control

w asked a great question - why does mr. big get all the control.

it's because i care more.

that's about it. i get attached, he doesn't. i fear loss. he doesn't.

i used to be embarrassed about this, but it is the way it is. and i actually care enough to say something rather than to just play a game about it. if i lose him again because i once again cared too much, that's the way it is.

i mean it's not like i'm spamming him or stalking him. my communications are basically that i liked being with him, had fun with him, love certain ahem things about him. etc. if that turns him off, wtf.

the same sort of communication with mr. ny gets completely opposite results. mr. ny loves sexy texting. he responds, immediately a lot of the time. so it's not like i am doing anything different with the two guys. it's just their response.

if mr. big decides to end things, that is his option. it is not my preference, but it's his choice. me, i want to be treated with respect. but i don't need him to become mr. ny. just to be respectful of my feelings.

the reason these guys get the control is b/c they are capricorns. you basically don't interact past a certain point unless they are in control. that is unless you can play cat & mouse long enough. me i have a hard time running.

i guess i get boring. they know they've caught me & they're off to the next girl.

oh well.

i just don't have the energy to spend trying to play hard to get. if they don't want my affection i can go somewhere else with it.

so i guess it's more about a choice than control. if you choose to be with me, treat me with respect. if you choose not to, leave.