long time no see
well, i haven't written anything substantial for a while. but the words are still flowing...they've just been running around my head lately instead of landing themselves on a page.
it's hard to know how to choose when you have PART of a choice and not the whole thing. and even if you do, how do you know what guy is best for you? do you pick the one that makes you feel all hot & bothered, even if it is hot under the collar a good share of the time? or do you pick the stable one that doesn't really ruffle your feathers much at all, but is just a good guy.
for women? the eternal dilemma. right up there with do i pick mr. workaholic or mr. available?
where oh where are the "normal" guys? oh where oh where can they be? all the ones that work but still make time for you, oh where oh where can they be?
August 12, 2004
August 05, 2004
been around the world & iyiyi...
well, my plans are changing for travel this summer. instead of going to china (which i turned down in spite of buying a new violin), i will be going on a cruise through the mediterranean. mmmmm. bring on those men.
speaking of men. i've been in a quandary lately. will not obsess about it for all my devoted readership to endure, however, suffice it to say, i have a decision to make. since i am spectacularly unqualified to make important decisions of the heart by myself (behold my past track record in support of above musings) i am seeking expert advice on this most important question. i will let you know the outcome ... aka how much longer i can expect this site to be appropriately named!
the only reason i am depriving you of the details is because other than the fact that you are on a need to know basis, ;), there are extenuating factors which prohibit me from being open and honest lest it be to my detriment.
well, my plans are changing for travel this summer. instead of going to china (which i turned down in spite of buying a new violin), i will be going on a cruise through the mediterranean. mmmmm. bring on those men.
speaking of men. i've been in a quandary lately. will not obsess about it for all my devoted readership to endure, however, suffice it to say, i have a decision to make. since i am spectacularly unqualified to make important decisions of the heart by myself (behold my past track record in support of above musings) i am seeking expert advice on this most important question. i will let you know the outcome ... aka how much longer i can expect this site to be appropriately named!
the only reason i am depriving you of the details is because other than the fact that you are on a need to know basis, ;), there are extenuating factors which prohibit me from being open and honest lest it be to my detriment.
July 17, 2004
a few good men
a few years ago or even months ago, if you'd asked me what good men i knew, i'd be hard pressed to tell you one or more. but now, god has been good, and there are quite a few good men in my life. those of you who know me know how important good men are to me. when one has been in want of a good man (one who takes care of their family, namely) one tends to not ever see goodness, even if it is there.
in honor of these men, here they are:
my ex boss
one of my current bosses
another of my former managers
an ex and friend
a coworker
my chiropractor
these men not only take good care of their families, and are respected at work, they also have been great friends to me and know me, sometimes at my worst. not to mention been supportive of me and pushed me towards improvement in my professional, interpersonal & health management areas of my life. hats off to them for managing to show me good men do exist.
a few years ago or even months ago, if you'd asked me what good men i knew, i'd be hard pressed to tell you one or more. but now, god has been good, and there are quite a few good men in my life. those of you who know me know how important good men are to me. when one has been in want of a good man (one who takes care of their family, namely) one tends to not ever see goodness, even if it is there.
in honor of these men, here they are:
my ex boss
one of my current bosses
another of my former managers
an ex and friend
a coworker
my chiropractor
these men not only take good care of their families, and are respected at work, they also have been great friends to me and know me, sometimes at my worst. not to mention been supportive of me and pushed me towards improvement in my professional, interpersonal & health management areas of my life. hats off to them for managing to show me good men do exist.
July 10, 2004
me, the happy, relaxed, energetic, loving and adventurous wife of the future
i'm reading the book "marraige shock." and to my surprise, i am smarter than i thought. it is because of the premises outlined in this book that i am still single: because of the known and repeated subjugation of women by marriage, the requirement that they lose themselves in taking care of others who don't return the favor or which they are not supposed to accept if it is returned. this selflessness i will have no part of. yet society demands it as part of the "good wife" syndrome.
the author asks what marriage would be like if it were a wife's marriage. here is my first stab ever at this idea:
1. we would have a standing contract with several great chefs for discount orders and takeout would be delivered whenever we have guests, holidays and generally when nobody feels like cooking.
