tag, i'm it
Here's the rules...
1. Link to your tagger (Two Date Diva) and post these rules on your blog.
2. Share 5 facts about yourself on your blog, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 5 people at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they are tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
I don't have 5 friends :( to share them with but I'll play.
----------------------------
1. Five facts:
a. I hated to brush my teeth until I bought an electric toothbrush. But I still brush my teeth with my eyes closed.
b. I just started drinking beer during the World Series. Yes, THIS year!
c. I made out with a guy backstage at Carnegie Hall. In a little window that opens onto the stage...
d. I'm a real blonde.
e. I've been to 24% of the countries in the world.
December 11, 2007
December 10, 2007
i'm lovin' it
i have been honored to be selected by two-date diva to try out engagement chicken. apparently, it makes a guy think wifely thoughts.
my thoughts are these.
i'm rushing out to buy stock in purdue. and i don't mean chicken stock. apparently purdue has struck a deal with de beers diamonds. the firm will receive 5% kickback from the diamond king due to their heavy influence toward diamond sales.
here's my meal plan.
first, i will light a single lavendar candle. or is it vanilla? just to be safe, i'll light both. then i will spritz myself with pheremones in strategic places (similar to the placement of the lemon on the chicken). then i will prepare some shrimp as a whore-duerve, or however you spell that. cinnamon rolls and pumpkin pie will be prebaked but post-warmed for best results. just in case he misses the pumpkin concept, i'll put a big one on the table too.
the wedding march will be softly playing in the background, and the table-cloth will be a paisley pattern of marraige license applications.
so the guy doesn't notice all this, a football game (not the patriots. i need him to be engaged. ooops, freudian slip) will be playing on the far wall.
then i will serve the engagement chicken, bowing slightly to my future master, while my right boob shows slightly through my unbuttoned blouse. this is further to distract the guy from the fact that i've never cooked a chicken in my life. therefore, the chicken is actually frozen & spraypainted golden brown.
my hope is that either he will watch the football game or grab my boobs & we'll forget all about the food. after all, being so anesthetized by the aromatic & seductive fragrances which are guaranteed to stimulate his lustier side, he should have no need to eat to get turned on.
if my guy doesn't propose after this delightful meal, i will call up my ex, and even though he's a defense lawyer, i'll have him sue purdue, which is in fact behind the whole engagement chicken concept.
i do think that someone should be held liable for the failure of this lovely meal to produce desired results.
i have been honored to be selected by two-date diva to try out engagement chicken. apparently, it makes a guy think wifely thoughts.
my thoughts are these.
i'm rushing out to buy stock in purdue. and i don't mean chicken stock. apparently purdue has struck a deal with de beers diamonds. the firm will receive 5% kickback from the diamond king due to their heavy influence toward diamond sales.
here's my meal plan.
first, i will light a single lavendar candle. or is it vanilla? just to be safe, i'll light both. then i will spritz myself with pheremones in strategic places (similar to the placement of the lemon on the chicken). then i will prepare some shrimp as a whore-duerve, or however you spell that. cinnamon rolls and pumpkin pie will be prebaked but post-warmed for best results. just in case he misses the pumpkin concept, i'll put a big one on the table too.
the wedding march will be softly playing in the background, and the table-cloth will be a paisley pattern of marraige license applications.
so the guy doesn't notice all this, a football game (not the patriots. i need him to be engaged. ooops, freudian slip) will be playing on the far wall.
then i will serve the engagement chicken, bowing slightly to my future master, while my right boob shows slightly through my unbuttoned blouse. this is further to distract the guy from the fact that i've never cooked a chicken in my life. therefore, the chicken is actually frozen & spraypainted golden brown.
my hope is that either he will watch the football game or grab my boobs & we'll forget all about the food. after all, being so anesthetized by the aromatic & seductive fragrances which are guaranteed to stimulate his lustier side, he should have no need to eat to get turned on.
if my guy doesn't propose after this delightful meal, i will call up my ex, and even though he's a defense lawyer, i'll have him sue purdue, which is in fact behind the whole engagement chicken concept.
i do think that someone should be held liable for the failure of this lovely meal to produce desired results.
what about bob
ok, so this nice looking 44-yo guy wrote to me, we'll call him bob. i've written back. he's an electrical engineer & seems NORMAL.
i just spent a weekend skiing. mmmmmm. found out i'm a closet ski racer. i'm now coming out of the closet & shocking everyone on the hill. they didn't think i was a ski racer when they looked at me for .0005 seconds, but i really am. they figured that out if the .0005 seconds was a view of my back. or they had no view at all but the sky...
