cares about the actual dates i'm having anyhow? isn't the whole point to portray how it IS to be single (and unfortunately, only when i feel like writing, not when i feel good and happy and not-like-writing)?
anyhow, happily, dating is a part of life, but not the whole.
...life is bigger, bigger than you, and you are not me...
October 11, 2003
lonely in paradise
sometimes, in fact quite often, it's very lonely being single. you pretend to yourself that if you weren't single you wouldn't be lonely. which you then remember is a lot of b.s. because your mind then polls all your past relationships and flags those where you where indeed lonely, trying to convince you things are fine the way they are.
well, if it's fine the way it is, why do we human's have this lonely/relationship itch that we just have to scratch? apparently we're NOT supposed to feel alone. at least more than x% of the time, whatever value x has to each of us individually. as though there is this warning that goes off and says "Attention: You are feeling lonely. Please do something about it." much like the door lady in the car, though not with "The door is a jar? No kidding. Does Toyota know this?" pun to think to yourself.
independent people also tend to be more lonely i think because we tend to have a greater resistance to listening to our Attention warnings. Yesterday is a prime example.
where i work we have free passes to the acquarium, and yesterday our company went over at lunch. i was happy because i'd been wanting to go for a while, but not by myself. what happened? i ended up walking around by myself! i just didn't seem to fit in with any of the groups and i have a greater need to absorb information at my own pace than i do to stick with a group. so at one point i was wiping a tear from my eye and saying to myself, i waited all this time to see these things with people and here i am alone watching the penguins! so i promptly found a group to look at things with and stuck with them until i felt annoyed enough to go off on my own again.
finally i decided to end my predicament by hanging out with our cute resident bachelor who was also looking around alone. that turned out quite well. we watched myrtle the turtle together.
who, incidentally, also seems to live alone.
sometimes, in fact quite often, it's very lonely being single. you pretend to yourself that if you weren't single you wouldn't be lonely. which you then remember is a lot of b.s. because your mind then polls all your past relationships and flags those where you where indeed lonely, trying to convince you things are fine the way they are.
well, if it's fine the way it is, why do we human's have this lonely/relationship itch that we just have to scratch? apparently we're NOT supposed to feel alone. at least more than x% of the time, whatever value x has to each of us individually. as though there is this warning that goes off and says "Attention: You are feeling lonely. Please do something about it." much like the door lady in the car, though not with "The door is a jar? No kidding. Does Toyota know this?" pun to think to yourself.
independent people also tend to be more lonely i think because we tend to have a greater resistance to listening to our Attention warnings. Yesterday is a prime example.
where i work we have free passes to the acquarium, and yesterday our company went over at lunch. i was happy because i'd been wanting to go for a while, but not by myself. what happened? i ended up walking around by myself! i just didn't seem to fit in with any of the groups and i have a greater need to absorb information at my own pace than i do to stick with a group. so at one point i was wiping a tear from my eye and saying to myself, i waited all this time to see these things with people and here i am alone watching the penguins! so i promptly found a group to look at things with and stuck with them until i felt annoyed enough to go off on my own again.
finally i decided to end my predicament by hanging out with our cute resident bachelor who was also looking around alone. that turned out quite well. we watched myrtle the turtle together.
who, incidentally, also seems to live alone.
October 10, 2003
today's post: sexy
there are times when you want to smack guys on the street for acting like construction workers. and i don't mean in a kissy-kissy way. then there are other times when you do mean in a kissy-kissy way...(if you don't believe this is true, check out the latest issue of cosmo or glamour or something like that where a mother pushing a stroller misses the whistles that used to annoy her so much).
this morning i wore my new hot (i.e. low cut, tight, flare, pinstripe) jeans to work as i was coordinator for lee denim day at my office. and damn, i looked good. but the metro guy at the t-stop really made me feel it. when i walked by he said, damn, great pants. i said "THANK you! :)" he said "they're really sexy." i said TY at least 2 more times. cuz ya know what? he was right, damn it! and good for him for telling things like they are. i felt great all day.
