happy daze

my marathon blogging continues...

ok, so i was reading two-date diva's post on being single & going to holiday parties. to continue the thought that i started in my comments...

something to remember.

once the wedding's over, you're stuck with the guy.

if he makes your life better than when you were single, that's Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

if not...do i need to end this thought?

it's better to be single than miserably attached. (that word was "better", not "easier".) don't let your married miserable girlfriends who are in denial, otherwise known as MGWAIDs, tell you otherwise. as they pat you on the head & tell you, don't worry, you'll get married someday, look right in their face and think--don't say it--right, happy like you are. (this actually happened to me. minus the patting my head & the comments back to her).

then walk away knowing the wedding's over & you're still happy.

because it was someone else's.

mums the word

i tear up every time i hear the word mother.

yeah, that's about it on that.

boo who who

soo the real reason i'm thinking of going online again is b/c i miss my recent liar ex. i'm waking up crying about him. i'm walking down the street thinking of smart retorts when he returns & wants to talk. in my dreams. ha. i'm wondering why i ever dated him. and i'm missing him like hell.

mostly i'm wondering who he was. you know, once you lie, everything you say is fair game. things like "i really really like you" that were once uttered become suspect. things like "you look beautiful" fortunately stand the test of time. i have matured THAT much.

realize that if you lie in your relationships, people will never be able to believe a word you say. so they will pick and choose what to believe. (what choice do they have?) it's a slippery slope of trust erosion.

i suggest you don't do it.

on the other hand, i lied to one of my friends a couple years ago to spare his feelings. i feel bad & want to tell him. i didn't want to tell him that the other players in my string quartet didn't want to play with him, so i sicked us all out of the performance. shame on me. slapping my hand as we speak.

lkesjkl;SSklj;SSjlk;SEfjkl';lkj

there, serves you right.

oh, wait it was my mouth that lied. we'll deal with that later. right now it's eating and one does have priorities.

reminds me of what jesus said, it's not what goes into your mouth that defiles you. it's what comes out of it.

that's what lying does. defiles you. and your relationships.

that's why you don't.

well, except, like to save people. like during the holocaust. i would lie then. like yeah i would. or now. or anytime.

so some lies are good.

maybe that's why the 10 commandments doesn't say don't lie. it says don't tell lies about your neighbor.

i'm so confused.

oh well. at least i'm not lying to myself. or am i. yes, i am. you have to lie to yourself when you know someone else is lying to you and you accept it.

blah. so far i have no moral grounds to judge anyone on lying. somewhat again like the old testament, if you have a log stuck in your eye, don't judge the splinter in someone else's.

hmmm. my ex with a splinter in his eye. wait, is that breaking the don't wish evil on your enemies morality code?

damn, morality is sure confusing.

good. now i'm successfully distracted from crying about my ex. unfortunately, i now can't blame him for his behavior, mine not being that different. but it would be much easier if i could. at least i had good intentions though.

which is exactly what he would say about why he lied to me.

sigh.

why oh why do guys do it this way?

so i'm contemplating online dating again. so i page through a few guys. i know it is a hopeless venture, as soon as i turned 38 i stopped showing up in guys' searches. i know that's the reason i got less responses, since i look hot still. oh well.

so i see this guy. he's very good looking & i click on his profile. in addition to his friends at the sports game, hot convertible, there is a pic of him with a stunning blonde, perhaps a movie star or playboy model.

now, why do guys do that exactly?

here's what i see from that:

1) this is the kind of girl i date. if you don't look like her on your worst day, don't bother.

2) i'm still dating her. i will keep dating her. partly because she's actually my wife.

3) she's a real-life doll. ooops, i mean a sex doll. i keep her just in case you don't work. or even if you do. we can have a threesome.

4) she's my sister. right. and i'm a nun.

5) i'm so desperate, i have to show you that i can actually get women. in real life they won't come near me.

if i do get a personal ad again, i'm contemplating putting a disclaimer at the bottom.

"don't call me if you are already in a relationship or with someone who thinks you are. i will ask you. if you lie, i will hire a private investigator to tell your SO. that will be fun for us. not so much for you."

well, it looks like i won't be doing online dating again after all. i don't seem to have such a positive attitude toward it.

ya think?

seeing-self

k, this is a self-revelation post.

1. seeing single sucks.

that about covers it. don't let this blog convince you otherwise.

you know what it sucks, too. well, that's on a good day. ;) or night...

so that means it doesn't necessarily suck in a bad way, at least all the time. ok, am i convincing you otherwise? ooops. dicks have a way of doing that.

2. i've wished i were a guy nearly my whole life. i think guys have more fun. i think women have much sexier bodies & i wish i could have sex with them AND be straight. since i can't, i'll choose straight. thank you very much.

there, i've come out of the closet.

i'll take a single, straight-up, with a twisted dick.

i'll take some bs, straight up

i can't stand brad the ex-bachelor. first of all, i think he's gay. not that there's anything wrong with that. IF IT WASN'T A DATING SHOW.

second, he's an a*hole. all the times he said oh, you're perfect for me. gets out of the pool & says, i just feel like she's a friend. "& i have to say goodbye now." boots her off the show.

how many exes does he remind me of.

i had a boyfriend once that told me if a guy was talking about all the action he was getting, he wasn't getting ANY. he said it's the quiet guys you gotta watch out for, they're the ones getting all the chicks.