a ski weekend as a single fast skiier is interesting. i had one v. attached nice girl (to a hot, nice HELPFUL guy i must say) ask me "are you going out by yourself?" yes, maam, i am. to get first run. because if no one else wants to, i will. that's what you do when you're single. you do.
i finally found a guy at the end of the second day who snowboarded my speed. sadly he's engaged, but he wouldn't have dated me anyway. i've never seen guys who ski well date girls that do. there's something about great skiiers or snowboarders that makes them want to choose either beginners or non-skiiers. which actually works out great for me, because i can ski with them. which is fun until their SO finds out and demands that they not ski with me anymore. which has happened. nice. so if you can't ski, you can still bitch, i guess.
this weekend i tried to avoid the couples. and the single guys that just weren't helpful. now this really grates on my nerves. guys who aren't helpful. more on that later.
in fact, more on everything later.
i'm going to love my mickie d's right now.
ok, so this nice looking 44-yo guy wrote to me, we'll call him bob. i've written back. he's an electrical engineer & seems NORMAL.
i just spent a weekend skiing. mmmmmm. found out i'm a closet ski racer. i'm now coming out of the closet & shocking everyone on the hill. they didn't think i was a ski racer when they looked at me for .0005 seconds, but i really am. they figured that out if the .0005 seconds was a view of my back. or they had no view at all but the sky...
a ski weekend as a single fast skiier is interesting. i had one v. attached nice girl (to a hot, nice HELPFUL guy i must say) ask me "are you going out by yourself?" yes, maam, i am. to get first run. because if no one else wants to, i will. that's what you do when you're single. you do.
i finally found a guy at the end of the second day who snowboarded my speed. sadly he's engaged, but he wouldn't have dated me anyway. i've never seen guys who ski well date girls that do. there's something about great skiiers or snowboarders that makes them want to choose either beginners or non-skiiers. which actually works out great for me, because i can ski with them. which is fun until their SO finds out and demands that they not ski with me anymore. which has happened. nice. so if you can't ski, you can still bitch, i guess.
this weekend i tried to avoid the couples. and the single guys that just weren't helpful. now this really grates on my nerves. guys who aren't helpful. more on that later.
in fact, more on everything later.
i'm going to love my mickie d's right now.
December 06, 2007
bitchy sidewalks
i dread dating again. i have this thing that i have, which gives me a lot of chronic pain & inability to sleep well. especially with other people around. guys are all interested in dating me until they run up against this.
with my CEXB (cheater ex-b) he knew about it. he hated seeing me with ice-packs on. huh. he's becoming a nurse now. lol. poor patients. "dammit, you're not hurting, he'll tell them, just get up & go home. what's the matter with you." this said while he's pinching the nurse's assistant's butt.
then with my LEXB (liar ex-b) i didn't tell him about it. but then i couldn't sleep in late cuz i had to get up cuz i was uncomfortable & he bitched about that too.
i don't know what to do about this. neither strategy was particularly successful.
so i'm doing nothing. it's really draining to be with someone who is chronically feeling bad. even if they don't say anything, you can see it on their face. one of my GEXBs (good ex-bs) put up with it ok b/c he loved me. but clearly these guys aren't really capable of love. v. selfish.
sigh. it's hard to be me.
this is a sucky holidays so far. cold weather. alone. & i'm walking down the street & this christmas song is playing, something about the sounds of the city. city sidewalks. & my next thought was, yeah, the sounds of everyone getting shot.
what is this world coming too. then i compared my depressing thoughts to the excitement i used to have at christmas as a child. uhoh, i'm turning into my grandparents. or my mother. she didn't walk barefoot home in the snow, but she used to walk 5 miles one way to school. and back. and walk barefoot in the cow-pies. well, that was her choice really. she liked squishing her toes in them. cuz it was warm & gooey.
at 20 degrees i'm not sure i would mind either.
i dread dating again. i have this thing that i have, which gives me a lot of chronic pain & inability to sleep well. especially with other people around. guys are all interested in dating me until they run up against this.
with my CEXB (cheater ex-b) he knew about it. he hated seeing me with ice-packs on. huh. he's becoming a nurse now. lol. poor patients. "dammit, you're not hurting, he'll tell them, just get up & go home. what's the matter with you." this said while he's pinching the nurse's assistant's butt.
then with my LEXB (liar ex-b) i didn't tell him about it. but then i couldn't sleep in late cuz i had to get up cuz i was uncomfortable & he bitched about that too.
i don't know what to do about this. neither strategy was particularly successful.
so i'm doing nothing. it's really draining to be with someone who is chronically feeling bad. even if they don't say anything, you can see it on their face. one of my GEXBs (good ex-bs) put up with it ok b/c he loved me. but clearly these guys aren't really capable of love. v. selfish.
sigh. it's hard to be me.
this is a sucky holidays so far. cold weather. alone. & i'm walking down the street & this christmas song is playing, something about the sounds of the city. city sidewalks. & my next thought was, yeah, the sounds of everyone getting shot.
what is this world coming too. then i compared my depressing thoughts to the excitement i used to have at christmas as a child. uhoh, i'm turning into my grandparents. or my mother. she didn't walk barefoot home in the snow, but she used to walk 5 miles one way to school. and back. and walk barefoot in the cow-pies. well, that was her choice really. she liked squishing her toes in them. cuz it was warm & gooey.
at 20 degrees i'm not sure i would mind either.