now, for those of you moralistic women who aren't reading this but would yell at me for encouraging such behavior, let me just point out for the record: he was only stating the obvious. ;) and he didn't use the word sexy until he heard i liked the first part. in any case, this is a moment when it's great to be single. i ain't got no man to worry about me taking that compliment for all it's worth. sweet.
now, for those women i was also talking about, if he'd said that on a day when i DIDN'T have great pants on, then he should be smacked for sure.
boys, there is a diff. and we know it. when we look hot & you tell us, that's cool. when we don't & you tell us, you sound like the idiot in the north end the other saturday night who said "you look really pretty. can i have a dollar?" ain't none of that gonna get a lady anything but pissed off.
there are times when you want to smack guys on the street for acting like construction workers. and i don't mean in a kissy-kissy way. then there are other times when you do mean in a kissy-kissy way...(if you don't believe this is true, check out the latest issue of cosmo or glamour or something like that where a mother pushing a stroller misses the whistles that used to annoy her so much).
this morning i wore my new hot (i.e. low cut, tight, flare, pinstripe) jeans to work as i was coordinator for lee denim day at my office. and damn, i looked good. but the metro guy at the t-stop really made me feel it. when i walked by he said, damn, great pants. i said "THANK you! :)" he said "they're really sexy." i said TY at least 2 more times. cuz ya know what? he was right, damn it! and good for him for telling things like they are. i felt great all day.
now, for those of you moralistic women who aren't reading this but would yell at me for encouraging such behavior, let me just point out for the record: he was only stating the obvious. ;) and he didn't use the word sexy until he heard i liked the first part. in any case, this is a moment when it's great to be single. i ain't got no man to worry about me taking that compliment for all it's worth. sweet.
now, for those women i was also talking about, if he'd said that on a day when i DIDN'T have great pants on, then he should be smacked for sure.
boys, there is a diff. and we know it. when we look hot & you tell us, that's cool. when we don't & you tell us, you sound like the idiot in the north end the other saturday night who said "you look really pretty. can i have a dollar?" ain't none of that gonna get a lady anything but pissed off.
October 05, 2003
today's post: why can't a woman be more like a man?
so i'm reading this book today. and it is telling us women how to get along with men. which, that fact in itself, i won't comment on. but the book goes into really basic things. i mean embarrassingly basic things that women either a) don't know or b) don't do. such as be yourself. don't give up your life for a man when he comes along (because when he goes along, then where will you be? oh, and when he's there, where will you be when he's out with his boys?) and basically telling us not to be gumbies.
wow, i mean where did that come from. how have we been socialized that we have to be told these things? it's really sad. is the patriarchal society that devastating to women that we need training in caring for ourselves first? apparently so.
or is it just our human nature, given that we can have children, to naturally put others first? i've said before that if men had kids, when they were so focused on one thing at a time, they'd lose their kids down the drain. anyhow, whatever it is, for some reason we have to take "be yourself, keep yourself" classes.
what amazes me is that men apparently are socialized to be encouraged to be and keep themselves, while women are socialized to cater to men's desire to do this. ok, what exactly is the problem here? did we grow up seeing our mothers drag themselves out of bed every morning before dad to make breakfast so he'd have a warm one in his tummy? or maybe it was for us. and dad got some too incidentally. whatever it was, who REALLY likes to clank pots and pans around early in the morning before you have even 1 eye open all the way?
so here i am with a masters' degree, trying to figure out how to stay the naturally independent person i am when a man comes along. and i'm getting such mixed messages from society. in my smart little books, i read to be myself. then in the hip and latest in women's magazines, i read how to be the best _____ for him. and stay that say. what good training is that for a committed relationship? how are you supposed to keep up the excitement in a relationship and the challenge that supposedly men want (and i like too) while you're busy being a rug?
i'm so confused.