2. the husband would make one hot meal a day for the family and do the dishes afterwards. he would continue doing this until he realizes why #1 is in effect, at which point the family happily lives on gourmet takeout, freeing them all from the drudgery of the kitchen. (drudgery being defined in this case as cooking for people when you don't feel like it.)
3. children would be brought up learning how to make food for themselves and would be required to meet their own needs when they can do so.
4. the time now that the wife has since she has been freed from the kitchen will neither be spent in cleaning. as dust is a recurring factor and doing the same thing over and over again will eat her life away, she also contracts out for cleaning services. so now the family is both clean and well fed and the wife still has time to do...
5. what? what will she do now that she neither spends her life cleaning nor in the kitchen? she will do what her husband and children do: pursue self-actualization and take care of the misc. tasks that arise on a non-repetitive basis as the rest of her family does.
imagine the freedom from drudgery for a wife. the ability to arrive home from work, as i will do, and plop my feet up on the couch for 1/2 hour and watch tv to unwind. oh look at that. just like a man does. the ability to take care of my own needs first so i am happy and relaxed and able to meet the needs of my family. the ability to accept love as my husband and children do not act like infants (unless they are) and expect to be spoon fed.
6. oh i forgot the washing. since i hate sending clothes out, the washing can be rotated amongst family members. or each man for himself. there is no need to waste a wife's education, expertise, energy for love and happiness on a pile of cotton and soap suds. living breathing human beings are far better recipients of this energy.
ah now to find a man whose fantasy includes a living, breathing, happy, relaxed, energetic woman -- not one who is half-dead from doing things for her family that after they are 5, they can do for themselves.
did i mention how much energy i'll have for sex now that we all have my priorities straight? hmmmm. i don't think so...
i'm reading the book "marraige shock." and to my surprise, i am smarter than i thought. it is because of the premises outlined in this book that i am still single: because of the known and repeated subjugation of women by marriage, the requirement that they lose themselves in taking care of others who don't return the favor or which they are not supposed to accept if it is returned. this selflessness i will have no part of. yet society demands it as part of the "good wife" syndrome.
the author asks what marriage would be like if it were a wife's marriage. here is my first stab ever at this idea:
1. we would have a standing contract with several great chefs for discount orders and takeout would be delivered whenever we have guests, holidays and generally when nobody feels like cooking.
2. the husband would make one hot meal a day for the family and do the dishes afterwards. he would continue doing this until he realizes why #1 is in effect, at which point the family happily lives on gourmet takeout, freeing them all from the drudgery of the kitchen. (drudgery being defined in this case as cooking for people when you don't feel like it.)
3. children would be brought up learning how to make food for themselves and would be required to meet their own needs when they can do so.
4. the time now that the wife has since she has been freed from the kitchen will neither be spent in cleaning. as dust is a recurring factor and doing the same thing over and over again will eat her life away, she also contracts out for cleaning services. so now the family is both clean and well fed and the wife still has time to do...
5. what? what will she do now that she neither spends her life cleaning nor in the kitchen? she will do what her husband and children do: pursue self-actualization and take care of the misc. tasks that arise on a non-repetitive basis as the rest of her family does.
imagine the freedom from drudgery for a wife. the ability to arrive home from work, as i will do, and plop my feet up on the couch for 1/2 hour and watch tv to unwind. oh look at that. just like a man does. the ability to take care of my own needs first so i am happy and relaxed and able to meet the needs of my family. the ability to accept love as my husband and children do not act like infants (unless they are) and expect to be spoon fed.
6. oh i forgot the washing. since i hate sending clothes out, the washing can be rotated amongst family members. or each man for himself. there is no need to waste a wife's education, expertise, energy for love and happiness on a pile of cotton and soap suds. living breathing human beings are far better recipients of this energy.
ah now to find a man whose fantasy includes a living, breathing, happy, relaxed, energetic woman -- not one who is half-dead from doing things for her family that after they are 5, they can do for themselves.
did i mention how much energy i'll have for sex now that we all have my priorities straight? hmmmm. i don't think so...
