how can we be friends if we can't be lovers?

my switch to being friends with mr. ny was so successful, that i'm now even more confused. he immediately answers my e-mails (related to former co-workers, my work etc.) & is more responsive than before.

before there was a 2-day lag in response, now it's more like 2 minutes.

no doubt this means nothing, but it's interesting.

what i've learned about myself over the weekend was that i'm v. scared of losing the men in my life. any men. and trust me, they all go. my aim this time to fast-track-back to friends was an effort NOT to do that, since he seems an admirable friend but poor lover.

so now i've got what i want, which is nice.

how to turn my focus to other guys that i have no interest in, i'm not sure. but it has to be done. ugh. better to listen to what a guy says (we don't have a relationship) than what he does (act like he's having one).

why do i always mix up this friends & lovers crap? now that he's in the role of my ex-boyfriends, i'm even more confused.