preserving my dating freedom
ok, that's a stretch.
but i'm supposed to vote in the primaries tomorrow (says me) and no frickn' clue who to vote for.
just in case anyone else is facing super tuesday unprepared, here's some help.
this is not because i'm unprepared (well, not ONLY b/c of that) but because we have a wealth of 3 candidates i, being independent, could vote for.
http://www.ontheissues.org/Hillary_Clinton.htm
i really like her stand on abortion, to bring it closer to my blog theme...
February 04, 2008
February 03, 2008
size matters
this blog is not for children.
so last night i was telling my friend that the guy who was going to come over this week - didn't. he made some excuse. i'm not terribly surprised, i was half expecting it. but my house is nice & clean now, so i'm pretty happy he lead me on.
i said "he just doesn't like se*!" my friend succinctly said, does he have a small di**? i was like, yup. he does. there was a mutual ahhhhhhh.
so there you have it. or don't.
this blog is not for children.
so last night i was telling my friend that the guy who was going to come over this week - didn't. he made some excuse. i'm not terribly surprised, i was half expecting it. but my house is nice & clean now, so i'm pretty happy he lead me on.
i said "he just doesn't like se*!" my friend succinctly said, does he have a small di**? i was like, yup. he does. there was a mutual ahhhhhhh.
so there you have it. or don't.
calling china
on a domestic note, check out this blog on the stationery organizers. i've been contemplating buying these for my drawers like 10 times. fish needs a biycle bit the bullet - and is in domestic bliss.
me, i'm too cheap. i'm waiting for them to go down to $5. and to come in that perfect pattern that matches my house. china, get with the program!
on a domestic note, check out this blog on the stationery organizers. i've been contemplating buying these for my drawers like 10 times. fish needs a biycle bit the bullet - and is in domestic bliss.
me, i'm too cheap. i'm waiting for them to go down to $5. and to come in that perfect pattern that matches my house. china, get with the program!
i am the dancing queen
i had an odd night. i was supposed to meet up with my friends to go to this benefit band thing & then when i didn't hear back for sure in time to make it, i decided not to go out. i got all bent out of shape & went through one of my longtime "nobody loves me" episodes which just isn't pretty. or fun. i cried all of my makeup off & took all my clothes off. i didn't throw them out the window though.
then my friend called back to confirm meeting up at another place & i found out the benefit had cost $20 so they weren't really encouraging people to go for only one hour for that. so everyone was meeting up at the next place. so i put my makeup back on & clothes back on (sorry guys) & went.
and had a blast.
i've learned to try to control those "nobody loves me" episodes because invariably if i let anyone know about them or do something dumb like act weak & whiny it's just a PITA. cuz i recover immediately and have a great time. so i've learned to reserve them all for me, the leftover legacy from my parents divorce that i need to observe in private.
(this part reminds me of alan alda's memoir that i'm currently reading. wow, i aspire to write like that.)
anyhow, the lead singer in the band looked familiar & then i realized when my friends arrived he's the lead singer in one of their bands. they were great.
the lead singer, really wants me. i mean in general. like he was literally grabbing my ass the last time i saw him. last night my friend helped us along a bit by saying, after he complimented my newsboy hat (of the hat blog) "wouldn't she look good with just that hat on?" but i'm not really going there right now. i dunno. he's a band boy & that sounds like a headache.
anyhow, i danced all night, & caught the attention of this kinda nerdy guy with glasses who was pretty cute. i went over to dirty-dance with him later & he ended up asking me to come with his friends. and then catch the morning train home. i was tempted but something was a little wierd about him so i didn't. he did kiss good though.
i think it's only the first or second time a guy has wanted me to come home with him. somethin' must be changing b/c i think i've tended to scare guys off before. i like whatever that is... :)
----------------------------
this sorta story reminds me a bit of jackie o. i hear she had a rough internal experience, due to her mother's constant criticism. (and wow, look at princess diana's mom screaming at her calling her a slut & a whore.) my mom never did that, but my dad's lack of love really spills over into my whole life. i see it everwhere, even when it doesn't exist.
but back to jackie o. beautiful, stunning legacy of a woman. but i can imagine her back in her room crying before she went out too.
and then there's the byline of j lo in a recent magazine (allure?) that reads she doesn't cry in the bathtub anymore.
i guess being a woman is about that. you laugh, you cry. and the odd thing is, for me, if i stop crying, i stop laughing. something about cleaning out the garbage with tears to make room for the sunshine.
