controller

well, i finally identified the annoying factor about mr. meetup.

sadly.

i so didn't want to find anything wrong with him. such good company he is! he came over last night & we made mac & cheese & watched the devil wears prada. he brought my favorite wine. we curled up with the cat. how else do you spell cozy & companionable?


and then he had to comment, twice, on whether or not i closed the windows when i turned the heat on. when i was in the process of closing them. and then he had to comment on was i going to let the mac & cheese cool when we brought it out of the oven.

HUH?

what am i, 5?

this is why i didn't get back with my ex last year, in part. the one who wanted to marry me. nothing i did was right. i didn't load my groceries in the back of the car right (yes, true, bad me), i left the 4th of july stuff in the bag on the kitchen floor for 2 days until the 4th, i didn't park in the right place when we were walking to the train.

deja vu.

so i will have to friend mr. meetup. sadly. available, emotionally compatible, whatever.

the last thing i can be is controlled. i have just decided - it is worse than being ignored. which i thought was the worst thing ever for me. no. control is.

dammit.

i also realized that when he was kissing me, he wasn't giving, he was taking. it just wasn't sexy. maybe i'm too used to seduction, not having been married & just going for it when you want. or maybe i'm used to guys giving. yes, that's it. i date givers. not takers.

again, dammit.

another one bites the dust.