December 05, 2007
cave woman
ok, i caved.
i put back up a profile on a dating site. ooops. it was my altar ego that made me do it. (altar, get it?
do you get it now?
do you get it now?
)
we'll see what happens. or who happens.
the question with online dating is always, do you see what the dinosaur drags back, or go out & club the guy over the head yourself? or lay around half naked & hope he doesn't mistake you for dino-bait as he's running by on his way to the kill.
i am prehistoric in my attitudes & opinions. blame it on the rules. i'm trying to switch over more to the mama gena point of view, but i'm not sure she was invented yet in my she-cave-woman days.
ok, i caved.
i put back up a profile on a dating site. ooops. it was my altar ego that made me do it. (altar, get it?
do you get it now?
do you get it now?
)
we'll see what happens. or who happens.
the question with online dating is always, do you see what the dinosaur drags back, or go out & club the guy over the head yourself? or lay around half naked & hope he doesn't mistake you for dino-bait as he's running by on his way to the kill.
i am prehistoric in my attitudes & opinions. blame it on the rules. i'm trying to switch over more to the mama gena point of view, but i'm not sure she was invented yet in my she-cave-woman days.
December 04, 2007
dear go jump in a lake
i really hate the DH phrase on message boards. every time i read that phrase i want to throw up. blech. as if married ladies that sound like they're talking in the 1950s don't rub their status in our singleton faces enough.
in fact, usually the DH phrase is followed by his not-so-dear actions.
so what is ours? DB? for dear boyfriend? i think i'll start a new online trend.
DB = dear boyfriend
DR = dear readers
EXB = dear ex-boyfriend
women of america, it's time to rise up and claim singleton status as a recognized class in the world.
i really hate the DH phrase on message boards. every time i read that phrase i want to throw up. blech. as if married ladies that sound like they're talking in the 1950s don't rub their status in our singleton faces enough.
in fact, usually the DH phrase is followed by his not-so-dear actions.
so what is ours? DB? for dear boyfriend? i think i'll start a new online trend.
DB = dear boyfriend
DR = dear readers
EXB = dear ex-boyfriend
women of america, it's time to rise up and claim singleton status as a recognized class in the world.
micro-minis & micro-trends
my friend just showed me her microtrends book. i'm gonna get it. two predominant facts in just the first section:
1) single women are single b/c there's fewer men - and most of them are gay.
2) as a result single women are dating younger men - some up to 10 years younger. & men are liken' this trend!
i can tell ya, i sure do. in fact, i started this trend! like 10 years ago. so there we have it.
i'm a microtrend starter.
that & my bi-sexual exes...
ok, there are no micro-minis in this blog. that's the short of it.
my friend just showed me her microtrends book. i'm gonna get it. two predominant facts in just the first section:
1) single women are single b/c there's fewer men - and most of them are gay.
2) as a result single women are dating younger men - some up to 10 years younger. & men are liken' this trend!
i can tell ya, i sure do. in fact, i started this trend! like 10 years ago. so there we have it.
i'm a microtrend starter.
that & my bi-sexual exes...
ok, there are no micro-minis in this blog. that's the short of it.
happy daze
my marathon blogging continues...
ok, so i was reading two-date diva's post on being single & going to holiday parties. to continue the thought that i started in my comments...
something to remember.
once the wedding's over, you're stuck with the guy.
if he makes your life better than when you were single, that's Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
if not...do i need to end this thought?
it's better to be single than miserably attached. (that word was "better", not "easier".) don't let your married miserable girlfriends who are in denial, otherwise known as MGWAIDs, tell you otherwise. as they pat you on the head & tell you, don't worry, you'll get married someday, look right in their face and think--don't say it--right, happy like you are. (this actually happened to me. minus the patting my head & the comments back to her).
then walk away knowing the wedding's over & you're still happy.
because it was someone else's.
my marathon blogging continues...
ok, so i was reading two-date diva's post on being single & going to holiday parties. to continue the thought that i started in my comments...
something to remember.
once the wedding's over, you're stuck with the guy.
if he makes your life better than when you were single, that's Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.
if not...do i need to end this thought?