July 09, 2004
June 15, 2004
a sense of mystery
i wish i could tell you what i'm doing this summer. but i can't. a woman has to have a sense of mystery about her, and it would ruin all the fun if everyone knew what i was doing. although it would be fun to write about it. suffice it to say, i will be having a very fun summer.
the one thing that i will say is that i'm going to china for 10 days on a concert tour. not featuring me per se, but i will be part of the entourage and performing again. on said tour might be one of my exes, a fact which does not greatly displease me as i don't want to date him again, nor which does please me either as i just don't want to be bothered having him either interact with me or not interact with me. neither of which will be pleasant. him having broken up with me makes it better. one can always play the victim, whether one feels like it or not and it is better than feeling guilty. which he feels none of i'm sure, nor should he. the only thing wrong with the breakup was the way it was done, not the fact that it was done. however since i was his first gfriend, one can't fault him all that bad for it. the only thing he should have known...you don't break up with a girl & then expect to spend the night on her couch as usual. said girl should have thrown his a** out on the street, but sometimes having a heart is just stupid, but it happens. occasionally in me i'm told. the only important thing about him going is that i don't want to get back together again & so it shouldn't bother me. ha. watch this one unfold with more drama than i think. he is currently dating someone who is quite beautiful (good taste he has) but as i hear from one of her exes, not especially well-endowed in the gray matter area.
speaking of which, we weren't, did you know that men prefer women with big busts to during a bust economy, and women with small ones during a boom? the fun things you learn from the india times.
along another line, a rant, of which source i will not ID. one remembers at times that attractiveness is a double-edged sword. it cuts all ways. perhaps it's better though for attractive people to be bitchy. i sure am. i mean if people were both good looking AND nice, what would happen in the world. one has to fend off all the hangers on that will diminish, wear down or distract from one's beauty.
so i'm off with my new pedicure and tanned & worked out self to a busy summer of mysterious happenings of which i'm sure you'll hear obliquely because of course, i like to write about dating affairs whether or not i'm supposed to, given the readership of this happy blog. ;)
i wish i could tell you what i'm doing this summer. but i can't. a woman has to have a sense of mystery about her, and it would ruin all the fun if everyone knew what i was doing. although it would be fun to write about it. suffice it to say, i will be having a very fun summer.
the one thing that i will say is that i'm going to china for 10 days on a concert tour. not featuring me per se, but i will be part of the entourage and performing again. on said tour might be one of my exes, a fact which does not greatly displease me as i don't want to date him again, nor which does please me either as i just don't want to be bothered having him either interact with me or not interact with me. neither of which will be pleasant. him having broken up with me makes it better. one can always play the victim, whether one feels like it or not and it is better than feeling guilty. which he feels none of i'm sure, nor should he. the only thing wrong with the breakup was the way it was done, not the fact that it was done. however since i was his first gfriend, one can't fault him all that bad for it. the only thing he should have known...you don't break up with a girl & then expect to spend the night on her couch as usual. said girl should have thrown his a** out on the street, but sometimes having a heart is just stupid, but it happens. occasionally in me i'm told. the only important thing about him going is that i don't want to get back together again & so it shouldn't bother me. ha. watch this one unfold with more drama than i think. he is currently dating someone who is quite beautiful (good taste he has) but as i hear from one of her exes, not especially well-endowed in the gray matter area.
speaking of which, we weren't, did you know that men prefer women with big busts to during a bust economy, and women with small ones during a boom? the fun things you learn from the india times.
along another line, a rant, of which source i will not ID. one remembers at times that attractiveness is a double-edged sword. it cuts all ways. perhaps it's better though for attractive people to be bitchy. i sure am. i mean if people were both good looking AND nice, what would happen in the world. one has to fend off all the hangers on that will diminish, wear down or distract from one's beauty.
