self-deceit

how do you convince yourself that if a guy leaves - it is a good thing?

i've been so conditioned to having men leaving be this horrible experience for me that i put up with CRAP. i was the one daughter that kept insisting, dad really wants his kids & will treat us well. so of course i keep trying (for 20 years) and end up with egg in face. dad is DAD.

there ain't no changin' him.

so his leaving was a GOOD thing.

right.

tell my psyche that. my poor little abandoned little girl psyche. who thinks that all goodbyes are sad. treacherous.

where is the goodbye that is happy? where i should be so thankful HE LEFT. thank goodness that guy who brings out the WORSE POSSIBLE side of me (gosh these caps are getting annoying. especially all together instead of at the beginning of sentences...)

tonite i will try and tell myself if a guy will not commit to making me happy, when i give him all the tools, he will NEVER make me happy. tools or no. it is about willingness. caring. i deserve that.

i deserve to have a guy treat me well. or leave.

dammit.