so i'm reading this book today. and it is telling us women how to get along with men. which, that fact in itself, i won't comment on. but the book goes into really basic things. i mean embarrassingly basic things that women either a) don't know or b) don't do. such as be yourself. don't give up your life for a man when he comes along (because when he goes along, then where will you be? oh, and when he's there, where will you be when he's out with his boys?) and basically telling us not to be gumbies.
wow, i mean where did that come from. how have we been socialized that we have to be told these things? it's really sad. is the patriarchal society that devastating to women that we need training in caring for ourselves first? apparently so.
or is it just our human nature, given that we can have children, to naturally put others first? i've said before that if men had kids, when they were so focused on one thing at a time, they'd lose their kids down the drain. anyhow, whatever it is, for some reason we have to take "be yourself, keep yourself" classes.
what amazes me is that men apparently are socialized to be encouraged to be and keep themselves, while women are socialized to cater to men's desire to do this. ok, what exactly is the problem here? did we grow up seeing our mothers drag themselves out of bed every morning before dad to make breakfast so he'd have a warm one in his tummy? or maybe it was for us. and dad got some too incidentally. whatever it was, who REALLY likes to clank pots and pans around early in the morning before you have even 1 eye open all the way?
so here i am with a masters' degree, trying to figure out how to stay the naturally independent person i am when a man comes along. and i'm getting such mixed messages from society. in my smart little books, i read to be myself. then in the hip and latest in women's magazines, i read how to be the best _____ for him. and stay that say. what good training is that for a committed relationship? how are you supposed to keep up the excitement in a relationship and the challenge that supposedly men want (and i like too) while you're busy being a rug?
i'm so confused.
October 04, 2003
today's post: redesign
so how do you like the new site? a friend made my logo & i've linked up to a few other sites who also share my singleness.
i've also signed up with yahoo! personals affiliate site since i've done all my online dating thru them for the past year or so. (when i am on live on the site, i am of course, known as seeingsingle...)
so how do you like the new site? a friend made my logo & i've linked up to a few other sites who also share my singleness.
i've also signed up with yahoo! personals affiliate site since i've done all my online dating thru them for the past year or so. (when i am on live on the site, i am of course, known as seeingsingle...)
October 03, 2003
today's third post: blue
bloggie, i'm tired of going places by myself and bopping around the city at night alone to meet friends. am pouting. will just stay home. v. depressing. now have excuse to eat whatever i want (coming right up), buy clothes (ooops i already did that), and generally be a hermitess (beginning now).
will invoke my right to use my favorite fairytale: where the hero comes and finds me IN my castle instead of me having to go out on my own all the time to meet HIM. my fantasy will last for a full 24 minutes before i acknowledge what bs it is, but by then i will be eating some warm and cozy something and have my toes wiggling in my sheets watching my favorite tv show and reading all about something i find intensely interesting and when my fantasy has expired i won't even notice.
bloggie, i'm tired of going places by myself and bopping around the city at night alone to meet friends. am pouting. will just stay home. v. depressing. now have excuse to eat whatever i want (coming right up), buy clothes (ooops i already did that), and generally be a hermitess (beginning now).
will invoke my right to use my favorite fairytale: where the hero comes and finds me IN my castle instead of me having to go out on my own all the time to meet HIM. my fantasy will last for a full 24 minutes before i acknowledge what bs it is, but by then i will be eating some warm and cozy something and have my toes wiggling in my sheets watching my favorite tv show and reading all about something i find intensely interesting and when my fantasy has expired i won't even notice.
today's other post: throw me a funnybone
funny is as funny gets.
i love guys with a good sense of humor. i have a friend (who is hilarious) who says that if you can make a woman laugh it's easier to get her into bed. boys, he's right. not, of course, that i've said, you're so funny, let's go make out. but in my head, you scored big, boy, if you can make me laugh. and not just politely either. and now that we're talking score, your sense of humor can be used to offset some other annoyances that we may encounter in your character. oh dear. this sounds like i'm keeping score. i'm not really, it's just well, that i rate humor very highly.