same in dating. it's the BSers that are the nasty ones. i love you baby baby baby baby blah blah blah my guilt is killing me cuz i'm cheating on you so here are some flowers/jewelry/chocolates.

it's the quiet ones that love you.

now, if you could just get them to SAY it...ok, i admit it, that's what flowers are for.

or are they for guilt?

i'm so confused.

dating suits me to a T

it's so funny that i get closer to guys on the train than on some of my dates. today i happened to sit next to this cute guy & was like hmmm, nice legs. long. great jeans. muscles. & how nice they feel all jammed up against mine. cute face too.

i went on a date once where the guy & i were practically sitting on top of each other on the train. then we got to the restaurant & sat down to wait & he was like 5 inches away. he happened to brush up against me & said excuse me. i was like, huh?

great singles think alike

[this blog is in response to Two Date Diva's commentary on "Sometimes, I Really Do Miss Having a Man in the House."]

so i was walking around town at lunch thinking, hmmm. it's really nice to have a man around but then, i've gotten by fine without one. i've bought a car, rented an apartment, saved for retirement, moved across country several times, traveled to more than 50 countries, been travel guide & translater in the outer mongolia of russia, driven in LA, driven in Boston for that matter, been hired & fired...all without a man to call My Own.

then i read Two Date Diva's blog just now & she said it so well. it's much easier to buy a car than kill a spider. dammit. though of course, some of those salesman just are so creepy crawly that you'd wonder what the difference is...

groucha marx

you know what quote i'm referring to.

"I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member".

apparently that's me & marriage. i'm just not cut out for it. i love men, i adore them, but it's not you, it's me, baby.

i've always known i am different. i just don't subscribe to the everywoman dream. sure, i get sad thinking i won't have it, but i just dunno.

it's gonna take a pretty remarkable guy to nail me down. especially since i don't pick carpenters. ;) meaning, guys that are interesting in nailing...well, except for the moment...

not only the lonely

[let me just start this post by giving a shout-out to my new blogger friend, two date diva, whose adventures i intend to follow with the greatest of interest. check out her blog, link to the right. of your screen. yes, there, under the picture.]

message boards are great for newly broken up folks. if you're used to that daily e-mail from your guy, you can now have some stranger yell at you on a routine basis. helps to balance things out, just in case you start feeling low. tips the scales toward lower, which is very helpful because then...you just see-saw back higher when some other stranger yells at the bitchy stranger for you. he just got your back.

wow. you have friends.

[in a small or not so small aside, this is a very interesting topic. the environment of message boards. there are some resident bitches who like to hang there and sting everyone. i think they're all scorpios. then they end their statements by saying "i didn't mean to be mean but..." didja now? thanks for pointing out that word mean, like twice, just in case we ran out of kleenex & didn't notice that's why we were crying there BITCH.

similar to what's his face, the alleged cop killer that was interviewed on the today show today. did you notice how he managed to throw the words in "i did it?" in the phrase, "according to the media..."? if that wasn't interesting enough, he actually LAUGHED when he was asking his wife to come back. why? in the words of my favorite murder mystery writers, "because he knows she is already dead!" hello.]

in light of that [meaning the message board in case you got lost], i'll post a new message board friend's response to my mad hattress post.

"Speaking of hats!!

You went on to say "but i will say, for any girl who wants to catch a guy's attention - baseball caps do it. i can't count the # of guys tonite that looked at me twice & then up & down" There is an article titled "8 Suprising Turn-ons for Men" number 3 is Baseall Caps. It says you are strong,sporty,comfortable kicking back. It also goes to say it can get you into conversations about your favorite team..."

thanks dude!

to update. today i'm wearing a black newsboy hat, crocheted. you'd a thunk i turned into a model. if baseball caps rate #3, this rates #4. i coulda grabbed about 5 guys & kissed them right on the street just on the way to get lunch, & they woulda loved it. (for a couple so would i!)

go hats. this winter, i AM the mad hattress! boys of boston, be afraid. be very afraid.

king of sexyback mountain

so it's been a few months since my break-up & i'm finally getting back to normal again. other than a few sad feelings here & there, i think i've left my ex in the dust to pine about me & miss me when he least expects it. or not. whatever. who cares.

it really takes a lot of work to get back to the who cares spot. it's like the pinnacle of a mountain ruled only by me, where i emerge victorious & sexyback, after much hard-earned climbing. talk about blood, sweat & tears. i earned the king of the mountain spot, every time, dammit.

but, as fate would have it, men are men. and as soon as i get there, lonely and strong, some other sexy adventurer wants to come along & knock me off my pinnacle. and into his arms. or bed. (and as you know, after cold, lonely, mountain wandering, frigid temperatures from other women, & the gale wind at the top, beds are a very friendly place to be.) besides, it's lonely at the top. don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

this scenario has happened more times than i can count. the break-up, the long-hard road up sexyback mountain, planting my flag with great ceremony (usually a small, onion pizza & a large martini). & then being swept off the mountain nearly against my will into yet another relationship, which somehow seems more promising than the last one i just ran kicking and screaming from.

& then reality hits, & the "nooks & crannies" of relationship mountaineering starts all over again.

anyway, back to the point. it's invariable that when you're hot & single & waving this "i don't give a f* about you" flag, all kinds of hot kings of the mountains appear to rule YOUR mountain.

ok. i give in. bring 'em on. my flag is being printed as we speak...