but that's far-off from hot guys & dating topics.
or is it??
last night i was actually sparkly. you'd never imagine for a moment i'd just been crying my eyes out an hour before.
ha. maybe i should cry everytime before i go out & see how many guys i could have brought home. or maybe next time i'll actually do it....
i had an odd night. i was supposed to meet up with my friends to go to this benefit band thing & then when i didn't hear back for sure in time to make it, i decided not to go out. i got all bent out of shape & went through one of my longtime "nobody loves me" episodes which just isn't pretty. or fun. i cried all of my makeup off & took all my clothes off. i didn't throw them out the window though.
then my friend called back to confirm meeting up at another place & i found out the benefit had cost $20 so they weren't really encouraging people to go for only one hour for that. so everyone was meeting up at the next place. so i put my makeup back on & clothes back on (sorry guys) & went.
and had a blast.
i've learned to try to control those "nobody loves me" episodes because invariably if i let anyone know about them or do something dumb like act weak & whiny it's just a PITA. cuz i recover immediately and have a great time. so i've learned to reserve them all for me, the leftover legacy from my parents divorce that i need to observe in private.
(this part reminds me of alan alda's memoir that i'm currently reading. wow, i aspire to write like that.)
anyhow, the lead singer in the band looked familiar & then i realized when my friends arrived he's the lead singer in one of their bands. they were great.
the lead singer, really wants me. i mean in general. like he was literally grabbing my ass the last time i saw him. last night my friend helped us along a bit by saying, after he complimented my newsboy hat (of the hat blog) "wouldn't she look good with just that hat on?" but i'm not really going there right now. i dunno. he's a band boy & that sounds like a headache.
anyhow, i danced all night, & caught the attention of this kinda nerdy guy with glasses who was pretty cute. i went over to dirty-dance with him later & he ended up asking me to come with his friends. and then catch the morning train home. i was tempted but something was a little wierd about him so i didn't. he did kiss good though.
i think it's only the first or second time a guy has wanted me to come home with him. somethin' must be changing b/c i think i've tended to scare guys off before. i like whatever that is... :)
----------------------------
this sorta story reminds me a bit of jackie o. i hear she had a rough internal experience, due to her mother's constant criticism. (and wow, look at princess diana's mom screaming at her calling her a slut & a whore.) my mom never did that, but my dad's lack of love really spills over into my whole life. i see it everwhere, even when it doesn't exist.
but back to jackie o. beautiful, stunning legacy of a woman. but i can imagine her back in her room crying before she went out too.
and then there's the byline of j lo in a recent magazine (allure?) that reads she doesn't cry in the bathtub anymore.
i guess being a woman is about that. you laugh, you cry. and the odd thing is, for me, if i stop crying, i stop laughing. something about cleaning out the garbage with tears to make room for the sunshine.
but that's far-off from hot guys & dating topics.
or is it??
last night i was actually sparkly. you'd never imagine for a moment i'd just been crying my eyes out an hour before.
ha. maybe i should cry everytime before i go out & see how many guys i could have brought home. or maybe next time i'll actually do it....
February 01, 2008
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm
this is the dating person's meditative tone.
which i am humming in my head as i contemplate potential date with another yahoo personals guy. writes very little in his profile & tends to speak in platitudes: in his last message to me he ends with "Always work hard and play harder just remember always practice moderation." (to which i write back, damn, moderation is boring. like you're going to practice moderation on your trip to the Caribbean. NOT! :)"
then in his profile he says: "Life is short everyone needs to be happy." i think what he means is that his profile information is short. like 5 lines.
i'm going to call him platitudes guy. this should turn out very interesting, if it does at all.
of course i asked the obligatory are you married or in a r-ship or with someone who thinks they are in a r-ship with you? he asks if i want to see his divorce papers & then says he's going to the Caribbean, he'll call when he returns.
hmmmmmmmmmm. business or pleasure? with whom?
(not like i care but notice which part of the questions I asked he did NOT answer.)
---------------------
i also have a "date?" with a guy from my dance class sunday for burgers. the one who annoyed me a year ago telling me i wasn't breathing. (to which i desperately wanted to respond, well you don't have any hair, but it doesn't seem to affect your dancing either!) anyhow, i told him lately that statement really annoyed me, so it's not like he doesn't know.