and it's not like we girls say, he's really funny (meaning he's ugly). it's not the equivalent of the "nice personality" for a girl. it's much much cooler. i mean we women aren't as turned on by how great your body is like you are about ours -- even though we might love how you look -- but a good laugh? can't beat that, sorry, even with all your gorgeous muscles. unless of course those great pecs are being used to be a hero and save us from harm. that still makes our hearts a little happier but we're not going to throw ourselves in front of a car just so you can save us. just make us laugh, it will have the same effect and be a bit easier on your back as well...
p.s. besides it's free! how can you pass that up.
funny is as funny gets.
i love guys with a good sense of humor. i have a friend (who is hilarious) who says that if you can make a woman laugh it's easier to get her into bed. boys, he's right. not, of course, that i've said, you're so funny, let's go make out. but in my head, you scored big, boy, if you can make me laugh. and not just politely either. and now that we're talking score, your sense of humor can be used to offset some other annoyances that we may encounter in your character. oh dear. this sounds like i'm keeping score. i'm not really, it's just well, that i rate humor very highly.
and it's not like we girls say, he's really funny (meaning he's ugly). it's not the equivalent of the "nice personality" for a girl. it's much much cooler. i mean we women aren't as turned on by how great your body is like you are about ours -- even though we might love how you look -- but a good laugh? can't beat that, sorry, even with all your gorgeous muscles. unless of course those great pecs are being used to be a hero and save us from harm. that still makes our hearts a little happier but we're not going to throw ourselves in front of a car just so you can save us. just make us laugh, it will have the same effect and be a bit easier on your back as well...
p.s. besides it's free! how can you pass that up.
September 27, 2003
today's topic: people
permit me to make fun of online dating again. so there's this guy who sends me what's called an icebreaker on yahoo. what it really means is i'm too cheap to sign up to write to you (so don't expect i'll pay for a date) but i can send you this lame-ass message with options of pickup lines that are so bad you'd tell all your friends about them next monday morning at work.
anyhow, so this guy's header is: "real man desperately seeking real woman". and it shows a nice picture of him in a car, with a scared, pissed-off look on his face, looking like he's just been told he will now be a crash-test dummy. so let's just see what this is all about.
the real man part -- what would you be otherwise? a fake man? a wuss? a wimp? bi? or an invisible man?
the desperately part -- what part of the word desperate do you think is attractive when it comes to dating?
the real woman part -- are you looking for size 10x? (for you mainiacs, that means shade in the summa, and warmth in the winta) or definitely not a transgender woman? what makes a woman real? and why would you need to state a "real" woman as opposed to what? a blow-up doll?
and these people wonder why online dating doesn't work for them. seriously, i should offer my advice services for a fee because i've been told numerous times i appear normal and that seems pretty rare. oh well. no wait, why would i improve the competition? i much prefer to laugh at them.
ok. so on to another topic. beauty and aging.
you only have to look at my mom to know that you can age with dignity and beauty and vitality. i saw another woman that proves that last night. i was walking down state street on the way back from pilates (and ooh, la la, did i ever feel good!) and this distinguished woman with perfectly coifed red hair stepped out of a taxi and waited for her man to pay the bill (smart woman ;). she's dressed in a long blue dress, that modestly splits up the front, and is wearing a beautiful pin. every beautiful red hair is in place and swept up in a sort of chignon perhaps, and her makeup is impeccable. i decide i have to tell her something. so i stop and walk back to her and tell her...you look LOVELY! i don't know where you're going, but i wish i were going there! to my happiness, she looked very pleased (i wasn't sure if she was going to be a british snob) and said oh, thank you very much.
i just know i made her night.
you see, i love telling other women when they look good. for one thing, that really counts. men seem to think i look good in the middle of doing my laundry--which is no doubt true. however, women know when you really look good and you don't forget compliments from other women. especially if they're strangers, and also beautiful, like myself. ok, ok. i am getting a little vain here, but this song IS about me, damn it. ;)
so i now find myself wondering, like princess di, will i be able to age with beauty and grace and find myself full of more character and class every year? somehow i think so. it seems to be working so far...and just look at the good genes i came from! yes, chances are...