so i'm off with my new pedicure and tanned & worked out self to a busy summer of mysterious happenings of which i'm sure you'll hear obliquely because of course, i like to write about dating affairs whether or not i'm supposed to, given the readership of this happy blog. ;)
June 10, 2004
just call me stupid
this boy don't got NO clue. i mean none. i thought he was just dumb but listen to this. this guy makes me want to keep online dating just as fodder for my blog.
k, remember "i'll take you to a great restaurant, buy you a drink, (one, cuz i have to get back to work at 7 p.m. and i'm wicked cheap) and then call you on your cell 5 minutes later to invite you to my place for chinese takeout?"
well, i thought this guy was just dumb. cuz he looked pretty cute & innocent. turns out he's devious also. badly. obviously. i almost feel sorry for his ass.
i of course, seeking to educate him as to the world of womanhood, write back later saying it is neither safe nor smart to go to a stranger's house on the first date. somewhere along the line he got confused. which seemed only to worsen.
in his last e-mail he assumed that because i didn't want to go to his house the first time i met him, i am not looking for a relationship. would i be interested in a occasional physical friendship, in which case he would be happy to help get me into my own place.
i should write back and say, sure, i'll be your hoe...!
this boy don't got NO clue. i mean none. i thought he was just dumb but listen to this. this guy makes me want to keep online dating just as fodder for my blog.
k, remember "i'll take you to a great restaurant, buy you a drink, (one, cuz i have to get back to work at 7 p.m. and i'm wicked cheap) and then call you on your cell 5 minutes later to invite you to my place for chinese takeout?"
well, i thought this guy was just dumb. cuz he looked pretty cute & innocent. turns out he's devious also. badly. obviously. i almost feel sorry for his ass.
i of course, seeking to educate him as to the world of womanhood, write back later saying it is neither safe nor smart to go to a stranger's house on the first date. somewhere along the line he got confused. which seemed only to worsen.
in his last e-mail he assumed that because i didn't want to go to his house the first time i met him, i am not looking for a relationship. would i be interested in a occasional physical friendship, in which case he would be happy to help get me into my own place.
i should write back and say, sure, i'll be your hoe...!
June 02, 2004
let's get together, yeah yeah yeah
last night i had my last yahoo! personals date for a while. this guy was really cute, looked just like his pictures and was a great conversationalist. he also seemed to think, as per his words, that i have the body of a model, have beautiful hair and fair skin, which is very feminine and must look beautiful when i play the violin. all in all, in comparison with the last guy who was so disappointed with me, it felt good to be better than i was on the screen. which of course i am.
he seemed bright, articulate, like a gentleman and generally a sweet guy. talked a lot and asked a lot of questions, but then he's an analyst so what do you expect. i had a really nice time, though my head was spinning from all the data exchange.
at 7 p.m. he left to go back to work. after i left, i called my friend jack to get an update on his recent job interview. i got a call when i was on the phone & figured it was another friend i was trying to get in touch with. when i checked my vm it was a call from mr. analyst. he wanted me to meet him at his work & then we could go to his house for chinese takeout and a movie.
uh-huh...
last night i had my last yahoo! personals date for a while. this guy was really cute, looked just like his pictures and was a great conversationalist. he also seemed to think, as per his words, that i have the body of a model, have beautiful hair and fair skin, which is very feminine and must look beautiful when i play the violin. all in all, in comparison with the last guy who was so disappointed with me, it felt good to be better than i was on the screen. which of course i am.
he seemed bright, articulate, like a gentleman and generally a sweet guy. talked a lot and asked a lot of questions, but then he's an analyst so what do you expect. i had a really nice time, though my head was spinning from all the data exchange.
at 7 p.m. he left to go back to work. after i left, i called my friend jack to get an update on his recent job interview. i got a call when i was on the phone & figured it was another friend i was trying to get in touch with. when i checked my vm it was a call from mr. analyst. he wanted me to meet him at his work & then we could go to his house for chinese takeout and a movie.
uh-huh...
