revelation

so blogging is good. i just realized the main theme...

1) i can't make up my mind
2) i get pissed at everyone i date

guys don't leave me, i actually leave them first. or i get bored. or annoyed.

i can't remember a time when i was seriously in love OR like with someone and they left. i either left first or told them we shouldn't date exclusively anymore or had already gotten bored but didn't want to admit it - and then they left. if i hadn't already.

this even happened with the jerk. i was the one who questioned long-term (rightfully so).

so the guys that stay in my life actually like me. they just don't commit in general. or - i have gotten upset and wishy-washy with them about whether we should be together or not.

i haven't met any other women with this kind of pattern. most women i know get stuck in r-ships and can't get out. me, i can't seem to stay in.

but still. i have never regretted. there is no guy since my childhood that i wish i were with, because for all of them, i would have given up part of myself. for one moved to another country. for another, not gone to grad school. for yet another, moved out of state & left my job. should i go on?

as it is, i am whole.

single, but not in pieces.

now the question is, how to merge this whole piece of me with somebody else. yes, i'm working on that...

it's called legos. i have great legs. so i just need the 0's.

(hee hee)