permit me to make fun of online dating again. so there's this guy who sends me what's called an icebreaker on yahoo. what it really means is i'm too cheap to sign up to write to you (so don't expect i'll pay for a date) but i can send you this lame-ass message with options of pickup lines that are so bad you'd tell all your friends about them next monday morning at work.
anyhow, so this guy's header is: "real man desperately seeking real woman". and it shows a nice picture of him in a car, with a scared, pissed-off look on his face, looking like he's just been told he will now be a crash-test dummy. so let's just see what this is all about.
the real man part -- what would you be otherwise? a fake man? a wuss? a wimp? bi? or an invisible man?
the desperately part -- what part of the word desperate do you think is attractive when it comes to dating?
the real woman part -- are you looking for size 10x? (for you mainiacs, that means shade in the summa, and warmth in the winta) or definitely not a transgender woman? what makes a woman real? and why would you need to state a "real" woman as opposed to what? a blow-up doll?
and these people wonder why online dating doesn't work for them. seriously, i should offer my advice services for a fee because i've been told numerous times i appear normal and that seems pretty rare. oh well. no wait, why would i improve the competition? i much prefer to laugh at them.
ok. so on to another topic. beauty and aging.
you only have to look at my mom to know that you can age with dignity and beauty and vitality. i saw another woman that proves that last night. i was walking down state street on the way back from pilates (and ooh, la la, did i ever feel good!) and this distinguished woman with perfectly coifed red hair stepped out of a taxi and waited for her man to pay the bill (smart woman ;). she's dressed in a long blue dress, that modestly splits up the front, and is wearing a beautiful pin. every beautiful red hair is in place and swept up in a sort of chignon perhaps, and her makeup is impeccable. i decide i have to tell her something. so i stop and walk back to her and tell her...you look LOVELY! i don't know where you're going, but i wish i were going there! to my happiness, she looked very pleased (i wasn't sure if she was going to be a british snob) and said oh, thank you very much.
i just know i made her night.
you see, i love telling other women when they look good. for one thing, that really counts. men seem to think i look good in the middle of doing my laundry--which is no doubt true. however, women know when you really look good and you don't forget compliments from other women. especially if they're strangers, and also beautiful, like myself. ok, ok. i am getting a little vain here, but this song IS about me, damn it. ;)
so i now find myself wondering, like princess di, will i be able to age with beauty and grace and find myself full of more character and class every year? somehow i think so. it seems to be working so far...and just look at the good genes i came from! yes, chances are...
September 25, 2003
today's other topic: single by choice -- and proud of it
it is usually against society's norms and married women's wishes that women like me remain single. i've said this before. but in reading about some, uh, dating topics, i ran across the following statement:
(from this book on amazon site, titled younger men, older women...) "Increasing numbers of women are choosing to live their lives as single women."
my first thought? thank goodness i have been able to do that without wrecking someone else's life in the process...just think, women are leaving married life (what i suppose is supposed to be Nirvana) to join my singlehood (apparently the real Nirvana?).
hmmm. i have considered before that i was perhaps the envy of other people who would like to be single like me. now, i know it's true.
sad it doesn't feel as good as it sounds...
oh oh oh. here's another statement, which can be exactly the reason i tend to find younger men appealing. when they have their shirts on and i'm not distracted by the awesome way they look. from the same book on amazon:
"Today more and more women find the men of their generation stuck in an outdated patriarchal mode and the men of the next generation more eager for gender equality." ah yes, this is it.
i think younger than my age, they are younger than my age. like attracts like. well, especially when i also LOOK younger than my age. ;)
it is usually against society's norms and married women's wishes that women like me remain single. i've said this before. but in reading about some, uh, dating topics, i ran across the following statement:
(from this book on amazon site, titled younger men, older women...) "Increasing numbers of women are choosing to live their lives as single women."
