October 21, 2008

life's a bitch

who would have thought that i would be so young & vibrant & have so much pain. it's the oddest combination. people are shocked at how i don't look my age. but today i was struggling to make it up the stairs from the train.

it's really not fair. this isn't what i imagined at all. i imagined having kids, a husband, (he never comes first, odd) a house, an SUV, a dog. but never being in pain like this. sometimes i cry b/c i can't take it anymore. less so lately, but still.

last night at my date, which was fun, i was squirming in my chair b/c my back hurt so badly. finally i had to say let's go. i was also yawning, but then, it was 10:30 so that's not a problem. but the pain.

how can i look so normal & be so f*d up?

the only good thing is, it isn't life-threatening. i mean, my half-niece has MS and she's not even 30.

but still. it's my pain. i feel it. i'm crying this morning. i don't understand. but then it doesn't really matter, does it.

that's just life. & it's a bitch.

6 comments:

Wendie said...

Do you have fibromyalgia? I do and hate, that at 36, I live a life of constant pain.

Violynist said...

yes, i do. sigh. i am sorry to hear about yours.

i have been on the guaifenisen protocol for like 5 years, it makes a huge difference. just started LDN (low-dose naltroxene) which helps cover the pain. i also use heat & ice consistently & chiropractic 2x/month or so.

it's all about pain management, not avoidance. but hey, my quality of life is so much better since i started the guai protocol. much more energy & normalcy...

Two Date Diva said...

I know several women who have fibromyalgia. I'm always amazed at how well they cope with the constant pain. Hope you get to feeling better.

Anonymous said...

That's awful. Glad something is working for you! Hugs!

Wendie said...

I don't even KNOW about that protocol...off to Google. Two months ago I gave up sugar and flour. Where my pain was easily a nine or ten every day, it is now a 3-5 and only on some days.

Violynist said...

thanks girls, for the support! :)