dangerous obsession

it's hard to leave someone who brings out the worst in you.

have you ever noticed that?

there are all these guys you date that around them, you are just the best you you could ever want.

but those aren't your demons.

your demons drive your relationships.

or at least mine do.

it is the people that make you WANT and NEED and WOW and OHMYGOSH, all those uncomfortable states that are just super annoying - that you keep lusting after. i don't mean just physical lust, i mean, spiritual lust.

something in your spirit craves these people because, yeah, you got shit to fix.

or at least i do.

why is it the people that make us the most our unwanted selves that we crave? like craving sweets to make us gain weight or get all sugarrushed.

is it the adrenalin rush? or this psychic need of ours to FIX what's broken? so in order to fix it, we can't just put it in the closet, we have to find somebody who will bring it out of us every day. hello, you need to FIX THIS!

me, it's the anxiety. find a guy who will ignore me like my father did, i'm all over him. have him give me attention the craving goes away. wierdness.

who the f* dreamed this kind of torture up?