---------------------
i might have another "friend" come over 2nite, waiting to hear back. a real friend, sometimes "friend."
so things are interesting in seeing-single-land.
this is the dating person's meditative tone.
which i am humming in my head as i contemplate potential date with another yahoo personals guy. writes very little in his profile & tends to speak in platitudes: in his last message to me he ends with "Always work hard and play harder just remember always practice moderation." (to which i write back, damn, moderation is boring. like you're going to practice moderation on your trip to the Caribbean. NOT! :)"
then in his profile he says: "Life is short everyone needs to be happy." i think what he means is that his profile information is short. like 5 lines.
i'm going to call him platitudes guy. this should turn out very interesting, if it does at all.
of course i asked the obligatory are you married or in a r-ship or with someone who thinks they are in a r-ship with you? he asks if i want to see his divorce papers & then says he's going to the Caribbean, he'll call when he returns.
hmmmmmmmmmm. business or pleasure? with whom?
(not like i care but notice which part of the questions I asked he did NOT answer.)
---------------------
i also have a "date?" with a guy from my dance class sunday for burgers. the one who annoyed me a year ago telling me i wasn't breathing. (to which i desperately wanted to respond, well you don't have any hair, but it doesn't seem to affect your dancing either!) anyhow, i told him lately that statement really annoyed me, so it's not like he doesn't know.
---------------------
i might have another "friend" come over 2nite, waiting to hear back. a real friend, sometimes "friend."
so things are interesting in seeing-single-land.
January 30, 2008
bloody pissed
i love the word bloody. it's supposed to be a swear word, but it just makes me think of surgeries. or wars. i love it because i'm swearing but i don't feel like it. and if i get this cute little (or intelligent big) accent in my head, i sound very proper with my is-it-a-swear? word.
ok, back to topic. today i'm BPd.
boys are now everywhere in my life. well, they don't particularly live here in my town (small problem) but they're just wanting to talk to me & see me.
because i don't care.
watch me care. i'll post, "today i care." and they'll all feel it with their non-feminine intuition (which is always spot-on) and run and hide.
dammit. this always happens.
the minute you either get into a r-ship or don't give a s***, boyz attack you from all sides, eager to break down your love walls. (ha. like love handles but bigger.)
then you collapse, eager to let down your guard and not be at war with menkind (or not-kind) anymore, and they run and hide. afraid of getting hit by that wall on its way down.
my new mantra is to ignore each of them for a day after they contact me. 24 hours. let them stew. seems to keep them hopping around my little city (of lovelessness. well, not really, i do love me...)
so far it's working like a CHARM.
and that's why i'm BPd.
i love the word bloody. it's supposed to be a swear word, but it just makes me think of surgeries. or wars. i love it because i'm swearing but i don't feel like it. and if i get this cute little (or intelligent big) accent in my head, i sound very proper with my is-it-a-swear? word.
ok, back to topic. today i'm BPd.
boys are now everywhere in my life. well, they don't particularly live here in my town (small problem) but they're just wanting to talk to me & see me.
because i don't care.
watch me care. i'll post, "today i care." and they'll all feel it with their non-feminine intuition (which is always spot-on) and run and hide.
dammit. this always happens.
the minute you either get into a r-ship or don't give a s***, boyz attack you from all sides, eager to break down your love walls. (ha. like love handles but bigger.)
then you collapse, eager to let down your guard and not be at war with menkind (or not-kind) anymore, and they run and hide. afraid of getting hit by that wall on its way down.
my new mantra is to ignore each of them for a day after they contact me. 24 hours. let them stew. seems to keep them hopping around my little city (of lovelessness. well, not really, i do love me...)
so far it's working like a CHARM.
and that's why i'm BPd.
January 28, 2008
underneath it all...
it's hard to be pretty in new england. the seasons defy you. and the commute. in the winter the rain attacks your hair, that is if you're not already wearing a hat. so you can't have a do that a hat can't go over. you can't wear cotton if you're like me & temperature sensitive. then there's the leggings that have to go under your sexy jeans. and the endless pairs of kneehigh socks (black).
you have your commuting & non-commuting shoes. a whole drawerful at work that you change into, and then can't wear on weekends. you keep makeup at work so you don't sweat it all off - even in the winter - in your 15-minute walk to and from the train. up-hill both ways.
you have your dancing dilemmas. do you freeze getting to the dancefloor, and look sexy on it, or be warm getting there & strip down to nothing to dance?
