spinning 2

so more about spinning.

the other thing i was saying is that people are so used to what you do when you spin out of control, that they will just jump right over to that place automatically, in anticipation.

like if you know your top always falls to the right, you'll just go over to the right to pick it up before it ever leans that way.

that's the hard thing about relationships. once you get locked into behavior patterns it's terribly hard to break. that's why starting over is so hard. because even if you don't spin right, your partner expects that you will and reacts as though you have. so in essence they also lock you into your patterns as well.

we all like predictability.

the hard thing about starting over, as i'm trying to do with mr. big, is that we both know where i'll spin off to. insecurity, clinginess, attachment that he finds suffocating & i find annoying. in one example, i used to stay at his place longer even when i felt like going home simply b/c i knew it would be forever before i saw him again.

but time now doesn't make up for time later & that didn't do either of us any good. so the last time i stayed over, i got up when i felt like it & went home. it fixed one of the annoying issues between us - me getting up early. so i kissed him goodbye & left. he kept sleeping, i got up early. & i didn't hang around.

anyhow. so that's all about that.