legislative hearings & me

in other non-men-related news, my research has been used twice now for testimony in legislative hearings on capital hill. for two different topics...

the first time the lobbyist didn't give my company credit. but this time, my company and recent study were named.

very chuffed about that.

take 2

my sister, of all people, convinced me to give mr. meetup another try. so since i have no real reason not to, i've decided to take her advice and see, uh, how open he is to suggestion.

i know men don't like to be changed, but - i really want to be with an equal. at least in looks and posture.

so today i sent him an e-mail, saying i was shopping online yesterday and thought of you. this look would be really sexy on you. and i sent him of a picture of a way cool outfit from banana. we'll see what he says. if nothing, i know it's a closed subject. if he is open to it, i can work with this.

but really. i don't dress like a granola girl. i read vogue. and i don't dress like it, but i do try to incorporate current trends into my wardrobe. like neon. right now i'm looking for a neon wallet and i can't believe i can't find one! i also am trying to figure out how to incorporate the leggings look without buying all new shirts. hmmm. anyhow, i do make an effort to look sexy, professional and give a nod to passing fads. i need a guy who is classic sexy.

we'll see how he does with that.

nice vs. weak

i am having to let a "nice guy" go. because he is just annoying me. i mean really. i've thought more & talked to my mom about this, who interestingly enough, has recently had the same experience with a guy.

you wonder, why can't i like them! it would make so much sense to like them! but then - you don't.

i was pondering just now why women supposedly don't like nice guys. that's a myth actually. we do like nice guys.

the thing is, we don't like WEAK guys. and nice guys often don't want to offend us (even when we might need putting in our place) so they aren't even as strong as we are.

now here's the logic. if a guy can't even save me from myself, how will he protect me from anything else? yeah. that's it.

along that line i'm still trading texts with my cap. i sent him a drunk booty call text the other night & he was like i'm not going to drop everything with my friends & come over just cuz you want to...

which hurt my feelings. of course. but heck, it's not like i didn't see his point. why i continue to interact with him is a mystery but it proves my point. he's not nice sometimes, like i'd like him to be, but he's not mean either. he's just pointing out the obvious. and - he's not being weak. so even though i don't like his conclusion, i respect it.

so i guess it's all about r-e-s-p-e-c-t.

and i can't respect weak guys, nice or not.

hmmm

well i just got back from going out with mr. meetup again. and i'm super confused. and annoyed.

i can't put my finger on it, but something just really annoys me. well, i can identify a couple things but they don't seem concrete enough to create this high level of annoyance. sometimes it's just really hard to identify what you are feeling. and why.

but today, definitely, he morphed from a possibility to a friend in my head. i just don't see romantic involvement. and i'm not sure why.

he is good company, i can hang with him, he is nice & smart. he cares about me. i just don't know what it is. whatever IT is, i don't feel it.

i need to think some more. i will be away next weekend so i won't have the chance to meetup for a couple weeks again. by then i should know...

i feigned wanting to take a nap b/c i just wanted to get dropped off & be home by myself. on a saturday night. with no other plans.

uhoh, that doesn't sound too good.

new.s

well, the new guy just left. mr. meetup.

i spent the day with him, or the latter part of it. had a great time. check out johnnie on the side's near the garden, and damn, you should go. it's amazing. johnnie showed us all around the stuff - including a rug from the oval office et. al. (he says.) it's amazing. anyhow, it was a reggae brunch. & the sox game was playing on a screen behind the band. reggae & redsox. you can't beat that!

am just kind of in a warm fuzzy. we watched kungfu panda & were cozy & i'm all a bit warmed up inside.

it's a cold world out there & he makes me feel warmer. as we were watching the movie, the thought came to me that he is good company.

i think i'll more of him. i know he plans to see more of me. we'll see...

i like.

super bangable

apparently i looked hot today. i was. it was nearly 80.

but anyway, this really normal-looking-skeezy-acting guy was looking me up & down in the store. and up and down. then he started muttering under his breath about how cute she is. then he ended up muttering how he wanted to bang the s*** outta me.

okayyyyyyyy.

musta been the aviator shades.

heck. mr. NY said the same thing. but at least he didn't freak me out doing it, not being a complete fricken stranger & skeezeball.

of course

my cap now wants to talk. he didn't come back on his own of course. i asked him for directions somewhere. & then when he gasp actually got my message (his excuse for not meeting up most of the time) i texted a short & sexy 'splanation about what kind of raincheck i was looking for last weekend. duh. then he says he wants to talk. of course.