then there's the suits. your pant legs have to be long enough to cover your heels, but not too long to drag on the ground when you run to catch the bus in your flats. and your flats have to fit into your handbag - which, by the way, do you want as a backpack or not?
the endless discussion of form vs. function.
as example, i've still yet to find another perfect pair of black shoes that i can wear all over town and during a work presentation as well.
dressing becomes an art form in the northeast. how do you do all of the above & still either look or feel sexy?
i've stopped caring to some extent. i used to always want to wear cute hats & have everything match & fix my hair just so so that when i walked down the street i felt cute.
not anymore. not having picked up any guys that way (though i did attract a car full of lesbians once) i now save my cute stuff for under there. or underwear.
today i'm wearing my winter uniform: 100% NOT cotton turtleneck with cordoroy pants (can't wear wool, b/c yucky snow lying around will ruin it) with some great high-top tennis shoes that i bought at walmart like 15 years ago (kid you not) for $15. they're like hiking boots. they're my 4th pair of snow shoes, in addition to my regular rain shoes, wellington boots & then big warm clumpers.
that's over top (not speaking of boots now) of my victoria's secret not-especially-sexy t-shirt bra & some black hot chilis that are indoor/outdoor appropriate.
but under all that...i have on...
...bright purple toenail polish that nearly glows in the dark...and some bright orange VS thong underwear with a big flower in the front.
oh, and they're cotton. but dammit, i'm sexy. :)
that's new england for ya. and for me!
just goes to show ya -- (which you haven't seen & won't) -- that you can't judge a girl by her cover!
it's hard to be pretty in new england. the seasons defy you. and the commute. in the winter the rain attacks your hair, that is if you're not already wearing a hat. so you can't have a do that a hat can't go over. you can't wear cotton if you're like me & temperature sensitive. then there's the leggings that have to go under your sexy jeans. and the endless pairs of kneehigh socks (black).
you have your commuting & non-commuting shoes. a whole drawerful at work that you change into, and then can't wear on weekends. you keep makeup at work so you don't sweat it all off - even in the winter - in your 15-minute walk to and from the train. up-hill both ways.
you have your dancing dilemmas. do you freeze getting to the dancefloor, and look sexy on it, or be warm getting there & strip down to nothing to dance?
then there's the suits. your pant legs have to be long enough to cover your heels, but not too long to drag on the ground when you run to catch the bus in your flats. and your flats have to fit into your handbag - which, by the way, do you want as a backpack or not?
the endless discussion of form vs. function.
as example, i've still yet to find another perfect pair of black shoes that i can wear all over town and during a work presentation as well.
dressing becomes an art form in the northeast. how do you do all of the above & still either look or feel sexy?
i've stopped caring to some extent. i used to always want to wear cute hats & have everything match & fix my hair just so so that when i walked down the street i felt cute.
not anymore. not having picked up any guys that way (though i did attract a car full of lesbians once) i now save my cute stuff for under there. or underwear.
today i'm wearing my winter uniform: 100% NOT cotton turtleneck with cordoroy pants (can't wear wool, b/c yucky snow lying around will ruin it) with some great high-top tennis shoes that i bought at walmart like 15 years ago (kid you not) for $15. they're like hiking boots. they're my 4th pair of snow shoes, in addition to my regular rain shoes, wellington boots & then big warm clumpers.
that's over top (not speaking of boots now) of my victoria's secret not-especially-sexy t-shirt bra & some black hot chilis that are indoor/outdoor appropriate.
but under all that...i have on...
...bright purple toenail polish that nearly glows in the dark...and some bright orange VS thong underwear with a big flower in the front.
oh, and they're cotton. but dammit, i'm sexy. :)
that's new england for ya. and for me!
just goes to show ya -- (which you haven't seen & won't) -- that you can't judge a girl by her cover!