May 19, 2004
how do i love thee? let me count the ways...
it could be inferred that i don't like men. this is far from true. i think sometimes i have a basic misunderstanding of men, but that is true for most women. i, at least, struggle to see life through a man's eyes. but lest i be accused of man-bashing, let me just counter my sometimes-disappointments with some great features of the all the men i have loved before.
1) they are strong. they pick things up. and carry them. and open them. and move them about.
2) and with those strong arms they hug me.
3) they are rational. their minds are less clouded with emotional helter-skelter & PMS & whatnot. this is of course precluding their absolute irrationality when it comes to women and sex, but other than that, when they are clear headed, men think logically.
4) they like to please women. a lot. well. and are willing to learn what it takes to do that.
5) men are willing to work hard to support a family and do so even if they don't want to. because they know they are needed. which is #6.
6) good men like to be needed. and gees, it is great to need a great man for stuff.
7) men appreciate a beautiful woman. and let her know it. or rather, can't hide it. even when they should.
8) men do what needs to be done whether they feel like it or not. duty. code of honor. all that jazz.
9) men are the other half of what it takes to make babies.
10) men are loving and kind to women they love.
there, do you feel better about my little list? (i like lists. i'm a listy sort of person.) i do. i like men even better now. if that were possible. after all, if i did not like them so much, why would i waste so much time writing about them?!
it could be inferred that i don't like men. this is far from true. i think sometimes i have a basic misunderstanding of men, but that is true for most women. i, at least, struggle to see life through a man's eyes. but lest i be accused of man-bashing, let me just counter my sometimes-disappointments with some great features of the all the men i have loved before.
1) they are strong. they pick things up. and carry them. and open them. and move them about.
2) and with those strong arms they hug me.
3) they are rational. their minds are less clouded with emotional helter-skelter & PMS & whatnot. this is of course precluding their absolute irrationality when it comes to women and sex, but other than that, when they are clear headed, men think logically.
4) they like to please women. a lot. well. and are willing to learn what it takes to do that.
5) men are willing to work hard to support a family and do so even if they don't want to. because they know they are needed. which is #6.
6) good men like to be needed. and gees, it is great to need a great man for stuff.
7) men appreciate a beautiful woman. and let her know it. or rather, can't hide it. even when they should.
8) men do what needs to be done whether they feel like it or not. duty. code of honor. all that jazz.
9) men are the other half of what it takes to make babies.
10) men are loving and kind to women they love.
there, do you feel better about my little list? (i like lists. i'm a listy sort of person.) i do. i like men even better now. if that were possible. after all, if i did not like them so much, why would i waste so much time writing about them?!
May 18, 2004
the ties that bind
i'm sure i've ranted on this in the past, but i'll say it again. one of the most difficult things about being single is the attachment process. being the sort of person who gets attached at some level to most people that i care about, it is an ongoing and sometimes emotionally exhausting process of 1) deciding who to attach to / detach from, and 2) carry off said process.
there comes a point where you grow up enough to not cry over every little breakup & just go, well, it's not meant to be. next.
then there are the people you've been single with for 10 years and there's some history there and you just have to muddle through it the best way you can. and some part of you just wants to find a home and stop having to say goodbye over and over again...
i'm sure i've ranted on this in the past, but i'll say it again. one of the most difficult things about being single is the attachment process. being the sort of person who gets attached at some level to most people that i care about, it is an ongoing and sometimes emotionally exhausting process of 1) deciding who to attach to / detach from, and 2) carry off said process.
there comes a point where you grow up enough to not cry over every little breakup & just go, well, it's not meant to be. next.
then there are the people you've been single with for 10 years and there's some history there and you just have to muddle through it the best way you can. and some part of you just wants to find a home and stop having to say goodbye over and over again...
May 16, 2004
view from the other side
check out this blog from a guy's perspective. damn. sometimes you're glad you're a girl. sucks to sit around and wait, but at least you can breathe while you're doing it...
check out this blog from a guy's perspective. damn. sometimes you're glad you're a girl. sucks to sit around and wait, but at least you can breathe while you're doing it...