it's better to be single than miserably attached. (that word was "better", not "easier".) don't let your married miserable girlfriends who are in denial, otherwise known as MGWAIDs, tell you otherwise. as they pat you on the head & tell you, don't worry, you'll get married someday, look right in their face and think--don't say it--right, happy like you are. (this actually happened to me. minus the patting my head & the comments back to her).
then walk away knowing the wedding's over & you're still happy.
because it was someone else's.
boo who who
soo the real reason i'm thinking of going online again is b/c i miss my recent liar ex. i'm waking up crying about him. i'm walking down the street thinking of smart retorts when he returns & wants to talk. in my dreams. ha. i'm wondering why i ever dated him. and i'm missing him like hell.
mostly i'm wondering who he was. you know, once you lie, everything you say is fair game. things like "i really really like you" that were once uttered become suspect. things like "you look beautiful" fortunately stand the test of time. i have matured THAT much.
realize that if you lie in your relationships, people will never be able to believe a word you say. so they will pick and choose what to believe. (what choice do they have?) it's a slippery slope of trust erosion.
i suggest you don't do it.
on the other hand, i lied to one of my friends a couple years ago to spare his feelings. i feel bad & want to tell him. i didn't want to tell him that the other players in my string quartet didn't want to play with him, so i sicked us all out of the performance. shame on me. slapping my hand as we speak.
lkesjkl;SSklj;SSjlk;SEfjkl';lkj
there, serves you right.
oh, wait it was my mouth that lied. we'll deal with that later. right now it's eating and one does have priorities.
reminds me of what jesus said, it's not what goes into your mouth that defiles you. it's what comes out of it.
that's what lying does. defiles you. and your relationships.
that's why you don't.
well, except, like to save people. like during the holocaust. i would lie then. like yeah i would. or now. or anytime.
so some lies are good.
maybe that's why the 10 commandments doesn't say don't lie. it says don't tell lies about your neighbor.
i'm so confused.
oh well. at least i'm not lying to myself. or am i. yes, i am. you have to lie to yourself when you know someone else is lying to you and you accept it.
blah. so far i have no moral grounds to judge anyone on lying. somewhat again like the old testament, if you have a log stuck in your eye, don't judge the splinter in someone else's.
hmmm. my ex with a splinter in his eye. wait, is that breaking the don't wish evil on your enemies morality code?
damn, morality is sure confusing.
good. now i'm successfully distracted from crying about my ex. unfortunately, i now can't blame him for his behavior, mine not being that different. but it would be much easier if i could. at least i had good intentions though.
which is exactly what he would say about why he lied to me.
sigh.
soo the real reason i'm thinking of going online again is b/c i miss my recent liar ex. i'm waking up crying about him. i'm walking down the street thinking of smart retorts when he returns & wants to talk. in my dreams. ha. i'm wondering why i ever dated him. and i'm missing him like hell.
mostly i'm wondering who he was. you know, once you lie, everything you say is fair game. things like "i really really like you" that were once uttered become suspect. things like "you look beautiful" fortunately stand the test of time. i have matured THAT much.
realize that if you lie in your relationships, people will never be able to believe a word you say. so they will pick and choose what to believe. (what choice do they have?) it's a slippery slope of trust erosion.
i suggest you don't do it.
on the other hand, i lied to one of my friends a couple years ago to spare his feelings. i feel bad & want to tell him. i didn't want to tell him that the other players in my string quartet didn't want to play with him, so i sicked us all out of the performance. shame on me. slapping my hand as we speak.
lkesjkl;SSklj;SSjlk;SEfjkl';lkj
there, serves you right.
oh, wait it was my mouth that lied. we'll deal with that later. right now it's eating and one does have priorities.
reminds me of what jesus said, it's not what goes into your mouth that defiles you. it's what comes out of it.
that's what lying does. defiles you. and your relationships.
that's why you don't.
well, except, like to save people. like during the holocaust. i would lie then. like yeah i would. or now. or anytime.
so some lies are good.
maybe that's why the 10 commandments doesn't say don't lie. it says don't tell lies about your neighbor.
i'm so confused.
oh well. at least i'm not lying to myself. or am i. yes, i am. you have to lie to yourself when you know someone else is lying to you and you accept it.
blah. so far i have no moral grounds to judge anyone on lying. somewhat again like the old testament, if you have a log stuck in your eye, don't judge the splinter in someone else's.
hmmm. my ex with a splinter in his eye. wait, is that breaking the don't wish evil on your enemies morality code?
damn, morality is sure confusing.
good. now i'm successfully distracted from crying about my ex. unfortunately, i now can't blame him for his behavior, mine not being that different. but it would be much easier if i could. at least i had good intentions though.
which is exactly what he would say about why he lied to me.
sigh.