January 27, 2008
in the trenches
so yes, my profile is still up. getting few e-mails lately. oh well. i'll just expire soon & keep dating all the exes that are popping up.
one guy was a bright one. on yahoo. he wrote to me several times, seemed anxious to connect. so on a whim i invited him to my friend's concert the next night. no response. three days later he writes, sorry i haven't been online. i write back, that's odd. yahoo shows that you were online in the last 24 hours. ha. i want another liar like a hole in my head.
i went away for the weekend & on another whim called a guy i've known for years but we had a falling out (b/c he was a workaholic & then when i got upset said some really mean things). so we reconnected over dinner & he now seems to want to reconnect even more. asking me if i could move there, am i seeing someone else, why did i call. i told him i had feelings for someone who wasn't available right now. i just can't trust a guy who says mean things like that though. we weren't even dating. can't even imagine what he'd say if we were married.
last night i met another old friend for dinner & he's coming to visit.
so life is interesting in my single land.
so yes, my profile is still up. getting few e-mails lately. oh well. i'll just expire soon & keep dating all the exes that are popping up.
one guy was a bright one. on yahoo. he wrote to me several times, seemed anxious to connect. so on a whim i invited him to my friend's concert the next night. no response. three days later he writes, sorry i haven't been online. i write back, that's odd. yahoo shows that you were online in the last 24 hours. ha. i want another liar like a hole in my head.
i went away for the weekend & on another whim called a guy i've known for years but we had a falling out (b/c he was a workaholic & then when i got upset said some really mean things). so we reconnected over dinner & he now seems to want to reconnect even more. asking me if i could move there, am i seeing someone else, why did i call. i told him i had feelings for someone who wasn't available right now. i just can't trust a guy who says mean things like that though. we weren't even dating. can't even imagine what he'd say if we were married.
last night i met another old friend for dinner & he's coming to visit.
so life is interesting in my single land.
women's plight
so i breezed past this old movie this morning, and heard only 2 sentences. there are 3 women sitting on a couch crying & a man talking to them.
he says, don't worry, everything will be ok.
one woman says into her handkerchief, sobbing, no it won't be ok. WE CAN'T GET MARRIED!
isn't that the plight of many american women? or else, the ones that others think we should have??!
sadly, women are perceived as nothing if they haven't chosen marriage. no matter if they've turned it down, unless a man bestows value upon them who are they?
so i breezed past this old movie this morning, and heard only 2 sentences. there are 3 women sitting on a couch crying & a man talking to them.
he says, don't worry, everything will be ok.
one woman says into her handkerchief, sobbing, no it won't be ok. WE CAN'T GET MARRIED!
isn't that the plight of many american women? or else, the ones that others think we should have??!
sadly, women are perceived as nothing if they haven't chosen marriage. no matter if they've turned it down, unless a man bestows value upon them who are they?
singletons unite!
this blog is in praise of the internet, blogging, and the online companionship some of us have found. i'm here drinking my coffee (alone) on a sunday morning (none of which i dislike!), & watching an old murder she wrote episode where the woman wonders how she'll make it alone if she leaves her husband but then finds a guy (the ex-thief character) who gives her hope and "opens up a whole new world" to her.
that's the world i live in. funny how women lose track of themselves. actually, sad. they (because i haven't done this) give up their earning potential to raise children and then are often left abandoned with a $20K earning potential to feed several kids. without kids, it is devestating enough.
i may be alone, but i'm not afraid for my future. no matter what happens, i can get a temp job quickly & hold it until i find a good-paying one. i could be crippled & still do that b/c of my chosen back-up profession.
anyhow, that aside, i next thought i wonder how twodatediva is doing this morning? so i quickly glanced at her blog (which i will comment on as the issue hits very close to home!) and then i thought, how cool is it that i can sit in my apt. drinking coffee & NOT feeling alone? b/c other singletons out there are sharing their angst at being along, their joy at their freedom and their comraderie in finding blogmates?
this blog is in praise of the internet, blogging, and the online companionship some of us have found. i'm here drinking my coffee (alone) on a sunday morning (none of which i dislike!), & watching an old murder she wrote episode where the woman wonders how she'll make it alone if she leaves her husband but then finds a guy (the ex-thief character) who gives her hope and "opens up a whole new world" to her.
that's the world i live in. funny how women lose track of themselves. actually, sad. they (because i haven't done this) give up their earning potential to raise children and then are often left abandoned with a $20K earning potential to feed several kids. without kids, it is devestating enough.
i may be alone, but i'm not afraid for my future. no matter what happens, i can get a temp job quickly & hold it until i find a good-paying one. i could be crippled & still do that b/c of my chosen back-up profession.
anyhow, that aside, i next thought i wonder how twodatediva is doing this morning? so i quickly glanced at her blog (which i will comment on as the issue hits very close to home!) and then i thought, how cool is it that i can sit in my apt. drinking coffee & NOT feeling alone? b/c other singletons out there are sharing their angst at being along, their joy at their freedom and their comraderie in finding blogmates?