but about what, i can't imagine. i let him know that i didn't want a conversation like last time where i ended up crying.

i just can't seem to let him go. so maybe we'll just have a fwb while i date other guys. which is what we were doing before he got pissy with me.

he has never yet said happy birthday to me & here it is a month later. i think he doesn't care about me. which is what i said last weekend. he apparently wants to EXPLAIN how much he does. right. actions buddy, actions.

so did i tell you? last weekend was the one where 3 guys made me cry. 2 criticized me, and one just blew me off (my cap) to meet with his friends instead. i called my supercute and smart half-neice who said, the ones who criticized you just like you. they either can't get you or you won't go out with them so their ego is responding. yup. pretty much it, from the context.

then my cat attacked me. he was pissed that i brought him inside. i now am letting him out on his own & he is much more loving now.

anyway, it has been a very frustrating week. it's taken me all week long to get over the 3 men & a mean kitty.

last night went on 2nd date with new guy i'm not sure about. we'll call him mr. meetup, cuz he leads a meetup group in the area.

i like mr. meetup but i'm not sure. the good things are that we're intellectually compatible and i tended to go on and on a bit, which is unusual for me. his voice though, i dunno. i'm huge on voices. i love a sexy voice. something big about that.

we'll see. i'll def meet again. at this point the fact that i'm not sure is probably a sign there is potential, lol. guys that i'm attracted to seem to be, uh, not good guys. so there you have it.

why i'm truly single, lol.

my wedding vows

yes, i've written them early. just now in fact. so that when the time comes i'll have one less thing to do...

Groom, do you take Bride to be your wedded wife, to live together in marriage so long as you both live near where you work?

Do you promise to do what she wants so she feels like you love her, comfort her when the Patriots or RedSox are not playing, honor her mother and her nasty cat, and keep her happy while getting richer (not poorer), in your sickness and her health. And forsaking all others that she knows about, keep up the appearance of being faithful only to her...

So long as you both shall happily live, or for the next 7 years, whichever comes first?

----------------------------------------------------

Bride, do you take Groom to be your wedded husband, to live together in marriage so long as you both live near where YOU work?

Do you promise to love him when he is being loving to you, comfort him when his sports teams lose, honor the in-laws and his big smelly dog, and keep him satisfied in bed whether he does the same for you or not, in better or in worse economic crises, even though you might be richer with alimony than poorer being married, in your sickness and his health. And forsaking most others, be faithful only to him as far as everyone knows...

So long as you both shall happily live, or for the next 7 years, whichever comes first?

new guy

so a poll for my readers. you can comment if you like.

so if you meet a new somebody, & something about them annoys you, does it

a) get better
b) go away

in this case, it's a super nice new guy, divorced, french-canadian from maine. seems to be smart, but just good laid off, poor guy. has a house. 40ish. good conversationalist.

except, isn't what i ususually date in a guy. not as masculine, very analytical. tends to analyze, rather than summarize. hard to explain.

so i'll try. so we show up at the restaurant. there is a wait so we go to the bar. the reason we went to this restaurant was so that we could have this particular european beer. that, and i love the restaurant. so the beer is not available. and he reads the menu. the beer menu. for a long time. a long time. a very long time. i mean we're interacting & all, but i'm like hmmm. ok.

i'm standing here, ready to talk. but he's not. so i remember what i am learning in the conferences about transition time. so i think, oh, he's still transitioning to being here. drinking whatever.

so he gets his beer & doesn't like it. he gets another beer later & doesn't like it. finally at the end of the night i decide for him that he DOESN'T like beer, so time to find something new. even if it is a girlie drink.

i guess i was just feeling a bit ignored. that, and i like a guy who knows what he wants. and doesn't settle & then complain about it. indecision is one of my traits. i don't seek it in a partner.

however, he is an analyst, like me. so there are two of us to analyze. hmmm.

so anyway, i had this first date with him (2nd time we've hung out) and i didn't come back energized. is that a bad sign? i mean i just think about being with my cap & i'm all happy & fulfilled even if we're not dating.

i'm not sure if it is being with someone new also. it just takes so much energy. answering questions. i hate answering questions. i like to just BE.

he sent me a sweet e-card at the end of the date...it was nice. i'm sure i'll see him again. he wants to go dancing but i don't really (???) i'd rather grab drinks again. i feel like much energy goes out and not much in.

is this just me being super picky? hmmm.

nothing to live for

what is there to live for when you come home alone every night?

i'm so lonely.

family

...has been in town. so i haven't really seen anyone lately...

miss my guys!!