my first thought? thank goodness i have been able to do that without wrecking someone else's life in the process...just think, women are leaving married life (what i suppose is supposed to be Nirvana) to join my singlehood (apparently the real Nirvana?).
hmmm. i have considered before that i was perhaps the envy of other people who would like to be single like me. now, i know it's true.
sad it doesn't feel as good as it sounds...
oh oh oh. here's another statement, which can be exactly the reason i tend to find younger men appealing. when they have their shirts on and i'm not distracted by the awesome way they look. from the same book on amazon:
"Today more and more women find the men of their generation stuck in an outdated patriarchal mode and the men of the next generation more eager for gender equality." ah yes, this is it.
i think younger than my age, they are younger than my age. like attracts like. well, especially when i also LOOK younger than my age. ;)
today's topic: details
so one of my friends told me he wants more details about my dating life. hmmm. details. as in when, where, how was it?
let me see what i can come up with that is within the bounds of decency. well, that would be just about everything i do! yes, just about. it's that other part that is the most fun.
ok. what should i talk about in a rather general but detailed way. what is it like to be 34 and date guys between the ages of 21 & 38? very very interesting. oh yes, but he was looking for details.
well, hard bodies are great. so much fun to look at. and poke, and punch, and pinch. like l's muscles. yes, it's you i'm talking about. but then you don't (usually) benefit from all the years of experience and other women that can perfect an older guy. so there are tradeoffs. but either age is fun for me. for long-term what would i pick? of course, a combination of the two. in my dreams...
more details later...have to do some more market research first. kidding. i have plenty of existing material to work off of, but then some of it, or all of it, is rather personal & not for general public consumption.
although, i will say, some guys tend to be very romantic and fun and unpredictable. and that, no matter what age they are, is just too good to be true.
ah, i did think of more. so. here's the problem: at my age and being single, as in not married, so probably nearly 10 more years than some of my counterparts, i of course have met more guys and been in more relationships. that presents some interesting challenges because i have now very definite ideas of what i think is a good physical relationship and what is not. and how to actually communicate that without hurting a guy's fragile ego is definitely somewhat like walking on eggshells. which again, does lend some benefits to being with younger guys. well, there are lots of benefits for that. except of course...the desire to actually take the relationship somewhere. so you have to like living in a cul-de-sac i guess if you're an older woman dating a younger guy...
so one of my friends told me he wants more details about my dating life. hmmm. details. as in when, where, how was it?
let me see what i can come up with that is within the bounds of decency. well, that would be just about everything i do! yes, just about. it's that other part that is the most fun.
ok. what should i talk about in a rather general but detailed way. what is it like to be 34 and date guys between the ages of 21 & 38? very very interesting. oh yes, but he was looking for details.
well, hard bodies are great. so much fun to look at. and poke, and punch, and pinch. like l's muscles. yes, it's you i'm talking about. but then you don't (usually) benefit from all the years of experience and other women that can perfect an older guy. so there are tradeoffs. but either age is fun for me. for long-term what would i pick? of course, a combination of the two. in my dreams...
more details later...have to do some more market research first. kidding. i have plenty of existing material to work off of, but then some of it, or all of it, is rather personal & not for general public consumption.
although, i will say, some guys tend to be very romantic and fun and unpredictable. and that, no matter what age they are, is just too good to be true.
ah, i did think of more. so. here's the problem: at my age and being single, as in not married, so probably nearly 10 more years than some of my counterparts, i of course have met more guys and been in more relationships. that presents some interesting challenges because i have now very definite ideas of what i think is a good physical relationship and what is not. and how to actually communicate that without hurting a guy's fragile ego is definitely somewhat like walking on eggshells. which again, does lend some benefits to being with younger guys. well, there are lots of benefits for that. except of course...the desire to actually take the relationship somewhere. so you have to like living in a cul-de-sac i guess if you're an older woman dating a younger guy...